Daily Archives: June 28, 2014

Comfort

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey, it’s still Saturday and its been good day. I did end up having a picnic by myself at my neighborhood park. The PB&J sandwich was absolutely delicious and comforting. Their something comforting about eating a PB&J sandwich. Not sure why PB&J sandwiches are so comforting but they are. In fact eating the sandwich helped me through a rough moment. The rough moment was dealing with the symptoms of PTSD. PTSD sucks a great deal. After eating my PB&J, I read some of A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am enjoying the book a great deal. 

      As, I was reading in my neighborhood park my mother called. My mom is not a very comforting person in my life. She says some pretty harsh and mean things to me in almost all of our conversations. In fact with my mom I have had to set boundaries with her calling me. In fact that day and time is Tuesday at 6pm. I did decide to pick up today when she called. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom but she is not a very nice person when she has been drinking and/or using. She is an alcoholic and drug addict. My moms parenting skills when I was growing up weren’t exactly the best. I answered the phone in hopes that maybe that she might be some comfort to me because of my PTSD symptoms acting up. Unfortunately, like usual, she was unable to comfort me like I’ve desired her to do my entire life. Sometimes you just need your mommy even as grown adult. She told me to “get over it because it happened decades ago.” Sorry but I wish I could “get over it.” When she told me to “get over it” I told her, “Mom, I love you and need to go. I will talk to you Tuesday.” Thankfully, she respected my boundaries and didn’t call me back.

     After getting off the phone with my mom I decided to call my boyfriend because I know he is comforting person. So I talked to him for about 15 minutes when we decided that I come over to his place. When I got here he held me for about 45 minutes. Sometimes being held is all I need. It helped a great deal. After being held my boyfriend cooked me my favorite dinner of mac & cheese, ham and corn on the cob. The meal he fixed me is my comfort meal. As he fixed me dinner, I called my little brother. We talked for about 20 minutes before he had to go and meet up with some of his friends. My brother is a sweet heart.

     My boyfriend finally finished making dinner and we of course ate it. After we ate we put on some music and ended up dancing. Dancing with my boyfriend in house is comforting. I’m thinking its because of the being held thing. Slow dancing requires being held in a way. I felt comforted by slow dancing with my boyfriend.

     When my boyfriend and I decided to stop dancing we put on some Nirvana and did a jigsaw puzzle. We both love music and jigsaw puzzles. Music is quite comforting to me. Their something quite comforting about Nirvana’s music and the lyrics to the songs. In fact we had the music up loudly because in our opinion Nirvana deserves to be played loudly. We finished the puzzle and decided to watch a movie.

      We watched the movie Finding Nemo. Watching a Disney movie is always comforting for some reason. We finished the movie at about 11:15pm when I turned on the 11 o’clock news and started this particular blog. My boyfriend is baking some chocolate cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. My boyfriend know that chocolate is quite comforting to me. Hell, chocolate is quite comforting to many women if not all women. He also knows that homemade chocolate chip cookies are comforting to me. He is baking them because he knows that I need all the comfort I can get today due to my PTSD symptoms acting up.

      Well, the 11 o’clock news is now over and Saturday Night Live is now on. I love SNL because its hilarious. Humor brings me comfort as well. Can you tell that I’ve been talking about comfort in this blog. I needed all the comfort I could get today because of my stupid PTSD. Sometimes all we need is comfort and today was one of those days I needed it. I still do.

      I best be ending this blog entry for now. I want to cuddle with my boyfriend while watching SNL as the cookies and cupcakes finish baking. Cuddling with my boyfriend is also comforting. I hope you all enjoy the last 15 minutes of your Saturday. Peace out and goodnight all.

Good Afternoon, Saturday!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Afternoon, Saturday!! It’s 12:39 pm pacific time and I actually slept in till 10:15 am. For me that’s a rare thing. I am usually up no later than 8 o’clock am. Maybe I needed the extra sleep for this next week with all the stuff that I am doing. It does feel a lil weird sleeping in till past 10 o’clock am.

     Since I have gotten off to a late start I am trying to figure out what I am going to have to eat. Do I want breakfast or do I want lunch? Actually, to tell you the truth a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds good to me. There is nothing better than a good PB&J sandwich. I of course will be putting strawberry jam on my PB&J sandwich because I love strawberries. Plus, I’m a picky eater. According to family, I always have been. I say that because at times I wonder if has anything to do with the eating disorders I use to struggle with. It’s been 15 years this summer since I last struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia and I am grateful I’m no longer struggling with. Yes, I get those rare occasions of urges for the eating disorders but as time goes on those urges get easier to deal with. Well, I’ve noticed I have gotten of topic once again in a blog. Go figure.

     I also need to figure out what to today besides laundry. I know that later on today my boyfriend and I are going to hang out. He is going to be making me dinner again. He is a really awesome cook. His cooking isn’t as good as my grandma’s cooking but its still good. Nobodies cooking is as good as your grandma’s cooking. I think I’m going to go to the neighborhood park and read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I might even take that PB&J sandwich with me to the park. Hey, that’s a good idea; to have a small picnic by myself. I really like the idea. I think I will do that. In fact I know I will do that. I will go to the neighborhood park to read and eat my PB&J sandwich. I will even take a can of Pepsi with me. I just hope it doesn’t start raining again. If does then it does. Its not like I haven’t been rained on before.

     Before I end this particular blog entry, I want to share with you a frustration of mine at the moment. I am frustrated with myself that my blog is not where I would like it to be right now. I was hoping that I would have more followers by now. I know I should not be so hard on myself because I am new to this blogging thing and I’ve only been at it for a month now. I just so badly want to stomp out the stigma of mental illness as well as show those who struggle with one that there is hope and that recovery is possible. Like I said I’m just being hard on myself again. I hope that somehow this blog makes a difference in this world. All I want is to make a difference.

      Well, it’s now 12:58 pm and I am hungry and I am thinking I should get going now. I will end this blog entry for now and of course I will blog again later. I am going to go now and have my picnic. Peace out and enjoy the day.