Just Sitting Here Pondering

As I sit here pondering about life, I can’t help but hope that things will start improving. Improving in regards to my mental health conditions. I guess what I am saying is that even though I am still feeling shitty, I am making some progress but not enough to do the things I want to do.

One of the things I want to get back to more than anything is work. For me work gives me a purpose in life even if its not a job I like. An example of a job I didn’t like was when I worked as a Courtesy Clerk (bagger) at a major grocery store chain for nine and half years. Then again, I don’t know if I could ever go back to working a job I don’t think I could at least like after experiencing having two positions in the mental health field that I loved with a passion. I realize that no matter how much one loves their job that there will be bad days at work.

As I talk about my desire to get back to work, I realized that I found out that my career path is meant to be in the mental health field. This leads me to wanting to get an education. An education that is related to the mental health field. It is my hope to go back to school to get my Associates in Applied Science Degree in Social and Human Services at local community college and hope to transfer to their Bachelors of Applied Behavioral Science Degree program.  Although, I have no plans of becoming a Peer Supervisor or even a Mental Health Case Manager at this point in time, it will give me the opportunity to do so in the future as well as make me more employable as a Peer Specialist.  Ultimately, I want to get a Masters in Social Work (MSW) but right now I just need to focus on getting my Associates Degree. Yes, I realize if I get Bachelors of Social Work (BSW), I could get advanced standing a MSW program however I’ve done the a math and it will ultimately cheaper for me to get my both my Associates and Bachelors degree’s at a community college than to transfer to a four year college or university. Now, I’m getting ahead of myself. I just need to focus on getting into school to get my Associates Degree.

As I focus on getting into school, I also need to focus on my mental health and get back to being stable. I see my therapist on Tuesday after not seeing her for three weeks due to her being on vacation. The jury is still out on my new therapist but things are going good thus far. From the way I see things, she appears to care. It also appears that she wants me to succeed but I’ve only seen her a half dozen time since April. I’m going to ask her if she could give me therapy related homework as I think it might help me in the long run but I think it could help me trust her more. Its going to take some time trusting her for a multitude of reason. None of them are on her. I’ve got a lot of shit to work on and hope she is up to the challenge.

Speaking of a challenge, I need to go and eat. I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning. So, I need to end this post and go eat. Have a wonderful evening. Happy Friday and peace out to everyone.

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