Elusive as of Lately

It’s been a while since I last blogged and it’s obvious that I’ve been elusive as of lately. I’ve been elusive for various reasons.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that my depression has been rearing its ugly head due to the two miscarriages I have. One back in November of 2013 and the other back in January of 2015. It hasn’t been the easiest of times for me and unfortunately, I didn’t complete the Writing 201 course that I signed up for and was looking forward to doing it. Loss of a child is one of the toughest if not the toughest thing a person can go through.

Talking through the pain of loosing two sets of twins with my therapist, Diana, has not been easiest things to do. While discussing the miscarriages with Diana , she realized how close I was to actually attempting suicide and how I lost all hope as well as loosing all the goals I had set for myself. Diana being quite concerned considered putting me back in the hospital but realized that if she did it wouldn’t be helpful to me or my recovery. That’s when thought to ask the question many people dread, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My response was “I can’t even focus on the next five minutes much less the next five years.” Diana response was, “I know its difficult to look beyond the next five minutes much less the next five years. I would like for us to focus on your goals because it appears to from my end that you have lost sight of your goals. Goals that mean a great deal to you.” There was no point in arguing this point with Diana due to the fact that it was spot on and completely true. Not only that it’s difficult to argue with someone who is just as stubborn as you are and you know that the person is right on with what they said. With all that being said leads to the other reason why I have been so elusive.

What Diana had said to me had me thinking hard. Hard about my future and where I want my life to be. It still might be difficult for me see where I will be in five years but it did get me to refocus. It got me to focus on my career. A career as a Peer Specialist. If you been reading my blog for a while you know that I am currently employed as a Consumer Aide at a mental health agency. You also know that I got the job to gain “paid experience” to be able to get a job as a peer specialist. Well, I’ve been a Consumer Aide, a week shy of a year and a half and decided that I will start looking a Peer Specialist positions. In fact a week and half ago, a Peer position came available with a clinical team at the agency I work for. I applied for it and ended up interviewing for it this past Thursday (February 25, 2016). I personally  don’t think the interview went all that well and wont find out if I got the job or not for two or three weeks. Which actually means about four to six weeks because the hiring process is so slow at the agency I work for. I am looking at applying to more peer position within the agency I work for as well as outside the agency.

I am hoping that I will be more diligent and less elusive when in comes to my blogging. I really doing enjoy blogging. Not only do I enjoy the writing part of blogging but reading other peoples blogs.

As, I end this particular post, I want wish you a good rest of your weekend. Please go out and enjoy the world or attempt to enjoy the world to the best of your ability. Have a good Sunday and Peace Out!!!

4 responses to “Elusive as of Lately

  1. Your loss is real and your grief is deep. Look for a support group for women who have miscarriages and infertility issues. I have tried suicide and while some planning is involved, my decision was made in a split second. How can you have goals when you need grief counseling? I can only set goals some days by five minute increments. Don’t dismiss your grief as unimportant.

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