A Ray of Hope

Good Evening, World!!! I haven’t had the opportunity to blog for the last week due to the fact I was voluntarily admitted to a local psych hospital. I went and saw my Psychiatric ARNP as well as my temporary Therapist on Wednesday, January 3rd and everyone, including myself, agreed that I needed to be hospitalized. I desperately needed that help I received at the hospital and am grateful for it.  I got discharged Thursday, January 11th and am feeling quite hopeful.

After spending one week and one day in the hospital I have a ray of hope even two days after discharge. For me having some hope is better than having no hope at all. I started off this year with no hope and after a short stay in a psych hospital, I finally have the hope I’ve been searching for since late 2016ish.

Before I end this post, I am beyond grateful that 2018 is starting out better than last year. Yes, I had to spend a week in the hospital due to being severely depressed while having hallucinations of voices that nobody else could hear and being suicidal however I have hope. Hope that will help me get through this year.

I hope that you all have good rest of your evening. Have a great weekend! Peace Out, World!!!

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Choosing Recovery

Right now, I am fighting within myself. I’m battling the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I’m arguing with myself and the voices I hear that nobody else hears. See, one of the diagnosis I have is Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) with psychotic features. That means when my depression act up I hallucinate. Actually, I have what they call auditory hallucinations which means I hear things that nobody else hear and aren’t real.

I’m telling you this as I don’t choose to have a mental health condition/challenge but I do choose to be in recovery. I may not being doing well at the moment however, I am choosing to fight against the urges to self harm and what the voices are telling me to do.

My voices are encouraging me to act on the urges to self harm. I of course am NOT going to act on the urges or what the voices are encouraging me to do. I am choosing to NOT act them because I have the tools (or skills) to help myself. To help myself to NOT self harm by using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills.

Using the DBT skill I’ve learned over the last fourteen years is what has saved my life. It’s what has helped me start my recovery and remain in recovery despite set backs or “relapses.” I choose get back up and wipe the dust off when I do relapse in self harm behavior.

In fact when I realized that my self harm urges were high and that the voices were encouraging me to act on them, I contacted my treatment team to help me through. The person who helped gave me some encouragement as well as some suggestions they know that helps me. One of those suggestions was (and is) blogging. However, before I chose to take the persons suggestion to blog, I did a couple of other suggestions first so I could blog in a better head space. I first ate something and then I went for a three mile walk. After eating and going for a walk, it put me in a better head space to be able to write this blog post.

In fact blogging is helping me at the moment however, I am going to go do other DBT skills now. So, yes that means I will be ending this blog post. FYI: I AM CURRENTLY NOT DANGER TO MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. (In fact I’ve NEVER been a danger to anyone else.) I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World!!!