Fighting Off Depression & Feeling Horrible About Lying

Good Afternoon, World!!! I was asked if I could work tomorrow night and I said no due to having the flu. Yes, I know that was a lie but, I haven’t been feeling all that well and feel like I am coming down with a cold. In all honesty I don’t feel like working for the individual that wants me to work for them tomorrow because it always appears that I am working for that particular person. So, I told this person a lied saying I have the flu even though I don’t.

I really feel bad for lying to this individual about having the flu but since I feel like I am coming down with the cold and I see my doctor on Tuesday, I can get a doctors not as a precaution. I know lying is bad and it make me feel horrible about myself and it is something I rarely do. I just don’t want to work for this person as they always seem to be the one who needs someone to work for them.

On the plus side this whole ordeal is making me realize even more than usual that this job is not the best fit for me due to the fact that it is an on call position for a graveyard shift. If I had a more regular shift even for a graveyard shift I think I could do the job but since it is an on call position it is difficult for me due to sleep issues that I already have.

Because of this realization I am working on my resume and cover letter to apply to other jobs. Jobs that I will be interested in even if they are not Peer Specialist positions. Most anything with a study schedule in a field that is in the social service field I am cool with.

Even though I am working on job stuff, I have come to realize that my depression has increased a little bit today. Enough to where I don’t want to go to my volunteer job. Even though my depression is acting up I will be going to my volunteer job this evening. Getting out and doing something for others is always helpful for me even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

I might be fighting off depression but at least I am attempting to not isolate by spending time with a friend before I go to my volunteer job as well as going to my volunteer job. My friend and I are going to go have a late lunch early dinner at our favorite restaurant, Red Robin. I love Red Robin. Eating at Red Robin with friends is always a good time and helps a good portion of the time.

I do not have much else to say in this post. I do feel really bad about lying to my colleague about having the flu so I don’t have to work tomorrow and hope that I am able to work through lying to them. Other than that I don’t have much else to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

 

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Nothing But The Boring Shit I Did Today

Hello, World!!! It has been a busy Tuesday for me. I had a three appointments today which I am all grateful for. They just wore me out.

I, first had an appointment with my regular doctor for our every two week check up. This is to help keep me out of the Emergency Room for both physical health and mental health stuff. Unfortunately, my next appointment with my doctor is going to me for my oh so not very lovely yearly exam. At least I’m not forty yet so I don’t have to worry about a mammogram as of right now.

I then saw my therapist for our weekly session and it well. We discussed a lot of topic regarding family and holidays. For me that is what needs to be discussed to help me put in a good self care. For me doing self care is especially important any time of the but more so during the holidays. So my therapist and I are going to come up with more ways for good way for me to do good self care when I am at my families places during the holidays.

I then saw my employment specialist. We specifically discussed my job and how it wasn’t turning out like I thought it would be. I’m not guaranteed a shift every week. It is an on call position that is at night. If I had a regular schedule with a I night shift I think I would be fine with it but it is not a regular shift so my employment specialist and I are looking for other jobs for me at the moment. We found one that would be great for me for now. Since my flash drive broke I have to rebuild my resume which is okay for me.

I am attempting to keep this post short as I am sleepy. I hope everyone has had a good Tuesday. I hope to blog again tomorrow (Wednesday). Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Good night and Peace Out, World!!!

Happy Friday, Morning

Good Morning, World!!! I am now home from work and tired as hell. I am so happy that it is Friday. I spent my spare time at work on Facebook and blogging but mostly I was reading and coloring when I wasn’t doing something regarding my job. I work a twelve hour night shift at a homeless shelter for young adults between the ages of 18 to 26.

Anyway, the director of direct services did a shift in the emergency shelter and he came up to check on how I was doing every so often. He observed that I did my work quickly and effectually and still had time to build a rapport with some of the guest of the homeless shelter. He liked the fact that I colored with a couple of individuals and talked about books with a handful of other individuals.  He will be talking with my direct supervisor to discuss with him for me to start a book club and/or art group once a week. I informed him that the book club would be better suited for homeless individuals as it is easier to carry books than art supplies and it is easier to get books donated than art supplies from previous work experience. So it looks like I could have some future at my new employer even though I took the job to get a job as peer once the new year get here because it is easier to get a job if you already have a job.

Now, I think it is time to end this particular post. I am just really too tired to tell you more. Twelve hour night shift are extremely tiring. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great Friday. Most importantly enjoy your weekend even if you work on weekends. I am saying goodnight as I worked all night and am tired as hell. Thank you again for reading. Happy Friday and Peace Out, World!!!

Bored Half Out of My Skull at Work

Good Morning, World!!! It is now two o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world and I am both wide awake and sleepy at the same time. I think I am sleepy because I am bored half out of my skull at work. I am wide awake because I have been drinking soda to help me stay awake. If it’s not the caffeine or the sugar that is helping me stay awake, it is the constant having to go pee due to drinking so much soda. I can literally say that my shift is now half over. I only have six more hours to go.

As I sit here typing at my office computer I can hear the rain falling outside. So, it is a good thing that a good portion of our guest decided to come to the shelter tonight as this is one night that would not be pleasant to stay out in. I do have to say that the rainy weather is making me a wee bit tired.

I am wondering what my cat is doing at the moment as she slept most of the day with me. I wonder if she is wondering around my apartment like she did last night when I was keeping myself awake so I could sleep during the day.

I honestly hope the next six hours goes by quickly as I want to go home and curl up with my cat and a good book to read. In fact the rainy weather is having me feel that at the moment. I think after I go to my rounds for my job, I will do some coloring.

Well, I need to be going as I have to check on the guest in the shelter and then I will be coloring till it is time to do my next set of rounds. I hope everyone is able to have a good sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

Getting Ready For First Solo Shift

Good Evening, World!!! I attempted to say awake as long as I could last night so I could sleep a good portion of today.  I went to bed at about three o’clock in the morning and got up when my alarm clock went off at five o’clock this evening.

To tell you the truth I am having some anxiety over my first solo shift. I know that there will be other staff around at the shelter downstairs however I am still having some anxiety over it. This time around I won’t have the luxury of being able to take a nap like I was able to do during my shadowing shifts. Yup, that means I have be awake for the entire twelve hours and hope I am able to make it.

I must admit I am still a little sleepy even thought I slept pretty well. At least I got a good days sleep. I just hope my shift goes by fast and not so slowly. I am bringing things to do when things get slow tonight. I am planning on bringing some art work. Actually, the art I am taking happens to be coloring supplies. I am also taking the fantasy I picked back up and didn’t finish so it is my goal to read a few or so chapters tonight. I also hope I can have time to blog during my shift if I am able to do so.

I think I should finish up this post as I need to finish getting reading for work.  If I don’t blog sometime tonight during my shift I will blog tomorrow about how my shift went. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You my reader are all awesome. Peace Out, World!!!

A Long Tiring Wednesday

Hello, World!!! I am tired as hell. It is ten thirty at night in my neck of the wood and have been awake for over 36 hours now. I do not know why I haven’t been able to sleep but I have attempted to do so. I tried taking a nap today as I had to go to work this evening.

I had to go to work this evening for a training. A training on de-escalation. I personally could have facilitated this training because I have been to multiple de-escalation training’s due my previous job as a peer specialist.

Besides going to a work training this evening and attempting to take a nap or two, I have been taking it easy. I have been spending a great deal of time with Lil Gertie, my cat as she appears she is getting more affectionate as time goes on as she realizes that this is her forever home. Her intuition about my needs is getting stronger as well. Her intuition about my needs were good from the start, they are just getting better and more finely tuned.

I have also spent the day reading Wonder Woman comic books. Reading Wonder Woman comic books has been giving me the personal strength I have needed the last few days and over the years.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope all of you have a good night. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Been a Busy Couple of Weeks

Hello, World!!! It has been almost two weeks since I last posted. I have been busy with a lot of things lately especially job related. I’ve done my three shadowing shifts that I needed to do. In fact it is suppose to be six shadowing shifts however everyone I shadowed informed my supervisor that I don’t need all six shadowing shifts. I still have other training’s I need to do as part of my job. Despite having to do more training’s for work, I still yet to be called to do a shift for someone as I am an on call shelter counselor.

On top of work stuff I have been volunteering at the Warm Line as well as a group facilitator at a peer run agency. Not only am volunteering two places and working I am also volunteering for two local politicians. I am the annoying person who calls you to remind you to vote and to endorse the candidate I am volunteering for. So, yes, I am getting more involved with politics this year. I loved it the last time I did it and have decided to do this year.

I have also been going to doctors appointments every two weeks. This is to help me not go to the emergency room for minor health issues as well as mental health stuff. It appears to be working a great deal as it is keeping me from going to the emergency room for minor health issues.

On top of seeing my regular doctor every two weeks, I am seeing my therapist twice a week.  He is doing this to help me stay out of the emergency room as well the extra support I need right now in regards to my new job. My therapist is amazing. He is just as amazing as Gilbert and Diana were.

Thank you for reading. I hope to be more vigilant when it comes to blogging on the more regular basis. I am grateful for all of you who read my blog regularly. Have a goodnight everyone. Peace out, world!!!