Something Of A Taboo; Miscarriage

At this moment in time I am struggling. I am struggling with the loss of the two sets of twins I miscarried. If you regularly read my blog you know that I miscarried twice within fourteen month of each other. The first being November of 2013 and the second being January of last year (2015).

Miscarriage is something of a taboo. A taboo that needs to be spoken about more and often. Many out there don’t realize how difficult it is to loose a child to miscarriage. People naturally assume “that it’s easier to get over because you never met the child.” Well, I am sorry to say but I can argue the opposite and say it makes that much more difficult but I don’t because loosing a child, no matter how, is the most difficult thing a person can go through. It hurts when I hear comments like the one mentioned above because I heard my babies heart beats and felt them kick. I had a connection with them. A connection only myself and the father, Junior, had with them (and maybe my OBGYN and Doula).

As I sit here typing about my losses, I realize I have tears rolling down my face wishing that it wasn’t so difficult to discuss the loss. I find it difficult to discuss the miscarriage because it is never really discussed about due to being it a taboo. I just cant comprehend why miscarriages (or even stillborn children) is such a taboo topic to discuss.

It is my hope that as I blog about my experiences with mental illness, miscarriage and other things that whatever is considered taboo will be come less of a taboo. As I end this particular post I want to thank you for reading. Have a wonderful weekend and peace out!!

Hello, 2016

Happy New Years!! As I sit here typing, twenty hours into 2016 I cant help but think of my hopes and dreams for the coming year. I also cant help but think on how much differently my hopes and dreams for the coming year are different from last year.

They are different because last year at this time I thought I was going to be a mama however I am not because of a miscarriage. The miscarriage did a major toll on me emotionally last year and hope that the grief work that my therapist and I recently started helps.

The reason why I hope the grief work helps is because I felt like I went backwards with my mental health recovery in 2015. Yes, I realize that the miscarriage was what ultimately caused my depression relapse. In fact I was diagnosed with postpartum depression which I didn’t really realize could happen with women who miscarry. It doesn’t surprise me that women who miscarry can be diagnosed with it but I just didn’t connect the dots.

As many of you know my recovery means the world to me. As I look at what I want my life to look like at the end of 2016, I have to look at my recovery and what it means to me and how it will look to me. Of course, this is something I will be discussing with my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, and natural supports to see what they have to say about what I want my recovery to look like. They are apart of my recovery and without them and their help, I wouldn’t be in recovery.

I am realizing as I continue to write this blog post, it is going in a different direction than I had originally planned and I am okay with it. I am okay with it because I will be able to devote what I was planning on blogging about today and blog about on that topic tomorrow.

I know that discussing how my miscarriage affected my depression and recovery will not only open doors to help others discuss their struggles but help me as well. The miscarriage affected me a great deal including my blog. I wish it didn’t effect my blog but it did.

As I end this post I want to thank you for reading and/or reading my blog. I am grateful for each one of you. Have a very Happy New Years. Hello, 2016, I am looking forward to what you have to bring even the bad and the ugly.