Everyday Inspiration; Day 15: Take a Cue from Your Reader

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s assignment for Finding Your Everyday Inspiration is to take a cue from you my reader. A few days ago I asked you to give me some suggestions. I didn’t get as many suggestions as I would have liked however I did get some.

It appears from what I received from the feedback I got is that the answers were all different however one thing everyone was in agreement with. That something is to continue with what I do in regards to sharing my journey. I guess it gives people “hope” even those individuals who “don’t struggle with mental illness.”

Another common theme amongst most of the feedback I received was the education piece of my blog. The part of my blog that I’ve pretty much failed to do. Something, I hope to start doing it again. It is my plan to start it no later than the New Year (2018). Yes, I realize that the New Year is two and half months away but it gives me time to do research. Research that realistically will be hindered by the upcoming holidays which is why I’m giving myself two and half months. An idea I have is to get suggestions from you on what type of educational topics you would like me to discuss regarding anything to do with mental health (i.e. Treatments, Peers, Clinicians, Diagnosis).

Education and sharing my personal journey may have been a common theme amongst the suggestions, I received however I got some ideas that are all great. Some are a little bit controversial however those topics are necessary to the subjects of mental health and/or a persons recovery.

One such controversial topic is one’s faith, spirituality, and/or religion. One thing that is in agreement among those who have a mental health diagnosis is that one’s faith is key to one’s recovery. Yes, faith or religion can be a controversial topic however spirituality is a topic that needs to be continued to be discussed. Discussed so those who don’t have lived experience know that it plays a major role in recovery and the treatment they may need and/or desire.

Another such controversial topic is politics. Politics play a major role in mental health. Maybe not directly to one’s diagnosis but in other ways. Ways that it could and have effected those with a mental health diagnosis. In one such political topic related to mental health is health care. Having the proper health care and insurance is key to one’s recovery and treatment.

Since we are on the topic of health care someone did bring up the topic of it and how both mental health and physical health can effect each other. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. It’s near and dear to my heart for many reason and I am more than sure that when the physical health topic is brought up again, those reasons will be more clear.

As I end this particular post, I want to remind you that if you have any suggestions on any topics or educational topics related to mental health you will like me to bring up, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I want to thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 14: Recreate a Single Day

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s Finding Everyday Inspiration’s assignment is to recreate a single day. I can think of many day’s I could recreate however, I choose not for various reasons. If I recreate a single day even one of the best days of my life that means I would have to relive some of the worst days of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I remember and recreate some of the great moments in my life when things get tough especially when PTSD symptoms occur. I just don’t want to recreate a single because everyday has made me who I am today and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yes, I would have loved to not experienced the trauma I endured throughout my life however those trauma’s helped shaped who I am today. I most definitely wouldn’t want to recreate the trauma’s I endured. I don’t think anyone would want to recreate the trauma’s they endured.

Yes, I would love to have certain positive moments recreated at the moment especially since I have been struggling as of lately however I know I will get through this despite the doubts I currently have. I guess what I am saying is all the experiences I have had in my life is what made me who I am today. As much as I want to recreate a single day; it means it would recreate who I am at this moment in time.

I should really get going. It’s four in the morning and I haven’t been to sleep yet. I have to be up in three hours. I have to be up in three hours so I can get ready for the day and attend my therapy appointment. A much needed appointment. As I end this post I want to thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great Hump Day (Wednesday). Peace Out, World!!!

Choosing Recovery

Right now, I am fighting within myself. I’m battling the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I’m arguing with myself and the voices I hear that nobody else hears. See, one of the diagnosis I have is Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) with psychotic features. That means when my depression act up I hallucinate. Actually, I have what they call auditory hallucinations which means I hear things that nobody else hear and aren’t real.

I’m telling you this as I don’t choose to have a mental health condition/challenge but I do choose to be in recovery. I may not being doing well at the moment however, I am choosing to fight against the urges to self harm and what the voices are telling me to do.

My voices are encouraging me to act on the urges to self harm. I of course am NOT going to act on the urges or what the voices are encouraging me to do. I am choosing to NOT act them because I have the tools (or skills) to help myself. To help myself to NOT self harm by using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills.

Using the DBT skill I’ve learned over the last fourteen years is what has saved my life. It’s what has helped me start my recovery and remain in recovery despite set backs or “relapses.” I choose get back up and wipe the dust off when I do relapse in self harm behavior.

In fact when I realized that my self harm urges were high and that the voices were encouraging me to act on them, I contacted my treatment team to help me through. The person who helped gave me some encouragement as well as some suggestions they know that helps me. One of those suggestions was (and is) blogging. However, before I chose to take the persons suggestion to blog, I did a couple of other suggestions first so I could blog in a better head space. I first ate something and then I went for a three mile walk. After eating and going for a walk, it put me in a better head space to be able to write this blog post.

In fact blogging is helping me at the moment however, I am going to go do other DBT skills now. So, yes that means I will be ending this blog post. FYI: I AM CURRENTLY NOT DANGER TO MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. (In fact I’ve NEVER been a danger to anyone else.) I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 13: Play with Word Count

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s Finding Everyday Inspiration’s assignment is to “play around with word counts.”  The problem I have with “word counts” is that it reminds me too much of high school English.

In fact two things come to mind when it comes to word counts besides high school English. The first is math class and the second is music. When it comes to music I think of counting time and marching steps.

Counting time in steps to music reminds me of marching band. If it wasn’t for band I wouldn’t have graduated high school. If it wasn’t for band I wouldn’t have understood what my math teachers were trying to explain.

So when today’s assignment asked for a word count, I thought of music and how it helped me through school. Music not only helped me with math but English as well. I can’t help but think about music when I hear (or read) about word count.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good day. Peace out, world!!!

I’m Dreaming of Sleep

Good Morning, World!!! It’s nearly two thirty in the morning in my neck of the world. Right now, I’m dreaming of sleep. I haven’t been sleeping very well since I was assaulted nearly a month ago.

Having a good nights sleep is crucial to ones overall health especially for those of us who have a mental health diagnosis. Something I have learned over the years is to have a sleep schedule or what people in the mental health field call sleep hygiene.

For me sleep hygiene means going to bed at the same time as well as getting up at the same time. For me, I tend to go to bed at 11:30pm on week nights (Sunday – Thursday) and get up at 7:30ish in the morning on week days (Monday – Friday). Unfortunately, I toss and turn and unable to sleep so I get up. I tend to get up and stay up at the same time week days and wish my sleep hygiene schedule would work right now.

Now that I have rambled on and on about my sleep hygiene and the lack of sleep I am getting, I might as well as end this blog post and try to sleep. I hope you have an awesome day. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 12: Critique a Piece of Work

Good Morning, World!!! For today’s assignment for Finding Everyday Inspiration course, is to critique a piece of work. The first thing that came to mind was Picasso because a few years back an exhibit of Picasso came to the local art museum in which I attended. So, for this assignment I decided to  google Picasso and a butt load of images appeared. The above piece of art is not a Picasso piece but it caught my eye. In fact it also caught Junior’s eye. The artist name is Marlina Vera. I don’t know much about the artist however I will look more into this individual after I “critique” this piece of art work.

I was and am intrigued by this piece of art work for many reasons. It reminds me of Picasso but mostly reminds me of the love that Junior and I have for each other. Junior and I discussed the above piece of art as we held hands. We realized that not only looking at the art but discussing it, that this piece of art turned us on sexually.

It turned us on sexually because it shows a couple holding each other with much love. A way Junior and I would do and have done. In fact after looking at this piece of art and discussing it we did have an intimate moment. An intimate moment that was very pleasurable yet cut short due to my PTSD symptoms.

My critique of this piece of art work may not be a typical critique but I don’t care. I love this art piece as it shows the love a couple can have for each other no matter what the other looks like. This piece not only had Junior and I discussing sex and intimacy but that of body image.

Body image can be a big deal when looking at art. This is one piece of art that has not just me thinking about body image but Junior as well. Its amazing on how many topics one piece of art can come up in a discussion about it.

I know this isn’t much of a critique but its my critique and like the feelings the piece of art work brings to me (and Junior). Thank you for reading. I greatly appreciate you reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Monday. I also hope you all have great week at work. Peace Out, World!!!

A Major F*ck Up (Contains Graphic Images)

GRAPHIC IMAGES

(IN THIS POST)

It’s two o’clock in the morning on Monday, October 16th of 2017. This particular blog post is not going to be a pretty one. It’s not going to be a pretty one because, I’m not only going to be discussing what happened on Saturday night but showing you images. IMAGES THAT ARE QUITE GRAPHIC!!!

(SIDE NOTE: Before I continue on with this post I want to reassure you that I am NOT suicidal and I DON’T feel like harming myself at the moment. If I were to become suicidal and/or feel like self harming, I will take myself to the hospital like I did Saturday.)

Saturday night was not the most pleasant of days for me. Both my PTSD and Depression symptoms got the better of me. So much so that I ended up cutting myself. I scared myself so much by cutting myself that I called two close friends who took me to the hospital to get evaluated. I would have called Junior however he was working at the moment and didn’t need him to worry as he is a firefighter.

As I was stating my friends took me to the Emergency Room where my wounds got treated and I got evaluated for my state of mind. Everyone was in agreement that I could (and still can) remain safe and was able to return home.

I stayed with my friends till Junior got off work. He picked me up from my friends house. He looked at my wounds and redressed them. We discussed on what I could do the next time things go this bad. Next time I won’t be so hesitant to reach out for support of friends are so fearful of calling 911.

Part of the reason why I ended up cutting on Saturday night was because I was fearful of my symptoms and angry that I was having them. I did end up getting some stitches. You may or may not be able to see the stitches but wanted to fore warn you.

(FYI: I AM NOT CURRENTLY SUICIDAL!!! I CURRENTLY DO NOT FEEL LIKE HARMING MYSELF.)

THE BELOW IMAGES ARE GRAPHIC:

 

I just want to show you the realities of what happens when I am in an extremely bad head space. This is why I am grateful that I have a great support system. I am beyond grateful that I have a loving partner and awesome friends who are in my corner.

Thank you for reading my blog. I truly apologize if I triggered anyone with this particular blog post. Again, I want to reiterate: I AM NOT CURRENTLY SUICIDAL AND I DON’T WANT TO HARM MYSELF IN ANY WAY. I’M NOT A RISK OF HARMING MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. Again, I want to thank for reading my blog. I hope I didn’t trigger anyone. If I did, I truly do apologize. I hope everyone has a good Monday. Have a good work week everyone and Peace Out, World!!!