Monthly Archives: April 2018

Anxiety That Won’t Go Away

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! As I mentioned in an earlier post I didn’t see my therapist today for our session due to anxiety. We did reschedule our appointment for Thursday. He has checked up on me twice today to make I am doing okay. Yes, I am doing okay. Or better than I was.

Better than I was earlier especially since my budget is better than I thought it was going to be. I forgot to include my tax refund I got in my budget.

Even though I had anxiety over my budget my therapist and I figured out that I was having anxiety due to PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that don’t help with my general anxiety symptoms. Symptoms I wish were subsiding but they are not so much.

Thank you so much for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

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Still High Anxiety

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I missed therapy today due to the fact my anxiety was too high. My therapist did check-in with me and we discussed my anxiety. We figured out that part of my anxiety was due to the PTSD. We also found that the last time my anxiety was this bad was over a year ago and is major improvement. I love it when there is a silver lining in things.

Besides dealing with anxiety, I have figured out some things about my money situation. Figuring out the money situation is a huge relief for me. Knowing that I have things in place as a just in case is a huge relief.

I think I am going to call some friends and see if they want to hang out. Maybe go and have a late lunch or something. Most of my friends tend to love to eat.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

A High Anxiety Monday

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am struggling so much with anxiety that I am unable to make it to my therapy appointment. I am not sure why my anxiety is acting up so badly but it is. It hasn’t acted up so badly to where I am unable to make it to an appointment especially therapy. Just as long as it is not this bad tomorrow I’ll be okay.

I say just as long as it is not this bad tomorrow, I’ll be okay because I have a job interview tomorrow. It is job I really want and one I think I would be good at. That is why I hope my anxiety isn’t this high tomorrow.

I found out this morning that it could take up to three weeks to find out how much I made from the advertisements on my blog. That means at least another month with them. Depending how much I make all depends if I keep them. I may not keep them as I don’t like them but I need the extra money.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Ugh, It’s Monday Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is still morning here in Seattle. Hell, it is still morning in all time zones of the United States. And it is Monday morning at that. Monday mornings are not any fun for most people in the world as it is the start of another work week.

I read in the news paper that asthma studies have been happening to reverse it even in adults. This is a good thing for me as I have asthma. Millions of people are affected by asthma around the world.

I should find out some time today if I am making money on the advertisements on my blog. If I’m not making the money then I am most likely taking the advertisements off my blog.

Something I have done today and haven’t done in a few days is mindfulness practice. I have found this quite helpful in starting my day. It is not the cure all but it sure is more helpful than people realize. It is not easy to do but again it is worth it.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Working Through Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am having one of those moments again where I just need to write through shit. Shit that includes PTSD symptoms. PTSD symptoms that are severe at the moment but I know I will get through them.

I should find out some time in the next day or two about how much money I earned with the advertisements on my blog. I get paid through PayPal which will be good for my online purchase and help keep me from using my credit card. I have to earn a minimum of one hundred dollars to be able to access the money I earned which sucks.

I just don’t know why I am having an up and down day today. It sucks shit. Having Depression and PTSD is no fun and wish the emotions that came with them would subside even a little bit.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Awesome Time With Friends

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It’s me again. Yes, I know this is like my millionth post for today but I wanted to share with you my time spent with friends. I met up with some friends at Red Robin. Red Robin is the place my friends and I go to when we want to meet up and hang out.

My friends and I discussed books we are reading as well as podcast we are listening to. One friend discussed a podcast she is listening to about civics while another friend talked about a book they are reading on the History of Wonder Woman. The book sounds like one that I would enjoy. I discussed the podcast that I am listening to about philosophy.

Discussing such topics with friends is quite helpful for both me and my friends. It is helpful to me and my recovery. It is helpful to me because it helps me not isolate. It is also helpful for me to have stuff to discuss with people.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Blogging Through Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am not sure what I am dealing with at the moment. One moment I am struggling and the next, I am okay. Since I am unsure what is going on with me emotionally, I tend to write in moments like this. Writing helps me process whatever the hell is going on. It helps me figure out what is going on.

As I write this post I am just going to write what is going through my head. This might be scary for you all as I am going to be blunt as hell and not hold back. Hell, what I think scares the shit out of me sometimes. The stuff coming out is not the scariest I have thought.

I am slightly worried about money for the month of May. Not as worried as I was in previous post but still worried. I know things will work out when it comes the money situation as I have people who can be of help to be if need be. I just don’t want to have to depend on them.

I wish my neighbor would turn down their stupid television. It is pissing me off and for some fucking reason it is trigger me. Why in the hell is someone’s loud television trigging me? Sounds silly but it is triggering for some odd reason.

I think I am going to read. I love reading and enjoy it immensely. I just don’t understand why it is taking me so long to read this particular book. It is an awesome book and will write a book review on it when I am finally finished with it.

I wonder who actually reads my blog. I mean is it reaching the people I want it to reach. Are people actually reading it or just “liking it” after reading a few sentences? I am trying to figure out why I only have just over three hundred followers after nearly four years of blogging. In fact I wonder if tags work sometimes. I know they must but I just wonder how many people actually go to the tags. I know I do.

I should really be doing chores right now. I need to clean my apartment. I clean my apartment once a week. Or I attempt to clean it once week. Nobody likes having to clean but it is a necessity that is part of being an adult.

I think I am going to go now. Thank you for reading. It is very much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Blog
  • Clean apartment
  • Art
  • Workbooks

Monday

  • Blog
  • Therapy
  • Speaking engagement
  • Workbooks

Tuesday

  • Blog
  • Job interview
  • Art
  • Workbooks

Wednesday

  • Blog
  • Art
  • Workbooks

Thursday

  • Blog
  • Day treatment
  • Art
  • Workbooks

Friday

  • Blog
  • Art
  • Workbooks
  • Baseball game

Saturday

  • Blog
  • Art
  • Workbook
  • Baseball game

Still Awake in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after five thirty in the morning and I still haven’t been to sleep. Yes, I have attempted to get to sleep, I just was unable to do so. I even took my Ambien to be able to sleep and still a no go at the oh so elusive sleep.

Despite getting no sleep I have managed to stay busy. I pretty much stayed busy by reading. Reading appears to be one of my go to activities as of lately. I enjoy reading immensely.

Even though I read most of the night, it still didn’t take my anxiety away a hundred percent. I am worried about money like many people around the world are. I am worried that my tax refund check won’t get here in time to pay the rent. I know I am most likely worried about nothing but I am worried.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am having issues sleeping once again. Which should be no surprise to anyone who reads my blog on the regular basis. Sleep hasn’t come easy for as of lately and it is starting to frustrate the hell out of me.

As frustrating as not being able to sleep is for me, I have come up with creative ways to keep myself busy. One of those ways is looking at potential tattoos I would like to get. For me the tattoos I get represent hope and/or recovery. I want the tattoos I get to not only give me hope and represent recovery but to give others hope as well.

Not only have I been looking at potential tattoos, I have been working on my mindfulness workbook. The chapter I am on is discussing spaciousness, compassion and mindfulness. The part I am having trouble with is having compassion for myself. I can have compassion for others but find it difficult for myself.

I think once I am done blogging I’ll read. I am eager to finish the books I am reading. In fact the book I am reading is a really good book and I am enjoying it immensely.

Thank you for reading. Have good rest of your night. Peace Out, World!!!