The Urges To Self Harm & The Skills That Are Helping

Good Evening, World!!! I am having yet another tough moment with dealing with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death yesterday (Thursday which was Valentines Day). My therapist and I had an hour and a half session today. I cried a bunch. We also discussed on ways I could keep myself safe for today and the rest of the weekend. We came up with the usual stuff of doing art, journaling, reading, spending time with my cat, blogging and actually starting on the workbook I have discussed in previous post. The workbook is called “The Artist Way.”  I have started reading the introduction and other such things like how to use the work book. I hope to officially start it tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

Of course my therapist and I discussed what books I plan on reading and he agreed that the books I have chosen to read most likely won’t be triggering for me as they are Science Fiction and Fantasy books. He thinks that reading books will be helpful for me to get out of my head even for a moment or two. He also agrees the both blogging and journaling will be helpful for me to process the grief and depression I am dealing with in regards to my grandmas passing away and help me with other shit I am dealing with. Art of course is that skill set for me to do so I have a better way to process my emotions in ways words can not help me express. Lets not forget the affection and love my cat gives me on the daily basis even if she wakes me up at four in the morning to play or wanting food.

The workbooks and the letter to my grandma is the two things my therapist really wants me to focus on this weekend as our next session is on Tuesday. My therapist is challenging me in a good and difficult way he knows I am capable of doing at the moment. He wants to see me to continue to improve with my recovery. He is very recovery related which is a good thing in a therapist.

I do not have very much more to say in this post. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday evening and a good weekend.  I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

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A Complicated Valentines Day & Snow Finally Melting Away

Good Evening, World!!! The last week has been quite a week. In fact it was snowing here in the Seattle area for a good ten or so days and finally stopped yesterday. Granted it didn’t snow yesterday (Wednesday) but it was still at freezing if not below freezing outside so the snow stayed around. Now it is warm enough to melt the snow. It is currently raining in the city of Seattle. Sadly snow is could be in the forecast again this weekend which is something nobody really wants at the moment.

As many of you know, today is Valentines Day. A holiday I never liked even when I had a significant other as why do we need a special day to say “I love you.” This year is a complicated Valentines Day. Not as complicated as last year but still complicated. Today makes the one year anniversary of my grandma passing away. Today has been a difficult day for me and the rest of my family.

Sadly, I was not able to see my therapist this past Tuesday due to the agency I am a client at was closed due to the snow and was hoping to see him before today so we could come up with a plan to handle the grief I am dealing with today. He did call me yesterday and we discussed ways on how I can remember my grandma today. We even made another appointment for me to see him tomorrow (Friday) so, I can check in with him to see how things went today. In fact he did call me today as well to check in on me as he wanted to make sure I was still doing okay. I am still doing okay but I really miss my grandma. I am grateful for my therapist checking up on me and rescheduling our appointment.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I hope to be posting more but right now I am fighting off isolation and grief. I hope to post sometime this weekend. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

The Count Down Is On

Good Evening, World!!! I can’t believe I almost forgot to post about this as today (Thursday) February 7th marks one month till my 40th birthday. I honestly did not think I would make it to my 40th birthday. I say this as I thought I would have died by suicide by the time I turned forty and have absolutely NO plans on doing so as I am in a really good place with my mental health challenges.

As much as I am thrilled that I am a month away from being forty years old, I can not help but think of all the ways that helped me get to where I am at. First and for most if it wasn’t for Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and many years of various types of therapy including DBT, I would not be here writing this post now.  I really thought I would have died by suicide and due to many people who believed in me, I am still here.

I am beyond grateful that I am still here as I have so much I can offer this world. Yes, I have some pretty bad downs however, I now know that I can get through them with with my DBT skill and the help of my friends as well as my mental health treatment team. To me making it to forty is proof that no matter how difficult things are, you can get through it. It might seem daunting as it most certainly is at the time but just know you can make it through.

I don’t have much more to say as I just posted about twenty minutes ago on an entire different topic. Thank you so much for ready my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good rest of their night. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Read if You Want to Know What I Said

Good Evening, World!!! I have a lot to catch you up on as a great deal has happened since I last posted. Let’s start with the employment part of my life or should I say the job seeker part of my life at the moment. Yes, I am still employed as an on call shelter counselor however it is not a job I want to be at for forever and a day. That means I have been sending out my resume’s to various places especially those who have Peer Specialist/Counselor jobs. I got call this past Tuesday from the HR person from the agency I am client of asking if I wanted an interview for one of the peer positions and I stated yes. So, I had an interview yesterday (Wednesday) and I don’t think it went all that well. I am not holding my breath on getting this position as I am a client of the agency that gave me the interview. I think it is best for all involved that I have low expectations in getting this job due to not being disappointed if I don’t get it. My employment specialist informed me that from her understanding with talking with one of the interviewers, I did a really good job at the interview and am on the bottom of the short list only because I am a client and I informed my employment specialist that I am okay with that as I understand the ethical conflict of the situation.

Other than the interview yesterday (Wednesday) and working Sunday night into Monday morning, I have not done much of anything but go see my therapist and employment specialist this past Tuesday. Mainly because it has been snowing outside and today was the first day the roads and sidewalks were decent enough to do anything. Sadly, the weather is not going to get better like it was today. Tomorrow (Friday), it suppose to start snowing again in the Seattle area. A good portion of folks that live in the Seattle area don’t do well in the snow, myself include. I really am not a big fan of the cold and snow. But I am one to say if it is cold enough to snow it might as well as snow.

Due to the snow storm that is suppose to happen this weekend I plan on not doing much of anything but hanging out at home with my cat, Lil Gertie. I figure this will be the perfect time to settle in and start on the workbook “The Artist Way” that I was telling you about a few post ago. In fact I am still assuming that it has you do art type things due to the title but I have read a little bit of the introduction and part of it requires you to do some journaling everyday which could be challenging to do daily but I am to doing it. Most of me is looking forward to it however some of me is sort of fearful of it as I am afraid of the things it will bring up. Whatever it brings up, I have a good support system in place to help me as well as my cat, Lil Gertie. In fact I am looking forward to hibernating here at home in the snowy cold weather with my cat, Lil Gertie. I don’t think there is a better way of spending wintry weather than spending it with my cat, Lil Gertie.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I do hope to post some time later tonight or tomorrow. I will keep you updated on the snowy weather here in Seattle. Thank you very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a goodnight. Peace Out, World!!!

A Workplace Post

Good Morning, World!!! As I type this post, I am at work. I am bored half out of my mind and freezing but at least I have someone to keep me company as the shelter guest sleep. I am an On-Call Shelter Counselor at a young adult shelter here in Seattle and love my job for the most part. I really don’t like being on-call but hey, its a job. As I mentioned earlier I have someone to keep me company as I am training someone. I didn’t know I was training this person till I arrived to work. I am just shocked that my supervisor is having me train the new person as I am only an on-call person and don’t work very often. In fact the last time I took a shift was back in late November. The new person appears to be cool and has connected well with some of the shelter guest which is awesome.

In all honesty I would rather be at home in my own bed asleep at the moment. I am not tired at this moment in time as I slept really well during the day on Sunday as I knew I had to work a shift. I just don’t like when my sleep schedule gets all fucked up as I already have trouble sleeping.

Another reason why I was at home is primarily because of the weather. It is currently snowing in Seattle. I highly dislike the snow. I am not sure why but I have a few idea but won’t share them with you as I do not want to bore you. I not only don’t like the snow, I don’t like the cold weather. It is suppose to get windy and heavier snow later today (Monday) which sucks shit.

As much as I don’t like the news about windy, snowy weather for today (Monday), I am looking forward to hopefully hearing back from my employment specialist and/or the hiring manager of the peer job I applied for to see if I get an interview in the next week or two. I say this because I want and need a job that has a more stable schedule. Having a job that is only on-call sucks but I am grateful to have a job.

I do not have much more to say in this particular post. I hope to post later on today when I am off work and well rested after working a twelve hour shift at night. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Just A Boring Post About Employment

Good Evening, World!!! I am getting myself psyched to go into work tomorrow night (Sunday) as I really don’t want to go into work. I could have said no but the last few times I was asked to go into work I said no. So, in essence I felt obligated to go into work tomorrow. So that means tonight I will be pulling an all-niter so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Sunday).  Staying up all night tonight and tomorrow will reek havoc on my already bad sleep patterns due to insomnia.

Due to the unpredictable schedule, I am applying for new jobs. In fact my employment specialist sent my resume to one of the supportive housing programs that the agency I am a client of oversee’s. Yes, I can work for the agency I am client of. I am personally hesitant to do so but if it gets me from being in an on call position then I will take the job. I was informed that the supervisor of the program my resume was sent will get back to me no later than Tuesday to schedule an interview with me. I really want this job but I won’t be hurt if I don’t get it as I am sure the person they hire will be the best fit for the job. I am also looking into applying for other peer jobs but it is difficult to find part time peer jobs at the moment.

I don’t have much more to say. I am pretty sure I will blog later as I am trying to stay up all night so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Sunday) as I work tomorrow night. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!

Update On 2019 Goals

Good Afternoon, World!!! I hope everyone is having a good Thursday so far. I have been thinking a great deal about my 2019 goals especially since the major goal I had for this year has already been completed and it only the last day of January. That goal was to get my dental work done and the only thing that is left is going into seeing the denurist once a moth for six to twelve months for some adjustments to my dentures. Yes, I still of some things left to do regarding my teeth but the major part of it has been accomplished. So, since I have accomplished my major goal for the year, I need to focus on my other goals. I discussed this with my therapist when I saw him this past Tuesday and he suggested that the goal I could put most of my focus on without forgetting about the other goals is completing at least one of my workbooks.

I agreed with the workbook idea. I informed him that I don’t know what workbook to work on as some of them I have already started and haven’t even finished the second chapter. He asked if I ever bought the workbook “The Artist’s Way” and I informed him I did. He suggested I do “The Artist Way” workbook as it will pull out my creative side and be challenging in a good way. He suggest this workbook several months ago as he thought it would be good for me to do and he wouldn’t be recommending the workbook to me if he didn’t complete it himself. To me that is what I like to hear when someone suggest a workbook that they have completed it. When he brought up again in our session this past Tuesday, I informed him that it was a good idea that I do this particular workbook especially since it will involve art and journaling. Both of which is quite helpful to me and my recovery. So I am looking forward to what this workbook has to bring especially since it involves both art and journaling. So, focusing on this workbook is going to be the next major goal I focus on to accomplish for 2019 and I will not neglect my other smaller goals as I have set time aside for all of my goals.

I don’t have much more to say and hope to continue to update you on my 2019 goals as I continue to accomplish them. Have a great day. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!