Weekly Check-In

Good Afternoon!!! This week hasn’t been all that eventful despite it being a busy week for me. Busy and uneventful is always a good thing when things haven’t been going all that well.

I saw my doctor on Monday to get blood work done. Blood work that would see if there is anything health wise that could be causing my depression to not improve. All the blood test came back “normal” except my Vitamin D levels. I’m now going to be on a prescription strength dose of Vitamin D instead of the over the counter supplement. I’m hoping this does the trick with at least improving the depression enough to where using my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills will be slightly more easier to use than they currently are.

Now that we are on the topic of DBT, I received a call on Wednesday from one of the clinicians from the agency I am a consumer (client) at, that my name finally came up to be able to attend one of the DBT groups there.  It’s only taken way too long but hey I’m glad I’m going to be able to attend. I do have to go through a screening process which I am pretty sure is not all that difficult to do since I went through the screening process at another agency to get into their two year intensive outpatient DBT program which I graduated from. The DBT group at the agency I am a consumer of is not as challenging as the one I graduated from but I’m okay with that since I am in need of a refresher. Yes, I would like it to be challenging and from my understanding it is slightly more challenging that it was the last time I took it. Just as long as being in DBT helps me get back to doing well, I don’t care how challenging it is.

A DBT skill that is challenging for me to do is the Self-Soothing skill and my new therapist is attempting to have me use this particular skill. When I saw her on Tuesday we discussed things that happened since the last time I saw her which led to an uncomfortable conversation for me. We talked about how I feel like I don’t deserve to self soothe. Self soothing is not exactly easy for me.

In fact I’ve been think great deal about self soothing since seeing my therapist and the many ways I actually do self soothe but don’t do enough. Music is the main way I self soothe and actually do this everyday by listening to it. Now playing my flute is extremely self soothing and don’t do enough of it. Hopefully I will make more of an effort to play my flute more.

Another self soothing skill that I tend to do and didn’t realize it was self soothing for me is art. The type of art I tend to do is color and/or collage with some drawing. I color and collage to self soothe and express myself. I tend to draw to express myself; usually when I am angry, scared or feeling like a scared child. I’m not very good a drawing but it sure helps when I’m not doing well. Now coloring and collaging I think I’m pretty good at and am grateful that is soothes me.

Talking about art brings me up to another thing I did this week and that was hanging out with my friend Susan from https://bravelybipolar.wordpress.com/ and her husband on Thursday. Susan does glass art. Actually, she does stained glass and I had her make me a piece which is quite lovely. We met up so I could get the stained glass piece she made me and we hung out for a couple of hours. We went to lunch and had some pretty awesome food.

Food always seems to be a major part of getting together with friends which brings me up to what I did yesterday. I hung out with two friends that I’ve known for the last two decades. We ate some pretty good food and the main topic of discussion was the books we are reading and/or just finished reading. During this get together with my two friends we realized that starting a book club with ourselves and a few other friends would be a good way to get together. In fact we thought it is the perfect excuse to get together. My two friends and I are thinking about asking two to three other individuals to join in this book club and hope to start it up sometime in mid to late September as many people go on vacation this time of year due to it being summer in my neck of the woods. September seems like the perfect time to start a book club as kids go back to school and people tend to have a more of a regular schedule.

Speaking of schedule’s, I need to get going. I need to go and eat. In fact my doctor wants me to eat on a more regular basis. As I end this post I hope all of you have a great weekend and enjoy the nice weather outside. Peace Out!!!

Self-Care Saturday

I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to do now that my laundry is done. I’m not even sure if I am up to going out and about because I’m a lil on edge due to PTSD symptoms. PTSD is quite difficult to deal with as the symptoms can pop up at any given point in time of day or night. It sucks a great deal.

As much as PTSD sucks, I cant let it get in the way of letting me live my life. But then again sometimes my PTSD symptoms acts up a little bit more when I am needing do take a day to do good self-care. I also have be a lil wary to make sure it is a sign to do good self-care because it can be symptoms of other diagnosis trying to sneak their way in.

As I decipher if I am needing to make an extra effort to do good self-care by laying low today, I need to go and do some light grocery shopping. In fact Junior and I are going to go grocery shopping together. We are thinking about staying in this weekend.

Yes, part of the reasoning of staying in is due to my PTSD symptoms. The other part is that we are wanting to spend some quality time together. Quality time together for us means talking about what’s going on in our lives, discussing current events as well as the books we are reading, watching movies and just plain ole enjoying each others company. If our quality time leads to making love then its a plus. A plus because of the severity of the PTSD symptoms I am having.

Despite the increase of my PTSD symptoms, I am grateful that things are slowly starting to improve. That means my concentration is improving and finally able focus on reading. I’m reading an awesome book called “High Price” by Carl Hart. I am hoping once I’m finished with the book, I will do a book review on it.

I think I need to end this post as Junior is wanting to go grocery shopping so he can make me “something special for dinner.”  Junior is an awesome cook and look forward to whatever he makes. As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading. Thanks!!! Peace out!!!

 

 

First Time Attendee to Emerald City Comicon

I attended the Emerald City Comicon for the first time and had a blast. I know its now Wednesday but wanted to share my experience with you all I had the weekend we just had (March 2 – March 5).

It being my first ever time attending any form of such event, I didn’t know what to expect. Thursday, I ended up just taking it all in by wondering around. I did a lot of people watching but met up with a friend to attend a panel  focusing on the women side of comic books. Mainly the panel was on women superhero’s or the lack there of. Wonder Woman was brought up a great deal at this panel and rightfully so.

Speaking of Wonder Woman, I did some cosplay and dressed as Wonder Woman on Friday. I attended many cosplay events on Friday that I attended with friends. As fun as cosplay was, it was a bit overwhelming for me.

Despite Friday being overwhelming for me, I think I had the most fun on Saturday. I attended many panels. In fact all the panels I attended were publishers and authors of Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre. My favorite panel of the entire event happened on Saturday and it was Women in fantasy with authors Callie Bates, Kristen Britain and Robin Hobb with editor Anne Groell moderating.  I had a blast being able to hear them speak and talk with them one on one.

I did attend on Sunday but that was the day, I really got overwhelmed and only stayed a couple of hours. I did get a lot down in the two to three hours I was there. I ended up buying five Wonder Woman magnets  and a Wonder Woman bathrobe. I also was able to get nine book Sci-Fi/Fantasy books. Four of which I received for free and seven of the nine books I did get I was able to get signed by the authors.

I may had have had my struggles regarding my lived experience with a mental health condition at Emerald City Comicon but I am thrilled I went. Overall, attending ECCC ultimately helped with the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I am definitely  attending next year but I will be staying in a hotel in downtown as I think it will ultimately be easier for everything.  Have a wonderful rest of your week. Peace Out!!!

Fearful of Forgetting My Babies

Good morning!!! It has been quite some time since I have blogged. I have been struggling a great deal with not only my depression but the grief and loss of the miscarriage I suffered at the beginning of this year. Unfortunately, the grief & loss triggered a major onset of my depression symptoms.

It is because my symptoms are getting worse and the sorrow of the miscarriage not lifting that my therapist and I are going to start working on grief. We are going to be reading the book On Grief & Grieving: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D & David Kessler. I am still hesitant. I am hesitant because I am afraid if work on my grief or accept that the miscarriage happen that I am going to forget my babies. I am hoping that the book that my therapist and I read and discuss on grief will help. I feel like I am all alone. After I read the book On Grief & Grieving  I am hoping that if it helps that I can find a book specific to grief on miscarriage. If any of you have suggestions it would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!! Peace Out!!

Weekly Goals

Happy Monday!!! It is the start of another work week and like always I was looking forward to going to work today but still not feeling all that well so I called into work sick. I love the fact that I look forward to going to work each day even when I am unable to do so. It being Monday, it also means it is time to do my weekly goals. Like always I will start with how I did with my last weeks goals.

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I only read a total of three pages but I read. I ended up starting to read another book that highly encouraged for those of us who work in the mental health field to read.

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I spent a great deal of time work on the puzzle this week since I haven’t been feeling all that well.

3)  Color. Another thing I spent a great deal of time doing this week since I wasn’t feeling all that well.

4)  Writing 101: Finding Your Inspiration. I finishing up Writing 101. I learned a great deal from it and hope to continue finding inspiration in everything.

5)  Update my résumé. Yup, I update my résumé. I was even able to update my references with both my previous and current supervisor  of my current employer.

6)  Work on cover letter. I updated my cover letter. I find it difficult to look at my strengths but was able to do so.

7)  Apply for a least one job. Yup, I applied for a job. It was only one job but it is the job I most want.

8)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I managed to do a couple of pages. It was difficult to do since I haven’t been feeling all that well.

9)  See my therapist on Wednesday. Yup, I saw my therapist despite not feeling well. We discussed how I need to focus on what my body is trying to tell me. I find it difficult sometimes.

Despite not feeling well this past week, I managed to accomplish every goal. Now it is time to share with you my goals for this week.

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card.  I am bound and determined to finish this book. I am loving the book, it just seem to be taking longer than usual to read.

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I am loving how the puzzle is slowly progressing.

3)  Color. The various coloring pages or posters I am working on are finally showing some progress.

4)  Start Writing 201: Poetry. I am taking another course that WordPress puts on to help improve ones blogging skills. I am looking forward this particular course because I love poetry.

5)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I am actually grateful that I have decided to do this workbook. It has helped me remember how much I have improved with DBT skills over the years.

6)  See my therapist on Wednesday. Yes, I see my therapist again on Wednesday. I’m thinking it is a great thing because I have been feeling a little on the downside. Don’t worry I am pretty sure it is just because I haven’t been feeling well.

Well, it seems like I have been having some of the same goals for awhile now. I am thinking that next week I will have to change things up a little when it comes to my goals. I am greatly appreciative of the blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/10/05/building-rome-week-40-for-2015/ Have a wonderful week. Peace Out!!

Beautiful, Sunny Yet Crisp Sunday

It is a beautiful, sunny yet crisp Sunday where I live. To make this day even more beautiful than it already is, is when Junior came home from work this morning and made me breakfast in bed. Junior is so romantic. After breakfast in bed, we had some intimate moments and then took a nap.

After the nap, Junior and myself went to a local park with a lake and walked around the lake holding hands. We held hand and talked. We talked about everything. When we walked around the lake twice, we decided to have lunch a nearby restaurant. As we ate we discussed how our love continues to grow for each other and how cool (and romantic) it is to do spontaneous things that we were doing.

Now that we are home and it is three o’clock in the afternoon, Junior and I are relaxing and taking it easy. Junior is reading a book as I sit here at my laptop blogging. Junior just started a book called Into The Storm by Taylor Anderson. So far he says it is a good book. The book is a Science Fiction book that is based on a Navy Ship in World War II. After I am done blogging I tend to read. Not sure if it will be Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card or Trauma Stewardship; An Everyday Guide for Self While Caring for Others by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky with Connie Burk. I will probably read the latter of the two books.

I love days like today where I can be with the person I love. Most importantly, I love the fact that I can be at peace and be content with who I am despite still not feeling well. I am content with how my life is going and the people I have in my life.

With all that being said, I am going to end the post. Have a wonderful Sunday and Peace Out!!

Daily Prompt: Inside the Bubble

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Inside the Bubble.” A contagious disease requires you to be put into quarantine for a whole month (don’t worry, you get well by the time you’re free to go!). How would you spend your time in isolation?

As I was looking through past daily prompts, I found this one. I don’t know why but it grabbed my eye. For some reason this is an easy prompt for me to do. Maybe it is because, I have been in the hospital for a month and sometimes longer however it was not due to a contagious disease but mental health reasons.

If allowed, I would have my laptop so I would be able to have access to the hospital’s Wi-Fi. I would want to be able to not only keep everyone up to date on what was going on with me through various social media sites, I would want to be able to blog. Blogging to me is very important to me. Having my laptop would allow me to have access to music. Without music I would not be able to survive. I would also be able to play games on POGO at http://www.pogo.com/ with my laptop so I could help fight the boredom I would be dealing with.

I would also have plenty of books and comic books by my bedside. I would get extremely bored if I didn’t have access to a variety of reading materials. I would have to make sure that there are plenty of Wonder Woman comic books. Of course the books I would be reading would be Sci-Fi, Fantasy or Mysteries because those are the genre’s that most grab my attention and keep my attention.

Another way I would be spending my time in medical isolation is coloring. I would need plenty of colored pencils, a pencil sharpener and my coloring pages and posters I ordered from Stuff 2 Color at: http://www.stuff2color.com/ Coloring would be quite helpful and relaxing. Plus it wouldn’t take much attention to be able to do especially at the beginning of the month long isolation when I would be feeling at my worst.

I would probably be sleeping a lot to get better. I would most likely be going stir crazy as time went on. I would hope that I would be able to have visitors but not sure if I would able to have any because of being contagious.

Well, I need to end this post for now. I need to finish getting ready for work. Have a wonderful day everyone and peace out!!!