Monthly Archives: November 2014

Is Thanksgiving Over With Yet?

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Yes, it’s still Thanksgiving. I am absolutely beat tired. I have pretty much have been on the go with Thanksgiving Day stuff since yesterday morning.

My boyfriend and I hosted Thanksgiving dinner and it turned out fairly well. Yes, there was a little family from my side however it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Unfortunately, it isn’t a true holiday gathering without a little drama when it comes to my family. All I can say is that my boyfriends family is pretty much a drama free family which I am so thankful for. The family drama started when Jr.(my boyfriend) and I made an extremely special announcement.

The special announcement is that I am expecting twins. Yes, you read right twins. For the most part everyone was happy for Jr. and I. Well, that is everyone but my mother who started drama and well she was eventually asked to leave due to the stress she was causing me. I don’t need the added stress due to being a high risk pregnant woman. I am high risk for several reasons which I will discuss in another blog entry. Jr. and myself are thrilled we are going to be parents. I have always wanted to be a mama and I am looking forward to being one. I just wish my own mama was thrilled with me becoming one. Thankfully, I have another person I consider a mom whom I call Mama Bear as well as Jr.’s mom. (Side Note: Today marks me being 14 weeks pregnant.)

Now lets get on to other events of today. People started arriving around 11am (pacific time) because of The Turkey Bowl. The Turkey Bowl is a football game where people play football with an uncooked turkey. The game starts with a turkey and at some point in the game an actual football is replaced with the turkey. No, the turkey is not cooked after it is done being played with. Yes, the turkey get thrown out in the garbage at some point during the game. I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t play this year. I obviously couldn’t play today due to being 14 weeks pregnant. I am proud to say that the women slaughtered then men in the annual Turkey Bowl. The final score 24 -3. No the men did NOT let the women win.

The best part of the day for me was the food. Oh how I love being pregnant during the holidays. I’m sure the babies are enjoying it as well. I love to eat even when I am not pregnant. Dinner turned out pretty good considering all the preparing of food and cooking I had to do. Thankfully, I had a lot of help and others brought side dished and baked good that is traditional for them to eat on Thanksgiving.

After dinner we played some board games as well as some card games. We all had a blast playing the games. No not everyone stayed for the games but that was okay with me. Everyone seemed to really enjoy playing the game Apple to Apples. That is an extremely fun and entertaining game.

About two hours after everyone started playing various types for board and card games we turned on the television to watch the Seahawk vs. 49er game. Yes, some people continued to play games but most of us watched the football game. The Seahawks beat the 49ers 19-3. I was kind of hoping for a closer and more competitive game but it didn’t happen. The Seahawks played a great game and the 49ers not so much. I am both a 49er fan and a Seahawk fan. Yes, I know they have intense rivalry and that it is an oxymoron to be a fan of both teams but I don’t give a flying rats ass.

Now that the game is over with and everyone is gone, my boyfriend Jr. and I had some private intimate moments. After the intimate moments, Jr. and myself watched M*A*S*H to help the both of relax after an overwhelming day. In fact Jr. is now in bed because he has to work his regular work shift tomorrow. In fact his shifts are 24 hours which sucks but I am proud to be his girlfriend and the mama of his children. He loves his career and I am grateful that he does what he does. Since he is in bed I continued watching M*A*S*H. I am actually going to end this particular blog entry for now because I want to watch the 11 o’clock news.

Have a continued Happy Thanksgiving or at least the hour that is left of Thanksgiving. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!!

Happy Dead Turkey Day

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Dead Turkey Day!!! Now that I have your attention, Happy Thanksgiving. I really prefer saying Happy Dead Turkey Day because today is really all about eating a dead turkey as well as other yummy foods. Its also about spending time with friends and dysfunctional family and watching some good ole American Football.

It has been an extremely busy morning so far and its only 8:30 in the morning (pacific time). I have been up since 5 this morning (pacific time) cooking and baking for Thanksgiving Dinner and the thing is I was up till midnight (pacific time) doing the same thing. I am cooking Thanksgiving Dinner for about 50 to 60 people that my boyfriend and I are hosting for our friends and family. Thankfully, I am getting help with the cooking. Not only am I getting help with the cooking but am having people bring a traditional dish that they ate growing up. The only thing we asked of people bringing food is that they tell us so we don’t have mass amounts of the same dish. Anyway, its been a busy morning and it is just going to get busier as the day goes on.

My boyfriend is the lucky one right now because he is sleeping. He did an overtime shift and got of at 7:30 this morning (pacific time). My boyfriend may be sleeping right now but he will be in charge of the cleaning up after the turkey dinner is over with. Luckily how it goes on both sides of our families is that if you are not involved with the cooking then you have to help out with the clean up with one exception and that is that if you had to work. I think that’s fair enough.

Something my boyfriend and I have planned for our guest besides the dinner is to have some fun and make a day out of it. We plan on having a game of turkey bowl. Turkey bowl is where you play football with an uncooked turkey . Eventually, we replace the turkey with a football and no we do NOT cook the turkey, we throw it away. We also plan on having board games out to play and even might have a tournament or two with the board games. Hopefully, we will do some karaoke at some point. We might do some Christmas caroling. Most importantly we will be watching the San Francisco 49er vs. Seattle Seahawk football game. What’s a Dead Turkey Day (Thanksgiving) without some good ole American Football.

When it comes to who to root for in regards to the football game, I am conflicted. I am conflicted because I grew up in California and was taught to always root for the home team. Since my home team was the Rams and they moved to Saint Louis when I was about nine or ten I picked the 49ers. The 49ers then became my home team. The thing is I’m the only one in my family who was not born and raise in the State of Washington and my entire family is a Seattle Seahawk fan. The thing is that at that time the Seahawks were in the AFC so it was okay to root for the 49ers because the were and still are in the NFC. As a teenager I moved to Washington State with my dad and realized what a gigantic fan base the Seahawks had even though at that time they were a loosing team they kind of grew on me. Then a few years ago the NFL decided to put the Seahawks into the NFC and that what makes it even more complicated now because the rivalry against the 49ers is even greater now.  Now that I live in Seahawk country I am conflicted. Oh how I wish I could choose what team to root for later. I hope you see why I am conflicted on who to root for.

I should get back on topic of Dead Turkey Day. I am overwhelmed with having to do dinner for so many people even though I have plenty of help. My own family is quite overwhelming and well dysfunctional. Not only are the holidays triggering for me due to childhood trauma but my family is triggering for me. Well, my brother is not triggering. The only reason why my dysfunctional family is invited is because my boyfriend and I have some big news for our families. Well, most of his family knows as well as my lil brother but we want it to be a special announcement. I will tell you in another blog that I hope to do later this evening or tonight sometime but no promises.

Well, my self-proclaimed break is over. It is now 9:00 am (pacific time) and I spent the last half an hour blogging and I feel like a slacker for not doing anything when there are others working their asses off. So this means I’m saying ta ta for now. Have a good Dead Turkey Day everyone. Enjoy your food and friends and try to enjoy your dysfunctional families. Peace Out!!!

Mental Illness and Evangelical Christians

Posted on by Gertie

It’s Sunday and that means a number of people around the world went to their place of worship to celebrate their particular entity. It being Sunday, I decided to take a friend up on her invite to attend the church that she is a member of. The reason why I took my friend up on the invite was because she had a solo. Going to church is a major deal to me because I rarely go.

I rarely go  to church for many reasons and one those things happened today at the church I visited today. To give you a back story I use to self harm by cutting myself and that means I have scars and some of those scars are on my arms. Whenever I go and visit a church and wear short sleeves I get a lot of stares and some questions and that’s okay with me. It’s a way to educate others. The thing I have an issue with and is one of the reasons I choose to not attend church is when those in attendance of the church telling me various things in regards to my scarred up arms. Things like “You need Jesus because if you had Jesus you wouldn’t have those,” as they point to my arms or “The Devil must be inside of you because you cut yourself,” or “I think you should attend our healing service to be healed of your mental health issues. You obviously have one or you wouldn’t have scars on your arms.” All three of these statements were told to me today. Unfortunately, my friend didn’t hear the people who told me these statements because she was getting ready for her solo with the choir. My friend attends an Evangelical Christian church and I have found that with all the Evangelical Churches I have been to, I have at least five or six people make similar comments like the ones I shared with you above. When people of faith tell me comments like above or similar ones it has me feeling less than human and undeserving. I do have to say I was able to stand up for myself when I had people make comments to me today. The comments my friend was around to hear she backed me up and helped me convey my message and ultimately stood up for me. In fact, she even stood up for me when the senior pastor of her church made the comment, “Oh another lost soul that allowed Satan to take over so he could make you crazy.” Yes, he said crazy. I am so grateful that my friend stuck for me and gave her senior pastor a lesson on God, faith, compassion and mental illness.

My friend was in disbelief when she not only heard her friends make discriminatory and “un-Christ-like” comments but the comments her senior pastor said. When I told her I was hesitant to go to her church for reason such as I just described to you she told me it wouldn’t happen. I find my friend being a little naïve when it came to this issue. In fact many Evangelical Christians are naïve and ignorant toward mental illness. Many Evangelical Christian feel and think that we chose to have a mental illness or allowed the devil to give us one. Why would we choose to have a mental illness? I would wish a mental illness on my worst enemy.

I am not posting this blog to pass judgment on any particular person, religion or faith but to educate those who may not be aware that their comments and actions hurt and turn away potential Christians to believe what they believe or attend their church. I know some of the comments are well intended but not helpful. A great deal of the comments I receive today in regards to my scarred up arms were quite ignorant, discriminatory, judgmental and just plain ole continued the stigmatizing of mental illness.

The goal of this blog and blog entry is to educate those on mental illness. Stigma has no place anywhere especially in a place of worship. Everyone need to feel safe when they are worshiping their particular entity.

Now that I have gotten that off my chest I will call it an evening and night. Have a good rest of your Sunday evening. Peace Out!!

Thinking About Advocacy And Mental Illness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon! So far today has been an uneventful day. Usually on days that are uneventful I start to think about things. Well, todays thoughts are on advocacy and mental illness and how I am lacking.

I feel like I am lacking because I am not reaching as many people as I have hoped I would be. I only have 19 followers on my blog and 21 followers on my twitter. Granted I just started my twitter account not even a month ago but I was hoping that it would help increase my blog following. See, at the end of this month (November) it will mark six months since I started my blog.

As many of you know, I started this blog for three reasons. The first reason is because I consider myself an advocate for those who struggle with a mental illness. That leads me to the second reason I stared this blog which is to educate those who do not have a mental illness in hopes to lessen the stigma of mental illness. Those who have a mental illness or take care of someone with a mental illness know all too well how stigma and mental illness go hand and hand. Trust me when I say stigma is part of the reason why people who struggle a mental illness don’t seek out the help of their friends and family which can lead them to not seeking out professional help. I know this because I not only have family members who struggle with mental illness but I too struggle with a mental illness. This leads to the third reason why I started this blog and this is to show those who struggle with mental illness that recovery is possible and their is hope. Recovery is not an easy process. I do know that many of my followers are people who struggle with mental illness are working on their recovery. I am grateful for them. I’m just hoping that I’m showing those followers that recovery is possible. Its trying to get people who don’t struggle with a mental illness to follow my blog. I just really want to be an advocate for those who struggle with mental illness and feel like I’m not reaching people who don’t struggle with one. I feel like my voice isn’t being heard because of this. I want to lessen the stigma of mental illness. Well, at least I know that part of my goal is being accomplished because I’m hoping that I am showing you my followers that recovery is possible and that their is hope.

Speaking of recovery and hope I need to get going because I have to go to my volunteer job at the Warm Line. I talk to people with mental illness and help them along their recovery. Everyone’s recovery looks different. Well, have a good Saturday afternoon. Peace out!!

A Lazy Friday

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday!!! Today has been a lazy Friday for me. Thankfully, the weather cooperated with it being a rainy yucky day out. It gave me an excuse to read most of the day. Of course I had music playing in the background as I read. I of course did other things besides read and listen to Christmas music all day. I worked on a Jigsaw puzzle with my boyfriend while listening to Christmas music. We also had some very intimate moments and no we weren’t listening to music. The best part of the day was when my boyfriend fixed me biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs. I love biscuits and gravy. My boyfriend and I baked chocolate cake, an apple pie, a pumpkin pie and baklava. Of course we had the Christmas music blaring the entire time baking. As you can tell I didn’t get much accomplished today and that’s fine with me.

Even though today was not an accomplished day, yesterday felt like one after I attended a training that my volunteer job put on. In fact its one of the perks of volunteering at the Warm Line is being able to take various types of training that they offer. I guess its a plus that the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the local Crisis Line because of the free trainings. The training was about how Social Justice and what types of things get in the way of how we view ourselves and others and how people cope. I thought is was going to be more geared toward the LGBTQ but it wasn’t and I was disappointed with that. Yes, there was a discussion in the training on LGBTQ but the trainings focus wasn’t entirely on LGBTQ like I was hoping it was going to be. Oh well. I did enjoy it a lot and learned a great deal about myself and others as well as how others may view me. I believe this training will not only help me in my volunteer job at the Warm Line but my current employment as Consumer Aide.

Since we are on the topic of my current employment I am really enjoying it. Its nice to finally have a job that I love with every cell of who I am and knowing that I am making a difference in someone’s life. It’s nice to actually show other’s that recovery from a mental illness is possible.

Recovery for me is so much more fun than not being in recovery. I say this because I am able to enjoy days like today. Through recovery I am learning how much I am able to handle through the holidays. For many people the holidays are extremely difficult especially for those who struggle with a mental illness. I know for me that the holidays will never be easy however I can learn different ways to cope with them as well as to enjoy them and make my own traditions. A tradition that I have started is that I want my Christmas tree to tell people my story or who I am through the ornaments I have on it. Of course most of them are Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments. My grandparents started that when I was born. In fact I get an ornament or two from them every year. One happens to be in a series and started the year I was born. I think that tells a part of who I am. I usually buy between 2 to 4 ornaments a year for my tree plus the one or two my grandparents get me. My tree always looks empty due to the fact of the lack of ornaments it has. I really want my tree to tell people on who I am. Another thing I do is volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. See, being in recovery means dealing with the pain of your past with new traditions.

The holidays are not easy for me because I was severely and horrifically abuse as a child my moms (now ex) boyfriend. This (ex) boyfriend happens to be my little brothers father. Anyway, this dude did unthinkable and disgusting things to me. I guess that’s why I tend to struggle during the holidays. I am just happy that I haven’t had a major issue in three years.

I’m grateful that my boyfriend and others have helped me out the last three years. In fact I’ve had many people on my side to make sure I haven’t had a major issue the last three years. These people were there for me when I did have major issues three years ago. Having a great support system is key to being in recovery.

Well its no longer Friday and my boyfriend who happens to be part of my support system wants to have some intimate time. Intimate time usually means sex. I am really happy that I am able to trust him and feel safe with him to have sex.

Since its no longer Friday and my boyfriend and I want to have an intimate moment, I best be going. Have goodnight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. I would say enjoy the rest of your Friday but its now Saturday so enjoy your Saturday as well as your weekend. Peace Out!!

Late Night Hump Day (Wednesday) Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Hump Day!!! Or what’s left of Hump Day. Can you believe that people are unaware that Hump Day is actually Wednesday?

It may still be just another Hump Day (Wednesday) and I have a lot on my mind. At this point in time I am not sure how long or short this blog may be tonight. My mind is full of stuff that I want to discuss with you all but not sure if I will be able to convey it the way I want or if I’m going to be too tired to continue blogging once I get going. I guess I will just go with the flow with this particular blog entry due to the fact of I’m wanting to blog more in hopes to get more followers and/or readers because I want to educate people on mental illness as well as show people who due struggle with a mental illness that recovery is possible.

I might as well as update you all on my new job. I am still loving it. This past Monday (November 17, 2014) I started a Coloring Group. I only had three clients in attendance but it was more than I thought I was going to have. Cool thing about the coloring group is that coloring is one of my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. I am hoping that it will eventually become an Art Group. Can you believe it’s been almost three months since I found out I got my current job as a Consumer Aide? Even if you can believe it, I’m still having a hard time believing it and I’ve been working as a Consumer Aide for two and a half months now. I really wasn’t sure I was going to get the job but I am so happy that I got the job for many different reasons.

One of those reasons why I am happy I got my current job is because the holidays are coming up. See my previous employer was at a grocery store. Grocery stores are pure hell to work in during the holidays due to all the food people are buying. The worst time to work at grocery store is the week of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving week is what we call hell week. Hell week usually begins the Saturday before Thanksgiving. The worst day to work is usually the Wednesday before Thanksgiving because its so freakin busy. Working Thanksgiving sucked but at least the customers show gratitude unlike the day before Thanksgiving. Working Black Friday was hell as well because grocery store are usually dead (extremely slow) because everyone is either sleeping in or at retail stores getting “major deals” on items that they may want.

Since we are on the topic of Thanksgiving lets discuss it. Thanksgiving is going to be a little different this year. My boyfriend and I are going to host it at his place. So both his family and my family are going to be in attendance. Mainly because my family (particularly my dad’s side) were trying to make it an “obligation” for me to be in attendance. I highly dislike when both sides of my family do this to me. I’ve been dealing with the issue of what side I’m going to spend what holiday with since I was 3 years old. I am now in my mid thirties. It was much easier when I was under the age of 18 because at least I could say what do the custody papers say. The only reason why I am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year is because I get to spend with my boyfriend, his family and my lil brother.

Another thing I am looking forward to is training I am going to tomorrow. The training I am going to has nothing to do with my current employment but it can help me with future employment opportunities. In fact it is a training that my volunteer job is putting on. Actually, its the local crisis line that is putting it on. See, I volunteer at a local peer run Warm Line and the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the local Crisis Line. The training is available for all the volunteers and staff. In fact the training is on Practicing Social Justice and the topic or discussion will be on the LGBTQ community and mental illness. I’m looking forward to this training for my own reasons. Those reasons aren’t just because it will be helpful but because I consider myself part of the LGBTQ community because I am bi-sexual. Actually, I think I am more pansexual than bi-sexual. I am looking forward to the training tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow is almost here.

One thing I am also hoping to do tomorrow is to start reading the book “Catch 22.” I am putting “A Tale of Two Cities” on hold for a moment because I’m having difficulty getting into it. The reason why is the how it’s written and it is triggering my dyslexia. I was finding “A Tale of Two Cities” enjoyable but wanted to put it down for a while. I will pick it back up after I read “Catch 22.”

I have a great deal more I would like to discuss with you but I am getting tired. I am hoping to blog again tomorrow. It is still Hump Day (Wednesday) and am going to call it a night. Enjoy the last two minutes of Hump Day (Wednesday).  Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Two Weeks Too Long To Go Without Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday!!! Its been two weeks since I last blogged and in m opinion that’s too long. While life got busy for me my laptop’s hard drive decided to go kaputs on me.

As I was dealing with my busy life (and laptop issues) I celebrated a major milestone in my life. That milestone was that I’ve been out of an inpatient psych unit for the last three years. Three years out of an inpatient unit is a major deal for me because this is the longest I’ve been out of the hospital. In fact my closest friends actually had a celebration for me on my third year anniversary which was on November 1st. Being out of the hospital for three years is an amazing accomplishment for me because I’ve been in and out of hospitals for mental health issues since I was a teenager. Its an accomplishment that I am proud of. Recovery is not an easy feet but it well worth the effort.

The reason why recovery is worth the effort is because of the things that are going well for me like my new job. I am absolutely loving it. In fact this Monday (11/17/2014) I am starting a coloring group. I’m looking forward to seeing the creativity of the clients as well as being able to engage them and getting to know them better. The clients I work with are some of the most challenging people to encage in treatment but are some of the most creative. I am hoping that as time goes on that it will become more of an art group than an coloring group. Many people who have a mental illness tend to be very creative (ex. writing, music, art, drama).  My job it going quite well and I am enjoying it immensely.

Another thing I am enjoying immensely is being with my boyfriend. We have been spending a great deal of time together and rightly so. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me. It feels good  have someone who excepts me for me no matter what scars I have weather they are visible or not. Since it was so nice outside my boyfriend and I went to a local park that as a lake and went rollerblading even though it only got to 45 degrees as a high today. We really enjoyed ourselves. Since it was so cold we came home (to his place) after rollerblading and lit a fire in the fireplace and had hot chocolate while watching the 7th season of M*A*S*H. I’m happy that I have a partner that is willing to laugh with me as well as cry with me. Having a loving person by my side no matter what is very special. I never thought I would be in a romantic relationship because of my struggles with a mental illness.

When it comes to struggling with a mental illness I wish the media would talk about it more. Dealing with a mental illness is not easy and there is a great deal of stigma that goes with it. I think if the media starts talking about it more openly and educating about it then the stigma will start to lessen. Its frustrating as hell when television shows make fun of those who struggle with a mental illness. It just adds to the stigma that goes with having a mental illness.

I’m getting on my soap box I should call it a night. I am getting tired and want to spend time with my boyfriend because he has to work tomorrow. His work shifts are  24 hours due to the career he chose to peruse and loves with all his heart. Have good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Enjoy your weekend. Peace Out!!