Weekly Check-In

Hello, World!!! As I stated in a post sometime late last week, that I would start my weekly check-ins back up on Saturdays. So, here I am doing the weekly check-in. I don’t have much to say this evening as I have discussed most of what I wanted to talk about through out the week.

The big event that happened this past week was my 40th birthday on Thursday. My birthday turned out to be a good one which I am quite grateful for. In fact I am still celebrating my birthday this weekend. Due to my birthday I have been spending time with both family and friends. It has been great spending time with those care about me. It does still feel weird to have folks celebrate me as I still feel like I do not deserve to be celebrated.

Something I started this past Monday was a writing course that WordPress puts on. I am doing a writing course called Finding Your Everyday Inspiration. I decided to do the course to help me get back in the habit of blogging on the regular basis again.

Another thing I started this week was a workbook called “The Artist Way.” I started it yesterday and I have to admit it seems quite overwhelming and challenging and it is only day two. It is a twelve week workbook course. I am doing this workbook at the suggestion of my therapist. My therapist thinks it will be helpful for my recovery and helpful in regards for me to build structure in my life which I am all for.

The other thing I started back up was going to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group. I have had the group facilitators before and I like them. The teach the DBT skills quite well. Speaking of DBT I need to do my DBT homework for today.

I don’t have much more to check-in about. This week has overall been a good week. I hope that everyone has a good rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

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Birthday Plans

Good Morning, World!!! As I mentioned in my last three post, today is my 40th birthday. A birthday I never thought I would see. A birthday I am grateful for and plan on celebrating it in a number of ways.

One of the first ways, I plan on celebrating my birthday happens early this afternoon. I plan on starting a new group. Well, not exactly new, but new in a way. Today, the DBT Maintenance Group starts and I figure it is a great way to start my 40’s as well as a way to celebrate my birthday and recovery. I know it is an unusual way to celebrate my birthday but it is much more than celebrating my birthday, it is celebrating my recovery.

Another way I am planing on celebrating my birthday is spending it with friends. In fact my friends are taking me out to dinner. They are taking me to my favorite restaurant, Red Robin. I love me some Red Robin. I have been going to Red Robin every year for my birthday since I was thirteen years old. So, that means I have been going to Red Robin for my birthday every year for the last twenty-seven years. I am grateful for my friends for taking me to Red Robin. I am glad I have friends that know me well enough to know that Red Robin is the place I want to be on my birthday.

As far as celebrating with my family, I will be celebrating with them tomorrow (Friday) due to some family member’s work schedule’s. I will be celebrating with my grandpa, dad and two uncles on my dad’s side. I would be celebrating with my mom too if she would be willing to come to Seattle but she is “too scared to drive in Seattle traffic” and I am not about to go to Olympia to celebrate my birthday with my mom especially since she is toxic for me. My family and I are going to a local mom and pop restaurant that I really like going to.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I am hoping to post again later today but not sure how the will be as it is my birthday. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

As I mentioned in a previous post last night (Saturday), I am starting to post my weekly plans again on Sundays. Well, it it Sunday and time for me to post my weekly plans.

My weekly plans are as follows:

Sunday

  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • Lunch with friends
  • Household chores
  • Binge watch a television show

Monday

  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • Art group
  • Get weekly meds
  • Laundry

Tuesday

  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • Therapy
  • Appointment with employment specialist

Wednesday

  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • Open Communication group
  • Schedule a time to get my taxes done

Thursday

  • Happy 40th Birthday to me
  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • DBT Group
  • Birthday Dinner with friends

Friday

  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • Word nerds group
  • Belated birthday dinner with family

Saturday

  • Blog
  • Meditation and Mindfulness practice
  • Workbook
  • Household chores
  • Binge watch a television show

Bump In The Road

Good Afternoon, World!!! It hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me emotionally. Having dealt with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death just over a week ago is challenging enough but when other shit pops up makes it that much more challenging. Granted it is small shit but it is a bunch of small shit that has been building. Sadly, some of the small shit involves family. Specifically my mom and brother. I love them both but when I can’t get both side of the story, I can’t give the “advice” my mom wants me to give her. Anyway, there is other small shit that I won’t bring up but the mom and brother shit has been the most challenging as my mom won’t let up.

Anyway, when I saw my therapist for our scheduled appointment on Tuesday we discussed what was going on and he said “this doesn’t appear to be a crisis but just a bump in the road” and I have to agree with him. We discussed how the anniversary of my grandma’s death and all the small shit that has been building has increased my urges to self harm. We, of course discussed ways for me to keep myself from harming myself when the self harm urges get strong. Before my session with my therapist ended on Tuesday we made a “check-in appointment” for yesterday (Friday) to see how things were going. I of course went to the appointment and we did a check-in. We discussed plans for the weekend as well as ways to manage self harm urges. During my “check-in” session with my therapist, I brought up the fact that one of the things I would be doing was binge watching a Netflix show called The Umbrella Academy as I watched the first show on Thursday. I found out that he binged watched it with his wife and loved it. In fact one of the things my therapist is having me do this weekend when I watch Umbrella Academy is to write a paragraph or two on each show. I am not exactly sure why he is having me do this but I am thinking he seeing how some things can be beneficial  to me.

In fact last night (Friday) re-watched the first episode and did what my therapist wanted me to do. I also watched episodes two and three. I am really enjoying the show. In fact it is a show that is up my alley. The cool thing about it is when I watched the first episode on Thursday, I have discussed it with various people and I didn’t realize how popular it was. The best part of it being a popular show is that I didn’t start watching it because everyone was watching as I didn’t realize that most people I know were watching it as well.

One of the things I have been doing this weekend thus far is some art. In fact I am working on a piece of art work for a friend of mine as a birthday present. His birthday is the day after mine. I am painting him something as he is the one who got me into painting. It is not a big painting but a painting that I think he will enjoy and appreciate.

The other things I have been doing is a workbook called “The Artist Way.” In fact one of the things of the workbook is to journal everyday.  Journaling isn’t difficult but doing it everyday and it needing it to be three pages is challenging. In fact this is a workbook my therapist suggested for me to get and work on so I decided to do so. I have only been working on this workbook for a week and I find it challenging but I am also finding it helpful so far. In fact I plan to work on it some more today.

The one thing I have been doing this entire weekend except when I am watching Umbrella Academy and the news is listening to music. I have been mainly listening my Recovery Playlist but have also been listening to some emo music. Both have been quite helpful with reducing my self harm urges. Music is very soothing to the soul or at least it is for me.

I don’t have much more to say in the post. But before I end the post I want reassure everyone that I am not a risk to do any self harm acts. I am also not at risk to attempt suicide. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Complicated Valentines Day & Snow Finally Melting Away

Good Evening, World!!! The last week has been quite a week. In fact it was snowing here in the Seattle area for a good ten or so days and finally stopped yesterday. Granted it didn’t snow yesterday (Wednesday) but it was still at freezing if not below freezing outside so the snow stayed around. Now it is warm enough to melt the snow. It is currently raining in the city of Seattle. Sadly snow is could be in the forecast again this weekend which is something nobody really wants at the moment.

As many of you know, today is Valentines Day. A holiday I never liked even when I had a significant other as why do we need a special day to say “I love you.” This year is a complicated Valentines Day. Not as complicated as last year but still complicated. Today makes the one year anniversary of my grandma passing away. Today has been a difficult day for me and the rest of my family.

Sadly, I was not able to see my therapist this past Tuesday due to the agency I am a client at was closed due to the snow and was hoping to see him before today so we could come up with a plan to handle the grief I am dealing with today. He did call me yesterday and we discussed ways on how I can remember my grandma today. We even made another appointment for me to see him tomorrow (Friday) so, I can check in with him to see how things went today. In fact he did call me today as well to check in on me as he wanted to make sure I was still doing okay. I am still doing okay but I really miss my grandma. I am grateful for my therapist checking up on me and rescheduling our appointment.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I hope to be posting more but right now I am fighting off isolation and grief. I hope to post sometime this weekend. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing But Boring Sh*t

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am still at my grandpa’s place. I would like to be home now but I am not because my uncle is working and my grandpa has three appointments to attend. I will, however, will be going home later this afternoon. I am looking forward to going home even though it was nice to waited on a little bit due to my oral surgery but then again being waited on isn’t all what it is cracked up to be. I say this because I am sure my grandpa will throw it up in my face like he does a lot of other things. When he throws things up in my face, I tend to loose it as I hate it when things are thrown in my face especially since I never asked him to do most of the things he throws up in my face. Loosing it, over someone bringing shit up into my face is something my therapist and I are working on as it something I know longer want to do and it not very productive.

Right now, my mouth is in a great deal of pain. Not the worst pain I have experienced in regards to my oral surgery but it hurts. I think it hurts like hell at the moment is due to the fact that I attempted to eat something I haven’t tried with my dentures and healing mouth. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and well it wasn’t quite soft enough. I know I will heal and eventually get use to my dentures but I want something more substantial in my stomach than soup or a smoothie and other such foods.

Well, I am excited for this Friday. I will be spending time with a friend who I met working for my last employer. She is struggling at the moment and I am treating her to lunch. She is dealing with a lot of shit at work and needs a distraction. Another reason why I am excited for Friday is that I will be spending time with a friend I went school with from third to ninth grades down in California. She now lives in Washington, and lives about two and half hours away from me. We make an effort to get together every month or two, to catch up and have fun.

I don’t have much more to say as I don’t want to bore you with repetitive shit that I have already said. I hope to blog later when I am finally home. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great work week. Happy Monday and Peace Out, World!!!

The Irritability That Seems Like A Never Ending Story

Good Morning, World!!! I am quite irritable at the moment. My grandpa is starting to get on my nerves. First he won’t put in his hearing aids to the television is up to an unbearable noise. Noise to where his upstairs neighbor came down and him to turn it down. He said “no” and then twenty minutes later the cops showed up. Lets put it this way, he refused to turn it down and now the television is turn off. He said if “I can’t hear the t.v then nobody watches it.” Which means he is only punishing himself as well as me. All he needs to do is stick in his hearing aids and put on his hearing aid amplifier and then he would not have to be miserable. I just don’t understand why he could make life easier for himself by putting in his hearing aids. If he would have just turned down the television when the neighbor complained about it then the police would’t have been called by the neighbors. But then again the neighbors dog kept my grandpa, my uncle and myself up last night due to its howling. The dog must have been loud if my grandpa could hear it without his hearing aids. I am don’t trying to excuse my grandpa but his irritability as well as some of mine was caused by the neighbors dog due to the lack of sleep from the dog howling. The other part of my irritability is caused by the commotion that was caused due the loud television and the neighbor. I don’t blame the neighbor as it is Sunday and I wouldn’t want to hear somebody else’s television however her dog kept a lot of her neighbors up last night and not just my grandpa. I guess I am just frustrated over the entire issue as it could have been preventable if my grandpa would have swallowed his pride and put on at least his hearing aids.

Another reason why I am personally irritable is the pain I am in due to the oral surgery I had this past Wednesday. I know I shouldn’t be complaining about the pain as it is only temporary but my mouth hurts like hell and yes, I know I should be grateful and I am but I highly dislike being in pain. I know overall that getting my teeth fixed will help with my self esteem however it appears to me that all I am focused on is the now which is the pain and not what it will help me with later, my self esteem.

I have yet another reason why I am irritable which is me being hungry. I am not able to fully chew yet due to my gums not being fully healed from the surgery and I am not quite use to my dentures. I am pretty much still limited to liquids and some soft foods which sucks but I know once I am healed and use to the dentures I will be able to eat even more than I was able to before my teeth were pulled. I say that because my teeth were so bad I couldn’t eat nuts and I love nuts. I know some people struggle eating nuts with dentures but I know with practice and determination I will be able to eat nuts again.

I think I need to do something to help myself not be so irritable. I think I will read a chapter or two the book that I am reading. I also will do some art work. The only things I have to do art work wise here at my grandpa is collaging and coloring. So, think with the combination with reading and the art work I have to work on will help with my irritability. Irritability that is caused by a number of factors.

I don’t have much else to say and it is almost twelve noon in my corner of the world that I think it time to get something to eat. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated, as if it wasn’t for you my reader, I wouldn’t have continued to blog. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!