Improving My Blogging Once Again

Good evening everyone! I once again signed up for another WordPress course. I signed up for Writing 201: Finding Your Story. There are many reasons I signed up for this course.

The first is in improve my blogging skills. The second is to get back into blogging since I have gotten out of the habit of blogging due to my mental illness flaring up. The third reason is to give me some structure on days I don’t have much or any structure at all. Last but not least the fourth reason why I am doing this is to have fun.

I hope to have my first assignment done on my lunch hour tomorrow at work. Considering I work in the mental health field that might not happen but it is worth a try. I am looking forward to learning more about myself and blogging through this course.

Well, I am going to end this post for now. I don’t have much more to discuss at the moment. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend. Most importantly have a wonderful week ahead of you and peace out.


Something Of A Taboo; Miscarriage

At this moment in time I am struggling. I am struggling with the loss of the two sets of twins I miscarried. If you regularly read my blog you know that I miscarried twice within fourteen month of each other. The first being November of 2013 and the second being January of last year (2015).

Miscarriage is something of a taboo. A taboo that needs to be spoken about more and often. Many out there don’t realize how difficult it is to loose a child to miscarriage. People naturally assume “that it’s easier to get over because you never met the child.” Well, I am sorry to say but I can argue the opposite and say it makes that much more difficult but I don’t because loosing a child, no matter how, is the most difficult thing a person can go through. It hurts when I hear comments like the one mentioned above because I heard my babies heart beats and felt them kick. I had a connection with them. A connection only myself and the father, Junior, had with them (and maybe my OBGYN and Doula).

As I sit here typing about my losses, I realize I have tears rolling down my face wishing that it wasn’t so difficult to discuss the loss. I find it difficult to discuss the miscarriage because it is never really discussed about due to being it a taboo. I just cant comprehend why miscarriages (or even stillborn children) is such a taboo topic to discuss.

It is my hope that as I blog about my experiences with mental illness, miscarriage and other things that whatever is considered taboo will be come less of a taboo. As I end this particular post I want to thank you for reading. Have a wonderful weekend and peace out!!

Goals for 2016

Happy New Years!!!! It’s that time of year where everyone makes New Years resolutions that many people wont accomplish. I don’t make New Years resolutions because I never was able to accomplish. I do make New Years goals and I have found that I do accomplish or come close to accomplishing by the end of the year. Below is the list of my goals for the coming year. I realize that some of my goals are partially dependent on other people  but that doesn’t mean I cant at least try to attain the goal.

1)  Get my tattoo touch up. (I actually accomplished this goal yesterday 1/1/2016 at 12noon.)

2)  Add to my tattoo. I currently have a semicolon tattoo and I want to add to it. I want to get the semicolon trinity and eventually the semicolon Sol Invictus. However right now its just the trinity I am aiming for.

3)  Read 12 books. It was my goal to do this last year but it didn’t happen. I did read 10 books last year. (Comic books don’t count)

4)  Drink less soda. I currently drink a liter of soda a day. My goal is to be down to one 20oz soda a week by the end of the year. Right now I am starting off with one 20oz  soda a day and hope to go down from there. So far so good but of course its only the second day of the year.

5)  Get my flute fixed. I can still play my flute however it desperately needs repaired. Plus, I want to get lessens.

6)  Take flute lessons. I love playing the flute. I am not very good at it but it helps me a great deal.

7)  Train to do the Big Climb in my area to support The American Lung Association. I am planning on doing the Big Climb in 2017 but I am starting the training now. (Actually, I started yesterday.)

8)  Learn how to drive (legally). Basically get my drivers license. This will come in handy for me both in my personal life and my professional life. Professionally many places require a drivers license.

9)  Get a job as a peer support specialist (peer counselor). This is one of those goals that is partially up to someone else  however if I do my part with applying for peer specialist jobs then I’ve accomplished what I have intended to do and that is to get my name out there.

10) Get back into blogging more regularly. Due to my mental illness rearing its ugly head I haven’t blogged much. I realize that blogging helps to me in many ways. One of those ways is that it gives me structure on days that I don’t have much to do.

11) Continue being engaged with my recovery no matter how difficult it may be at times. This means going to my appointments with my therapist and psychiatric nurse practitioner (ARNP). It also means doing “homework” my therapist wants me to do. It also means being open to suggestions my therapist has for me.

As you can tell I have a lot of goals this year. In fact one of my goals has already been accomplished. So one goal down and ten more to go. I hope that at the end of year I can tell you that I have accomplished each one of my goals. Have a wonderful day and have a very Happy New Years.


Hello, 2016

Happy New Years!! As I sit here typing, twenty hours into 2016 I cant help but think of my hopes and dreams for the coming year. I also cant help but think on how much differently my hopes and dreams for the coming year are different from last year.

They are different because last year at this time I thought I was going to be a mama however I am not because of a miscarriage. The miscarriage did a major toll on me emotionally last year and hope that the grief work that my therapist and I recently started helps.

The reason why I hope the grief work helps is because I felt like I went backwards with my mental health recovery in 2015. Yes, I realize that the miscarriage was what ultimately caused my depression relapse. In fact I was diagnosed with postpartum depression which I didn’t really realize could happen with women who miscarry. It doesn’t surprise me that women who miscarry can be diagnosed with it but I just didn’t connect the dots.

As many of you know my recovery means the world to me. As I look at what I want my life to look like at the end of 2016, I have to look at my recovery and what it means to me and how it will look to me. Of course, this is something I will be discussing with my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, and natural supports to see what they have to say about what I want my recovery to look like. They are apart of my recovery and without them and their help, I wouldn’t be in recovery.

I am realizing as I continue to write this blog post, it is going in a different direction than I had originally planned and I am okay with it. I am okay with it because I will be able to devote what I was planning on blogging about today and blog about on that topic tomorrow.

I know that discussing how my miscarriage affected my depression and recovery will not only open doors to help others discuss their struggles but help me as well. The miscarriage affected me a great deal including my blog. I wish it didn’t effect my blog but it did.

As I end this post I want to thank you for reading and/or reading my blog. I am grateful for each one of you. Have a very Happy New Years. Hello, 2016, I am looking forward to what you have to bring even the bad and the ugly.