The Urges To Self Harm & The Skills That Are Helping

Good Evening, World!!! I am having yet another tough moment with dealing with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death yesterday (Thursday which was Valentines Day). My therapist and I had an hour and a half session today. I cried a bunch. We also discussed on ways I could keep myself safe for today and the rest of the weekend. We came up with the usual stuff of doing art, journaling, reading, spending time with my cat, blogging and actually starting on the workbook I have discussed in previous post. The workbook is called “The Artist Way.”  I have started reading the introduction and other such things like how to use the work book. I hope to officially start it tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

Of course my therapist and I discussed what books I plan on reading and he agreed that the books I have chosen to read most likely won’t be triggering for me as they are Science Fiction and Fantasy books. He thinks that reading books will be helpful for me to get out of my head even for a moment or two. He also agrees the both blogging and journaling will be helpful for me to process the grief and depression I am dealing with in regards to my grandmas passing away and help me with other shit I am dealing with. Art of course is that skill set for me to do so I have a better way to process my emotions in ways words can not help me express. Lets not forget the affection and love my cat gives me on the daily basis even if she wakes me up at four in the morning to play or wanting food.

The workbooks and the letter to my grandma is the two things my therapist really wants me to focus on this weekend as our next session is on Tuesday. My therapist is challenging me in a good and difficult way he knows I am capable of doing at the moment. He wants to see me to continue to improve with my recovery. He is very recovery related which is a good thing in a therapist.

I do not have very much more to say in this post. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday evening and a good weekend.  I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

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There Is No Place Like Home

Good Evening, World!!! I am home and have been for a few hours. It is so nice to be home and able to sleep in my own bed instead of a couch. My cat, Lil Gertie, appears to be happy to be home as well. I do have to say my apartment is still cold as I had the windows slightly opened when I was gone to have it not be so stuffy in my apartment. It sure seems that it is taking an extremely long time for it to warm back up after closing the windows and turning on the heat full blast.

Since I have been home, I decided to do some art. In fact I have decided to do some painting as I was not able to paint when I was at my grandpa’s. That is okay as it has me more appreciative of different genres of art.

Now I am about to curl up in my own bed to read. I am really enjoying the book I am reading. I hope to do a book review when I am finished with the book. I am reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. Orson Scott Card is a really good author or that is my opinion of him.

I do not have much more to say except that there is no place like home. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Monday evening. I would also like to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!

The Irritability That Seems Like A Never Ending Story

Good Morning, World!!! I am quite irritable at the moment. My grandpa is starting to get on my nerves. First he won’t put in his hearing aids to the television is up to an unbearable noise. Noise to where his upstairs neighbor came down and him to turn it down. He said “no” and then twenty minutes later the cops showed up. Lets put it this way, he refused to turn it down and now the television is turn off. He said if “I can’t hear the t.v then nobody watches it.” Which means he is only punishing himself as well as me. All he needs to do is stick in his hearing aids and put on his hearing aid amplifier and then he would not have to be miserable. I just don’t understand why he could make life easier for himself by putting in his hearing aids. If he would have just turned down the television when the neighbor complained about it then the police would’t have been called by the neighbors. But then again the neighbors dog kept my grandpa, my uncle and myself up last night due to its howling. The dog must have been loud if my grandpa could hear it without his hearing aids. I am don’t trying to excuse my grandpa but his irritability as well as some of mine was caused by the neighbors dog due to the lack of sleep from the dog howling. The other part of my irritability is caused by the commotion that was caused due the loud television and the neighbor. I don’t blame the neighbor as it is Sunday and I wouldn’t want to hear somebody else’s television however her dog kept a lot of her neighbors up last night and not just my grandpa. I guess I am just frustrated over the entire issue as it could have been preventable if my grandpa would have swallowed his pride and put on at least his hearing aids.

Another reason why I am personally irritable is the pain I am in due to the oral surgery I had this past Wednesday. I know I shouldn’t be complaining about the pain as it is only temporary but my mouth hurts like hell and yes, I know I should be grateful and I am but I highly dislike being in pain. I know overall that getting my teeth fixed will help with my self esteem however it appears to me that all I am focused on is the now which is the pain and not what it will help me with later, my self esteem.

I have yet another reason why I am irritable which is me being hungry. I am not able to fully chew yet due to my gums not being fully healed from the surgery and I am not quite use to my dentures. I am pretty much still limited to liquids and some soft foods which sucks but I know once I am healed and use to the dentures I will be able to eat even more than I was able to before my teeth were pulled. I say that because my teeth were so bad I couldn’t eat nuts and I love nuts. I know some people struggle eating nuts with dentures but I know with practice and determination I will be able to eat nuts again.

I think I need to do something to help myself not be so irritable. I think I will read a chapter or two the book that I am reading. I also will do some art work. The only things I have to do art work wise here at my grandpa is collaging and coloring. So, think with the combination with reading and the art work I have to work on will help with my irritability. Irritability that is caused by a number of factors.

I don’t have much else to say and it is almost twelve noon in my corner of the world that I think it time to get something to eat. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated, as if it wasn’t for you my reader, I wouldn’t have continued to blog. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Just Another Random Post

Good Afternoon, World!!! I hope everyone is having a good Saturday!!! Right now I am in some pain due to having all my teeth pulled out on Wednesday morning. The only thing they gave me for pain is ibuprofen. It sucks that all they gave me for pain is ibuprofen however I understand due to the opioid epidemic here in the United States. I am hoping that the pain subsides sooner than later because I want to be able to eat solid food again. All I am eating is liquids and some soft food like scrambled eggs and cream of wheat.

I have been spending the last few days with my grandpa due to the oral surgery. He was worried how I would be taking the pain. Not only that, when I get sick or something, my mental health symptoms start to increase so I am thinking that my grandpa wanted to make sure that the oral surgery didn’t increase my mental health symptoms. Yes, my depression and PTSD has slightly increased but I think being around my grandpa has helped a great deal and the fact that my therapist and I discussed on ways to be preventive about my mental health symptoms.

I have been reading a great deal since I got my oral surgery. I am about half way done with the book I am currently reading and that is a major deal since I just had all my teeth pulled and dealing with pain isn’t helpful to one’s concentration. I am also happy that I am half way done with the book as it make me that much closer to accomplishing another one of my 2019 goals. That goal is to read six books this year. I would have a higher number but since I really didn’t accomplish reading any books last year due to my mental health, I decided to make it a realistic goal.

Speaking of goals, the one 2019 goal I already completed was getting my dental work done. Yes, I am in pain from the oral surgery and the dentures aren’t helping much in that department, it is a goal I have completed and can check off my list. In fact it is a major goal that has been accomplished for this year. I am so glad it is done and of the way or at least the major part of it is. I will still need to go in for follow ups regarding the dentures but that is the easy part of the goal.

Since it is nearly one thirty in the afternoon in my neck of the woods, I am thinking I need to get dressed for the day. I am also hoping my grandpa can take me shopping at Walmart so I can use my gift card I received for Christmas. I am not a big fan of Walmart but I am not going to waste someone’s money due to the fact I am not a fan of the place.

With that all being said, I really think I should end this post. I hope everyone has a great Saturday and weekend ahead. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Again, I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Relaxing Monday

Good Evening, World!!! I really did not do much today as it was low key type of day. I went to my doctors appointment as planned. My doctor and I decided since I am doing well and haven’t been in the emergency room for over two months for neither mental health or physical health that I will see her every four weeks instead of every two weeks. Which means I am doing better both mentally and physically despite needing to go to urgent care a couple of weeks ago due to a severe cold but my doctor thinks that is better than the emergency room and I did what was needed as a precaution since I have asthma. My doctor and I also discussed my up coming appointment regarding my oral surgery. She wants me to keep her updated on how the oral surgery went via email. I have a pretty awesome doctor.

As much as I appreciate it being Martin Luther King Day and am grateful for all he did, I wish the mental health agency I am a client of was open today. I say this because I miss attending Art Group. I haven’t attended art group since before the holidays. Despite not being able to go art group due to the mental health agency being closed, I did do some art. I did a combo of genre’s. I painted and added some collaging on the painting. I love adding both genre’s together. It makes the art more interesting.

Another thing I did today was read. I am reading Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card. So far I am enjoying it immensely. I love being able to read. I love it so much because it gets me out of my head and helps me forget about my problems even though it is temporary. It is a great escape for me especially since I don’t have the money to go on vacations. Reading is a type of vacation for me.

I do not have much else to say at the moment. I hope everyone who had a three day weekend had a good three days off. Those who did not I hope your work week started off well. I hope everyone has great rest of your week especially if you have to work. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things especially since I have not been blogging on the regular basis. Have a great rest of you evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Boredom Sets In As I Wait For….

Good Morning, World!!! At this very moment I am sitting in the waiting room of my doctor’s office to see her for our ever two week check up even though I have not seen her since November. Long story short, our schedules didn’t mesh well and the holidays didn’t help with the scheduling. Any way I am sure we will be discussing how things have been going with me both physical health and mental health wise. I am sure we will also be discussing how I have not been using the emergency room on the regular basis and only going to urgent care once as seeing her every two weeks is to help cut down on the amount of times I go to the emergency room. Anyway, one of the things I plan on doing is asking my doctor if she can prescribe me some Ativan for my upcoming dental appointment. Actually, it will be for my oral surgery of taking out all of my teeth. I have anxiety over going to the dentist. I know it sounds a wee bit silly but I do. I know most likely my doctor will not prescribe me the Ativan but at least I will have an answer as if I don’t ask the answer will be an automatic no.

As I wait for my doctor, not only have I been writing this post I have been reading the book Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card. It has been quite helpful to me as I wait to see my doctor. Hell, it was quite helpful to me last night when I was unable to sleep due to sleeping too much for about three days due to depression. I love to read. It helps me get out of my own head space and think about something else for once. It is quite helpful for me and my recovery journey.

I best be ending this particular post as it is getting closer to my appointment time with my doctor. I hope to post more later on today. I hope everyone has a good Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! As expected, I am unable to sleep. I expected that I would not be able to sleep tonight due to sleeping a great deal for about three days due depression related to grief. Grief related to my grandma’s passing away on Valentines Day of last year (2018). It is hard to believe that in a little over three weeks it will be a year since my grandma passed away.

Since I am unable to sleep, I am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to Sleater-Kinney. They are a great local band from the Seattle area. They are actually, if I am not mistaken from the Olympia / Lacey area of Washington. I tend to favor local musicians from where I live as well as where I grew up as I tend to relate to them a bit more than other musicians.

Another thing I have been doing tonight is reading. I started reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. I really like him as an author as I have read other books he has written. I thought I would give this book a try. I usually only read book series but thought I would read a stand alone book. Reading is a great distraction from the reality I am facing.

In fact both reading and music are great distraction from the reality I am facing in regards to dealing with my grandma’s death. Yes, it has been nearly a year since she passed away but she was a motherly figure to me. She helped raise me.

I don’t have much more to say. I will try to blog again later on today. I hope I can get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket. I hope everyone has a great Monday. Enjoy you week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!