Hump Day Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! Happy Hump (Wednesday) Day!!! I woke up extremely early this morning due to a fucking nightmare and couldn’t get back to sleep. I have attempted many times since waking up to post but am finally in a space to be able to do so.

Just like this morning, I didn’t have a good morning yesterday. In fact my day yesterday (Tuesday) was shitty. I woke up yesterday with strong urges to self harm which I did NOT act on. I thankfully had an appointment my doctor and I was noticeably upset which is rare for my doctor to witness. We discussed the issues of self harm and did a safety plan before we called my therapist. Surprisingly, he picked up and the three of us talked. We decided that I would go see my therapist yesterday for an unexpected session.

When I attended my unexpected session yesterday, my therapist and I spent an hour and a half talking about what the hell was going on with me. We discussed self harm issues of course.  We also discussed how a combination of the grief with my grandma and the stress of starting a new job which could be causing the high urges to self harm. During our unexpected session yesterday we both agreed that me coming in today for my regularly scheduled appointment would be very much needed.

So, when I woke up this morning with a nightmare, I also woke up feeling suicidal and having urges to self harm. So that is when I called the after hours crisis line I am able to call when I am in a crisis. As I talked with the woman on the other end who knows me well, we discussed ways to keep myself safe till I see my therapist later this morning. So, yes, I can keep myself safe till I talk with my therapist and come up with another safety plan with him during our appointment.

Another thing that is keeping me from self harm and dying by suicide is that I have a training I need to be at for work this evening. So, working is actually helping me with keeping myself safe from myself.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I am grateful for all of you because you read my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Peace Out, World!!!

(SIDE NOTE: I will NOT attempt to die by suicide and I will NOT harm myself.)

Advertisements

A Nothing Sort of Day

Good Evening, World!!! Overall, today has been good. I have had bouts of crying spells due to depression and grief. Grief over the loss of my grandma, seven months ago today. The last seven months have has proven to be challenging due to the loss of my grandma as you never know when a sudden wave of grief will hit.

As I stated in my last post today was going to be a day of self care due to the grief of loosing my grandma seven months ago. I thought I was going to watch movies most of the day but it turned out to watching television or at least a television show on Hulu. I binged watched the show, E.R. I forgot how much I loved the show E.R.

I not only binge watched E.R., I read comic books. I specifically read Wonder Woman comic books. Reading gave my eyes a break from the computer screen and they were happy that I do.

I watched E.R and read comic books while curled up under my weighted blanket with my cat, Lil Gertie, next to me. My weighted blanket and Lil Gertie helped with my depression and anxiety today.

Today, was the perfect day to do nothing due to the weather. I am glad I decided to stay in and watch E.R and read Wonder Woman due to the weather. Despite being pretty isolated today I am glad I chose to be isolated. I had a good time binge watching E.R and reading Wonder Woman comics and plan to continue to do both after I finish with this post.

Thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate you my reader from the bottom of my heart. You guys are all awesome. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Lazy Friday

Good Morning, World!!! It is Friday morning and I plan to take it easy today while staying in my pajama’s all day. Part of the reason I am doing this is because today marks the seventh month anniversary of my grandma’s death. Yes, that means I am still taking her death hard and obviously still dealing with grief. Another reason why I am taking it easy today is because of the weather. It is a rainy and dreary day here in Seattle. So the weather is fitting my depressive mood at the moment.

Since my grief and depression are acting up, I have decided that staying my pajama’s is a part of my self care plan which means I will staying in all day. Yes, I do have plans to do things here at home as part of my self care. As part of my self care I plan on doing today is watch movies. Not sure what movies I am going to watch but I plan on watching comedies as they are the most helpful to me when I am depressed and/or dealing with grief.

Another things I plan on doing today for good self care is reading. I plan on reading the Science Fiction novel I picked up from my home library. I also plan reading comic books. I will most likely be reading Wonder Woman comic books with a mixture of other comic books.

Having a good self care plan when I plan on staying home is key to making sure my depression doesn’t get worse. So, that is why I decided to do things that are quite helpful for me when I am home. The best part of me staying home now and being lazy is spending time with my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a good day and a wonderful weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Manic Monday Madness

Good Evening, World!!!  I don’t deal with bipolar however, I think I was Manic a little bit earlier. I am trying to get my Medicaid straightened out and it appears there was an error on DSHS which they acknowledge and they will be paying the bill for the service that should have been already.

After dealing with DSHS, I went and informed my therapist of what had. He agrees that the information I got was quite confusing him. So he is going to take me to the DSHS office on Friday to get clarity when my medicaid got turn backed on. I have it but nobody agrees of when it started. I did talk to my therapist about other shit like the PTSD and the grief.  It was overall a good session with him. It was extremely helpful for me today.

I didn’t art group like wanted to because I was too tired. Yes, I wanted to go but I was too tired so I came home and took a nap, The  nap was refreshing.  I can do art her at home.

I don’t know what else to write about at the moment. I feel like that today was full of madness due to all the red tape I had to deal with today. Thank you for reading  my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Sunday

Hello, World!!! Today has been an overall good day despite dealing with PTSD and grief. I spent time with my grandpa today. We watched the Seattle Storm play against the Washington Mystics in the WNBA championship. Of course the Storm beat the Mystics and are just one game away from winning the championship. As we watched the basketball game we fixed hamburgers and french fries for a meal. It turned out great. In fact I had fun watching the game and eating with my grandpa.

Tomorrow, I see my therapist and will be discussing with him about the grief and PTSD I have been dealing with as of lately.  I am sure he would be more than willing to discuss these issues with me as they have been giving me the most trouble.

I do not have much more to say as today has been a lazy and good day even while dealing with grief and PTSD. I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great rest of their evening. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night Turns Into Morning

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t sleep at all last night and it now six forty five in the morning in my corner of the world. I am struggling at the moment not only because I had a sleepless. I am also struggling with some severe PTSD as well as grief over my grandma’s death nearly seven months ago.

I am planning on spending time with family today. Not because I am dealing with the grief of my grandma but because it is something my grandma wanted as her last wish. For her family to spend time together on the regular basis. I am not sure if I am wanting to go due to the lack of sleep however I will go due to it being the wish of my grandma.

I am not sure what else I am going to do today but I plan on doing something. Most likely I will attempt to take a nap due to the lack of sleep I got last night. I also plan on doing some grocery shopping and laundry. I, of course will play with Lil Gertie, my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Friday Evening Blues

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am feeling a little blue. Actually, I am feeling sad and depressed. I am missing my grandma. I wish she was here so I can talk to her but she is not.

I did do some baking. Baking helped me a great deal. I was able to give away some of the things I baked to some friends. Friends who mostly live in my building and rarely get freshly baked goods due to their finances or lack of friends and/or family in their life or their disability. I try to do something nice for the friends I have that live in my building due to the fact many don’t have much of a support system.

I will be spending time with my family on Sunday and I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to it as it will give me a chance to get out of my apartment building. I have been somewhat isolating myself and not really going out into the community like I should. Spending time with neighbors have been helpful but spending time will be great.

I just don’t have that much to say right now. Maybe it is because I am really missing my grandma at the moment. My cat, Lil Gertie, has been helping me a great deal today. She has pretty much been by my side much of the day when I wasn’t in the kitchen or at a neighbors place.

Thank you for reading. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!