Fighting Off Depression & Feeling Horrible About Lying

Good Afternoon, World!!! I was asked if I could work tomorrow night and I said no due to having the flu. Yes, I know that was a lie but, I haven’t been feeling all that well and feel like I am coming down with a cold. In all honesty I don’t feel like working for the individual that wants me to work for them tomorrow because it always appears that I am working for that particular person. So, I told this person a lied saying I have the flu even though I don’t.

I really feel bad for lying to this individual about having the flu but since I feel like I am coming down with the cold and I see my doctor on Tuesday, I can get a doctors not as a precaution. I know lying is bad and it make me feel horrible about myself and it is something I rarely do. I just don’t want to work for this person as they always seem to be the one who needs someone to work for them.

On the plus side this whole ordeal is making me realize even more than usual that this job is not the best fit for me due to the fact that it is an on call position for a graveyard shift. If I had a more regular shift even for a graveyard shift I think I could do the job but since it is an on call position it is difficult for me due to sleep issues that I already have.

Because of this realization I am working on my resume and cover letter to apply to other jobs. Jobs that I will be interested in even if they are not Peer Specialist positions. Most anything with a study schedule in a field that is in the social service field I am cool with.

Even though I am working on job stuff, I have come to realize that my depression has increased a little bit today. Enough to where I don’t want to go to my volunteer job. Even though my depression is acting up I will be going to my volunteer job this evening. Getting out and doing something for others is always helpful for me even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

I might be fighting off depression but at least I am attempting to not isolate by spending time with a friend before I go to my volunteer job as well as going to my volunteer job. My friend and I are going to go have a late lunch early dinner at our favorite restaurant, Red Robin. I love Red Robin. Eating at Red Robin with friends is always a good time and helps a good portion of the time.

I do not have much else to say in this post. I do feel really bad about lying to my colleague about having the flu so I don’t have to work tomorrow and hope that I am able to work through lying to them. Other than that I don’t have much else to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

 

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Just a Bunch of Randomness

Good Evening, World!!! I hope everyone is having a good Thursday evening. I am spending the night at my grandpa’s. I am doing so, so I can spend some time with him. I will be going home tomorrow afternoon. Yes, that means my cat, Lil Gertie, is home by herself. I have a friend who happens to be one of my neighbors that will look on my cat tomorrow morning to make she is okay which I have no doubt the she will be. My friend understands the desire to spend time with my grandpa. He friend also understand the need to check up on my cat.

I was asked this morning via text to see if I could work tonight. I didn’t want to work tonight so I told them I couldn’t because I wasn’t feeling good. I wasn’t exactly lying when I texted that I wasn’t feeling well because I wasn’t when I sent the text. Even though I wasn’t feeling all that great when I sent the text saying I was unable to work due to not feeling well, I could have worked tonight. I just really didn’t want to work.

I have some good news. I emailed my therapist yesterday to see if he could come by my apartment to on occasions to check the cleanliness of it so I can be held accountable to keeping it clean for my mental health and the health of my cat. He emailed me back saying his supervisor said yes just as long as another staff member came along. I emailed him back saying I have no problem with that. I told him I understand that it is for liability and safety reasons. I am happy that my therapist supervisor gave him the all clear to help me be held accountable in regards to the cleanliness of my apartment. No my apartment is not a disaster area but I have started to let my household chores go in recent weeks which is a sign of my depression starting to flare up again. I am grateful that my therapist is even willing to do this and then asked his supervisor who approved it.

I don’t have much else to say. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end as if it weren’t for you my reader I wouldn’t have a blog. Have a good evening. Peace Out, World.

Not Much To Say This Monday Afternoon

Good Afternoon, World!!! I hope everyone’s day is going well. Mine is just going okay. Nothing too exciting has happened today. The only thing I have done so far today was pick up my meds. Meds that are much needed but I taking but I take them because they help me with my recovery.

I do have to go to work this evening for a stupid monthly meeting. I didn’t go to Octobers meeting because I didn’t know about it and Novembers meeting was cancelled. So, I guess what I am saying is that this my first meeting at my current job and have no idea what to expect. I really don’t want to go and have absolutely no clue how long it is going to last.

Hanukkah arrived yesterday evening and I celebrated it with a friend of mine. I was suppose to go to another friends to celebrate Hanukkah tonight but due to work I won’t celebrate it with my other friend till tomorrow. I am not Jewish but two of my friends invite me to celebrate with them both at least one of the eight nights. I do this because it’s a way to honor my friends faith. I may feel disappointed that I can not celebrate Hanukkah with one of my friends tonight but I am grateful that I can celebrate with her tomorrow.

I don’t have much more to say except Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate it. I also want to thank you from the bottom from my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great rest of your Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

Bored Out of My Mind at Work

Good Morning, World!!! It is two thirty in the morning in my corner of the world. I am up at this time because I am currently at work. I am bored half out of mind. I have done everything I needed to do at the moment. So the next hour an half I have nothing to do. I wish I could be sleeping like the shelter guest are where I work at. I have a wake up call at four in the morning and then nothing to do till six. I am suppose to get off work at eight in the morning but sometimes that is not always the case. As you know I work at homeless shelter for young adults. We serve folks from 18 till their 26th birthday. Working with the homeless population is challenging but quite rewarding. Plus, it puts a perspective on life that you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

After I am done writing this post, I plan on doing art. Actually, I am going to be coloring. At least it passes the time when boredom sets in as well as sleepiness. I am tired but I am unable to sleep on the job. So coloring helps keep me awake.

I do not not have much else to talk about at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a happy Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

500 Followers

Hello, World!!! Today, I received my 500th follower here on my blog. It has taken me quite awhile to get to my 500th follower but I am beyond grateful to have any followers at all. In fact May of 2019 will mark five years since I started blogging. So, I feel like an average of 100 followers per year is a good number.

Besides getting my 500th follower I went into my local mental health agencies day treatment today as I had nothing better to do. Part of the reason why I went today was because I wanted to attend the Open Communication Group. I feel like it could and will be helpful to attend this group. I attended it today and enjoyed it even though it was on a topic I had to go to a training about for work. To bad I couldn’t get paid to attend the group. Another thing that I did at the mental health agency I am a client of was have a brief check in with my therapist. I had a handful of rough moments today and thought a check in was needed. Thankfully, my therapist was available for a check in or I would have had to have a check in with the on call clinician. My therapist and I discussed what was the cause of the rough moments and came up with a plan to do some good self care.

Well, I was asked today if I could work tomorrow night (Thursday) and I said yes. I really don’t want to work tomorrow (Thursday) and have already done my one on call shift for the month of November but I need the extra money for holiday gifts for my friends and family. Plus, it helps with getting good references when I start applying for new jobs within the next month or two. I might apply for one on Friday but not sure yet. I really cant handle this on call stuff especially when it is a night shift. So since I work tomorrow (Thursday) night, I will attempt to pull an all niter tonight so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Thursday).

I don’t have much more to say in this particular post. I just want to thank you all for following my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great night. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Nothing But The Boring Shit I Did Today

Hello, World!!! It has been a busy Tuesday for me. I had a three appointments today which I am all grateful for. They just wore me out.

I, first had an appointment with my regular doctor for our every two week check up. This is to help keep me out of the Emergency Room for both physical health and mental health stuff. Unfortunately, my next appointment with my doctor is going to me for my oh so not very lovely yearly exam. At least I’m not forty yet so I don’t have to worry about a mammogram as of right now.

I then saw my therapist for our weekly session and it well. We discussed a lot of topic regarding family and holidays. For me that is what needs to be discussed to help me put in a good self care. For me doing self care is especially important any time of the but more so during the holidays. So my therapist and I are going to come up with more ways for good way for me to do good self care when I am at my families places during the holidays.

I then saw my employment specialist. We specifically discussed my job and how it wasn’t turning out like I thought it would be. I’m not guaranteed a shift every week. It is an on call position that is at night. If I had a regular schedule with a I night shift I think I would be fine with it but it is not a regular shift so my employment specialist and I are looking for other jobs for me at the moment. We found one that would be great for me for now. Since my flash drive broke I have to rebuild my resume which is okay for me.

I am attempting to keep this post short as I am sleepy. I hope everyone has had a good Tuesday. I hope to blog again tomorrow (Wednesday). Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Good night and Peace Out, World!!!

It Feels Like A Monday Because It is A Monday

Good Evening, World!!! It sure feels like a Monday. Yes, I realize it is Monday but it most definitely feels like Monday. It feels like a Manic Monday because of all the shit I have had to do today.

First I had to attend an appointment for my housing. It is for my annual review to continue on getting subsides housing. My rent is going up starting in February because of my job but I am okay with that.

Something else I had to do in regards to my job is fill out paper work for Social Security. I also had to send them my pay stubs. I really dislike paper work but I rather fill out the paper work and send in pay stubs than owe Social Security money.

As much as I hate paperwork I am glad I got it done for both my housing and my social security. As far as my job is concerned I am looking for a new one as being on call for a night shift is not exactly best for me and my mental health. I plan on actively looking now and start applying in hopes I can start in the New Year.

I also went out in the crappy Seattle weather to go get my meds. I wish I didn’t have to get my meds on the weekly basis but I do. The weather in Seattle sucks today. It has been raining and extremely windy. I just wish it was normal Seattle yucky weather which is overcast, cold and drizzly.

I don’t have much else to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope to post again sometime tomorrow to tell you how my doctors and therapy appointments went. Peace Out, World!!!