A Painful Mother’s Day

Good Morning, World!!! As American’s celebrate Mother’s Day, I sit here dealing with grief and loss. The grief and loss of my grandma and being the first Mother’s Day with out her. Also dealing with the loss of two sets of twins. Not everyone has a good or happy Mother’s Day due to the painful experiences of loosing a child or children in my case as well as grandma.

For me Mother’s Day is also painful for me because my mom was not always there for me. She kept deciding throughout my childhood she couldn’t “handle” me for a multitude of reasons. One reason is because of her addiction to Heroin.

I want to discuss with you more about how things are going for me today but even writing this is have tears roll down my face. I am going to get going and do some mindfulness. Have a great day. Peace out, world!!!

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, World!!! I’m stating the obvious here; it is St. Patrick’s Day. Today is where most of the world thinks they are Irish even if they are not. I am fifty percent Irish. In fact I am third generation born here in America from Ireland. That means my great grandparents immigrated from Ireland.

That’s why when it comes to immigration, I am all for it. All people are looking for, when they immigrate is for a better life. That is what both sets of great grandparents did on my mothers side did. They made a better life for themselves. Granted life was not easy for my great grandparents yet at least it was better than living in Ireland at that time. I’m not saying America is better than Ireland, I am saying that my great grandparents were making a better life for themselves.

Thank you for reading my blog. Happy St. Patrick’s Day and Peace Out, World!!!

 

How I became Gerties Motherly Figure

Gertie has an endearing way about them that has one’s heart accept them as who they are even at their most challenging times. On that note, I quickly realized what Gertie needed the most in their life was a motherly figure. A motherly figure so desperately needed when they were growing up and still craves as an adult even seventeen years later after I met them.

Gertie has the sweetest heart that has a hint of childlikeness to it. This most likely why they are so enduring. I chose to become their mother figure after we start becoming friends realizing that’s all they ever wanted in their life. I think with me stepping up to the mother figure role in Gerties role it helped them with continuing their recovery a process. A process that Gertie as worked long and hard for. Yes, they have had their ups and downs in recovery however with my help and the help of many others Gertie has thrived. Thrived in a way that a great deal of others never thought possible.

It is because of Gertie’s resiliency I have stuck by them and be a motherly figure to them. A figure that neither one of us expected would happen till it happened. A figure that both of us have cherished ever since.

Hello, It’s Me Again; Mama Bear

Hello! I am the motherly figure in Gertie’s life that they fondly refer me as “Mama Bear.” I haven’t posted in quite sometime and was asked by Gertie to do a brief reintroduction of myself.

I have known Gertie for over 17 years and have seen her grow as person as well as in their recovery. Yes, Gertie has been struggling the last year however I still see them making strides as a person and in their recovery.

As Gertie stated in their post yesterday, they want Junior and myself to post every other week and alternate the weeks we post with the excepting of this week. From my understanding Junior will be posting tomorrow. My post will mainly consist of what its like to be a motherly figure to someone who has lived experience. That shouldn’t be too difficult for me to convey as I am a mother of four children and my two youngest deal with their own mental health struggles. In fact Gertie is a role model and example of what recovery looks like to all four of my children especially my two youngest.

Thank you for reading.

A Painful Holiday Called Mother’s Day

I am struggling to write this particular post as it has to do with the topic of mothers. In most of the world, today its Mother’s Day. A day that can be quite painful for may individuals out there.

I know for me, Mothers Day has been a source of pain for the last 35 years. I say 35 years because my mom abandoned me and my dad when I was just the tender age of three. As difficult as it was growing up with out my mom being an active participant in my life, I am beyond grateful that I have a loving father in my life that made sure I had a positive woman influence in my life. I call her grandma. My grandma went above and beyond the call of duty and am thrilled that she took on the motherly role.

Even though my grandma played the motherly role in my life as best as she could it didn’t really fill the whole I needed from my own mom. To this day, my mom hasn’t played much of a role in my life. Well, she has played a role but it has been the role of negativity. My mom blames me a great deal with how her life ended up. I realize that having a child changes things however don’t blame the child for your life decisions. Especially decisions beyond anyone control.

Things beyond one’s control is another reason why Mothers Day is so painful for me. I miscarried two sets of twins. As much as not having a loving and caring mother around, loosing a child or in my case four children hurts like hell. When today comes around it makes me acutely aware on how difficult it is to deal with the pain of the loss of miscarrying. Pain I haven’t dealt with and really need to deal with. Pain I hope that someday I can deal with and hopefully sooner than later.

At this point in time, I realize that I’m needing to stop this particular post as it is getting difficult to continue at this moment in time.  I hope each and everyone has a good Mothers Day despite how painful it can be. Peace Out!!!

 

 

Gertie Asked For A Different Perspective

It has been a while since my first contribution to Gertie’s blog. Before I go on, let me re-introduce myself. I am a friend and motherly figure to Gertie. Gertie lovingly refers to me as “Mama Bear” and that is what I will go by on their blog.

As I mentioned in the introduction I have taken Gertie under my wing. Gertie so desperately needed a motherly figure that I was willing to take that on. I didn’t meet Gertie till she was 21 when she was near death due to a serious suicide attempt. Over the years Gerties attempts on her life as well as self harm behavior became less and less. One day my crew and I were shopping at the grocery store where she use to work and that is how myself and Junior slowly got to know her and befriend her. As frustrating as Gertie can be at times it has been one of my greatest pleasures in my life being able to see her grow. Grow into the person she is now.

Yes, Gertie has had her struggles recently but I really think that the support system she has created has helped a great deal. I also think that Gertie’s new job position at work has helped as well.

I hope that over time I will discuss with you what it is like to not only be part of Gertie’s support system but what it is like to be a mother of two children who have a diagnosed mental illness. I also would like to talk about my role as a firefighter and the role mental health plays on my job description and the encounters I have experienced dealing with folks with mental illness. I have a many different views of mental illness in my own personal life that I hope I can bring to Gertie’s blog. I am part of her “journey” and can give you view that she is not able to give.

As I end this post, I would like to thank you for reading. I am giving a perspective that Gertie is wanting on her blog. I am glad to be able to give that perspective. Thank you for the willingness to read my perspective and read from someone else other than the main person who write on this blog.

Mama Bear

Introduction: Mama Bear

Hello! Let me introduce myself. I am who Gertie refers to as Mama Bear. As you know, Gertie has asked me to be a contributor to her blog. I will be sharing my personal experience on what it is like to be a support system to someone who struggles  with a mental illness.

I have been asked to also share my experience on what it is like to be a parent of two children who are diagnosed with a mental illness. I may consider Gertie like a daughter, I have four other children. Two of which I had biologically and two of which I adopted. It is my adopted children that have a diagnosed mental illness. Not only will I be sharing my experience of what its like to be the support system of someone who struggles with a mental illness and being the parent of two children with a mental illness, I will be discussing what it is like to be a first responder who deals with the mentally ill.

I have known Gertie for nearly 16 years and have seen her grow. Grow in ways that many of us didn’t think could happen. We didn’t think it could happen because Gertie was so close to death due to multiple suicide attempts that we didn’t think should would make it. Gertie’s will and determination to start recovery and to remain in recovery is what has helped to get to the place she is in now. She is doing awesome. She is following her dreams of being in a romantic relationship with my colleague, Junior as well as working as a Peer Specialist to help show others recovery is possible.

I thank you for reading. I hope to post as often as I am able with being a working mother to four children and a motherly figure Gertie needs.

Mama Bear