A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Good Morning, World!!! I still haven’t been back to bed since the fire alarm went of because someone burnt food. I am tired as hell and most likely will attempt to go back to sleep. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have been acting up quite severely since the fire alarm went off. They are acting up so badly that it is affecting my ability to calm down enough to be able to sleep. The insomnia isn’t help much either.

The thing that is helping me at the moment is my cat, Lil Gertie. She has a calming effect on me and that is extremely helpful. My cat has been by my side most of the morning after the fire alarm went off. I am grateful she has been near by as it has been quite helpful for me to be able to calm down.

One of the things I have been doing since I was so rudely woke up is coloring. I have been coloring my coloring pages. One of which I have shared with you here on my blog. I am hoping that with my coloring pages that I am currently doing that they will be done by the holidays as I want to be able to give them as gifts to people.

When I started off coloring, I listened to music. I listened to Nirvana, MxPX and Tori Amos. For some reason listening to the above mentioned musicians was and is quite helpful to me. I find their music relaxing.

After listening to music and still coloring I decided to listen to a podcast about philosophy. Coloring while listening to a podcast about philosophy not only helps me focus on the topic but to retain the subject. I of course find the subject of philosophy quite interesting and am grateful to be able to listen to a podcast about it as I color.

I don’t have much else to say in this blog post. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope to be able to get some sleep today as well as go see my dad in the hospital. I did talk to him this morning already and seemed to be doing okay. I hope everyone has a great day ahead as well as a relaxing day ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

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A Rude Awaking

Good Morning, World!!! I was almost fully asleep when the fire alarm in my apartment building went off once again. I thought it was another false alarm due it malfunctioning again but this time it was due to someone burning food in the wee hours of the morning. The person who set off the building fire alarm due to burnt food has done this multiple times and never opens his windows to let out the smoke. You would think he would learn especially since he is in a corner apartment. I am annoyed with the fact that it went off and woke up the entire building because someone couldn’t keep an eye on their food cooking.

When the fire alarm went off it triggered some anxiety as well as PTSD symptoms. I was in two fires when I was a kid so fire alarms trigger the hell out of me. When the fire alarm went off I quickly got my cat, Lil Gertie, and put her in her carrier and we exited the building. Sadly, many people didn’t exit because they thought it was another malfunction and burnt food but the folks who did evacuate were and are annoyed as hell like I am.

Being highly annoyed, full of anxiety and extremely triggered due to the fire alarm and in my apartment now, I have my music playing. I have my music playing to help me calm the fuck down. The fire alarm going is not conducive to having PTSD or Insomnia especially since I was finally almost asleep. Anyway, having my music on is helping.

Another thing that is helping is that my cat, Lil Gertie, is laying next to me in my chair. She is very calming and surprisingly chill after the fire alarm went off. Yes, she does get startled by the fire alarm and doesn’t fight me getting into her carrier. She appears to calm down once in the carrier because I think she knows she is going to be safe. I love my cat and how quickly she can chill out after the fire alarm goes off.

After I finish this blog post, I plan on continuing to listen to music as I do art work. Specifically, I plan on coloring as it appears to be a type of mindfulness for me. Coloring is very calming for me and am grateful to have it as a skill.

I think I am going to get going now. I plan on listening to music as I color and hopefully am able to get to sleep. I am tired as hell. Having the fire alarm go off when one is almost asleep is a rude awaking and just make one even more tired. But on that note, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night

Good Morning, World!!! According to my computer it is 2:34 in the morning in my corner of the world. I am unable to sleep despite trying everything I could before needing to take my sleep meds. In fact my sleep med is Ambien and I am just waiting for it to kick in so I can go to sleep. Having insomnia suck shit. Normally, I wouldn’t mind not being able to sleep on a Friday night / Saturday morning because that would mean I could sleep all day on Saturday so I could stay awake during my twelve hour night shift on Saturday nights for work. But I am not working Saturday due to the fact my dad is in the hospital because of an emergency surgery. I just wish I didn’t have insomnia. I really hope my Ambien hurries up and kicks in.

I have been coloring most of the night. Coloring has been quite helpful for me and my recovery with mental health challenges. It is the one type of art that I can take with me so when things get challenging I can just pull it out and color. Coloring is the one thing I never stopped doing from childhood.

Most of the night as I colored I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy. I am learning a great deal about both philosophy and history from the philosophy podcast. I am really enjoy the podcast. I highly recommend the philosophy podcast; Philosophize This. I personally like it.

As much as I love listening to the podcast Philosophize This about philosophy, I had to stop listening to it as I was coloring because my mind was starting to get on learning overload. I love the podcast and will continue to listen to it but I need to take a break from it for a few hours so when I go back to coloring I will listen to music. Hell, I am listening to music as I write this blog post. In fact I am listening to Tori Amos and Nirvana. I just wish my Ambien would kick in because I really want to sleep.

Since my Ambien isn’t kicking in yet, I will end this post for now to go back to coloring and continue to listen to the music of Tori Amos and Nirvana. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Early Saturday Morning Post

Good Morning, World!!! It is five thirty eight in the morning on a Saturday and you are most likely thinking why I am up before the butt crack of dawn. I am up before the butt crack of dawn  because I work tonight, Saturday, a twelve and a half hour shift. Thankfully, it is only one shift a week even though I am still considered on call staff but have it slightly easier advantage than other on calls due to the fact is I am able to say no to taking other shifts than the two other new on calls due to having one regular shift a week. It was actually nice to know that I am now not the only on-call and that I have slightly more rights to say no to taking on shift due to the fact I work every Saturday. It is still preferred that I do take one on call shift once every two months. Specifically my boss wants me to focus on Saturdays and emergency call outs such as a family emergency, someone being sick and stuff like that. Of course every on-call is required do that however I might still be able to to be asked to cover someone’s shift if they are on vocation or “spontaneously moving” or taking a mental health day. I just don’t have to “feel obligated” to do so. I am liking the regular shift despite find out that I am still on-call but it looks good on the resume. I did apply for a peer position job that I think that would be a good fit for me and applied for it both Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. I haven’t received a call back and I am not expecting one due not being employed as a peer for two years now and that I didn’t have a job for a year and half which is why I am still at my current job. It is easier to get your resume to be looked at my a human if you have work and/or volunteering. I do both which is a good. thing for the resume.

I have been awake all night due to the fact I have to work tonight (Saturday) and have to sleep during the day. I am not a big fan of sleeping during the day or working twelve and a half hour night shift but at least it is a job. So as my Saturday goes, I will be sleep most of the day. Sleep I could have done last night but I want to go to work well rest. Even if I wasn’t working tonight I don’t think I could have slept due to my stupid insomnia so lets hope I can sleep during the day and not have my insomnia involved.

I pretty much listened t music most of the night music that would be helpful since I decided to be creative tonight by doing various types of art. Mainly coloring and painting with limited collaging due to the lack of magazines and newspapers. I put on my grunge rock play list that has  some many various musicians that it would take too long to post who was all on my music playlist. My grunge music play list did help my with my creativity in regards to my art work. My coloring pages are coming out nicely despite it taking longer than expected. My painting slowly but surely becoming a picture that I am going to be happy with.

As far as my cat goes, she has been much appreciated that I have been up and awake during her waking hours. Lil Gertie, my cat sure likes the idea that I play with her more at night than during the day but she does play with me during the day. Lil Gertie is jut more active at night than during the day. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so much I don’t know what life would be like without her. I hope she lives a long life as she is only seven years old.

I do not have much more to say as I am getting tired and most likely need to get to bed so I can sleep during the day on what is suppose to be a beautiful Saturday. I might not be able to enjoy the beautiful weather but I am okay with that as I work an over night shift at a homeless shelter. I am grateful for my job and really need to go so I can get some sleep. Lets hope my insomnia doesn’t continue or I will be cranky bucket at work. I would like to thank you for the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you so much for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Saturday and awesome weekend. You my readers a blessing to me and greatly appreciate each one of you. Peace Out, World!!!

A Friday Morning Post From a Tired Person

Good Morning, World!!! I have been awake since 3:33 this morning due to a nightmare. A nightmare my cat woke me up from before it could get worse. Somehow my cat is acutely aware of when I am having a nightmare. My cat, Lil Gertie, tend to wake me up from nightmares by either licking one of my big toes or my nose till I fully wake up. When I finally wake up, Lil Gertie is by my side snuggling with me till my anxiety decreases due to PTSD. Having PTSD sucks shit and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

One of the first things I did as I snuggled with Lil Gertie was do a mindfulness and meditation exercise. I did this with the help of an app on my phone called Calm. It was an app that was suggest by a good friend of mine a couple of years ago that I attempt to use quite often. Not as often as I want or should but I am starting to use it on the daily basis as it is quite helpful when I use it everyday.

After doing about twenty minutes of mindfulness and meditation I turned on some music that is focused on meditation to listen to as I pulled out a coloring page to coloring. I didn’t do much but what I did do was somewhat challenging as I was trying to do some shading to make the bridge look a bit more realistic. Sadly, part of it isn’t shaded and hopefully when I am finished with the bridge and the rest of the picture the lack of shading on the part of the bridge that wasn’t shaded won’t be noticeable. The below picture is the coloring page/poster I am doing.

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The coloring page / poster I am coloring at the moment. It is extremely detailed and will take time to finish.

Right now as I am writing this blog post, I have the morning news on. It’s been mostly local news with weather and traffic. Thankfully, no mention of President Trump. I am not a big fan of Trump for many reasons and am grateful when the news doesn’t mention him especially with the hatred he spews.

Since I am on the topic of Trump I didn’t appreciate the fact that earlier this week that he blamed the mass shootings on mental illness when we all know it was done by white racist men who aren’t mentally ill. Racism is not a mental illness and people with mental health challenges are not “Twisted Monsters” or “Mentally Ill Monsters.” It boggles my mind that Trump doesn’t realize that most mass shootings in America are done by white men who are NOT mentally ill. I have more to say about this but will discuss it later as it is now 7:00 in the morning and I want to try to get some sleep after having been woken up at 3:33 in the morning.

As I end this post I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Friday. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

An Early Sunday Morning Post At Work

Good Morning, World!!! As, I write this blog post, I am at work. As I may or may not have told you, I work at a homeless shelter for young adults (18-25). My shifts are once a week at night for twelve hours. The first two and a half hours as well as the last two and a half hours are the hours that the busiest and the seven hours in between are the slowest as well as the most boring. As much as it is boring and slow, I find things to keep me occupied. Yes, I do have work things to do which I do however I also get to do other things like blog, color, reading, and go on Facebook. Right now, I am listening to music as write this blog post. I am listening to my childhood play list on Spotify.

This past week has been one of isolation due to the symptoms of my depression. With that being said, I did go to DBT group on Thursday and therapy on Friday. DBT group went well. We discuss a great deal especially on the skill of Mindful of Current Emotion. It was nice to have discussed this particularly because I tend to not want to be mindful of my emotions as they tend to be painful. As far as therapy on Friday it turned out to be a difficult yet extremely productive session. We discussed a couple of things that needed to talked about and through. My therapist even referred me to another group. A group that I did several years ago but willing to do it again as I am in agreement with my therapist that it could be helpful.

Something else I did this past week was order some coloring pages from Stuff2Color.com. I am looking forward to starting some new coloring project and hopefully have them finished by Christmas so I could give them as gifts to others. On the plus note about the coloring as it is helpful for me as it tends to be a type of mindfulness for me.

I am looking forward to later today so I can start reading a new book a colleague has lent me. It is about a story of a young person who is experiencing some hardships. So, of course it is something that is of interest of me. Reading someone else’s story is something that inspires me as well as it gives me hope.

Since, I do not have much more to write about, I am going to end this blog post. But before I go I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you so very much for reading my blog. I hope every has a wonderful day of them as well as an awesome week ahead. I know I plan on having a good week despite having some unwanted chores and errands ahead for the week. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 9: Writing & Not Writing

Today’s assignment is in regards to writing and what I as person does when I am not writing. I don’t know if I do anything different from everybody else on the everyday basis. I eat, sleep, work, chores and do everyday adulting.

As far as doing other things I play the flute. I am not any good at it. When I say I am not any good at playing the flute, I mean I am not good enough to make money off of playing the flute. Music is major part of my life and I personally think if it wasn’t for music I wouldn’t have a high school diploma. Being in marching and concert band in high school is what helped me stay and graduate high school.

Another thing that I do when I am not writing is art work. I do various forms of art. Specifically, I mainly color, paint and some collaging. I even do a combination of the type of art I do. Art helps me release emotions I am unable to express with words.

Last but not least, when I am not writing, I spend time with my cat, Lil Gertie. My cat, Lil Gertie is everything to me. She has been a major blessing in my life and am forever grateful for her. I do not know what I would do without her. She is such a sweet and loving cat. She gives me unconditional love and all she wants back is attention and wet food which I am happy to give her.

Well, I do not know what else to write about so I guess I will end this blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!