Being Future Oriented

Dealing with a mental health condition is a full time job in itself. Some days its like having two full time jobs. Today happens to be one of those days it feels like I have two full time jobs. Actually, it feels more like having three full time jobs at this particular moment in time.

When I’m having moments or days like I am having currently, it means that I am needing to focus on my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. As, I focus on my DBT skills I realize that being in my current head space that I am needing to really focus on what I need to deal to get back to doing well.

When I am doing well, I am working. Preferably, in the mental health field as it’s the field I am most passionate about. As, I think about future employment, I realize I want to further my education as it will be helpful in the mental health field. I being a peer specialist really don’t need a college education but it is quite helpful if you have one. So, it is my hope to be able to get an Associates of Applied Science degree in Social and Human Service’s with a certificate in Chemical Dependency. Getting this will make me more employable. Employable as a Peer Specialist or as a Chemical Dependency Counselor or even both.

As I think about getting an education to further my career it has me realize not working at this present moment has helped me reevaluate my life and focus on my recovery. Its also made me realize how passionate I am in regards to people being in recovery. Of course people make the decision to be in recovery and want to help others through their recovery however it looks to them.

For me blogging is part of my own recovery and as I end this post I want to thank you for reading. Thank you for reading. Peace Out!!!

To Be or Not To Be; Productive

All I want in this life is to be a productive member of society and at this very moment I feel like I am not. Due to the fact that I resigned from a job I love with a passion. Then again, I resigned from a position I love with a passion due to the fact of an extremely unsupportive supervisor. A supervisor who would not allow me the time off to attend much needed appointments for both my mental and physical health. My health and recovery are far too important than being what society views as being a productive member of society. I may not be as productive as I want to be at the moment but I’m working on my recovery. Maybe, me focusing on my recovery is being a productive member of society. All, I know is once I start to stabilize and get back to baseline I will find me another job in the mental health field.

I may not be in a place I want to be in but it appears from my end that I radically accepting that my brother, Jay, isn’t making the wisest of decisions. For instances he signed out of the program he was in and is now homeless. I scared shitless for my brother but Jay, needs to learn things the hard way. As much as I want to go rescue him I can’t. He is 26 years old and a grown man who makes his own decisions. Just like me and everyone else in this world, Jay will need to learn from his mistakes. As much as it hurts me to see that he is homeless and not being responsible for his actions.

As hard it is for me to believe that I’m not cringing with the fact that I am actually using Radical Acceptance in regard to my brother and his life decisions. Jay is a vulnerable adult and I worry about him being homeless yet I’m accepting the fact that he has made his own choices. I can’t live his life for him and hope that I’m not sounding heartless when I say that.

Right now me being a productive member of society is to focus on my recovery. Part of that is to get my shit together. Now that I have my taxes done, I need to fill out some paper work for DSHS. I highly dislike paper work but then again, I don’t know anyone who likes paper work.  Another way I am being productive is making an effort to blog. Blogging is extremely helpful for me and hope it is helpful for those who follow my blog. Of course attending my much needed appointments makes me a productive member of society.

Anyway, enough with being productive. Some days being productive is more difficult than other days.  If blogging and doing my taxes counts as being productive then I guess, I’ve had a productive day and its not even 12 noon yet.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Happy Friday. Peace Out!!!

Sort of; Kind of; Attempting to Be Recovery Minded; but Maybe Not; You Read to Figure Out What I’m Going to Say

I am having difficult time writing this particular post for unknown reasons. Or at least reasons that I truthfully don’t want to share however I know if I do share then maybe just maybe my words can help someone.

Right now I feel like my world is ending and I have no hope in sight despite the fact that I have people who love and care about me. Not many people realize this but my depression symptoms are starting to increase now that I don’t have a job to go to. This is why I was so worried about making the decision about resigning from my beloved job as peer specialist. I also know that I made the decision with the help of others because, I need to focus on my own recovery. Resigning from a job I love with a passion was the most difficult decisions I made because I knew if I didn’t I would be soon in an extremely bad space soon.  I need to focus on my recovery right now so when I am in a space I can go back to work I will be able to do so but I will be a stronger person out of it.  And maybe a job that more suited for me.

In the midst of dealing with the recent job loss due to me resigning from it, I have gotten a new therapist. I think I’m going to like her. I feel like it went off really well despite some awkward moments. I hope she can pick up on the shit the Diana did and use the humor and sarcasm that both Diana  and her supervisor both used with me before they left the agency. My new therapist has some pretty big shoes to fill and I know that is expecting too much. She seems nice enough. I just hope the she is able to pick up on the little stuff. Stuff my last two therapist pick up on quite quickly.

Speaking picking up on something quickly, my case manager picked up on some body language and brought up to me. She wanted to know what was going on. I of coursed informed her of what was going on. She stated she was “happy that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to me.” I’m really starting to trust my case manager. She is even coloring with me in our sessions together.

I’m thinking that I should end this post for now so I can figure out what I want to say or maybe just leave it as is. It’s ending on a positive note.  PEACE OUT!!!

Making Life Decisions in a Crisis

The last few months have been a struggle for me. A struggle that has been more or less a constant crisis for me. Being in a constant crisis and not being able to  bounce back like I have been able to do in recent years.

Not being able to bounce back as quickly as I have been able to do as in recent years got me to thinking about my recovery. I realized as I was thinking that not being able to focus on my recovery due to working fulltime under a supervisor who would not allow me to take time off for appointments with my treatment team that I needed to make a huge life decision. A decision that was not easy for me to make but I needed make it as I need to focus on my recovery. That decision was to resign from my position as a Peer Specialist.

I put in my notice on Valentines Day and my supervisor wasn’t exactly the happiest of people at the moment. He didn’t want to go through the hiring process again which I wouldn’t want to do either however I feel like my recovery is more important than sticking at a job that was hindering my recovery. Yes, I love my job with a passion and really don’t want to quit but I realize that I am doing a disservice to the clients I serve if I am in a constant crisis and not focusing on my own recovery. One of my primary job duties is to be in recovery and well its a little wobbly at the moment I need to do what is best for both the clients I serve and myself and focus on my recovery. So, my last day at a job I love with a passion with be on March 24, 2017.

I know resigning from my job is the best decision for me at the moment. I can’t help others if I’m not able to help myself. As difficult as this decision was for me, I am at peace with my decision. In all honesty I can’t help but see the dialectics in my decision of resigning from my job. I think its because of both the dialectics and mindfulness is why I am at peace with my decision of quitting a job I love with a passion. My recovery is way too important.

I appreciate you all for reading. I hope to continue to share with you my journey of recovery with a mental health condition. I hope to continue to be an example of what recovery looks like. Thank you all again for reading. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

New Years Eve 2016

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize it is now 2017 in most of the world. Well, in my neck of the woods, it is still 2016.

As 2016 comes to an end, I am not sure what to think of how this year was. It has been a year of both trials and triumphs. Some of my trials have been quite sad as my triumphs have been quite joyous.

Lets start off with the trials, I have dealt with this year. At the start of 2016 I was dealing with the one year anniversary of my the loss of my second set of twins due to a miscarriage. Dealing with the grief of loosing a second miscarriage has been quite difficult and as any parent knows loosing a child is the most difficult thing a person can deal with. Little did I know at the beginning of the year an on how much grief and loss I would be dealing with. In October I lost three clients and a colleague which hit me quite hard. It hit me hard because the deaths happened within a month of the third anniversary of the loss of my first set of twins due to miscarriage. Due to the grief I was dealing I ended up in crisis mode and landed in the hospital for psych reasons. Shortly after I got out of the hospital I found out that my therapist of eight years, Diana, was in the hospital with the dreaded diagnosis of cancer and won’t be coming back. Yes, that means I will be getting a new therapist and will talk about her at a later date.

Now on my triumphs of 2016, which I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Diana’s help with my recovery. I finally got a job as Peer Specialist and a plus is that it being a fulltime position. If it weren’t for all the help Diana gave me I wouldn’t be working as a Peer much less working fulltime. As much as I struggled this year with grief, work fulltime as Peer is well worth it. I hope that with me continuing being employed as a Peer gives Diana some encouragement that she played a major role in my current position.

I know realistically, Diana is probably not reading this as she is dealing with a cancer diagnosis and getting treatment for it as well as raising a family, I want to thank her for everything she has done for me. Diana, if you are reading, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for helping me with my recovery. Just know a lot of people who are in my corner know how much you have helped me with my recovery and are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. I hope someday you can be my therapist again.

There is roughly twenty-five minutes left of 2016. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year. Have a good New Year and hope to see you in the New Year.

Weekly Check-In

Good Morning, World!!! It’s hard to put a word or an emotion on how this week has been. I just know that this week has made me realize that I am where I am suppose to be in my life in regards to my career and place of employment.

This past week at work has been a week of accomplishments for me. On Tuesday, September 20th, myself and the two other members of my team at work found out that we are receiving the team of the year award. Apparently, we had more than one colleague nominate us for the team of the year award according to our supervisor. We will be receiving the Team of the Year Award at a breakfast we have once a year for our donors in a couple of weeks. The funny things I found all this out the day before my six month anniversary in my current position as a Peer Specialist. That means my six month anniversary was on Wednesday, September 21st. Hitting the sixth month mark at my employer is a major deal because your first six months is the probationary period. I am not sure if I “passed” my probationary period but I’m sure if I didn’t I would have been informed by my supervisor by now.  I love my job.

The love of my job brings me to the next topic of conversation of education. I have been thinking a great deal about going back to school to get a degree even if it is only an Associates degree. I finally made the decision this past week that I will be going back to school in September 2017 and what educational route I would take.  I plan on getting both my Associates Degree and Bachelors Degree at a local community college. Granted the Bachelors Degree isn’t a Bachelors of Social Work/Welfare degree but I can always get a MSW later on. So the educational path I am taking is getting an Associates of Applied Science in Social and Human Services with a certificate in Child & Family Studies and then get my Bachelors of Applied Science in Applied Behavior Science. I am going this route because 1) its cheaper because both degrees are at a community college and 2) I don’t know how realistic it is for me be able to get  a MSW. Yes, a MSW is something to aim for and is the goal I am shooting for but at this point in time I need focus on the smaller goals first to get to the big goal.

At this point in time, I realize that will need to not only focus on the big goal of getting a MSW but really need to focus on the smaller goals to get me there. I realize that in the coming months I will need to have something to focus on for a multitude of reasons. The reasons why I need to focus on my goals are as follows: 1) My depression tends reappear later on in the Autumn, 2) November 18th marks the third anniversary of me miscarrying my first set of twins, 3) the holidays are coming and is time where my depression not only acts up but my PTSD as well and 4) January 12th (2017) will be the second anniversary of me miscarrying my second set of twins. As you can see, I will need to have something to focus on. If I can focus on my goals then maybe the coming moths will not be so difficult for me. I hope to share with you my goals that I need to focus on between now and September of 2017 in regards to getting ready to attending school once again in another post.

On that note, I will need to end this post for now. Have a great weekend and Peace Out!!!

Two Years Since My Career in Mental Health Began

As I look back over the last two years its hard to wrap my head around that I have been working in the mental health field for two years today. Little did I know two years ago that I would be promoted to Peer Specialist within a year and a half of being hired as a Consumer Aide.

When I started the Consumer Aide position, I thought to myself, “I will be in this position for two years and then start applying for a part time Peer Specialist position.” I just didn’t realize that in the midst of planning out my future I would have a crisis that would leave me in despair. A despair that would leave me thinking about other things and then a major refocus on life. A refocus that got me to apply for my current position as a full time Peer Specialist with my employer. I never would have thought I would be working full time as Peer Specialist or at least at the beginning of my career as a Peer Specialist.

Becoming a Peer Specialist at the agency that ultimately gave me my start in the mental health field is in honor. My employer first gave me my start when I was a volunteer as meal assistant in a housing program and then was I asked is I wanted to volunteer in their main shelter as a coffee counter assistant. I of course jumped at that opportunity not realizing that it would actually get me a paying job within the agency.

I was informed by an employee of the main shelter that there was an opening for the Consumer Aide position I was hesitant to apply for it. Mainly, for the fact that I seemed overqualified for it and I had applied for multiple Peer Specialist positions waiting to see if I would get a job as a Peer. I got a lot of interviews but not any jobs. So I finally gave in and applied of the job as a Consumer Aide. I got the job as a Consumer Aide even though I was overqualified for it. Despite being overqualified for the job I am glad I got it because it helped me get my promotion as a Peer Specialist. If it wasn’t for me already being employed with the agency my supervisor would have gone with someone else.

Long story short, it never hurts to start at job that might be “beneath” you because it can actually give you the start in your career that you need. I was patient and determined to get a job as a Peer Specialist and was humbled many times before I got my job as a Peer Specialist. I am beyond grateful that my previous position as a Consumer Aide is what got me promoted to a Peer Specialist.

I want to thank you for reading. I have to get ready for work now. I hope you all have a nice day. Thank you for reading. Peace Out!!