Tag Archives: Recovered Borderline

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

Posted on by Gertie

Things I’ve Learned in My Recovery…

  • I’m resilient.
  • I’m stronger than I think I am.
  • There will be bumps in the road.
  • Its okay to do self care.
  • I don’t have to be perfect.
  • When life gives you lemons eat them (or make lemonade), just don’t throw them.
  • Life is worth living even when its painful.
  • The pain won’t last even though it feels like it.
  • Its okay to hit a pillow or stuffed animal but not a brick wall.
  • Giving up is not an option.
  • Recovery is more fun.
  • I always have a choice.
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Long Time No Blog

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!!! It’s been a while since I last blogged. I have been busy getting adjusted to working full time as a Peer Specialist. I am loving my new position as a Peer Specialist. Despite being short staff for various reasons, I am slowly but surely getting adjusted to the new job.

Adjustment to anything new takes some time. For me the biggest adjustment is getting use to working full time especially since I was working part time for the previous eleven years. Another thing I am getting adjusted to is making time for myself.

I am realizing that I am needing to make time for myself. Taking time for myself has never been an easy thing for me to do but it is something I am learning how to do. Thankfully, I have people who are willing to help me learn to take time for myself.

I need to be going. I need to start dinner for Junior and myself. I hope to blog later this week. Have a wonderful week and Peace Out!!

“Throwing You To The Wolves”

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Saturday. As, I told you in my last post on Sunday, I had gotten the job as a Peer Specialist and that I was turning in my resignation letter. Well, I did turned in my resignation letter on Monday stating my last day as a Consumer Aide would be on March 22, 2016 or so I thought.

When I went on my lunch break on Monday, I had no idea that my supervisor and new supervisor had been talking most of the morning. As I got back from lunch I noticed that my new supervisor had shown up. My supervisor and new supervisor said that they needed to speak to me. I of course was thinking the worst. Boy was I wrong with my thinking the worst. I was informed by both supervisors that I would be starting March 21st and not March 28th like expected. My new supervisor basically informed that he and the main Peer Specialist in charge will be out of state at a conference and that they will be short staffed even with me being present. He then told me “I will be throwing you to the wolves and know you will be able to handle it.”  My supervisor apparently saw that I was surprised and she told “I know this is happening quite fast and everyone agrees that you are ready. You’ve been ready for quite some time. You know you’re overqualified for the Consumer Aide position. You will be greatly missed here because you are a value to the team here and I know you will be of value at the drop-in.” I took a nice good breath and said, “Yes, it is quite fast but I will do what is needed.” With that the meeting ended and I went back to work.

As much as I am thrilled that I am starting a week earlier than expected, I was concerned how my client take me leaving so soon. Surprisingly enough all of them were fine with it and happy that I got the promotion. I was fearful that with me leaving so quickly that it would cause my clients to have anxiety.

Apparently, it is causing me more anxiety starting so soon than it is to my clients with me leaving so quickly. I am dealing with anxiety with the skills I have learned throughout the years. Most of them being Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. If it wasn’t for my recovery I wouldn’t be having the anxiety over the promotion. I am happy to have the skills I have learned throughout my years of recovery.

Well, I need end this post for the moment. I have a busy Saturday ahead of me. Have a wonderful weekend.  Peace out!!!

Writing 201; Week One: What’s Your Angle

Posted on by Gertie

Apparently, this WordPress course is more of a workshop style and we will be getting weekly assignments so we can work on them over a course of a week. I like this idea. It will give me time to work on the assignments and exactly what I want to write about. I personally will attempt to write and post it daily because it will give me more focus of what exactly I will be working on.

Sometimes it’s that focus I need on a specific topic to help me create a better blog. That is why I am doing this course. Creating a better blog to gain more readers so I can educate others about mental illness and show those struggling with mental illness, grief and loss as well as miscarriage loss that they are not alone.

I hate to do this but I need to finish getting ready for work and end this post for now. Have a wonderful day everyone. I hope to blog again this evening. Peace Out!!!

Writing 201: Finding Your Story; Day One: What’s Your Angle

Posted on by Gertie

As many of you are well aware of I am taking yet another WordPress course. It starts today and todays assignment is on what my angle is. Like many other courses I have taken it is how one interprets the assignment on how that person does the assignment. Or at least that is my understanding. The following is my first assignment:

What’s my angle? My angle has always been geared toward sharing my story with recovery with the mental illness I struggle with. I have done this to help educate others who do not struggle mental illness as well as to give others hope that recovery is possible for those of us who struggle with mental illness. Don’t worry, this is still going to be a part of my angle, I have just recently added more angles to my blog.

I have realized over the last year, that people don’t really discuss (or write about) miscarriage and the pain that comes along with it or how to deal with the grief and loss one experience’s when they have a miscarriage. So, I am adding a couple of more angles to my blog. They are to share my journey through my grief and loss with my both my miscarriages. That means the added angles to my blog are miscarriage and grief and loss.

On a side note for those who are new to reading my blog I miscarried January of last year (2015). I miscarried my second set of twins in fourteen months.  Over the last year I have struggled greatly with both miscarriages and realized no one ever talks about grief and loss and how to deal with it or even miscarriage.

Now that you are now aware of what my new added angles are, I am going to end this post in a moment. I am grateful that I was able to take my lunch break today. Most importantly I am grateful I haven’t been called back early so I could do todays assignment. Well, I need to get back to work. Have a wonderful day. Most importantly have a great work week. Peace out!!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

It has bee quite some time since I last did weekly goals. I have  missed doing them. The weekly goals gives me something to shoot for, for the week. I am going to just start anew with my weekly goals.

Lets start with the more difficult stuff:

1)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I thought I would be finished with this workbook by now however I will start it back up. It will also give me the structure I need on days I don’t have much or any structure at all.

2) See my therapist. I see my therapist on Wednesday (2/3/2016). Therapy is always difficult.

Now on to blogging stuff:

3) Start Writing 201: Finding Your Story. I love taking the courses WordPress puts on. It gives me a sense of structure on days I don’t have much or any structure at all.

4) Start my Friday Feature back up this Friday (2/5/2016).

Now on to fun stuff :

5) Work on jigsaw puzzle. Junior and I started a 2,000 piece holiday puzzle we got for Christmas.

6)  Color. I color various coloring pages and posters at a time. I am focusing on one in particular at the moment.

7) Walk up ten(10) flights of stairs twice everyday. Yes, I still have my apartment even though I spend the majority of time over at Juniors place. The apartment building I live in is ten(10) stories and I am practicing to do the next Big Climb which is in January of 2017. It is a fundraiser where people climb up 50+ flights of stairs. It might not sound fun at the moment but am looking forward to it.

I am happy to be getting back into the swing of things. I am thankful to be apart of this blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/category/building-rome-2/. Happy Monday and have a wonderful work week! Peace Out!

Improving My Blogging Once Again

Posted on by Gertie

Good evening everyone! I once again signed up for another WordPress course. I signed up for Writing 201: Finding Your Story. There are many reasons I signed up for this course.

The first is in improve my blogging skills. The second is to get back into blogging since I have gotten out of the habit of blogging due to my mental illness flaring up. The third reason is to give me some structure on days I don’t have much or any structure at all. Last but not least the fourth reason why I am doing this is to have fun.

I hope to have my first assignment done on my lunch hour tomorrow at work. Considering I work in the mental health field that might not happen but it is worth a try. I am looking forward to learning more about myself and blogging through this course.

Well, I am going to end this post for now. I don’t have much more to discuss at the moment. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend. Most importantly have a wonderful week ahead of you and peace out.

 

Something Of A Taboo; Miscarriage

Posted on by Gertie

At this moment in time I am struggling. I am struggling with the loss of the two sets of twins I miscarried. If you regularly read my blog you know that I miscarried twice within fourteen month of each other. The first being November of 2013 and the second being January of last year (2015).

Miscarriage is something of a taboo. A taboo that needs to be spoken about more and often. Many out there don’t realize how difficult it is to loose a child to miscarriage. People naturally assume “that it’s easier to get over because you never met the child.” Well, I am sorry to say but I can argue the opposite and say it makes that much more difficult but I don’t because loosing a child, no matter how, is the most difficult thing a person can go through. It hurts when I hear comments like the one mentioned above because I heard my babies heart beats and felt them kick. I had a connection with them. A connection only myself and the father, Junior, had with them (and maybe my OBGYN and Doula).

As I sit here typing about my losses, I realize I have tears rolling down my face wishing that it wasn’t so difficult to discuss the loss. I find it difficult to discuss the miscarriage because it is never really discussed about due to being it a taboo. I just cant comprehend why miscarriages (or even stillborn children) is such a taboo topic to discuss.

It is my hope that as I blog about my experiences with mental illness, miscarriage and other things that whatever is considered taboo will be come less of a taboo. As I end this particular post I want to thank you for reading. Have a wonderful weekend and peace out!!

Goals for 2016

Posted on by Gertie

Happy New Years!!!! It’s that time of year where everyone makes New Years resolutions that many people wont accomplish. I don’t make New Years resolutions because I never was able to accomplish. I do make New Years goals and I have found that I do accomplish or come close to accomplishing by the end of the year. Below is the list of my goals for the coming year. I realize that some of my goals are partially dependent on other people  but that doesn’t mean I cant at least try to attain the goal.

1)  Get my tattoo touch up. (I actually accomplished this goal yesterday 1/1/2016 at 12noon.)

2)  Add to my tattoo. I currently have a semicolon tattoo and I want to add to it. I want to get the semicolon trinity and eventually the semicolon Sol Invictus. However right now its just the trinity I am aiming for.

3)  Read 12 books. It was my goal to do this last year but it didn’t happen. I did read 10 books last year. (Comic books don’t count)

4)  Drink less soda. I currently drink a liter of soda a day. My goal is to be down to one 20oz soda a week by the end of the year. Right now I am starting off with one 20oz  soda a day and hope to go down from there. So far so good but of course its only the second day of the year.

5)  Get my flute fixed. I can still play my flute however it desperately needs repaired. Plus, I want to get lessens.

6)  Take flute lessons. I love playing the flute. I am not very good at it but it helps me a great deal.

7)  Train to do the Big Climb in my area to support The American Lung Association. I am planning on doing the Big Climb in 2017 but I am starting the training now. (Actually, I started yesterday.)

8)  Learn how to drive (legally). Basically get my drivers license. This will come in handy for me both in my personal life and my professional life. Professionally many places require a drivers license.

9)  Get a job as a peer support specialist (peer counselor). This is one of those goals that is partially up to someone else  however if I do my part with applying for peer specialist jobs then I’ve accomplished what I have intended to do and that is to get my name out there.

10) Get back into blogging more regularly. Due to my mental illness rearing its ugly head I haven’t blogged much. I realize that blogging helps to me in many ways. One of those ways is that it gives me structure on days that I don’t have much to do.

11) Continue being engaged with my recovery no matter how difficult it may be at times. This means going to my appointments with my therapist and psychiatric nurse practitioner (ARNP). It also means doing “homework” my therapist wants me to do. It also means being open to suggestions my therapist has for me.

As you can tell I have a lot of goals this year. In fact one of my goals has already been accomplished. So one goal down and ten more to go. I hope that at the end of year I can tell you that I have accomplished each one of my goals. Have a wonderful day and have a very Happy New Years.

 

Hello, 2016

Posted on by Gertie

Happy New Years!! As I sit here typing, twenty hours into 2016 I cant help but think of my hopes and dreams for the coming year. I also cant help but think on how much differently my hopes and dreams for the coming year are different from last year.

They are different because last year at this time I thought I was going to be a mama however I am not because of a miscarriage. The miscarriage did a major toll on me emotionally last year and hope that the grief work that my therapist and I recently started helps.

The reason why I hope the grief work helps is because I felt like I went backwards with my mental health recovery in 2015. Yes, I realize that the miscarriage was what ultimately caused my depression relapse. In fact I was diagnosed with postpartum depression which I didn’t really realize could happen with women who miscarry. It doesn’t surprise me that women who miscarry can be diagnosed with it but I just didn’t connect the dots.

As many of you know my recovery means the world to me. As I look at what I want my life to look like at the end of 2016, I have to look at my recovery and what it means to me and how it will look to me. Of course, this is something I will be discussing with my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, and natural supports to see what they have to say about what I want my recovery to look like. They are apart of my recovery and without them and their help, I wouldn’t be in recovery.

I am realizing as I continue to write this blog post, it is going in a different direction than I had originally planned and I am okay with it. I am okay with it because I will be able to devote what I was planning on blogging about today and blog about on that topic tomorrow.

I know that discussing how my miscarriage affected my depression and recovery will not only open doors to help others discuss their struggles but help me as well. The miscarriage affected me a great deal including my blog. I wish it didn’t effect my blog but it did.

As I end this post I want to thank you for reading and/or reading my blog. I am grateful for each one of you. Have a very Happy New Years. Hello, 2016, I am looking forward to what you have to bring even the bad and the ugly.