DBT to Combat Depression

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up depressed. Waking up depressed has me acutely aware on what I need to do to make I don’t let it affect me as badly as it can potentially do.  I need to focus on what work in moments like these.

For me that is using my DBT skills. Skills that have evolved over time for me. For me the skills I use as of lately are art, reading, and workbooks. All of these skills do something different for me yet are helping me with my recovery process.

Art helps me express my emotions in ways I am unable to verbalize. That is why when I woke up this morning one of the first things I did was to do art. Specifically, I colored and did some collaging.

Reading helps me get out of my head. It helps me focus on something else than the things going on in my head. It gets me out of my negative head space. That is why after I did some art, I read.

Reading helped me refocus my mind so I could do one of my workbooks. Specifically one on self awareness. The self awareness workbook is proving to be more challenging than I thought it would be. I do have to say that challenging is always a good thing when it comes to doing workbooks or something that is recovery related.

Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

The Waiting Game

I am sitting here waiting for my family to come pick me up so we can head over to Spokane for my grandma’s funeral. Spending five plus hours in the car with my family will be challenging which is why I am going be making my backpack a DBT bag for the next couple of days.

For me making sure I have the tools or skill I need to not make the situation worse is the key to what DBT is about. Plus I will feel better about myself if I do what I need to do.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

Things I’ve Learned in My Recovery…

  • I’m resilient.
  • I’m stronger than I think I am.
  • There will be bumps in the road.
  • Its okay to do self care.
  • I don’t have to be perfect.
  • When life gives you lemons eat them (or make lemonade), just don’t throw them.
  • Life is worth living even when its painful.
  • The pain won’t last even though it feels like it.
  • Its okay to hit a pillow or stuffed animal but not a brick wall.
  • Giving up is not an option.
  • Recovery is more fun.
  • I always have a choice.

Processing Grandma Being In Hospice Care

Good Evening, World!!! I wish Junior was not working for a multitude of reasons. Main reason is to help me through the fact that my grandma is in hospice care. But he has to work to pay his bills.

Having my grandma in hospice is really difficult for me and my family. Something that has been helpful to be are my DBT skills. I’ve been doing a lot of reading. It’s been helping me get out of head. Art has been helpful to me as a way to express my emotions. A way to not explode on myself or anyone else. Blogging has been helpful to process all this stuff.

I don’t deal well with painful emotions and my grandma being in hospice is quite challenging. She is aware of what is going on about eighty percent of the time which makes it that much more difficult. I love my grandma and hope she doesn’t suffer.

Thank you for reading my depressing post. I hope everyone has a good night. Enjoy the Superbowl tomorrow for those of you that live in the United States. Peace Out, World!!

Needing Consistency W/My Mental Health Treatment Team

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m a little sad as I’m having yet another change in my treatment team. It involves one of my DBT Group leaders is leaving. She was one of the biggest supports I had right after Diana left suddenly due to a life threatening illness. So it came to a shock to me when the female group leader said she was leaving. I am feeling sad. This makes the fourteenth change in my treatment team in as many months. As much as I am sad I know this group leader is going to make sure I have a goodbye with her.

Even though she is not a clinician who works with me a good portion of the time she has worked with me a great deal. That is why she is wanting to have a half an hour goodbye session with her. She say and I quote “You deserve goodbye from me. We have always had a good rapport and you deserve to have a goodbye and proper goodbye” unquote. I’m glad I’m having a goodbye with her.

I just want to have some consistency in my treatment team and not have so many changes in as many months. Realizing I was getting upset with the lack of consistency I decided to do a mindfulness exercise using the Calm app as I was on the bus home. After the mindfulness exercise I listened to music. So more or I used my DBT skills to help me not be so upset and/or angry with the inconsistency in my mental health treatment which helped reduced the urges to self-harm. So I am proud of myself for reducing my anger and self harm urges by using skills.

Thank you for reading about my not so good news. I am truly proud of myself for using my DBT skills. Peace Out, World!!!

Choosing Recovery

Right now, I am fighting within myself. I’m battling the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I’m arguing with myself and the voices I hear that nobody else hears. See, one of the diagnosis I have is Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) with psychotic features. That means when my depression act up I hallucinate. Actually, I have what they call auditory hallucinations which means I hear things that nobody else hear and aren’t real.

I’m telling you this as I don’t choose to have a mental health condition/challenge but I do choose to be in recovery. I may not being doing well at the moment however, I am choosing to fight against the urges to self harm and what the voices are telling me to do.

My voices are encouraging me to act on the urges to self harm. I of course am NOT going to act on the urges or what the voices are encouraging me to do. I am choosing to NOT act them because I have the tools (or skills) to help myself. To help myself to NOT self harm by using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills.

Using the DBT skill I’ve learned over the last fourteen years is what has saved my life. It’s what has helped me start my recovery and remain in recovery despite set backs or “relapses.” I choose get back up and wipe the dust off when I do relapse in self harm behavior.

In fact when I realized that my self harm urges were high and that the voices were encouraging me to act on them, I contacted my treatment team to help me through. The person who helped gave me some encouragement as well as some suggestions they know that helps me. One of those suggestions was (and is) blogging. However, before I chose to take the persons suggestion to blog, I did a couple of other suggestions first so I could blog in a better head space. I first ate something and then I went for a three mile walk. After eating and going for a walk, it put me in a better head space to be able to write this blog post.

In fact blogging is helping me at the moment however, I am going to go do other DBT skills now. So, yes that means I will be ending this blog post. FYI: I AM CURRENTLY NOT DANGER TO MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. (In fact I’ve NEVER been a danger to anyone else.) I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World!!!

I’m Dreaming of Sleep

Good Morning, World!!! It’s nearly two thirty in the morning in my neck of the world. Right now, I’m dreaming of sleep. I haven’t been sleeping very well since I was assaulted nearly a month ago.

Having a good nights sleep is crucial to ones overall health especially for those of us who have a mental health diagnosis. Something I have learned over the years is to have a sleep schedule or what people in the mental health field call sleep hygiene.

For me sleep hygiene means going to bed at the same time as well as getting up at the same time. For me, I tend to go to bed at 11:30pm on week nights (Sunday – Thursday) and get up at 7:30ish in the morning on week days (Monday – Friday). Unfortunately, I toss and turn and unable to sleep so I get up. I tend to get up and stay up at the same time week days and wish my sleep hygiene schedule would work right now.

Now that I have rambled on and on about my sleep hygiene and the lack of sleep I am getting, I might as well as end this blog post and try to sleep. I hope you have an awesome day. Peace Out!!!