Let’s Get Fucking Real

Good Morning, World!!! Over all it has been a good morning. As good as this morning has been I am angry. This anger has lead me to write this post. I am fucking going to get real here.

I don’t fucking understand why that only time America discusses mental health and suicide is when a mass shooting happens or when a celebrity dies by suicide? Why in the fucking hell does the media wait to something tragic happens. The month of May is mental health awareness month and not one news station in my area discussed mental health unless there was a school shooting involved.

We as not just a country but the world need to discuss more about mental health and suicide. We need to lessen the stigma that goes with it yet nothing is being done. I share bits and pieces of me here on my blog. I have emailed my politicians and local news stations yet nobody appears to give a rats ass till something tragic happens.

So, here I am sitting at my laptop attempting to lessen the stigma of getting help with a mental health challenge and/or suicidal thoughts or actions. I want people around the world that you are not alone in this battle. It is not an easy feat to battle depression or anxiety or any other mental health condition or suicidal thoughts however if you seek out help from people it can and will get better. I’m not going to lie and say its always going to be peachy keen when you get help and get better but you will have the skills to help you when things to get bad again.

The National Suicide Hotline number here in America is 1-800-273-8255. I don’t know Suicide hotline number for other countries or I would be giving those out as well. Please if you are struggling with your mental health and/or suicide please reach out to someone.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

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The Elephant In The Room

Good Morning, World!!! I am awake at three o’clock in the morning due to not being able to sleep. Both my insomnia and depression are acting up. Not sure why either are acting up but they are.

When I started to write this post I didn’t know what I was going to write about. So lets discuss the elephant in the room; the two celebrities who died by suicide, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Many people are mourning their sudden and untimely deaths. People are grieving over this and I don’t blame them as it is sad news.

As sad as it is to hear about someone’s death especially when it is death by suicide people start to discuss it a little bit more. I personally think we need to talk about both suicide and mental health conditions more so we can lessen the stigma that goes with it.

If anyone is in crisis and needs to talk the United States National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. I know this number will work in the United States however I am unsure about the rest of the world. I wish I had other crisis numbers for other countries however I do not. Please if you are in a mental health crisis or thinking of killing yourself don’t hesitate to reach out to someone.

Thank you for reading!!! Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Been An Overall Good Day

Good Evening, World!!! Today, overall has been a good day despite not getting any sleep. I even attempted to take a nap when I got home from day treatment and seeing my therapist.

As I stated I saw my therapist today. We discussed my suicide attempt on Wednesday and talked about it in detail. We discussed how having a cat helped me make the decision to live and carry on with my life. We talked about the three groups I plan on attending especially the DBT group I start back up tomorrow. We both agree that DBT group will be extremely important for me to attend. I showed him my scrap book and he appeared surprised that I was will to share something “so personal” with him. We talked about how arts and crafts have been helpful to me. In fact he wants me to continue to attend art group as he “feels like it helps” me express my emotions. He is going to sit in on Art group on Monday.

I see my doctor tomorrow and my doctor called me today to check in on me. We talked a little about my suicide attempt. She just wanted to make sure I was doing better and to make sure I’ll be going to see her tomorrow. I confirmed that I would be there tomorrow. We will be discussing the suicide attempt even though it was more than a week ago.

I am grateful that I am not suicidal and that I have a good support system that checks in with me. My therapist, doctor, and psychiatric nurse practitioner all agree that I am doing okay at the moment. They are talking with each other and agree that me being out of the hospital for psych reasons is a good thing.

Thank you so much for reading. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 6: A Space To Write

For me having a space a good place to write also depends on the head space I am in at the moment. As of lately, I’ve been in a head space to where writing has been quite helpful for me.

When I am at hope I like to write facing my west living room window so I can look up and see the trees outside of my window. This helps me when I’m having trouble coming up with words to help me convey with what I want to say. The words someone says or writes can bring a person down or lift a person up. For me I hope that I lift folks up with what I say and write.

I say this because I’ve had harsh words said to me. Words that had me thinking about dying by suicide. (No, I’m NOT currently suicidal.) When I talk and/or write, I want to make sure my words don’t have others thinking about death by suicide.

For me the space to write all depends on my head space and is different every time I write. I like to write by water no matter my head space however that can be dependent on the weather if I write outside. I also like to write in mom and pop coffee shops. It helps with my creativity.

The Love Between Gertie & I

Hey! As Gertie mentioned last week, they want myself and Mama Bear to post every other Wednesday. I stepped up to the plate to post today and Mama Bear will do it next Wednesday.

I’ve decided to write about the love Gertie and I have. I originally met Gertie when she was found unconscious and unresponsive as well as barely breathing due to a suicide attempt. Gertie’s neighbor found them and called 911 when the engine company was called out to help Gertie. Fortunately, she survived that attempted suicide as well as a handful of others.

If it wasn’t for Gertie being survivor, I wouldn’t have become friends with them. Being friends with them is what helped me fall in with Gertie. Gertie has the endearing way about her that has people go to them as friends and for me it had me fall in love with them.

Thanks for reading. I hope this gives some insight of my love for Gertie. Have a great day.

A Ray of Hope

Good Evening, World!!! I haven’t had the opportunity to blog for the last week due to the fact I was voluntarily admitted to a local psych hospital. I went and saw my Psychiatric ARNP as well as my temporary Therapist on Wednesday, January 3rd and everyone, including myself, agreed that I needed to be hospitalized. I desperately needed that help I received at the hospital and am grateful for it.  I got discharged Thursday, January 11th and am feeling quite hopeful.

After spending one week and one day in the hospital I have a ray of hope even two days after discharge. For me having some hope is better than having no hope at all. I started off this year with no hope and after a short stay in a psych hospital, I finally have the hope I’ve been searching for since late 2016ish.

Before I end this post, I am beyond grateful that 2018 is starting out better than last year. Yes, I had to spend a week in the hospital due to being severely depressed while having hallucinations of voices that nobody else could hear and being suicidal however I have hope. Hope that will help me get through this year.

I hope that you all have good rest of your evening. Have a great weekend! Peace Out, World!!!

How Much Death Can One Person Take?

This is a difficult post to write. It’s difficult to write because it is going to be a post about death. The death of friends and family as well as having to look into putting my grandma into hospice.

This year has not been the easiest of years for me regarding people passing away. It started out when I found out that a close friend died by suicide and was found on New Years Day. I lost a total of eight friends, one cousin and three clients. How much death can one person take?

On top of that I found out my grandma’s doctor’s informed my grandpa that hospice care for my grandma might the best option for her. I was told that she only has six to nine months to live due to Parkinson’s related stuff. It’s never easy to hear that your grandma doesn’t have long to live especially if she helped raise you.

I’m hoping that with the help of my mental health treatment team, I can learn to deal with the grief. Grief of loosing so many people over the last few years.

Thanks for reading my depressing post. Have a great day!!! Peace Out, World!!!