Anxiety & Fear Over My Dad

Good Evening, World!!! I am not going to work tonight because my dad is in the hospital. Sadly, he was moved to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), early this morning because he has fluid on the lungs and maybe around the heart. Even though the emergency surgery went well, the fluid around the lungs is never a good thing especially with my dads history of pneumonia. It was five years ago at this time of year where he was give a very slim chance of living due to his pneumonia but thankfully he is a live. I just wish his health was better at the moment. At least he is not on life support and wanting to go home.

Even though I am not sitting at the hospital with my dad at the moment, I just wanted to make sure that if health were to take the turn for the worst that I am able to have the availability to get to the hospital. That is part of the reason why I chose to get someone to cover my shift at work tonight. I am grateful that I was able to have a colleague cover my shift.

Due to my dad’s health and him being in the ICU my anxiety is up and my fear of him being put a ventilator is extremely high at the moment. The fear and anxiety I am having, my cat, Lil Gertie, is picking up on. When I have been home she as been by my side or on my chest to comfort me.  Being comforted by my cat has been a great help to me and has lessened my anxiety and fear.

Not only is my cat, Lil Gertie, comforting me but I am having friends checking in on me. Having friends checking in on me is always a good thing. In fact a friend of mine even brought me lunch when I was at the hospital visiting my dad. It is great that I have friends that check up on me.

My family has be pulling together in regards to my dad’s health. My grandpa and two uncles who are my dad’s dad and two brothers have been taking turns at the hospital. My grandpa and two uncles have been a great support. They are just as worried about my dad as I am. Having family support and the support of my friends has been great for me.

I wish I was able to get some sleep today but sadly I have not been able to nap. I didn’t sleep well last night due to insomnia and I think I have been unable to nap today due to my dad’s health and him being in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. I think I am going to go to bed early tonight as I need some sleep. Sleep is crucial to one health and I don’t want to get sick especially since my dad is ill.

I do not much more to say. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night

Good Morning, World!!! According to my computer it is 2:34 in the morning in my corner of the world. I am unable to sleep despite trying everything I could before needing to take my sleep meds. In fact my sleep med is Ambien and I am just waiting for it to kick in so I can go to sleep. Having insomnia suck shit. Normally, I wouldn’t mind not being able to sleep on a Friday night / Saturday morning because that would mean I could sleep all day on Saturday so I could stay awake during my twelve hour night shift on Saturday nights for work. But I am not working Saturday due to the fact my dad is in the hospital because of an emergency surgery. I just wish I didn’t have insomnia. I really hope my Ambien hurries up and kicks in.

I have been coloring most of the night. Coloring has been quite helpful for me and my recovery with mental health challenges. It is the one type of art that I can take with me so when things get challenging I can just pull it out and color. Coloring is the one thing I never stopped doing from childhood.

Most of the night as I colored I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy. I am learning a great deal about both philosophy and history from the philosophy podcast. I am really enjoy the podcast. I highly recommend the philosophy podcast; Philosophize This. I personally like it.

As much as I love listening to the podcast Philosophize This about philosophy, I had to stop listening to it as I was coloring because my mind was starting to get on learning overload. I love the podcast and will continue to listen to it but I need to take a break from it for a few hours so when I go back to coloring I will listen to music. Hell, I am listening to music as I write this blog post. In fact I am listening to Tori Amos and Nirvana. I just wish my Ambien would kick in because I really want to sleep.

Since my Ambien isn’t kicking in yet, I will end this post for now to go back to coloring and continue to listen to the music of Tori Amos and Nirvana. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Late Friday Night Post

Happy Friday, World!!! It is 11:40 at night on a Friday and I am taking a brief break from doing some art work. Specifically, I am taking a break from coloring. I enjoy coloring immensely. Coloring is a type of mindfulness and meditation practice for me.

Part of the reason why I am taking a break from coloring at the moment is that I realize that I am hungry and am eating a snack. In fact, I am having an avocado with sour cream and a cheese quesadilla with sour cream. I know it is late to be eating but I am hungry and thought a snack would be a good idea especially since I am not tired and have a feeling I’ll be up late tonight.

My cat, Lil Gertie, is enjoying the fact that I am not in bed yet. She is enjoying it because she is getting plenty of attention and play time during a time she is typically is awake wondering around the apartment. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so much. I am so grateful that I adopted her nearly a year and a half ago. It has been one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

As I was eating and writing this blog as well as coloring I have been listening a podcast about philosophy. Specifically, the philosophy podcast I am listening to is Philosophize This. I highly recommend it. I am learning so much about philosophy and even some about history with this particular podcast. I really enjoy the podcast Philosophize This because I am intrigued with what is being discussed.

I think I am going to continue to listen to it till I am caught up to the most recent episode but it will take a while to get caught up. As I listen to the philosophy podcast I will be coloring. As I have mentioned before coloring is form of mindfulness and meditation for me. It helps me get in a good mindset. I really love coloring and plan on giving what I colored to people who I care about as well as to people who have helped me in the past. I am hoping that the big poster that I am coloring to be able to give it to my therapist but it is a slow process at this point in time. Coloring is something I never out grew and never stopped doing. I use to get laughed at in junior high and high school because I colored and now adult coloring is the in thing to do. I am glad I never stopped coloring even though I was bullied for it.

I don’t have much else to say in this post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I really hope that everyone enjoys their weekend. For those in the United States, I hope you enjoy your three day weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Friday Evening Post

Happy Friday, World!!! It is Friday night and I don’t have much going tonight. In fact I don’t have much going on this weekend because of my dad having emergency surgery on Wednesday. I asked someone to cover my shift because I wasn’t sure how the surgery on my dad was going to go so I just wanted to make sure my shift was covered. Thankfully, the surgery went well and my dad is doing better than expected. The doctors and nurses treating my dad in the hospital are absolutely amazing. My dad’s doctor is hilarious which is quite helpful for my dad and the rest of the family. The nurses in the hospital my dad is in go above and beyond the call of duty. In fact both the doctor and nurses have explained everything so well especially to my dad who has trouble comprehending things due to his own mental health struggles and developmental delays. My dad will be in the hospital for a good six to seven more days. Sadly, my dad is on a butt load of medicine due to the surgery. Medicine he doesn’t want to be on. He doesn’t mind being on the IV antibiotics but he is fearful of the narcotic pain medicine because he is in active recovery from being addicted to pain meds. He is scared he will become addicted again. The doctors and nurses are aware of this so they are respecting the fact that he doesn’t want to take them so they are giving him a lower dose of pain meds when he ask for it. I will be visiting my dad throughout the weekend since I am not working my twelve hour night shift on Saturday. My family and I have been taking turns visiting my dad. So, most likely, I will be staying with my dad in the ICU tomorrow (Saturday) night.

Even though my plans for the weekend is visiting my dad in the hospital I also plan on doing other things. First and fore most spending time at home with my cat when I am not at the hospital visiting my dad. The other things I plan on doing are listening to a podcast about philosophy and doing art work. Specifically, the type of art I plan on doing is coloring. I have two 10 by 14 coloring pages that I am primarily focusing on as it is easy to put in my backpack and able to do when I am out and bout. I am also focusing on a huge coloring poster as well but that is a little more difficult to take with me places. While I color this weekend I plan on listening to a podcast about philosophy. I am really enjoying the fact I am learning new things about philosophy in the podcast. In fact the philosophy podcast I am listening to also has small history lessons in it. I think spending time with my dad, coloring and listening to podcast is a good way to spend my weekend.

I do not have much more to say in this blog post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. I am beyond grateful for you my reader. I am appreciative of all of you as well. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of your Friday. I also hope everyone has an absolutely awesome weekend and I hope you enjoy your weekend. For those in the United States, I hope you enjoy your wonderful three day weekend as it is Labor Day weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Two Strong Advocates For Mental Health

Good Evening, World!!! I am going to be posting more about the conference I went to earlier this week. I will be mostly talking about the people who are very active in the the recovery movement here in Washington. One of which is a local politician as a state Representative in Lynnwood. (I want to make it clear that when I write about both these individuals especially the politician that I am NOT  in her district nor am I asking you to vote for her. I am just informing you of how awesome of an advocate she and the other person I will be talking about are.)

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Awesome Mental Health Advocates: Heather & Lauren

The picture above are two extremely awesome mental health advocates. Heather is the Director of the King County Collation at Washington Recovery Alliance while Lauren is the Executive Director at Washington Recovery Alliance as well as a state Representative for the 32nd legislative district in the Lynnwood area. Anyway, both Heather and Lauren are awesome advocates and speakers. They with the help of a handful of other people helped create a Recovery Day at a Seattle Mariners game and from my understanding from many people, it turned out to be a HUGE success. Heather and Lauren not only are example of what recovery looks like but help create ways to celebrate recovery like having a recovery day at a baseball game. Not just any baseball game but a Seattle Mariners game.

Seeing both Heather and Lauren at the peer conference earlier in the week was amazing as they are both two of the kindest women, I know and hope that someday I can be just a small portion of the advocates they are. If you ever have the chance to meet Heather and Lauren then you are in the presence of people who can help you advocate for others.  Both are awesome speakers.

I don’t have much more to say except I am thrilled that I was able to see and talk with these two awesome advocates again. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. I also hope everyone has a great weekend. For those living in the United States, I hope you have a wonderful three day weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Friday Morning Post

Good Morning, World!!! I hope everyone is having a good Friday. My cat woke me up this morning my gently nudging my arm with her head. I knew that she wanted both attention and food with the gentle nudges. So, I of course gave her both. Lil Gertie was appreciative of both. Right now she is laying on my chest as I am writing this post on my laptop. Yes it is slightly challenging but I am grateful for Lil Gertie laying on my chest as it is helping me focus on my breath which is helping my anxiety.

I want to update you on my dad. He is doing as well as expected after having emergency surgery on Wednesday afternoon. He sadly is still in pain which is to be expected but I wish he wasn’t in pain. On a good note in regards to my dad is that he is using his sense of humor. My dad using his sense of humor is a good thing because it means he is doing better.

My friends and fellow peer counselors/specialist having been checking up on how I have been doing since I had to leave the peer conference early due to the fact my dad had emergency surgery. Having awesome friends checking up on how both myself and dad are doing is a great feeling. Knowing that I have friends checking up on me is just another reminder that people do care about me. I am grateful for my friends and that they check up on me.

Now lets discuss work. I am taking Saturday off because I wasn’t sure how serious the situation with my dad was going to be so I was able to get someone to cover my shift. I am grateful that I have amazing colleagues willing to step up to the plate when a family emergency arises.

Since I am now on the topic of work, I want to share with you something that I think is cool that happened at the peer conferences. On Tuesday, shortly after finding out about my dad, I was sitting in the hospitality room as part of my volunteer duties and starting talking with another peer. A peer who works for an agency I applied for a job at. To find out this peer advocated for this position and has been able to look at the resumes while her boss was out of the office on a honeymoon. This peer informed me that she is not apart of the interview or hiring process but will able to put some input in, in regards to the resumes she discusses with her supervisor. The cool thing about this is that this peer looked at my name tag and said she remembers seeing my resume and was “impressed” with it. She also said if it were up to her, that I would be on the “short list.” The best part about attending peer conferences or any other type of conferences in the mental health field is the networking. I am grateful that I was able to network with a lot of peers during this conference but I want to thank the universe for the interaction I had with the peer I just told you about because, there is a chance that I could at least get an interview. I hope to inform you more about what the job is all about in a later post but I think it will be a good fit for me. Especially since it is a part time position and that it involves working a drop in center which I have experience in. I think this could help my career if I get the job. This is one of the many reasons I love going to conferences is because of the networking.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. I also hope everyone has a great weekend and for those who live in the United States I hope you have a great three day weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Conference & An Emergency

Hello, World!!! This week has been quite a week. Parts of it emotional as an unexpected family emergency happened which I will tell you about later in the post. I started this week traveling from Seattle to Tacoma for a peer conference. Tacoma is about thirty miles south of Seattle. I took the Amtrak train as I love taking the train because it is really relaxing for me. It beats taking public transportation. One of my favorite parts of traveling by train happens to be the views I am able to see. I did take a picture of something that I normally don’t have time to take due to the speed of the trains but I was able to take a picture of another train. The train is pictured below:

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A picture of a BNSF train. Thankfully, both the train I was on and the BNSF train were going slow enough to capture the picture.

Anyway, when I arrived to the hotel for the peer conference I wasn’t expecting it to be as big as it was. It is a twenty six story hotel with a lot of amenities but sadly they did not have a swimming pool. As disappointed as I was that there was not a swimming pool, the view from my room on the twentieth floor was awesome. I had a view of Mount Rainier. Below is a picture of the view I had of Mount Rainier as well as the Tacoma Dome:

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View from my hotel room. Mount Rainier as the Tacoma Dome.

The peer conference was great and loved the fact the I was with about five hundred other people in recovery with a mental health challenge and/or a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). The workshops I attended were awesome and the best part about being at the conference was being able to volunteer and be of service to fellow peer counselors.

Sadly, during the morning keynote speaker on the second and final day, I received a call from my grandpa telling me that my dad was going to have emergency surgery later that day. My grandpa and I discussed that staying at the conference was the best thing for me to do since the surgery wasn’t going to be till four in the afternoon and that I would have plenty of support from my friends at the conference as sitting around the hospital wouldn’t be helpful for me. I went to a couple of friends to let them know what was going on and they agreed with my decision with staying at the conference for a few more hours because even though my dad was having emergency surgery it was scheduled for later in the day which was a good sign. My friends and I discussed that staying at the conference was a good idea but we all agreed that leaving at an earlier time would also be a good idea. So, I was able to arrange for someone to take over my volunteer duties and leave to take the three in the afternoon train instead of a train after the conference was over. I am grateful that I took the three o’clock train as my uncle picked me up and I dropped off my luggage at home and then went to the hospital.

As I waited at the hospital while my dad was getting surgery a lot of my fellow peer who are friends checked in with me via text or phone call. Having the support of friends and my family as my dad was getting surgery made me feel blessed. I am grateful for friends who have been checking up on me during my dads surgery as well as after his surgery. My dad did well during the surgery and is now in the ICU. He is doing well even though he is in the ICU. He has his sense of humor which is a great thing. I am glad my dad is doing better. I am beyond grateful to have friends in recovery checking in on me to see how I am doing and I am doing pretty good considering my dad had surgery.

I don’t have much more to say except thank you to my fellow peers for being there. I also want to thank you my reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope to tell you more about the conference and my dad in a later post. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!