Still Gloomy but Hopeful

Good Afternoon, World!!! My depression is still acting up a little bit. Wish it wasn’t but it is something that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. The gloomy weather isn’t helping much but it also makes me feel slightly better knowing the weather fits my mood.

Even though my mood is still low, I am hopeful. Even in my last post I was hopeful but now I am even more hopeful. I am at my grandpa’s spending time with him and doing my laundry. I am grateful for my family especially my grandpa. Not very many 40+ year olds still have a grandparent left which is why I am extremely grateful to have my grandpa in my life.

Another reason why I am feeling hopeful is that I have a job interview next week at a local mental health agency for a peer specialist position. The peer position is for supportive housing and thankfully I have experience working in supportive housing as well as a peer. I am hopeful that I could be on the short list but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get the job. The reason being is that the job is at the mental health agency I am a client of.  Yes, it is okay to be employed as a peer at the agency where you are a client at just as long as you don’t work for the program you are a client of. In fact my employment specialist made sure it was okay before I applied. Again, I am hopeful that I will be on the short list but realistically know that they most likely won’t hire a client and I am okay with that. At least I will have the experience of an interview.

Anyway after I am done writing this post, I am going to start reading a book. Not sure which one as I brought two to choose from. Both of which are science fiction books. I really enjoy science fiction and fantasy genres. I really enjoy reading. I will let you know what book I am reading and hope to let you know what I think of it after I am finished with the book.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. In fact I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

Goodbye, 2019

Happy New Years Eve, World!!! This year has been a year of ups and downs. Mainly a year of ups and a great deal of growth within my mental health recovery. I owe a lot of my growth to my last therapist and my cat, Lil Gertie. Sadly, my last therapist went on paternity leave and when he comes back his job duties will be changing which means I just got a new therapist. My new therapist seems nice enough but I have only had two sessions with him.

As I mentioned, I also owe some major improvements in my recovery to my cat, Lil Gertie. She helped me a great deal. She helped me learn how to love. Lil Gertie not only helped me to love others but to love myself. I think if it wasn’t for Lil Gertie, there would have been some moments, specifically in 2018, I would have tried to take my own life. Thankfully, my love for her is what helped me. The best part of this year was bringing in the New Year with Lil Gertie. The worst part of this year was having to say goodbye to her on Thanksgiving Day evening. Having to say goodbye to your best friend is never easy. The grief of loosing a pet hurts and hurts like hell. If it wasn’t for the grief I have dealt with loosing Lil Gertie, I don’t think I would have come to the conclusion of what grief is all about. Its about realizing that you loved and loved with all your heart.

Bringing in 2020 and saying goodbye to 2019 is bittersweet. It’s bittersweet that I brought it in with my best friend, my cat, Lil Gertie, and won’t be saying goodbye to 2019 with Lil Gertie in it. However, if it wasn’t for adopting in Lil Gertie in 2018, I don’t think I would have ever even considered volunteering at an animal shelter. In fact I am now officially a volunteer where I adopted Lil Gertie at. My first official shift where I adopted Lil Gertie at is on January 7th. So, in essence I will be honoring Lil Gertie by starting off the New Year helping people and families find their perfect cat for their family.

I do not have much to say except that I am forever grateful for Lil Gertie and the hope she has given me for my future. I want to thank all of you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great New Years Eve and an awesome 2020 ahead of them. Please drive safely and get home to your families in one piece. Happy New Years, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 3: One-Word Inspiration; Hope

HOPE:

NOUN:

1) A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

2) A feeling of trust.

VERB:

1) Want something to happen or be the case.

“Hope” is the word I chose to give me some inspiration to write about for my “assignment” for Finding Everyday Inspiration. I have chosen hope mainly because if it wasn’t for hope I wouldn’t have chosen to be in active recovery. If I didn’t choose to be in recovery, I wouldn’t have gone into an intensive outpatient Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program and become the person I am today. Granted, I am not in the best of places at the moment regarding my mental health however I am in a better place than I was in when I started being in active recovery. Then again I have a better grasp on reality and have more hope and holding on to that hope. If it wasn’t for hope I don’t think I would be alive and am grateful that I have hope.

Hope is something I hold on to like it’s going out of style. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 1: I Write Because…

I write for several reasons. Reasons that are personal to me in which I will share with you. I started my blog for several reasons. Reasons that I have mentioned many times before and will share with you again in this post and most likely again in future post.

I originally started blogging for two reasons. The first reason was and continues to educate those who do not live with a mental health challenge in hopes to help end the stigma for those who have a mental health diagnosis as well as to show those who do not have one that we who do have one can live productive lives. The second reason why is to give people who do live with a mental health challenge that there is hope and that recovery is possible. Hope is one of the things that is needed for those who live with a challenge and it my hope that I can be a beacon of hope to those who are struggling.

Little did I know when I started blogging that it would be helpful to me. Helpful in ways I never imagined and am beyond grateful for. Blogging has helped realize how to find a voice that I didn’t realize I had. It helped me find life long friends. Blogging has been a type of therapy for me. It also helped me an advocate for others as well as myself.

So as you can see blogging about mental health is why I write. I continue to write on my blog because of you my reader, my audience. If it wasn’t for you I don’t think I would continue to to blog.

I don’t have much more to write about on this post as I feel like I got straight to the point. I want to thank you may audience for reading my blog. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be writing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Dear Reader,

I, Gertie, am writing you this letter as an assignment for the writing course I am taking through WordPress. I am also writing to those readers who may not be doing so well for whatever the reason especially those who are struggling with a mental health challenge. I am writing to you that what I have said in previous post gives you some hope that recovery is possible. It is by no means easy but hope that I can be a beacon of hope for you. Life isn’t easy however it has a lot of fun things in it to experience. I don’t have much else to say except that, if you need to talk don’t hesitate to leave a comment or contact me on my contact page.

Thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope every has a good work week especially after springing forward. Loosing an hour sucks but at least we know spring is almost here.

Sincerely,

Gertie

Everyday Inspiration; Day 3: One-Word Inspiration

Today’s assignment is base on one word to get inspiration from. We were given a list of six words. I chose the word HOPE.

Hope can have different meanings to different people for various reasons. For me, hope can be different to me depending on the circumstance however I will discuss hope from the point of  being a person in recovery with a mental health challenge. Having some form hope is crucial for one to be able to make an active choice to be in recovery. With the help of others such as Peer Supports can help one find the much needed hope.

For me to help other find hope, gives me hope. It gives me hope to see someone find their hope because you can see it through their experiences as well as through new eyes. Hope is an extremely powerful experience. An experience I hope you have had or able to have.

Everyday Inspiration; Day 1: I Write Because…

I write because of the fact that people still need hope that recovery from a mental health challenge is possible and in hopes that people who don’t have a mental health challenge, that I show them that we who suffer from a mental health challenge are just like everyone else. I hope to help in the stigma that goes along with mental health challenges.

When I initially started to blog, I wrote in hopes to help in the stigma that goes with having a mental health diagnosis as well as to be a beacon of hope to those who do have a mental health diagnosis that recovery is possible. I still write for the above mentioned reasons. I, however didn’t realize until a year into blogging that is therapeutic for me to write about my mental health challenges so that is yet another reason why I continue to write as well as blogging.

I really do enjoy writing on my blog and hope that it helps others just as much as it helps me. I really do appreciate those who read my blog as if it weren’t for my regular readers I don’t think I would continue writing on my blog.

Welcome To 2019

Happy New Years, World!!! It is hard to believe that it is 2019 in most of the world including my neck of the woods. I spent the New Years looking out my window toward the Space Needle as fireworks shot off of it. I don’t live near the Space Needle but I am still able to see it from my apartment. My cat didn’t freak out as much as she did when the Fourth of July fireworks went off over Lake Union and no I don’t live near Lake Union either but can still see it from my apartment. Anyway, I brought in the New Year with Lil Gertie and am grateful that I was able to bring it in with her.

Since I am talking about my cat, Lil Gertie, I can’t help but wonder where she was and what she was doing last year at this time. I try not to think about it very much but I hope she was happy and safe. I just hope that she is happy living with as this year starts. I know I am happy to have her.

It is hard to believe that last year at this time, I had absolutely NO hope at all. Having no hope left me extremely suicidal to where I ended up in the psych ward on the second day of the year. Now, I can say that this year I have no hope and that I won’t end up in the psych ward on the second day of the New Year. So, this year as started so much better than last year. I am so grateful that I am so much more hopeful this year than I was last year.

So, I as I sit here blogging, I am drinking some sparking apple cider thinking about the triumphs and trials of last year and what this year is going to bring. I know that when Valentines Day comes around this year that it will be difficult as it will mark the one year anniversary of my grandma’s passing away. Yes, it will be hard but I know that a few weeks later I will be celebrating my 40th birthday. Something I didn’t think will happen because I thought that I would have died by suicide. But thankfully, I am going to make it to my 40th birthday. So yes, I know I will have tough moments but I will also have some awesome moments as well.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I just want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You are all awesome. I hope all  of you continue to read my blog well into the New Year. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has has an awesome New Year and that 2019 brings you some joy as well as some hope. I also hope this you brings you what you want and what you need. Happy New Years, World!!!

Randomness of 2018

Good Morning, World!!! It is hard to believe that last year at this time I was wish 2017 to go to hell and had absolutely no hope coming into 2018. This year I am not wish the year to go to hell even though it was difficult and I have hope going into 2019. As bad as 2017 going into this year (2018) was, I am grateful that 2018 going into 2019 is on a more positive note and that I have had a great deal of growth this year.

Growth that I really wasn’t expecting but wanting so badly. Growth that has helped given me a sense of hope and purpose. Purpose that has once again given me the reason to continue to live. And having a reason to live is what helps a persons recovery with a mental health challenge. I am beyond grateful for my growth in 2018.

2018 may have not begun well for me but I am grateful for it ending on a better note than it started. In fact it didn’t start well for many people and sadly is not ending very well for people. Granted 2018 isn’t ending as well for as other years but it is ending better than it started and that is all one can ask for.

I am really not sure how I will bring in 2019 but most likely will be spending it at home with my cat or with neighbors. Neighbors that have been there for me this year. Through the good, the bad and the (very) ugly. People who helped make 2018 end on a better note.

I don’t have much more to post about as it appears to me that I am rambling on about a bunch of randomness. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I also want to wish you all a Happy New Years. I hope 2019 is a good year for all of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Finding Ways To Get Out of This Slump

Good Morning, World!!! For some unknown reason I am struggling this morning. I had a good night of sleep and have had breakfast. Usually a good nights sleep with a good meal helps with the better moods yet that doesn’t seem to be the case at the moment.

I am not sure what I am going to do to combat the struggles I am dealing with at the moment. I think I am going to spend time with Lil Gertie, my cat, because she is able to keep me grounded a good portion of the time.

I think after I am done blogging, I will email my therapist and let him know that I am struggling for some unknown reason. I think he would be appreciative that I am letting him know that I am having a rough moment.

I think after emailing my therapist about this slump that I am in, i am going to do some baking. I think I’ll back some brownies and a cake. Baking will give me something to do and most importantly, I’ll be able to share it with other people. To me being able to give things away especially stuff I have made gives me a sense of joy.

I need to get going. I think emailing my therapist would be the most helpful to me in the moment. Then on to the baking. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. Peace Out, World!!!