Frustration With Depression

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am frustrated. I am frustrated with depression symptoms creeping in especially since I have had a relatively okay type of day. I am grateful for the things that I have done today.

The things that have been helping a great deal are my cat, Billie Dean. Billie has been quite “helpful” with helping me color meaning that he happily lays down on the picture I am trying to color. I kind of find it funny that he does this as he is just trying to help me deal with the emotions I am dealing with. I love the fact the Billie is doing what he is suppose to do as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA).

As I colored today, with the help of Billie, I also listened to a podcast about philosophy. The specific philosophy I am listening to is Philosophize This. I really enjoy this podcast and am trying to get to the most recent airing of the podcast but I know it will take me a while to do that but I am okay with that. I love to learn new things and feel like I am learning new things as I listen to Philosophize This. I will encourage anyone to listen to this particular podcast.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has great night head of them. I also hope that you have a great night of sleep if you are not working. If you are working I hope you have a great night at work. Peace Out, World!!!

A Pre-Work Post

Good Evening, World!!! I am now awake and about to get ready for work. Part of me doesn’t want to go to work. The part of me that doesn’t want to go to work is the part where my depression symptoms are acting up. I know ultimately me going to work will help with my depression symptoms. As much as I do not like night shifts, I am grateful to have a job for several reasons. One such reason is that working does help with my mental health symptoms.

The part I don’t like about working is the fact, I am away from my cat, Billie Dean. Billie is my emotional support animal (ESA) and helps me a great deal. On a plus note, coming home from work or any other place, having Billie greet me at the door is always an awesome feeling.

As I type this blog I realize that I need to put my art supplies in my backpack so I can take them to work. Specifically, my coloring supplies. I take my coloring supplies so I can color at work to help keep myself busy. I have a lot of down time at work. I love to color. It is a type of meditation for me.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of thing that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

The Art of Depression

Good Morning, World!!! As stated in my last post, I have been fighting off some symptoms of depression. Dealing with depression sucks shit but it is a part of my life even if it is not fun to deal with.

Dealing with depression has helped me find out what I love. I love my cat and art. Something I have been doing the last few hours since my last post is art work. Specifically, I have been combining genre’s of painting and collage. I am creating an art piece of my cat, Billie Dean, and my beloved adopted city of Seattle. It is not coming out I like but I know it will eventually come out okay. Okay enough to hopefully, put on my living room wall. I feel like putting up artwork on my wall makes my home a home. I do have artwork hanging on my wall from friends, neighbors and family. For me art helps me with my depression. I hope that when I am finished with this particular artwork that I will share it with you fine folks.

Now that I have bored you to death with my talking about artwork and depression, I will end this particular blog post. It is time for me to go to bed. Yes, I know it is seven in the morning here in Seattle but I work a twelve plus hour night shift tonight. Before I go, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope you all have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Fighting My Way Through Depression Symptoms

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am dealing with increased depression symptoms. Symptoms that have prevented me from working on my Intro to Poetry course I am taking through WordPress. I will start back up the course on Sunday morning. Poetry is quite helpful for me and the symptoms of the handful of mental health diagnosis I am diagnosed with.

The thing that has been helping me through this bought of depression is binge watching television shows since I haven’t been writing poetry. The two television shows I have been binge watching are. The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross and M*A*S*H. The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross has quite a calming affect on me. There is something about watching Bob Ross painting that is soothing or at least he is soothing to me. As far as M*A*S*H; the humor of the comedy of the show has me laughing. Laughing so much that I almost pee my pants. The soothing of Bob Ross and comedy of M*A*S*H is helping lift my depression symptoms and for me that is a great thing.

Since I have updated you on what is going on, I am going to end this blog post as I do not have much more to write about. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Depression & Awesome News

Good Morning, World!!! Despite it being sunny in Seattle, I am experiencing a great deal of sadness. Actually lets call the sadness what it is which is depression. Depression sucks no matter the timing of the year but for me it seems to suck more when it is nice outside. I really wish I didn’t have depression but it is a reality I deal with.

Yes, having depression is a reality for me but so is the sunny weather here in Seattle at the moment. Sunny weather which many people who live in the area for awhile appreciate a great deal. I love the sunny weather and it is suppose to get to eighty degrees, Fahrenheit. I love it when it is eighty degrees outside. Sadly, many people who are native to Seattle start melting when it hit seventy-five degrees outside.

Enough of the small talk of the beautiful weather here in Seattle and talk about something beyond awesome. Something that will bring back a sense of normalcy back into my life during Covid-19. I will be volunteering once again at PAWS Cat City. PAWS is opening Cat City back up for adoption and am so grateful for this. PAWS temporally closed Cat City for adoption due to Covide-19 and did all there cat adoptions at their main location in Lynnwood. In fact PAWS temporally halted volunteers going in to volunteer and am grateful that they did that. So, that mean PAWS had their employees do many of the task the volunteers do. PAWS is limiting the number of volunteers being able to volunteer on a shift. So, basically at PAWS Cat City there will only be one volunteer per shift and Cat City will reopen with limited hours. I am so grateful for the opportunity to volunteer once again even if it is not on my normal shift. Going back to volunteering is bringing back some normalcy back to my life. Grateful that I will be going back to semi-normal activities in my life. I think volunteering again will help with my depression.

I do not have much more to say especially since I feel like I have been repeating myself in this post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, than you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. I also hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

Still Gloomy but Hopeful

Good Afternoon, World!!! My depression is still acting up a little bit. Wish it wasn’t but it is something that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. The gloomy weather isn’t helping much but it also makes me feel slightly better knowing the weather fits my mood.

Even though my mood is still low, I am hopeful. Even in my last post I was hopeful but now I am even more hopeful. I am at my grandpa’s spending time with him and doing my laundry. I am grateful for my family especially my grandpa. Not very many 40+ year olds still have a grandparent left which is why I am extremely grateful to have my grandpa in my life.

Another reason why I am feeling hopeful is that I have a job interview next week at a local mental health agency for a peer specialist position. The peer position is for supportive housing and thankfully I have experience working in supportive housing as well as a peer. I am hopeful that I could be on the short list but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get the job. The reason being is that the job is at the mental health agency I am a client of.  Yes, it is okay to be employed as a peer at the agency where you are a client at just as long as you don’t work for the program you are a client of. In fact my employment specialist made sure it was okay before I applied. Again, I am hopeful that I will be on the short list but realistically know that they most likely won’t hire a client and I am okay with that. At least I will have the experience of an interview.

Anyway after I am done writing this post, I am going to start reading a book. Not sure which one as I brought two to choose from. Both of which are science fiction books. I really enjoy science fiction and fantasy genres. I really enjoy reading. I will let you know what book I am reading and hope to let you know what I think of it after I am finished with the book.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. In fact I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

A Little Gloomy

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am feeling really lonely and my depression symptoms are starting to increase. I am positive that my increased loneliness and depressive symptoms have to deal with the stay at home order. Not being able to do the things I normally do is starting to get to me. I know I will be able to do things again, sooner or later but I just want the human connection.

In fact I will be getting some human connection in a couple of hours. I will be going to a family members house to hang out. In fact I will be going to my grandpa’s place. I will be doing laundry when I am there but am grateful to be able to spend time with him. I am hoping it will be helpful for both my grandpa and myself.

As I am writing this post, my cat, Billie Dean, is wanting some cuddle time. Much needed cuddle time for the both of us. I love the fact he is such a cuddle bug. Having Billie during the pandemic has been quite helpful for me. Having a pet around is great no matter when but right now during Covid-19, I am that much more grateful to have a pet. I love my cat so much.

I’m looking out my window and realize the weather here in Seattle is gloomy once again. I don’t mind the gloomy weather especially right now as it seems to be fitting of my current mood. Seattle is a great place to live even in the gloomy weather.

I do not have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. Peace out, World!!!

Traditions & The Holidays

Hello, World!!! I am not sure how to feel at the moment as I have many emotions that are swarming around. Some emotions I am dealing with are not all the pleasant and really wanting to avoid them while other emotions more pleasant and obviously more willing to not avoid them. This is the time of year where things don’t go so well for me in regards to my mental health challenges. Specifically, my depression and PTSD. Thankfully, I have plenty of ways to take care of myself this time of year.

One of the things that was suggested to me early on in my recovery during the holidays was to start my own traditions that I can do with or without people. The only thing I could think of at the time was the two comic books that I had; Christmas with the Superhero’s, Volumes One and Two. So, every year, starting the day after Thanksgiving, I read those two comic books several times during the holiday season. On Christmas Day I read both twice.

Another tradition I started about eight or so years ago was to do a holiday themed jigsaw puzzle. I usually start the puzzle on November 25th or Thanksgiving Day, whichever arrives first. I have several holiday themed jigsaw puzzles I do and sometimes I am able to do two or three depending on the size while other years I only complete one. The one I am doing this year is a thousand pieces and I know from experience that it most likely will be the only holiday puzzle I do this year due to the size. The best part of this tradition is I get to see the “fruits” of my labor by the time Christmas arrives and enjoy it till January 2nd. Of course when I do several smaller holiday puzzles in a holiday season I see more than just one accomplished puzzle. Being able to see an accomplished puzzle helps with my personal morale for the season.

Even though the two traditions I mentioned already have been great traditions to keep and will continue to keep, I decided to add a new tradition this year. That tradition is to do some art. Specifically, coloring a holiday poster or two depending on size and detail. I have decided this tradition will be like the puzzles and start on November 25th or Thanksgiving, whichever arrives first. I have started coloring a holiday poster as of yesterday (November 25th). I am positive I will have at least one accomplished by Christmas Day.

For me starting my own holiday traditions has been a lifesaver for me and my recovery. The reason being is because most of the other holidays traditions I follow through with has some form of trauma or sadness tied to them and needed some that didn’t have either. Most of the other traditions I do includes family as my family is big on traditions. The holidays are not the best time of year for me due to the trauma I have experienced around the holidays so having traditions of my own helps me redefine what the holidays are for me.

I could go on and on about traditions however I won’t as I am getting a little sleepy and plan on going to bed. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep ahead of them if it is nighttime for you. If not I hope you have a good day ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

A Wednesday Evening Post

Good Evening, World!!! I am still dealing with increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and have emailed my therapist regarding it. I emailed my therapist regarding the increased symptoms just to have him be aware of the situation even though I personally think the increased mental health symptoms are due to the health issues I am dealing with. The health issues I am dealing with happen to be a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection.” It is not uncommon for me to have an increase mental health symptoms whenever I have an UTI which just makes things the much more uncomfortable. My therapist emailed me back about the email sent him about me struggling and he too “hope symptoms improves” as my infections improve. I am grateful that I have a therapist that is supportive.

I just got back from Red Robin with a friend who lives in my apartment building. I treated my friend to Red Robin as a thank you for putting up with my shit. My friend is an awesome individual and extremely caring. She was and is very appreciative of me taking her to Red Robin. We ended up having the same thing at Red Robin which was The Whiskey Barbecue Burger with bottomless fries. She had an ice tea to drink while I had a freckled lemonade which is strawberry lemonade. It was nice to spend time with a good friend at my favorite restaurant.

When I arrived home from dinner at Red Robin with my friend, I noticed that the three books I ordered from Amazon arrived. Thankfully, they left them outside my apartment door instead of outside the apartment building door. The three books I ordered are about race as I want to be a better ally to people of color. I also order two more books from Amazon about race. One of which should arrive tomorrow and the other book is on back order and should arrive at the end of September. I am going to start off reading the book “How To Be An AntiRacist” by Ibram X. Kendi. I will let you know how the book is and will do a book review on it. Reading is one of my go to things to help my mental health symptoms and anytime I can be educated on anything is a plus. I really hope I can get a better understanding about race as I want to be the best ally I can be. If anyone has any books about race to suggest, it would be greatly appreciated. Remember, I have three that arrived today including the one I mention, two on the way from Amazon and one in my Amazon cart. So, if you suggest a book that I may have or will have don’t take offence if I say something that “I have it” or “its on the way” or “its in the cart.” I look forward to all the good reads.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good rest of your evening as well as your week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Random Wednesday Afternoon Post

Good Afternoon, World!!! At this very moment the symptoms of my Depression and PTSD and am grateful that I am able to nip it in the butt with skills I normally do. Sadly, I am not going to my writing group because I am not feeling well physically which is probably why I am having an increase of Depression and PTSD symptoms. Part of why I am not feeling well is because I according my doctor I have a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection” which sucks and the antibiotic I am taking is making me nauseous. I really don’t like being or feeling sick but at least I am not in the hospital.

Being in the hospital sucks and since we are on the subject of hospitals, my dad is still in one. He is on the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a local hospital here in the Seattle area. His surgery went well and he is healing well from it. Sadly, my dad has fluid on the lungs and the doctors are trying to get rid of it. My dad has a history of pneumonia and is still in the hospital as a precautionary thing and is receiving IV antibiotics.  My dad is feeling better and wants to go home. He is eating solid food and the doctors say its okay that my dad drinks Diet Mt. Dew. So, I know my dad is feeling better when he wants his Diet Mt. Dew. I just wish the fluid on my dads lungs would hurry up at resolve.

I saw my therapist yesterday (Tuesday) and we discussed my increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and he is in agreement that the increased in symptoms are likely in part to my current health issues with my UTI and kidney infections. We discussed on ways that I could feel better as well as skill I could use to help with my increased mental health symptoms. One of the things my therapist and I discussed was the amount of time I was spending on social media, specifically Facebook because I am just aimlessly scrolling it as a way to help myself but it is becoming more of a hindrance for some of my symptoms. We talked about going on Facebook with a purpose like to post or say hi to someone and limit the time I am on Facebook. We discussed other things I could do instead which led me to having a conversation with my therapist about book suggestions I got from both white and people of color friends about race in America. We discussed that I as a white person one to better understand my white privilege and how I can be a better ally for not only friends but my clients who are people of color. I told him that I am expecting three books about race and racism as well as white privilege at some point today via Amazon. My therapist was “impressed” that I am wanting to improve myself and understanding of race and he “feels” that with me doing this will help me stay off Facebook and build a more meaningful type of structure I need for my recovery. My therapist likes the fact that I am wanting to educate myself to understand race, racism and white privilege here in America. We also discussed other ways to structure my time to help with my PTSD and depression symptoms. I really like my therapist and am grateful to have him as a clinician.

I don’t have much more to say. I just hope the books arrive today as “guaranteed” by Amazon so I can get to reading the books I ordered from them. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Wednesday as well as their work week. Peace Out, World!!!