Blessed Solstice, World!!! It is the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere while it is the first day of winter in the southern hemisphere. I am so grateful that it is now summer and the longest day of the year. Sadly, tomorrow the days start getting shorter but am going to enjoy the summer either way.
As summer starts, I realize that this last week hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me and that I have my mental health treatment team worried about and rightfully so. Monday started off like any other Monday. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that we okay. It only went okay due to the fact that I withheld information from her and that ultimately didn’t help me on Tuesday but thankfully, I found out on Monday that I didn’t need to work on Tuesday night which I was and am thrilled about.
Now on to Tuesday. Tuesday was not a good day for me. I am not exactly sure why but it wasn’t. Long story short, I attempted to die by suicide by overdosing on one of meds. Thankfully, my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me pick up my meds once a week at my pharmacy so it was only a weeks worth of one medication. I was in the emergency room for about eight hours according to the medical records that were sent to my therapist. Sadly, I only talked with the social worker for about ten minutes and she informed me that it was MY duty to notify the after-hours crisis team of the mental health agency I am a client of to let them know I attempted to die by suicide. She didn’t even call them to let them make the decision to come evaluate me to see if hospitalization was needed. So when I got discharged from the emergency room and got home I called the after-hours crisis line and let the crisis clinician know. The after-hours clinician was upset at the social worker in the emergency room I was at because she was there twice evaluating two different people while I was there and the social worker didn’t even inform her. Thankfully, the after-hours clinician wasn’t upset with me and she told me that it is her (the hospital social worker) duty to notify her and not mine which I already knew. We talked for about forty-five minutes to make sure I was okay enough to be safe at home.
On Wednesday, my therapist called me and we discussed my attempted suicide and what happened with the emergency room social worker. He wanted to make see what my side of the story was as the after-hours crisis clinician ended up going back to the same emergency room I was in to evaluate another client and “had some words” with the emergency room social worker about me. Apparently, the after-hours crisis clinician is “extremely protective” of me in particular because she “sees a lot of” me in her. So, I informed my therapist of my extremely limited interaction with the emergency room social worker. After my phone call with him I guess he got my medical records from the emergency room and talked with a social worker who is familiar with me but was not on when I was in the emergency room and from my understanding that social worker wasn’t exactly happy with her colleague and how she handled my care.
Thursday (yesterday), I had my session with my therapist and we discussed at length about my attempted suicide. We also discussed how my psychiatric nurse practitioner want me to get my med two to three times a week at the pharmacy located on the campus of the mental health agency I go to. I informed my therapist that I am not liking the idea but understand that is it for “safety reasons” and that even though I don’t like the idea I would prefer to go to the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. I informed him that I won’t “put up a fight” about getting my meds two to three times a week if we could compromise on me getting my meds from the pharmacy of my choosing, if not then I will “put up a fight.” He said he would discuss it with my psychiatric nurse practitioner about it and I know it will all work out. Another thing I did yesterday was go to DBT group and am grateful for the group. DBT has been quite helpful for me and have been making an effort to do the skills that don’t come automatically to me. The DBT skills is one of the things the has been one of the most helpful things for me and my mental health recovery.
Something, I have noticed since coming home from the emergency room is that my cat has become more clingy. She has been laying on my lap or chest when I am sitting my recliner more frequently and for a longer period of time. I think she knows that I am struggling and is doing what she thinks is helpful in comforting me and it is quite helpful. I am so grateful for my cat and that she has picked up quickly without any training on what helps me emotionally. Animals are so smart that way. I love my cat so much and am beyond thrilled that she is my emotional support animal. Getting my cat, Lil Gertie, is one of the best decisions I have made.
I do not have much else to say. I am NOT currently suicidal am NOT at risk of any self harm acts. If I do have self harm urges or feel suicidal I will take myself to the emergency room and/or call the after-hours crisis line that my mental health agency provides for their clients. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate your readership. I hope everyone has an awesome summer and great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!
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