Everyday Inspiration; Day 9: Writing & Not Writing

Today’s assignment is in regards to writing and what I as person does when I am not writing. I don’t know if I do anything different from everybody else on the everyday basis. I eat, sleep, work, chores and do everyday adulting.

As far as doing other things I play the flute. I am not any good at it. When I say I am not any good at playing the flute, I mean I am not good enough to make money off of playing the flute. Music is major part of my life and I personally think if it wasn’t for music I wouldn’t have a high school diploma. Being in marching and concert band in high school is what helped me stay and graduate high school.

Another thing that I do when I am not writing is art work. I do various forms of art. Specifically, I mainly color, paint and some collaging. I even do a combination of the type of art I do. Art helps me release emotions I am unable to express with words.

Last but not least, when I am not writing, I spend time with my cat, Lil Gertie. My cat, Lil Gertie is everything to me. She has been a major blessing in my life and am forever grateful for her. I do not know what I would do without her. She is such a sweet and loving cat. She gives me unconditional love and all she wants back is attention and wet food which I am happy to give her.

Well, I do not know what else to write about so I guess I will end this blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

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Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Dear Abuser,

This is the part of the letter I would say hello and ask how you are doing but you don’t deserve any of that. You don’t deserve it because of all the shit you put me through as a child. Hell, I am still feeling the affects of what I experienced at your hands. What you put me through as a child has caused me to become angry and led to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) which is absolutely no fun. Having to relive what I experienced at your hands when I was child and now reliving as an adult is scary as fuck. I am beyond angry with you and the many times you have harmed me.

The only good things that came out of you harming me is the ability to play music on the flute and art. If it wasn’t for both art and music my life would be a whole lot different. Art and music has given me an outlet to deal with the traumatic events I experienced at your hands.

I don’t have much more to tell you except that you are an absolute asshole and deserve to be in prison for the rest of your life. Sadly, you never had the opportunity to experience that kind of justice because I was too scared to do so.

Angerly  Yours,

Gertie

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write a List; Things I’ve Learned

Things I’ve Learned and Why I Learned Them

  • To play the flute; I learned to play the flute in elementary school. I started out playing the trombone but my arm was too short even with an extension so my best friend talked me into playing the flute.
  • DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) Skills; I needed to learn DBT skills for the reason that I didn’t learn good coping skills growing up and DBT skills helped me learn better ways to cope with everyday situations as well as how to deal with the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. In fact learning DBT skills is what helped start my recovery with mental health challenges.
  • Painting: I love art and one of my neighbors is teaching me to paint. He started teaching me to paint when he found out that I enjoy coloring as well as collaging.
  • Philosophy: I have found a new love passion about philosophy and have learned a great deal over the last few months. I started learning about philosophy while listening to a podcast when the podcast was suggested to me. After each episode I then do my own research on what was discussed in the episode. In fact I am still learning about philosophy.

Back to Basics in Recovery

Good Afternoon, World!!! Over the last few weeks I have realized that I really need to get back to basics. Back to basics in regards to my recovery as it appears that the last two and half years haven’t been the best for me in regards to my mental health symptoms and how I have been dealing with them. I haven’t been dealing with my symptoms in a way that that I would personally like to so that means that for the sake of my recovery I am needing to go to basics. Going back to basics also means having a routine.

Anyone in recovery especially in the early stages, or when symptoms increase, or when relapse happens routine is key to helping the person get to the life the want to live. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) terms; a life worth living. For me personally, routine has always been something I need throughout my life. Routine is something that has been quite helpful for me and my recovery and I think having more of a routine is something that will help me get to where I was when I was doing much better and be in a better place than when I was at my best.

When I was at my best I wasn’t isolating as much as I am now which means going back to basics not only means building more of a routine but going the basic DBT skills I did when I first made a decision to be in active recovery back in late 2003. For me those basic DBT skills include music and art. When I talk about music not only do I mean listening to music but playing music on my flute. Music has been a major part of my recovery. In regards to art and my recovery, coloring is the most basic thing I did because it was and still is one of my go to skills.

As for other skills that I have learned along my road of recovery is mindfulness. Mindfulness has been quite helpful for me. Yes, it is challenging at times but it is quite helpful for me to get into a better state of mind. A better state of mind that helps me use other skills needed to continue on the road of recovery.

Since I am on the topic of mindfulness and going back to the topic of routine something that I have thought long and hard about as well as started doing as a part of my morning is a mindfulness exercise. Usually, the mindfulness exercise I do is on the Calm app. I find doing mindfulness first thing in the morning quite helpful to start my day.

As I was thinking of other ways to build more of a routine throughout the day is to incorporate various things that I know will be beneficial to me, my life and me building a life worth living. The things, I will be incorporate into my daily routine is of course doing some art by coloring, music by setting a time to practice my flute, doing mindfulness exercises at least three times a day, reading a book or comic for a minimum of thirty minutes a day, walking twice a day for at least mile and listening to one episode of a podcast that I am currently enjoying a day. I realize that listening to a podcast, practicing my flute, reading, coloring, walking and mindfulness doesn’t sound much of a routine but I know it will help me get back to where I want to be in addition to going to appointments and making other plans for the day.

I don’t have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I am grateful for you my reader. I hope everyone has a good Monday and work week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Creative Type of Day Due to Mindfulness

Good Afternoon, World!!! Well, it must be one of those days where I am able to be creative and I am enjoying this immensely. I am extremely grateful that I have been able to be creative today.

One of the ways I have been creative today is by painting. I, finished two painting that I am really proud of. In fact of the paintings my cat accidentally helped me with. She stepped in some paint and then walked on the canvas which I think is very cool and unique. Sadly, I had to give her a quick bath in the sink before paint fully dried on her paws and fur. She is not a big fan of taking a bath but at least she “helped” me create an awesome painting even though that was not her intention. Maybe, one day I will share this painting with you someday.

Another way I have been creative today is that I have written several poems. Something I love to do yet struggle to do because I never feel like they are good enough. Sadly, I tend to throw away a good portion of my poetry due to the fact that I don’t think they are worthy of being read. I have been having others such as a good friend of mine hold on to my poetry as I hope that someday I can create a book full of my poetry.

Another way I have been creative today is play my flute. I love playing my flute and just like coloring, it is form of mindfulness for me. Playing the flute has been a life saver for me since I started playing at age twelve. It has helped and still helps me with my mental health challenges. It also helped me make friends in school as I was in the junior high and high school bands. And being in band is what helped me graduate high school. So you can say that playing the flute helped me graduate high school even though I am really not that good at playing it.

I think the reason why I have been so creative today is because I have done several mindfulness exercises today. I have done some much mindfulness today because of my anxiety and am learning that mindfulness not only helps with my anxiety but helps me be creative. I am grateful that I am slowly getting back into mindfulness on the daily basis.

I do not have much else to say. I hope to blog again this evening and if not then tomorrow. Have a great rest of you day. Peace Out, World!!!

Not So Good Mental Health Day

Hello, World!!! Today has been one of those not so good days in regards to my mental health symptoms. A day where I have experienced extreme loneliness as well as isolation. Of course some of the isolation is a protective fact so I don’t have an emotional outburst on anyone.

I just wish my depression and dissociation wasn’t acting up so bad. To make matters worse my voices are screaming at the moment. At least I am not suicidal nor do I have urges to self harm and that is always a plus.

My cat, Lil Gertie has been helping me a great deal. She has been been at my side or on my lap the entire day or at least in my waking moments. I have been sleeping a great deal today. Maybe because of the lack of sleep last night or because of the depression or maybe a combination of both. My music has been playing nonstop as it helps a great deal with the voices. I have also been doing a lot of art today. Mainly I have been coloring but I have done other forms of art. I just wish I wasn’t so lonely or even isolating. At least I have my cat, Lil Gertie.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Awe, Another Year at the U-District Street Fair

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U-District Street Fair Sign. 50 Year Anniversary of the U-District Street Fair

Just like every years since 2001, I attended the University District Street Fair located on “The Ave” in the University District neighborhood in Seattle. I love attending the U-District Street Fair for many reasons. One of which is that it has helped a great deal with my depression with me getting out of the apartment and has become a tradition for me because of that.

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Curly Fries. You can watch them make the curly fries from a homemade tool and potato’s they grow on their farm.

The second reason I go to the U-District Street Fair is for the food. Got to love the food. The one food I look forward to every year is the curly fries. This year I had a tough time finding them as the curly fry people weren’t in the same general area as they typically are in. I am grateful that they are still at the U-District Street Fair. Got to love the food.

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Just a couple of the characters you see doing street performances at the U-District. In this case it is two people play music with cat mask on.

The third reason I go is for the music as well as the street performances. I love the fact that you are able to see the true character of the U-District with both the street performers and the music they play.

The fourth reason I go is for the art. Sadly, many of the artist don’t like having pictures taken of their art or I would have done so. The only way is to buy the artwork and in most cases I am unable to afford it.

I have many more reasons why I go to the U-District Street Fair but if I mention them all, this would be the never ending post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of thing. If you live in the Seattle area, I hope you get the opportunity to attend the U-District Street Fair. Peace Out, World!!!