Happy Valentines Day!!! It is not such a Happy Valentines Day for me because I am on an inpatient psych unit. I have been in the psych ward for a week today. It is not easy being back in especially since I have been out of one for nearly three and a half years.
Yes, it may have been three years three months and one week since I was last discharged from one when I was admitted this current time however it is a much needed hospitalization. I started feeling very unstable and extremely suicidal. In fact if my fiancé hadn’t been around I probably would have cut myself. I am emotionally beating myself up for being back in the hospital because I thought I was “stronger” than I am at the moment. In fact I’m in the hospital because of the miscarriage I had back in January.
I didn’t realize that the miscarriage effected me as much as it did. I was too busy making sure Junior was doing okay with the miscarriage that I wasn’t focusing on me. Junior realized that I wasn’t doing so well and encouraged me to go to the Emergency Room (ER). I agreed to go to the Emergency Room (ER), so Junior took me to get evaluated. He sat with me till I got admitted. Thankfully, I was admitted to the hospital that helps me the best.
I am starting to feel a little better and am using the opportunity of the hospital to my advantages. I am going to every group I am to attends. I am also watching different types of video’s or DVD’s in my spare time to learn as much as I can. I figure that if the tax payers (which includes me) are paying for my hospital stay I might as well as take advantage of it. My insurance is federally and state funded. I don’t work enough hours to get insurance from my employer and that is okay for me.
My employer is pretty cool with me being her. They understand that me being in the hospital is what is best for me and my clients. My boss is extremely laid back is happy that I am seeking the help that I need and that I am setting a good example for my clients. I really miss my job as well as my clients.
The cool thing is that my boss came and visited me as well as two of my co-workers. My fiancé came and saw me today. He got me a single purple rose. It means the world to me that he has been visiting me. Tomorrow my friend Susan (who writes the blog bravelybipolar.wordpress.com) is coming to visit me. I have an awesome support network.
I should get going. Have a good rest of Valentines Day everyone. Peace out and don’t let the bed bugs bite.