Awake Too Early on a Saturday Morning

Good Morning, World!!! It is five fifty nine in the morning and I woke up from a not so fun nightmare That is related to PTSD. My cat Billie Dean is laying on my lap as I type this really short blog post as I would like to go back to sleep since it is Saturday morning. As much as I wish I was still asleep I am grateful for my cat, Billie knowing what to do after waking up from a horrific nightmare.

I don’t have much to say in this particular blog post because I want to get back to sleep. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader do read my blog. If it wasn’t for the reader reading my blog, I wouldn’t be writing my blog. Again, from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Dear Bullies and the Adults that protected the bullies,

I am writer this letter to those who bullied me in high school and the adults who protected them. Due to being bullied, I now have PTSD. Yes, I have PTSD from other trauma’s I had to endure throughout my childhood and adulthood. I just want you to know that you bullying me gave me PTSD and caused the depression I was dealing ended spiraling down hill to where I tried to take my own life.

Despite trying to take my own life, I have managed to because a successful adult. An adult that was able to become a strong person despite the hate I had to endure because of you and the adults that made excuses for you. I am a strong person despite you and the shit you did to me.

Sincerely,

Gertie

Lack of Sleep = Self Care Time with Billie the Kat plus Mindfulness & Meditation

Good Morning, World!!! It’s before the butt crack of dawn in Seattle and I am wide awake for some reason. I suspect my cat, Billie Dean woke me before a major PTSD moment while asleep. He does this a lot and I am learning to wake myself up because of what my cat Billie does. So, I guess I am learning new skill due to my beloved cat, Billie. I love my cat so much and am grateful that he is in my life.

Now it is on to some self care time with mindfulness and meditation. First and fore most Billie is a great way to start mindfulness with after a PTSD moment. Then it is to do a ten minute app from the Calm App to help ground myself even more so I can focus on reading one of the magazines focused on mindfulness and meditation with some journaling . In fact a fellow Peer Specialist/Counseling informed me of the Calm App. I was hesitant at first and now I swear by it as it is so helpful for me. So, from the looks of it, I will be starting my day at the butt crack of dawn doing mindfulness and meditation by ways of my cat, the Calm App and some mindfulness and meditation magazines with journaling involved.

I don’t have much more to say except thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog especially at the butt crack of dawn. Or at least it is the butt crack of dawn here in Seattle. I know it is Tuesday and I hope everyone’s work week goes well. Please take a moment to do a mindfulness exercise even if it is only for thirty seconds. Peace Out, World!!!

The Waiting Game of Jury Duty

Good Morning, World!!! I am officially not working today as I have been summoned to jury duty. Jury duty will be done remotely due to Covid-19 restrictions even though in most cases restrictions are being lifted. I am guessing that they haven’t lifted jury duty being lifted is to keep everyone safe as there are different variants going around.

Despite the different variants going around and jury duty being done remotely, I hope I don’t get selected. I hope I don’t get selected. I hope I don’t get selected because that means I get an entire week off with pay. Don’t get me wrong I love job, I just some time off. I need some time off because my depression is acting up.

My depression is acting up for some unknown reasons. Even though I know work would help with my depression, I feel like having time off would be of some help. I think time off would be of help because I would be able spend time with my cat Billie Dean. Spending uninterrupted time with Billie is always a good thing especially when it comes to my depression.

Mindfulness and meditation also helps my depression. Doing a daily routine of mindfulness and meditation actually helps with my depression as well as my PTSD. Even though some days are more challenging than other days at least I know the mindfulness and meditation practices help.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular post except that I am currently playing the waiting game regarding jury duty. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope you all have a great work week ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

Oh How I Wish Mr. Sandman Would Visit

Good Morning, World!!! I am unable to sleep at the moment. I do not know why I am unable to sleep but I do have an idea. I suspect the reason why I can not sleep is due to the anxiety I am feeling after the trauma I experienced last week at the hands of a neighbor that lives on my floor. The anxiety is not a fun thing nor is it helpful in helping with sleep. Besides an increase of anxiety, I am also having an increase of PTSD symptoms. PTSD sucks shit.

On a plus note, Billie Dean, my cat is being quite helpful in regards to both the anxiety and PTSD. Having Billie as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA) has been quite helpful in my recovery. In fact when I had Lil Gertie as a cat before she crossed over the rainbow bridge, I realize how helpful she was as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA). If it wasn’t for the suggestion of my last therapist of getting a cat as an ESA, I wouldn’t have ever gotten Lil Gertie or Billie. After realizing how helpful Lil Gertie was for my recovery, I knew that having another cat as an ESA would be beneficial to me and my mental health recovery. Billie is doing an amazing job as my ESA, just like Lil Gertie did.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post so I am going to end my post. I want to thank you very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, I want to thank each one of you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Plain Ole Coping

Good Evening, World!!! It is now evening time here in Seattle. Right now I am just plain ole coping. Coping with the recent trauma I experienced at the hands of a neighbor. It wasn’t as severe as other trauma’s I have experienced but still relatively traumatic. Traumatic enough that it triggered severe PTSD symptoms from other trauma’s I had experienced in my life.

Now let me discuss the ways I have been coping with the newest trauma in my life. First things first is that my cat, Billie Dean has been quite helpful in helping me cope. Billie has helped me keep myself grounded. Being grounded is key to keeping myself in an okay head space.

Another form of grounding for me as well as a coping skill is doing mindfulness and meditation exercises. Exercises that help me be in the present moment. For me using meditation and mindfulness as away to cope has been prove effective for me and my recovery.

Now that I have let you know how I have been coping at the moment I want to bring something to your attention and hope you help me with it. If you don’t want to, I hope you don’t feel pressured to do so. As you may have seen, I have advertisements on my blog. I have them on my blog to help me earn some money. The only way I can earn money from the advertisements is if you click on them and let them fully load. You don’t have buy anything after clicking. I only earn a cent or two for you clicking it but I don’t get paid till the amount adds up to at least one hundred dollars. I hope that you can help me by clicking on the advertisements so I can earn some extra money.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do, however, want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Traditions & The Holidays

Hello, World!!! I am not sure how to feel at the moment as I have many emotions that are swarming around. Some emotions I am dealing with are not all the pleasant and really wanting to avoid them while other emotions more pleasant and obviously more willing to not avoid them. This is the time of year where things don’t go so well for me in regards to my mental health challenges. Specifically, my depression and PTSD. Thankfully, I have plenty of ways to take care of myself this time of year.

One of the things that was suggested to me early on in my recovery during the holidays was to start my own traditions that I can do with or without people. The only thing I could think of at the time was the two comic books that I had; Christmas with the Superhero’s, Volumes One and Two. So, every year, starting the day after Thanksgiving, I read those two comic books several times during the holiday season. On Christmas Day I read both twice.

Another tradition I started about eight or so years ago was to do a holiday themed jigsaw puzzle. I usually start the puzzle on November 25th or Thanksgiving Day, whichever arrives first. I have several holiday themed jigsaw puzzles I do and sometimes I am able to do two or three depending on the size while other years I only complete one. The one I am doing this year is a thousand pieces and I know from experience that it most likely will be the only holiday puzzle I do this year due to the size. The best part of this tradition is I get to see the “fruits” of my labor by the time Christmas arrives and enjoy it till January 2nd. Of course when I do several smaller holiday puzzles in a holiday season I see more than just one accomplished puzzle. Being able to see an accomplished puzzle helps with my personal morale for the season.

Even though the two traditions I mentioned already have been great traditions to keep and will continue to keep, I decided to add a new tradition this year. That tradition is to do some art. Specifically, coloring a holiday poster or two depending on size and detail. I have decided this tradition will be like the puzzles and start on November 25th or Thanksgiving, whichever arrives first. I have started coloring a holiday poster as of yesterday (November 25th). I am positive I will have at least one accomplished by Christmas Day.

For me starting my own holiday traditions has been a lifesaver for me and my recovery. The reason being is because most of the other holidays traditions I follow through with has some form of trauma or sadness tied to them and needed some that didn’t have either. Most of the other traditions I do includes family as my family is big on traditions. The holidays are not the best time of year for me due to the trauma I have experienced around the holidays so having traditions of my own helps me redefine what the holidays are for me.

I could go on and on about traditions however I won’t as I am getting a little sleepy and plan on going to bed. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep ahead of them if it is nighttime for you. If not I hope you have a good day ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

A Wednesday Evening Post

Good Evening, World!!! I am still dealing with increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and have emailed my therapist regarding it. I emailed my therapist regarding the increased symptoms just to have him be aware of the situation even though I personally think the increased mental health symptoms are due to the health issues I am dealing with. The health issues I am dealing with happen to be a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection.” It is not uncommon for me to have an increase mental health symptoms whenever I have an UTI which just makes things the much more uncomfortable. My therapist emailed me back about the email sent him about me struggling and he too “hope symptoms improves” as my infections improve. I am grateful that I have a therapist that is supportive.

I just got back from Red Robin with a friend who lives in my apartment building. I treated my friend to Red Robin as a thank you for putting up with my shit. My friend is an awesome individual and extremely caring. She was and is very appreciative of me taking her to Red Robin. We ended up having the same thing at Red Robin which was The Whiskey Barbecue Burger with bottomless fries. She had an ice tea to drink while I had a freckled lemonade which is strawberry lemonade. It was nice to spend time with a good friend at my favorite restaurant.

When I arrived home from dinner at Red Robin with my friend, I noticed that the three books I ordered from Amazon arrived. Thankfully, they left them outside my apartment door instead of outside the apartment building door. The three books I ordered are about race as I want to be a better ally to people of color. I also order two more books from Amazon about race. One of which should arrive tomorrow and the other book is on back order and should arrive at the end of September. I am going to start off reading the book “How To Be An AntiRacist” by Ibram X. Kendi. I will let you know how the book is and will do a book review on it. Reading is one of my go to things to help my mental health symptoms and anytime I can be educated on anything is a plus. I really hope I can get a better understanding about race as I want to be the best ally I can be. If anyone has any books about race to suggest, it would be greatly appreciated. Remember, I have three that arrived today including the one I mention, two on the way from Amazon and one in my Amazon cart. So, if you suggest a book that I may have or will have don’t take offence if I say something that “I have it” or “its on the way” or “its in the cart.” I look forward to all the good reads.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good rest of your evening as well as your week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Random Wednesday Afternoon Post

Good Afternoon, World!!! At this very moment the symptoms of my Depression and PTSD and am grateful that I am able to nip it in the butt with skills I normally do. Sadly, I am not going to my writing group because I am not feeling well physically which is probably why I am having an increase of Depression and PTSD symptoms. Part of why I am not feeling well is because I according my doctor I have a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection” which sucks and the antibiotic I am taking is making me nauseous. I really don’t like being or feeling sick but at least I am not in the hospital.

Being in the hospital sucks and since we are on the subject of hospitals, my dad is still in one. He is on the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a local hospital here in the Seattle area. His surgery went well and he is healing well from it. Sadly, my dad has fluid on the lungs and the doctors are trying to get rid of it. My dad has a history of pneumonia and is still in the hospital as a precautionary thing and is receiving IV antibiotics.  My dad is feeling better and wants to go home. He is eating solid food and the doctors say its okay that my dad drinks Diet Mt. Dew. So, I know my dad is feeling better when he wants his Diet Mt. Dew. I just wish the fluid on my dads lungs would hurry up at resolve.

I saw my therapist yesterday (Tuesday) and we discussed my increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and he is in agreement that the increased in symptoms are likely in part to my current health issues with my UTI and kidney infections. We discussed on ways that I could feel better as well as skill I could use to help with my increased mental health symptoms. One of the things my therapist and I discussed was the amount of time I was spending on social media, specifically Facebook because I am just aimlessly scrolling it as a way to help myself but it is becoming more of a hindrance for some of my symptoms. We talked about going on Facebook with a purpose like to post or say hi to someone and limit the time I am on Facebook. We discussed other things I could do instead which led me to having a conversation with my therapist about book suggestions I got from both white and people of color friends about race in America. We discussed that I as a white person one to better understand my white privilege and how I can be a better ally for not only friends but my clients who are people of color. I told him that I am expecting three books about race and racism as well as white privilege at some point today via Amazon. My therapist was “impressed” that I am wanting to improve myself and understanding of race and he “feels” that with me doing this will help me stay off Facebook and build a more meaningful type of structure I need for my recovery. My therapist likes the fact that I am wanting to educate myself to understand race, racism and white privilege here in America. We also discussed other ways to structure my time to help with my PTSD and depression symptoms. I really like my therapist and am grateful to have him as a clinician.

I don’t have much more to say. I just hope the books arrive today as “guaranteed” by Amazon so I can get to reading the books I ordered from them. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Wednesday as well as their work week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Good Morning, World!!! I still haven’t been back to bed since the fire alarm went of because someone burnt food. I am tired as hell and most likely will attempt to go back to sleep. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have been acting up quite severely since the fire alarm went off. They are acting up so badly that it is affecting my ability to calm down enough to be able to sleep. The insomnia isn’t help much either.

The thing that is helping me at the moment is my cat, Lil Gertie. She has a calming effect on me and that is extremely helpful. My cat has been by my side most of the morning after the fire alarm went off. I am grateful she has been near by as it has been quite helpful for me to be able to calm down.

One of the things I have been doing since I was so rudely woke up is coloring. I have been coloring my coloring pages. One of which I have shared with you here on my blog. I am hoping that with my coloring pages that I am currently doing that they will be done by the holidays as I want to be able to give them as gifts to people.

When I started off coloring, I listened to music. I listened to Nirvana, MxPX and Tori Amos. For some reason listening to the above mentioned musicians was and is quite helpful to me. I find their music relaxing.

After listening to music and still coloring I decided to listen to a podcast about philosophy. Coloring while listening to a podcast about philosophy not only helps me focus on the topic but to retain the subject. I of course find the subject of philosophy quite interesting and am grateful to be able to listen to a podcast about it as I color.

I don’t have much else to say in this blog post. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope to be able to get some sleep today as well as go see my dad in the hospital. I did talk to him this morning already and seemed to be doing okay. I hope everyone has a great day ahead as well as a relaxing day ahead. Peace Out, World!!!