Hump Day Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! Happy Hump (Wednesday) Day!!! I woke up extremely early this morning due to a fucking nightmare and couldn’t get back to sleep. I have attempted many times since waking up to post but am finally in a space to be able to do so.

Just like this morning, I didn’t have a good morning yesterday. In fact my day yesterday (Tuesday) was shitty. I woke up yesterday with strong urges to self harm which I did NOT act on. I thankfully had an appointment my doctor and I was noticeably upset which is rare for my doctor to witness. We discussed the issues of self harm and did a safety plan before we called my therapist. Surprisingly, he picked up and the three of us talked. We decided that I would go see my therapist yesterday for an unexpected session.

When I attended my unexpected session yesterday, my therapist and I spent an hour and a half talking about what the hell was going on with me. We discussed self harm issues of course.  We also discussed how a combination of the grief with my grandma and the stress of starting a new job which could be causing the high urges to self harm. During our unexpected session yesterday we both agreed that me coming in today for my regularly scheduled appointment would be very much needed.

So, when I woke up this morning with a nightmare, I also woke up feeling suicidal and having urges to self harm. So that is when I called the after hours crisis line I am able to call when I am in a crisis. As I talked with the woman on the other end who knows me well, we discussed ways to keep myself safe till I see my therapist later this morning. So, yes, I can keep myself safe till I talk with my therapist and come up with another safety plan with him during our appointment.

Another thing that is keeping me from self harm and dying by suicide is that I have a training I need to be at for work this evening. So, working is actually helping me with keeping myself safe from myself.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I am grateful for all of you because you read my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Peace Out, World!!!

(SIDE NOTE: I will NOT attempt to die by suicide and I will NOT harm myself.)

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2 responses to “Hump Day Morning Ramblings

  1. Hi,

    I’m in Reno now. But, the unpacking that is left to do can be done slowly. I’ve had anxiety and trouble with sleep throughout this process. I am exhausted. But, enjoying the beauty and cooler weather of the biggest little city. The homes in my neighborhood are very old and many are made of brick and have basements. I haven’t been able to keep up with your posts as usual lately. Could you tell me about your new job?

    Sent from my iPad

    • I haven’t had my first shift yet. That isn’t till Friday night. I have been mainly doing orientations and training’s this last week. My shift are 12 hour shift at night. I should be getting one shift a week. I will keep you updated after my first shift.

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