A Wednesday Evening Post

Good Evening, World!!! I am still dealing with increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and have emailed my therapist regarding it. I emailed my therapist regarding the increased symptoms just to have him be aware of the situation even though I personally think the increased mental health symptoms are due to the health issues I am dealing with. The health issues I am dealing with happen to be a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection.” It is not uncommon for me to have an increase mental health symptoms whenever I have an UTI which just makes things the much more uncomfortable. My therapist emailed me back about the email sent him about me struggling and he too “hope symptoms improves” as my infections improve. I am grateful that I have a therapist that is supportive.

I just got back from Red Robin with a friend who lives in my apartment building. I treated my friend to Red Robin as a thank you for putting up with my shit. My friend is an awesome individual and extremely caring. She was and is very appreciative of me taking her to Red Robin. We ended up having the same thing at Red Robin which was The Whiskey Barbecue Burger with bottomless fries. She had an ice tea to drink while I had a freckled lemonade which is strawberry lemonade. It was nice to spend time with a good friend at my favorite restaurant.

When I arrived home from dinner at Red Robin with my friend, I noticed that the three books I ordered from Amazon arrived. Thankfully, they left them outside my apartment door instead of outside the apartment building door. The three books I ordered are about race as I want to be a better ally to people of color. I also order two more books from Amazon about race. One of which should arrive tomorrow and the other book is on back order and should arrive at the end of September. I am going to start off reading the book “How To Be An AntiRacist” by Ibram X. Kendi. I will let you know how the book is and will do a book review on it. Reading is one of my go to things to help my mental health symptoms and anytime I can be educated on anything is a plus. I really hope I can get a better understanding about race as I want to be the best ally I can be. If anyone has any books about race to suggest, it would be greatly appreciated. Remember, I have three that arrived today including the one I mention, two on the way from Amazon and one in my Amazon cart. So, if you suggest a book that I may have or will have don’t take offence if I say something that “I have it” or “its on the way” or “its in the cart.” I look forward to all the good reads.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good rest of your evening as well as your week. Peace Out, World!!!

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A Random Wednesday Afternoon Post

Good Afternoon, World!!! At this very moment the symptoms of my Depression and PTSD and am grateful that I am able to nip it in the butt with skills I normally do. Sadly, I am not going to my writing group because I am not feeling well physically which is probably why I am having an increase of Depression and PTSD symptoms. Part of why I am not feeling well is because I according my doctor I have a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection” which sucks and the antibiotic I am taking is making me nauseous. I really don’t like being or feeling sick but at least I am not in the hospital.

Being in the hospital sucks and since we are on the subject of hospitals, my dad is still in one. He is on the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a local hospital here in the Seattle area. His surgery went well and he is healing well from it. Sadly, my dad has fluid on the lungs and the doctors are trying to get rid of it. My dad has a history of pneumonia and is still in the hospital as a precautionary thing and is receiving IV antibiotics.  My dad is feeling better and wants to go home. He is eating solid food and the doctors say its okay that my dad drinks Diet Mt. Dew. So, I know my dad is feeling better when he wants his Diet Mt. Dew. I just wish the fluid on my dads lungs would hurry up at resolve.

I saw my therapist yesterday (Tuesday) and we discussed my increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and he is in agreement that the increased in symptoms are likely in part to my current health issues with my UTI and kidney infections. We discussed on ways that I could feel better as well as skill I could use to help with my increased mental health symptoms. One of the things my therapist and I discussed was the amount of time I was spending on social media, specifically Facebook because I am just aimlessly scrolling it as a way to help myself but it is becoming more of a hindrance for some of my symptoms. We talked about going on Facebook with a purpose like to post or say hi to someone and limit the time I am on Facebook. We discussed other things I could do instead which led me to having a conversation with my therapist about book suggestions I got from both white and people of color friends about race in America. We discussed that I as a white person one to better understand my white privilege and how I can be a better ally for not only friends but my clients who are people of color. I told him that I am expecting three books about race and racism as well as white privilege at some point today via Amazon. My therapist was “impressed” that I am wanting to improve myself and understanding of race and he “feels” that with me doing this will help me stay off Facebook and build a more meaningful type of structure I need for my recovery. My therapist likes the fact that I am wanting to educate myself to understand race, racism and white privilege here in America. We also discussed other ways to structure my time to help with my PTSD and depression symptoms. I really like my therapist and am grateful to have him as a clinician.

I don’t have much more to say. I just hope the books arrive today as “guaranteed” by Amazon so I can get to reading the books I ordered from them. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Wednesday as well as their work week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Good Morning, World!!! I still haven’t been back to bed since the fire alarm went of because someone burnt food. I am tired as hell and most likely will attempt to go back to sleep. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have been acting up quite severely since the fire alarm went off. They are acting up so badly that it is affecting my ability to calm down enough to be able to sleep. The insomnia isn’t help much either.

The thing that is helping me at the moment is my cat, Lil Gertie. She has a calming effect on me and that is extremely helpful. My cat has been by my side most of the morning after the fire alarm went off. I am grateful she has been near by as it has been quite helpful for me to be able to calm down.

One of the things I have been doing since I was so rudely woke up is coloring. I have been coloring my coloring pages. One of which I have shared with you here on my blog. I am hoping that with my coloring pages that I am currently doing that they will be done by the holidays as I want to be able to give them as gifts to people.

When I started off coloring, I listened to music. I listened to Nirvana, MxPX and Tori Amos. For some reason listening to the above mentioned musicians was and is quite helpful to me. I find their music relaxing.

After listening to music and still coloring I decided to listen to a podcast about philosophy. Coloring while listening to a podcast about philosophy not only helps me focus on the topic but to retain the subject. I of course find the subject of philosophy quite interesting and am grateful to be able to listen to a podcast about it as I color.

I don’t have much else to say in this blog post. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope to be able to get some sleep today as well as go see my dad in the hospital. I did talk to him this morning already and seemed to be doing okay. I hope everyone has a great day ahead as well as a relaxing day ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

A Rude Awaking

Good Morning, World!!! I was almost fully asleep when the fire alarm in my apartment building went off once again. I thought it was another false alarm due it malfunctioning again but this time it was due to someone burning food in the wee hours of the morning. The person who set off the building fire alarm due to burnt food has done this multiple times and never opens his windows to let out the smoke. You would think he would learn especially since he is in a corner apartment. I am annoyed with the fact that it went off and woke up the entire building because someone couldn’t keep an eye on their food cooking.

When the fire alarm went off it triggered some anxiety as well as PTSD symptoms. I was in two fires when I was a kid so fire alarms trigger the hell out of me. When the fire alarm went off I quickly got my cat, Lil Gertie, and put her in her carrier and we exited the building. Sadly, many people didn’t exit because they thought it was another malfunction and burnt food but the folks who did evacuate were and are annoyed as hell like I am.

Being highly annoyed, full of anxiety and extremely triggered due to the fire alarm and in my apartment now, I have my music playing. I have my music playing to help me calm the fuck down. The fire alarm going is not conducive to having PTSD or Insomnia especially since I was finally almost asleep. Anyway, having my music on is helping.

Another thing that is helping is that my cat, Lil Gertie, is laying next to me in my chair. She is very calming and surprisingly chill after the fire alarm went off. Yes, she does get startled by the fire alarm and doesn’t fight me getting into her carrier. She appears to calm down once in the carrier because I think she knows she is going to be safe. I love my cat and how quickly she can chill out after the fire alarm goes off.

After I finish this blog post, I plan on continuing to listen to music as I do art work. Specifically, I plan on coloring as it appears to be a type of mindfulness for me. Coloring is very calming for me and am grateful to have it as a skill.

I think I am going to get going now. I plan on listening to music as I color and hopefully am able to get to sleep. I am tired as hell. Having the fire alarm go off when one is almost asleep is a rude awaking and just make one even more tired. But on that note, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Random Post About Things

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am still dealing with the symptoms of both PTSD and Depression which sucks shit. I wish I didn’t have to deal with any mental health diagnosis but sadly I do. There is not much I can do about having a mental health diagnosis except to use healthy coping skills.

Coping skills such as doing mindfulness and meditation practices. In fact this particular skill is something that I make an effort to do every morning on a way to start my day as I find if I quiet my mind at the beginning of the day, my day tends to be a more skillful day to where I can handle things more easily. I also try to use it throughout the day as mindfulness and meditation appears to help me reconnect with the present moment.

The thing I have been doing most of today that I have found quite helpful is writing. I am taking a creative writing class that is put on by an organization that puts on art and creative type of classes for low income people. Anyway, this quarter I am taking a creative writing class that focuses on characters and scenes but mainly characters and no it is not a play writing class. The organization that is putting on this class offers a variety of classes every quarter but you are only allowed to take one and this is the same organization I took my comics class with. Anyway, the instructor of the writing class assigns us homework so he can make comments on it so we know what to improve upon and what he thinks is great. The homework is not for grading but for feedback. I am really enjoying the class so far.

As much as I love to write, I was starting to come to a type of writers block in regards to my writing homework so I stopped and decided to do some things that needed to be done. One of those things that I needed to do was to make a doctors appointment with my primary care physician for my regular check up I have every two to three months. In fact I am about a month and a half over due for this appointment. After making my doctors appointment I went and picked up my meds. My psychiatric provider wants me to pick up my psych meds twice a week. So I pick them up ever Monday and Friday. There are reasons I will discuss at a later time on why I pick up my psych meds twice a week. I am not a big fan of it but if it is helpful for my recovery then I am willing to do so.

Now, I am about to go on to Spotify to listen to a podcast. Specifically, I will be listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast I will be listening to is Philosophize This. I am learning so much about philosophy from this particular podcast and am grateful for the learning for many different reasons. One such reason is it gives me something to discuss with others.

Since I will be listening to a podcast on philosophy I will also be coloring. I will be coloring the color page I have discussed with you as well as shared with you of what I had done. In fact I finally finished the bridge in the picture. In fact let me share with you what I have done thus far. The picture below is what I have accomplished so far:

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The picture I showed you in an earlier post except the bridge was just barely started and now the bridge is finished.

As you can tell from the picture above the bridge is complete but I have so much more coloring to do in the picture. I think, I will either work on the tree or the river next. Not sure what yet but will get to that once I turn on the philosophy podcast I am listening to.

Now that I have bored you to death with what I do to help myself when my PTSD and Depression act up, I am going to end this post. I also want to end the post so I can list to the philosophy podcast as well as color. But before I go, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things as if it was for you my reader, I don’t think I would continue to blog and I would only journal. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of your Monday. I also hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Fighting Off Depression & PTSD

Hello, World!!! At this moment in time I am struggling with the symptoms of both my Depression and PTSD. I am not sure why the symptoms of my PTSD and Depression are acting up but they are. I wish I was not struggling with Depression or PTSD at the moment or ever but sadly both are a part of my life.

Since I am dealing with Depression and PTSD symptoms I am doing a variety of things to help not make the symptoms get worse are at least that is my hope. Right now I have been focusing on getting things together for a peer conference I will be attending on August 27th and August 28th however I will be arriving August 26th as I will be volunteering once again at this particular conference. I have attended every except the first year. So that means, I have volunteered at the second and third year it occurred and now am volunteering at the fourth annual Peer Pathways Conference. I am preparing for the conference by making my travel plans and booking a spot on an Amtrak train. I love taking the train. Another thing I am taking care of is making sure my cat, Lil Gertie, will be taken care of. Thankfully, I have secured a reservation for an Amtrak train and have secured a cat sitter for my cat, Lil Gertie. So, I am looking forward to this conference as many of the seminars, happen to be training’s that will be helpful for my career as a Peer Counselor even though I am not currently employed as one at the moment. The best part of this conference is that it is totally free for me since I am volunteering. Well, the conference, food, and hotel stay are free but I have to pay for my own travel which is okay with me. I will be going to the Amtrak station tomorrow to purchase my train ticket for my travels to the conference in a week. When I am at the conference I will miss my cat, Lil Gertie a great deal but she will be in good hands.

Speaking of cats, Lil Gertie, has been a great help with dealing with the symptoms of both my PTSD and Depression. She has been extra snugly and cuddly today which is something I have been need all day. I love the way she just lays on my chest and purrs. Having, Lil Gertie pick up on the signs when I am struggling is great because she didn’t need any training to do so and I haven’t had her since a kitten which means when I adopted her last year, she was meant to be my emotional support cat.

Another thing I have been doing to help combat my PTSD and Depression is doing homework for the writing class I am taking. I am really enjoying the writing class as it is focusing on characters and later scenes and now it is not a play writing class. I am enjoying the fact that I am learning different types of characters and how they play a part in a story. Maybe I can share one of my homework assignments with you later on in the writing course I am taking.

Besides writing another creative way I have been trying to reduce my Depression and PTSD symptoms is art work. The genre of art I have been focusing on besides writing is coloring. Coloring has been quite helpful for me and plan on giving away the stuff I color away as gifts. I will be framing the finished coloring projects so people can put it on their walls. I love to color and have been coloring since I was a kid. I got made fun of as a teenager because I continued to color and now “adult coloring” is a thing and it is something I never stopped doing. Coloring relaxes me.

I don’t have much more to say because I would end up repeating myself and nobody wants that. I want to thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great week ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check In

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time of week where I am going restart doing my weekly check ins on Saturdays. I will be doing my weekly check as part of my routine in regards to getting ready for work. As may or may not know my on call shelter counselor job is no longer an on call job for me as I now have a more permanent day I work. In fact I work Saturday nights from eight at night to eight thirty in morning on Sunday. I am not a huge fan work twelve and a hours at night but at least its a consistent schedule and not on call. Being on call was not helping my mental health symptoms and was about to quit my job if I didn’t start having a more consistent schedule.

As far a my as my week went it was pretty busy. On Monday and Tuesday I decided to deep clean my everything in my kitchen. Well everything but my fridge but I will do that next week. Most likely next Friday. It felt great that I deep cleaned my kitchen. I plan on deep cleaning the rest of my apartment as time goes on. I plan on making one day a week ordeal till I get my apartment clean like how I want it and not so cluttered.

Wednesday was a busy day for me. I saw my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. We of course discussed meds and how I will be picking up my meds twice a week now since I tried attempting to die by suicide by taking a weeks worth of one of my meds about a month and a half ago. (No need to worry because I am currently not at risk of harming myself or attempting suicide.) We discussed how picking up my meds twice a week will be more helpful to me and my recovery for the time being. I am hopeful that I will be able to get my meds on the monthly basis again but my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and I both agree that this is the best option for me and my recovery right now. 

As far as Wednesday goes, it continues to get busier. I saw my therapist and we discussed a great deal of shit that was difficult yet extremely productive. We talked about DBT group and what we are working on in DBT. I discussed with him about the skill of Being Mindful of Current Emotion and how it is challenging for me. So we discussed how it was challenging it for me and my therapist gave me homework on this which I have mixed emotions about but realize that ultimately it will help me. My therapist and I also discussed me starting a new group the focuses on learning skill for PTSD called Trauma Symptom Management. I told him I would be willing to try it just as long as there is no processing of trauma as I am only ready to process my trauma with him, my therapist, and he understood.

Something else I did on Wednesday was start another Path With Art class that is a writing class. When I initially read it I thought “cool a writing class” and then reread a couple of my times and thought I misread the first time because I thought it was an acting class as was fearful that since I got accepted into the class that I would be out of my element. Turns out that I read it right the first time and that it is a writing class. Yes, I love to write but this writing class will slightly put me out of my comfort zone as we will focus on various types of characters and how they play a role in any story as well as focus on the type of scenes they tend to be in. So this particular art class in focused on writing and not art. I did want to do other classes but they would interfere with some of my group therapy.  I am so grateful and relieved that the character and scene writing class is not an acting class as I would be totally out of my element and completely out of my comfort zone. At least with it being a writing class and with the type of writing it is, I will only be slightly out of my comfort zone.

As far as Thursday went. The main thing I did was go to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group. We discuss Mindful of Current Emotion for the second week in a row as it appears that most of us in the group struggle with it from time to time. I am glad that I am working on this particular skill in both DBT group as well as in individual therapy as it is something that I need to work on or at least that’s the universes way of saying I need to work.

Friday, was pretty much my lazy day. I blogged three times and did some art work. In one of my blog post I even showed you what I started on. Yes, I did do some more coloring and hope to post the progress tomorrow after I get home and take a nap. Art work tends to help me a great deal just like writing does. As far as coloring goes, it helps me become mindful of the present moment.

As far as today (Saturday) is concerned, I slept through the entire day. I slept through it because I work a twelve and a half hour night shift. I am not a big fan of working twelve and a half hour shift especially at night but at least I have a job that gives me some meaning in my life as well as the structure I need for my recovery. No matter how long or even sometimes challenging work can be, I always seem to have a sense of accomplishment after I get of work.

Well, it appears I don’t have much more to write or check in about how my week went. I want to thank you for reading my long winded blog post. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog as it means a great deal to me that you do. I hope everyone enjoy what is left of Saturday. I also hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!