Feeling Supported & Heard In An Angering (& Unethical) Situation

Long time, no blog. It’s been a few weeks since I last blogged. Actually, its been neatly a month since I last blogged since that last time I did was on Halloween.

I’ve actually attempted to blog a great deal this past week or at least since last Wednesday but failed to do so as I was (and still am) pretty angry. Angry over what happened last week. Actually, it happened a week ago today which would make it last Wednesday (November 15th).

The thing that got me so angry was that I was informed by my therapist that I no longer am a part of the therapy services per her supervisor who happens to be the program manager of the program I am a client of. Needless to say I was angry. I was angry on how it was communicated to me. I unfortunately (figuratively) shot the messenger, who happened to be my therapist by yelling and screaming at her. She didn’t find out about me not being able to continue with therapy till the day before by her supervisor. So needless, to say my unexpected last session with my new therapist didn’t go all that well. I truly believe that my therapist heard what I was telling her. Not because I was yelling at the poor woman but because of her body language, what she was saying as well as her tone of voice. I do NOT blame my therapist whatsoever in this as this was NOT her decision as she was only made aware of it the day before. Unfortunately, I was not able to thank her for all her help.

Another unfortunate part of this, is that the other members of my treatment team were NOT made aware of this till I left them an angry voicemail. I left my case manager a voicemail as well as her supervisor a voicemail. Both of which had no clue about it. The supervisor of my case manager called me and he said that I must have misunderstood my therapist and would look into it and call me back when he looked into it. He did call me back to inform me that I did in fact not misunderstand what my therapist had said. He and my case manager were not informed of this drastic change in my treatment team nor the timing of it.

My case manager and her supervisor as well as my now former therapist are acutely aware that the timing couldn’t have come at a worse time for me. Finding out the news that I am no longer able to get therapy services at this moment in time came three days before the four year anniversary of the miscarriage of the first set of twins. It also came a few weeks shy of the one year anniversary of me finding out that Diana left the mental health agency I’m a client of due to cancer. It also comes during the holidays as well as other anniversaries regarding traumatic events. In fact both my case manager and her supervisor agree that what the program manager did is extremely unethical for anyone to do in the mental health field.

As angering and unethical as this situation is, I don’t blame my case manger, or her supervisor or even my now former therapist. I blame the program manager one hundred percent on this. In fact because of this I have lost trust in my treatment team.

Despite feeling unsupported by the program manager and being angry with the asshole, I do feel supported by all the other staff on the team. My case manager, her supervisor, and my group leaders have been quite supportive of me the last week. My treatment team is working hard to gain my trust back.

As I end this post I hope to let you all know in a later post on the “reasoning” behind why I lost therapy but right now is not the best time due to me still being highly angry. Thank you for reading and I hope to blog on the more regular basis. Happy Thanksgiving and Peace out!!!

Halloween, 2017

Happy Halloween!!! It’s been a couple of days since my last post. Overall, today has been a good day despite a few set backs. Set backs I hope to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.

As many of you know, today is Halloween which means I dressed up in a costume. I don’t care what others thought of me as it is only one time of year. On that note, I went to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today dressed as Eeyore. My psychiatric nurse practitioner was “impressed” that I had the “courage” to dress up. I don’t think it takes courage to dress up in a costume on Halloween. Anyway, my meds got changed slightly. One med got increased while my sleeping med got completely changed. Part of the reason he changed is because its a benzo and it can feed two birds with one grain. It can help me sleep as well as help with anxiety. Not sure if I like the idea as it is a benzo and my dad was addicted to benzo’s  when I was a kid. But I am willing to give it a try. Worse case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get put back on my other med.

Before I end this post, I am looking forward to attending a Halloween party with my partner that our friends are hosting. Junior is going as a Zombie. Don’t ask me why but he is. For him that an easy costume so I guess that’s why he is going as a Zombie. We are both looking forward to spending time with each other and our friends. I am having some anxiety about attending the party however getting out and not isolating with be helpful to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you all have a great rest of your Halloween. Please stay safe. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been a few weeks since I last did a weekly check-in. As many of you know, I’ve been struggling lately. Despite my recent struggles, I’ve decided to make an effort to do some things this week.

One thing I did do this week was go to my appointments. Attending my appointments is what helped me NOT isolate as much as I would have done. When I saw my case manager I informed her of what was going regarding the isolation as well as the voices I’m hearing. We discussed going to a group specifically about hearing voices. At this point in time I am putting that on hold for various reason that I might tell you at a later time. We also discussed me isolating. My case manager and I talked about ways on how I can not isolate. Most of which I am willing to do yet have difficulty doing so.

Another thing I did this week was today. I went and visited my grandparents. My dad was there as he is staying over at their place for the weekend. It was nice to my dad a grandparents. My grandparents helped my dad raise me. I love my dad and grandparents so much. I feel lucky (and blessed) that I still have a set of grandparents at the age of 38. Not many folks my age have one grandparent still alive much let a set.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been isolating a great deal. That usually means, I do introverted types of things. One of those things I tend to do when I am isolating is play one of my musical instruments. My instrument of choice is my flute as I’ve been playing it for 25 years however it needs some major repairing so I go to the two I’m teaching myself to play. I’ve been practicing my recorder a great deal the last few weeks. Still not very good but its helping a great deal.

Another thing I tend to do a lot when I isolate is art. I’ve been doing some coloring, collaging and water colors. One of these days, I’m going to need to take some picture to show you all. With all the art work I have been doing lately, I’ve realized that I can give the art as holiday gifts especially if I frame it.

The other thing that I do when I isolate is read. I usually read comic books when I am in isolation mode as my concentration is usually low however this time around I am actually able to read a regular book. I am reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. In fact I met her at the Emerald City Comicon this year. She signed a four books for me. She is from the Pacific Northwest. I’m on 30 pages into the book but so far so good.

Thanks for reading and I hope to give a book review on Ship of Magic when I am finish with it. I hope everyone has a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Baseball & How It Helps

Good Evening, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I have the World Series on. Normally, during the World Series, I root for the American League team with two exception; 1) The Dodgers are playing any A.L team but the Angels and 2) The Yankees are the A.L team.

I’m a huge baseball fan. For some reason it’s one of the few pro sports that has kept my attention for as long as I can remember. It’s surprising that having a diagnosis of ADHD since the age of seven that baseball can keep my attention because its not that “action packed” like football, hockey or even basketball. You would think another sport with more action would keep my attention. But, no. For some reason it was baseball that kept my attention.

In fact in was my fifth grade teacher that realized that I understand statistics quite well. She realized this when we were having a class discussion about the Oakland A’s playing against the Cincinnati Reds in the 1990 World Series. Most everyone was of course rooting for the A’s as they are a California team. My teacher let the resource teacher know of this and I was tested yet again. The test stated that I was able to do statistics at the tenth grade level when the rest of my math skills were at the fourth grade level and I was in fifth grade level. Needless to say everyone was shocked. So, with the help of my teacher and the resource teacher I was able to get the rest of my math skills up to my grade level using statistics. My teacher had baseball to thank for that.

Not only has baseball helped me with my education, it has helped me with my recovery. It’s the one thing I can focus on when I am not doing well. Unfortunately, baseball’s regular season ends at the end of September or early October with the World Series at the end of October. When it’s not baseball season, I pay attention to what is going on in the world of baseball. I even think about what the teams will do in the off months with trades and so on. I look at the stats of the all the teams and try to guess on who will be the World Series winner for the next season. I’m rarely right on it but it helps me with my recovery with my mental health condition.

I should get going if I want to want enjoy tonight’s World Series game. I hope everyone has a good Friday. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 20: Wrap It Up

Good Morning, World!!! It’s the final day of Finding Everyday Inspiration. Today’s assignment has given me a handful of prompts to end this final assignment. I’m not sure if I’m exactly going to do the prompts. If I happen to answer a prompt or two with this last assignment that it happens.

Just like that last time I took this course, I fun with it. It’s helped me get back in the grove of blogging once again. In fact I plan on doing the Intro To Poetry course that WordPress does. I think I will wait a few days before I start it as I might need a break for a day or two. This course has helped me get back into the grove of things in regards to blogging.

Thank you for reading. It is my hope that you continue to read what I have to say. Peace Out!!!

 

Everyday Inspiration; Day 19: Feature A Guest

Good Evening, World!!! today’s assignment for Finding Everyday Inspiration is to feature a guest. I have two very special guest I’ve interviewed. They are my partner, Junior, and the person who is a motherly figure to me, Mama Bear.

Do you remember the first time we “met?”

Junior: Yes, I remember our first interaction. Although, I’m pretty sure you don’t remember it.

Mama Bear: How in the hell can I forget our first interaction. I’m with Junior on this regarding you most likely don’t remember.

What was our first interaction?

Junior: Our first interaction was when I was apart of the crew that got called out to your place. You had attempted to take your own life. We (the crew) really didn’t think you were going to make it as you were so close to death.

Mama Bear: I might as well as say refer to Junior’s answer as I was apart of the same crew Junior was on. You did surprise the hell of us a few weeks later when we saw you walking around the neighborhood.

When you say “crew” what do you mean?

Junior: When I say crew I mean the crew that I work with. I am a firefighter.

Mama Bear: Refer to Junior’s answer as we are both firefighter. In fact we are still on the same shift at the same station. Most of the crew has changed.

How long have we “known” each other if you count our first in encounter?

Junior: Seventeen very interesting years.

Mama Bear: Again, refer to Junior’s answer.

Out of the last 17 years what have you learned from me?

Junior: I’ve learned that recovery is possible when dealing with a mental health condition. I learned a great deal of patients.

Mama Bear: To not be so judgmental especially toward individuals in a mental health crisis. More empathy and compassion.

Is there anything else you would like to say that I didn’t ask?

Junior: I love you with all my heart and am so grateful that you weren’t successful with your attempting to take your own life. I will always be here for you.

Mama Bear: Hmmm….Boy, you’re sure trusting with this question. I love you like you are my own daughter (even though I’m not officially old enough to my you mom). I, too am grateful that you weren’t successful with your (many) attempts with dying by suicide. This world would not be the same without you.

I interviewed Junior and Mama Bear as I hope that starting in the next couple of weeks to have them start posting on the monthly basis. I’m hoping for this so you all can get a different perspective on mental health conditions. Thank you to both Junior and Mama Bear for answering my questions.

I hope that everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 18: Anecdotes

It’s nearly ten o’clock at night in my neck of the woods. I’ve been struggling to do todays assignment. I’m not exactly sure why I’ve been struggling to come up with anecdotes because they usually come easy to me. I’ve only come up with two very short anecdotes relating to two of my diagnosis.

Depression:

Staying in bed with the covers over ones head being served breakfast in bed. Not getting up all day with a book in ones hands. It appears to be a lazy day. Not at all so. Can’t get out of bed. There’s a weight on my chest. The weight of world. The weight of the world pressing down. Pressing down so hard that life was too tiring to face.

PTSD:

Its like its happening all over again. Its like a movie but its playing your head. You can feel it on your skin.

Sorry, I can add more to the PTSD but I’m struggling at the moment. I hope to be able to do this particular assignment when my symptoms aren’t so high. I hope everyone has a good night. Peace Out, World