This is how I am when I’m starting to dissociate & I hope it’s educational for you as I fight against it.

Happy Monday and Good Evening, World!!! It is an absolutely, amazingly, beautiful day here in Seattle and I have been enjoying it to the best of my ability. Sadly, I am partly in reality and partly fighting against the dissociative state I am slowly getting in. Being is a dissociated state even a partial one is never good thing for me.

So, I went for a walk and a listened to some great music. As I was walking listening to music, I realized I was starting to dissociate and stopped in my tracks to go back home. As I walked back up I did a walking mindfulness and meditation exercise as I walked back home. As I walked through the door to my apartment my cat instantly knew something was wrong so she did was she needed to do and it helped great deal for me to get more it reality than I wasn’t in. Hell, I am still trying to get back into a hundred percent reality. Not sure why I am fighting so hard with the dissociation right now. I just want to enjoy the nice Seattle weather by taking a walk. I have done some mindfulness and meditation practices since I am hope and it is not help all that much at the moment. My cat is helping a great deal. Just focusing on her, my cat is quite helpful.

Now, I am just going to play some music and do some art. I will also play my flute. When I play my flute and/or do art, it helps me get out what I need to so I am able to be fully in reality and not in a dissociative state. Art and music always help. I might do some art outside since it is a beautiful weather day here in Seattle. I just cant go for a walk or I could forget how to get home and I don’t want that so that’s why I’m going to do art on this beautiful sunny day in Seattle in the community porch for the people who live in my apartment building.

Of course I will be spending more time with my cat, Lil Gertie, as she appears to know how to help me when I am in a dissociative state. She is an amazing cat that has helped me a great deal with when I am in a true dissocive  state like I am now. I really don’t let myself go when I am writing. I guess now people can see how hard it is for me.

I am thinking I am needing to end this post so I can do my art and spend time with my cat. Have a great Monday everyone.I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World

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5 responses to “This is how I am when I’m starting to dissociate & I hope it’s educational for you as I fight against it.

  1. Take care of yourself. You went through something upsetting recently in a space that should be “safe.” I am not surprised you are struggling in the aftermath. I believe you live in supportive housing, so I know moving isn’t an answer right now, but since you seem to be exposed to a lot of triggers in your home, maybe talk to your therapist about how to manage when your complex itself doesn’t feel safe with shady people, constant alarms, and I think I remember some narcotics exposure. Having a safe space is so important to grounding, and it sounds like what should be yours has been rendered not so. I hope there are some options you and your therapist can carve out within your limited housing options to keep you safe and able to recognize you are safe at home.

    • I don’t live in supportive housing but live subsided housing which means I only pay a certain percentage of my income. Housing says I could move but there is a lot of red tape and could be years. My therapist is a great help.

  2. I can so relate to this. I just wrote about my experience with dissociation. It’s a complicated and confusing thing to describe because of the disconnect you feel when it’s happening. Thanks for writing.

    • Thanks for the feedback. It is difficult to write about especially when nobody really understands unless they have experienced it themselves.

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