Yucky Weather + Depression = Desire to Isolate

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t get much sleep last night but I did get more than the night before. Getting sleep is key to helping the symptoms of the mental health challenges I face. Yes, I may have gotten slightly more sleep last night and it is helping my mood just in the slightest, I just don’t think it is exactly enough to help beat off the depression symptoms.

I don’t think it is enough to be off the depression symptoms because it is the time of year they get worse and well the typical yucky Seattle weather ain’t helping much. In fact the weather today, I think is making the symptoms a little bit worse. Worse in a sense that I am wanting to isolate. Part of is cause of the weather while the other part is due to the depression symptoms which both really suck today.

As much as I want to isolate today, I am unable to do so because I have two appointments today. One with my therapist which is much need and the other is with my employment specialist. I really need my therapy today even though I really do not want to go, mainly because of my depressive symptoms and a little to do with the yucky Seattle weather. No matter how I feel, I need to attend both appointments today due it will ultimately help my recovery. All I can say is the depression suck shit.

I don’t have much else to say in this post so I think I am going to end it for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciate it from my end of things as well as from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone enjoys their day. Peace Out, World!!!

Advertisements

A Monday With Struggles & Other Randomness

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been a Monday full of struggles. Struggles that are of concern to me as well as my therapist. I went into my mental health agency to attend a group and was able to briefly check in with my therapist. My therapist has some concerns about the increase of depression symptoms and self harm urges. We only talked for about an half an hour as we have an hour appointment tomorrow.

As concerned as my therapist is with increased symptoms he was “happy” that I decided to show up for a group today. Not just any group but Art Group. My therapist thinks doing art is therapeutic for me and I agree with him. It puts me in a better head space even just all so slightly at times. I am extremely grateful that I attended art group today.

I have been doing some good self care since I got home from my brief check in with my therapist and art group. I came home and immediately put my pajamas on and made hot chocolate.  As I sat down with my hot chocolate my cat, Lil Gertie, jumped into my lap. Drinking hot chocolate and petting my cat are two very good self care activities for me especially at the same time.

Now I think it is time to go. I need to get me something to eat. It is time for dinner. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. I want to thank you for continuing to read my blog and enjoying what I have to say. I do not have much more to say in this post. So, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Still Struggling This Monday Morning

Good Morning, World!!! It is still Monday morning in my corner of the world and unfortunately I am still struggling with depression symptoms which sucks shit. Since my last post and since I am still struggling I decided to email my therapist in hopes that he will call me at some point today to check in with me even though I have an appointment with him tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon. My therapist is usually pretty good with checking in with me when I email and/or call him when I am struggling.

Since, it is only ten o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world and am waiting for my therapist to get back to me, I have managed to do some self care. The self care includes me cleaning out the cat’s litter box (yes, I know that is weird), taking a shower and getting me some food to eat. The shower was quite helpful as I had not taken a shower since Friday evening. I had left over pizza for breakfast.

Another thing I have done since my last post as I wait for my therapist to call me from the email I sent is I went and picked up my meds. I am still on weekly med pick ups and I hope when I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner next week that she will be willing put me back on monthly med pick ups. I am grateful that I don’t have to pick up my meds from my mental health agency and am even more grateful that they aren’t daily pick ups.

Now, I think I am going to spend time with my cat, Lil Gertie, as she has been attempting to get my attention as I have been writing this post. I love my cat very much. This is my first holiday season with her and I plan on spoiling her for Christmas. She is going to be receiving a lot of toys.

I don’t have much else to say in  this post. I want to thank you for reading as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I am grateful for each one of you for reading my blog.  Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone continues to have a great Monday. I also hope everyone has a great work week. For those who celebrate Hanukkah, I hope your last days of your holiday are well celebrated. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing Like A Nightmare Early On A Monday Morning

Good Morning, World!!! Well, it is Monday morning and people are starting to get up to get ready for their work day. I have been awake since two thirty this morning due to a nightmare and it is now five o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Waking up to a nightmare is absolutely no fun. At least my cat did her job and woke me up from the nightmare before it got any worse. Some how she trained herself to wake me up from a nightmare by either licking my nose or licking one of my big toes. Not sure how she trained herself to do that but I am grateful for it.

Since I woke up from a nightmare, I have been reading comic books and listening to music. Specifically, I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books and listening to Christmas music. For some reason reading Wonder Woman comic books and listening to Christmas music has been quite helpful for me the last two and half hours which I am extremely grateful for.

Now that it is five o’clock in the morning, I will be watching the morning news as I haven’t kept up to date on the news via television all weekend. I did however read the newspaper over the weekend. Sometimes staying away from the news is quite helpful for my mental health and this past weekend it was quite helpful as my depression symptoms have been increasing which sucks shit.

I don’t have much more to talk about at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great start to the work week. I also hope everyone has a great Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Still Fighting Off Fucking Depression

Good Afternoon, again, World!!! I am still fighting off fucking depression however it is slowing going away with the things I have done so far. I hung out with a friend. We went to Red Robin and had a late lunch, early dinner. We then walked around the mall and ended up getting pictures with Santa Claus. Getting a picture together with Santa was fun.

Even though the holidays bring more depression my way, I am glad I am coming up with new ways to fight off the depression and to start new traditions. My friend and I are going to do the Santa picture every year from now on.

I am now at my volunteer job waiting for five o’clock to come around as that is when my shift start. I only have about fifteen more minutes till my shift starts which is okay with me. I love my volunteer job. I have been at this volunteer job for four years now. It has helped me a great deal with my life and mental health.

Granted my depression is still acting up at the moment but I am glad I have decided to not isolate. Isolation is a persons worst enemy when they have depression. Fighting isolation and depression sucks shit but I am currently doing it at the moment.

I am just realizing this is my third post today. I have not posted multiple times in a day in a very long time. I am grateful that I am utilizing this great coping skill for me. I hope that me blogging helps you my reader.

I do not have much else to say. I hope everyone has an awesome Saturday afternoon and evening. Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of this. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Fighting Off Depression & Feeling Horrible About Lying

Good Afternoon, World!!! I was asked if I could work tomorrow night and I said no due to having the flu. Yes, I know that was a lie but, I haven’t been feeling all that well and feel like I am coming down with a cold. In all honesty I don’t feel like working for the individual that wants me to work for them tomorrow because it always appears that I am working for that particular person. So, I told this person a lied saying I have the flu even though I don’t.

I really feel bad for lying to this individual about having the flu but since I feel like I am coming down with the cold and I see my doctor on Tuesday, I can get a doctors not as a precaution. I know lying is bad and it make me feel horrible about myself and it is something I rarely do. I just don’t want to work for this person as they always seem to be the one who needs someone to work for them.

On the plus side this whole ordeal is making me realize even more than usual that this job is not the best fit for me due to the fact that it is an on call position for a graveyard shift. If I had a more regular shift even for a graveyard shift I think I could do the job but since it is an on call position it is difficult for me due to sleep issues that I already have.

Because of this realization I am working on my resume and cover letter to apply to other jobs. Jobs that I will be interested in even if they are not Peer Specialist positions. Most anything with a study schedule in a field that is in the social service field I am cool with.

Even though I am working on job stuff, I have come to realize that my depression has increased a little bit today. Enough to where I don’t want to go to my volunteer job. Even though my depression is acting up I will be going to my volunteer job this evening. Getting out and doing something for others is always helpful for me even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

I might be fighting off depression but at least I am attempting to not isolate by spending time with a friend before I go to my volunteer job as well as going to my volunteer job. My friend and I are going to go have a late lunch early dinner at our favorite restaurant, Red Robin. I love Red Robin. Eating at Red Robin with friends is always a good time and helps a good portion of the time.

I do not have much else to say in this post. I do feel really bad about lying to my colleague about having the flu so I don’t have to work tomorrow and hope that I am able to work through lying to them. Other than that I don’t have much else to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

 

A Saturday With An Unexpected Stresser

Good Morning, World!!! I had a nice and relaxing Friday evening which was a much needed form of self care for me last night. If you are wondering what I am talking about just read my last post. I am grateful that I decided to spend my Friday evening the way I did.

The reason why I am grateful for my nice and relaxing self care Friday evening was because when I woke up this morning and checked Facebook, I saw friend saying she needed “help and felt like nobody cares and the world would be better off” without her. I unfortunately don’t have her new phone number or I would have called her to see if she is okay. From her Facebook post, even though she didn’t directly say it, I would suspect that she has suicide on her mind. But there is no way of knowing as she is thinking about it as she didn’t directly say so in her Facebook post but her post did send up red flags for me as she is possibly suicidal. I did leave her a positive comment as well as a private message. In the private message, I did give her a couple of crisis numbers she could call as well as my phone number.  I think my friend is dealing with some depression as this is the time of year that her depression acts up.

Even though having my friend being vague in a Facebook post and it kind of stressing me out, I realized that I am in need of doing some good self care again. So, I made me some hot chocolate. Chocolate always seems to soothe me. I, of course realized that part of good self care is getting some food into me as I am hungry so I am eating a bowl of Rice Krispies. Granted cereal isn’t the best breakfast but at least it is food. So, having Rice Krispies and hot chocolate is both comfort food for me as well as good self care.

I don’t have much more to say in the post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. If it weren’t for you my reader, I wouldn’t continue to blog. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Peace Out, World!!!