Sitting in the lobby of my therapist with my legs shaking and tears flowing down my cheeks. The admin assistant brings me my stuffed Eeyore (that my therapist holds on to for me for our sessions) and a box of Kleenex. I whisper “Thank you,” as I think to myself, “everyone must know now. She (the admin assistant) has that pity look.”

*****

Laying on the gurney in the E.R with Junior sitting by my side, holding my hand. The doctor and nurse come into the tiny E.R room with a look on their faces that no future parents want to see. Unfortunately, we have seen that look before. The doctor confirmed the look when she said, “We have to take you immediately to the maternity floor. You are experiencing another miscarriage. You will be having a procedure done called Dilation and Curettage also known as a D & C. With your previous miscarriage and being so far along, we feel it is best that you have a D & C for your health.” As I emotionally shut down, Junior started to shed tears for the loss of our second set of twins.

*****

Tears were finally flowing down my face the moment I stepped into the lobby of my therapist office. I arrived 45 minutes early and was informed by the admin assistant that I would be able to see Diana in 15 minutes. Those 15 minutes were extremely long but when Diana came out me to take me back to the office to have our session, I sobbed. I sobbed out what I needed to the moment I found out I had miscarried again.

*****

To this day, I still shed tears and even sob over the loss of my babies. I cry over both sets of twins I miscarried. Crying in which I find difficult to so. Even though I find  it difficult to cry, I find it therapeutic when I do so especially over the loss of my children.