Sleepless In Seattle, Once Again

Good Morning, World!! Normally, I would be getting ready for a job I love with a passion however I am not going into work this morning. I am not feeling well. Mainly because I didn’t sleep all that well last night. My insomnia was not helping so much. To make it worse every time I did attempt to fall asleep, my PTSD would rear its ugly head with flashbacks, nightmares and body memories. Too make things worse is I had nightmares about the miscarriages I had. Nightmares that included four faceless babies saying they miss me and love me and then tell me I killed them. Its difficult to sleep after that. I wish my depression symptoms from the grief of losing two sets of twins is setting in once again. Plus the normal PTSD shit that doesn’t help matters much with the nightmares of being abused. Anyway due to the lack of sleep due to grieving over my two miscarriages as well as PTSD shit from my childhood, I have decided to call into work sick today. A job I love with a passion.

Weekly Check-In

Good Morning, World. I have decided to start doing my weekly check-ins once again and for a multitude of reasons. One of which to keep you the reader up to date on what is going  in the my life and two, to get back in the swing of things of blogging. I have found that if I blog on the regular basis, it keeps my regular readers to want to check-out my blog more often. I have many other reasons why I am stating my weekly check-ins however I am not going to bore you with those reasons.

A great deal has happened this past week so lets just start on Monday since nothing really notable happened Sunday. Monday, I saw my therapist, Diana. Overall, my session with her went well. It went much better than the last session I had with which was back in June. In fact Diana stated that I made “progress” in our session. If I look back on our session I did make some progress. It was an emotionally difficult session with Diana am grateful that I made progress. We discussed some difficult topics that I usually quickly change the subject on and this time I didn’t change the topic which is one of the successes I had in my session.

The success I had in my session with Diana is a major deal but the success I was able to show someone else on Tuesday and Wednesday validated all the work I have done in my recovery. I attended a two day conference on focusing on peers specialist and supportive employment and how the two can interact with each other. So, I ran into another professional at this conference who knew me at my worst. A person who didn’t think I was capable of ever working due to the “severity” of my symptoms at the time.  This person was “shocked as hell” that I was in attendance as well as working as a peer specialist. It felt good being able to prove to someone that I am capable of doing something that they thought I was unable to do. The interaction I had with this person helped me realize that I am a success and how much I am proud of myself for accomplishing.

On the topic accomplishments I have been following the Summer Olympics. Now, the individuals participating in the Olympics have had major accomplishments in their lives to just be able to make it to the Olympics. Yes, many of the Olympians have had difficulties in their lives and you can compare to just about any thing in life. The one thing I am highly disappointed in is that a soccer play on the U.S.A’s woman soccer team was a sore looser and unsportsmanlike. This soccer player made her country (which is my country) look like they are sore losers. Just know we as Americans don’t approve of such unsportsmanlike behavior. The Olympics are suppose to bring the world together and hope that it continue to do so.

The correlation I can see between the Olympics and mental health recovery is hope. And that’s what I want to end this post today with a message hope.  We all need hope! Peace Out!!

Why Can’t I Just Find The Time?

Long time no write. I don’t know why I am going weeks without blogging especially when I have stated very clearly my plans to blog. I love blogging. It is something I enjoy doing. Actually, it is something I love doing and brings me a sense of joy and accomplishment even when I am having difficulties with my mental health symptoms acting up.

Since I got on the topic of my mental health, let me up date you on it before getting back on the topic of blogging. Overall, my mental health has been doing well. My anxiety has been high and I will be talking to Diana, my therapist about it the next time I see her. In fact I think my job is helping a great deal with the symptoms of my mental illness despite not being able to see my therapist as often as I would like to or need to. I will be discussing the topic of being able to ask for time off to Diana the next time I see her because my recovery depends on it. In fact my job depends on me being in recovery.

Now that we have gotten even more off topic of talking about my mental health and recovery and how it ties into my job lets talk about my job. I love my job more and more everyday. The Department of Health finally made my Agency Affiliated Counselor Registration active which is something my boss has been getting on me about even though I had done everything I needed to do on my end. Now, I am working on my drivers license for work. I had failed my first drivers test this past Thursday. I just need more practice driving and will retake it again. I know when I inform my supervisor of failing the drivers test he wont be very happy but at least I am attempting to get my license. Like I said, I love my job. My job gives me a purpose in life.

A purpose in life just like blogging does. I am thinking that I need to set some time aside to blog. A benefit to blogging, I didn’t realize was going to happen was that it is a form of therapy for me. It’s therapeutic for me and its an added bonus for me because, it wasn’t my intention for my blog to do that for me. I really think if I go back to doing the weekly writing prompts I told you about as well as the weekly check-ins, it will help me get back in the swing of things when it comes to blogging. I am hoping that you all will hold me accountable to this. I’m also thinking about maybe signing up for a Blogging U. course that WordPress puts on even if its one that I have already taken and completed. The Blogging U. thing is just an idea at the moment. I just don’t want to put too much on my plate at the moment especially with blogging. I’m hoping I will come up with schedule with my blog and will inform you of it when I do.

It was nice to be able to blog about how things are going, well sort of. I hope to update you more on how my life is going in all aspect of my life. I hope everyone has an awesome evening and Peace Out all!!

Dentist Disaster

You go for a rather complex dental procedure and the dentist

has put you under general anesthesia.

But when you wake up, you are no longer at the dentist office.

You are on a train with a briefcase handcuffed to your wrist.

Just as you are registering your new surroundings,

a man walks up with a gun and points it at you.

What happens next?

I start to panic as I am realizing that I am staring down a barrel of a gun. As I slowly realize I have a gun pointed at my face, I started laughing. Laughing at the fact that I wasn’t really staring down the barrel of a gun, I was staring at the foot (end) of a flute. People on the train thought I wasn’t taking it as seriously as they thought I should. It was just a flute in my face. Considering the “briefcase” I was handcuffed to was actually an empty flute case, I am going to assume the man wants me to put the flute into the case.

As I slowly come to, I realize that my assumption was completely wrong. I was just under the influence of laughing gas from the dentist. I informed my dentist about the flute dream and she began to laugh. She laughed because it wasn’t the first time someone in her dentist chair had this particular laughing gas dream. This made me wonder if I should go see another dentist as I walked out of the office after she was done. Nah, if this was the worst thing that can happen at the dentist then I will stick with her.

Weekly Check-In

Good Morning!!! It is that time of week to do my weekly check-in. It has been quite a week.

My week started out with me needing to go to the Emergency Room (ER) because I had flu like symptoms. I vomited and had diarrhea multiple times within a two hour time period. Since I am prone to dehydration I went to the E.R. The doctors told me that it wasn’t a food born illness nor the flu but “flu-like illness.” Whatever the hell “flu-like illness” means.  I unfortunately, had to miss work on Monday.

My work week went about as “normal” as it can be working in the mental health field. We did have a flood at work due to a broken pipe which was kind of funny for a multitude of reasons. I wish I could tell you more about the flood and why it was so funny but I cannot because it would violate HIPPA laws and I want to protect my clients privacy.

I took a planned day off on yesterday (Friday) so I could be able to see my therapist. My session with Diana didn’t go to well. I pretty much yelled at her most of the time due to the fact of the lack of communication on her part and how I wasn’t feeling supported by her. I know yelling at your therapist isn’t the wisest of choices. I guess, I was and am frustrated that my therapist isn’t doing what I think she should be doing to help me. Plus, I felt like she wasn’t picking up on the fact that I was wanting to discuss my grief and loss with the miscarriages. I also know that it doesn’t help that she works part time and I work full time. Which is why I wish she would try to check-in with me a little be more. It is something I have emailed her about and am hoping she follows through. Diana has helped me a great deal. If it wasn’t for her help over that last seven and a half years, I wouldn’t be working as a Peer Specialist. So, I do owe Diana a lot since she has helped me a lot.

Thank you for reading. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

Wabbit Hunting

You wake up one morning and find yourself inside a “Looney Tunes” cartoon 

 with a burning desire to hunt down a certain mischievous bunny, no matter the cost. 

What happens next?

I wake up thinking I’ve lost my mind once again so I wake up Junior and ask him if I am loosing my mind. Junior nods his no as he says “I think we both lost our minds.” At that moment it time the phone rings it’s my brother, Jay who asked “What the hell is going on? I’m in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon.” I then told him that both Junior and myself are in a  “Looney Tunes” cartoon as well.  I invite my brother over so we can discuss the situation of waking in a cartoon.

My brother arrives at my place quite quickly in a panic speaking gibberish. When we were finally able to understand what Jay was saying we realize that the entire world became amerced in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon. The good news of this is that it appears that everyone is loosing their minds. The bad news is that you may not be in the same “Looney Tunes” cartoon as someone who is close to you even if you live with the person.

As Junior, Jay and myself were discussing about how the world was loosing their minds due to being in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon we all realized we wanted to go hunt down a certain bunny. We all came to the consensus that since we wouldn’t think about murdering somebody when the world wasn’t in a cartoon, we wouldn’t do it now since we weren’t a hundred percent positive the mischievous bunny wasn’t really a person in the non cartoon world.

Now on to bigger problems, how do we help ourselves and the rest of the world get out of being in a cartoon. It might be fun for a few days however realistically we all would need to get back to reality. The reality of being human and not a cartoon.

The world was complete chaos for the obvious reason of everyone being in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon. Now it was time to attempt to get everyone in the same episode so maybe just maybe things can get back to whatever the hell normal is and being human again and not a cartoon.

Junior, Jay, myself as well as our friends and family all decided to  share our ideas with local first responders and Politian’s. Surprisingly enough everyone was on board about brining everyone back to reality and out of a cartoon. Fortunately, after two weeks with the world being a “Looney Tunes” cartoon everyone became human again. Only this time there was world peace. Yes, I did say world peace.

Tomorrow Starts…

Well, I am not sure if you remember me telling you this a few weeks ago that, I bought some magazines. A couple of those magazines happen to be focused specifically on writing. One of the writing magazines has 52 prompts. Fifty-two prompts to do for an entire year. One prompt every week for a year.

I got to thinking about the weekly writing prompts and how it reminded me of the Daily Prompts that WordPress does. It got me to thinking that to keep you my reader and follower engaged with my blog that I would do the weekly writing prompt from this particular writing magazine. Part of the reason why I am doing the writing prompt is because I want to engage you in a way that I haven’t engage you before you. The weekly prompts will be fiction. Well, most of them will be fiction. I am sure some of them won’t be fiction. Another reason why I am doing the writing prompts is that I can write them ahead of time and schedule them so if I get busy with life or my mental illness rears its ugly head, I then have something being posted every week. Plus, if my mental illness does rear it’s ugly head, I then can do a weekly prompt to help me get out of my head even if it is a prompt that is two months way.  So, the weekly prompts start tomorrow.

Well, besides the weekly prompts starting tomorrow, I will be going to work with my new butterfly tattoo and my hair being highlighted purple. I am looking forward to seeing what my colleagues and clients think of my hair and showing off my new tattoo.

I hope to be able to tell you later this week what others think of my hair and tattoo. Have a wonderful week. Peace Out!!