Yesterday Was Not a Good Day

Good Morning, World or at least it is three twenty one in the morning in Seattle. Yesterday (Tuesday) was not a good day for me. I ended up in the hospital twice in the Emergency Room due to being suicidal. First time I went in it was four something in morning and was discharged. Thankfully I got home just in time for my psychiatric nurse practitioner called me for our phone appointment, She put me on Ativan which was a good thing.

Being home was not a good thing so I called my therapist who is fairly new to me and appears to be a great therapist. I also called one of the supervisors who happens to be my therapist supervisor. I called the both and left them both an email. The supervisor suggested to go back to the hospital so I did. But the first thing I did was have my grandpa and uncle pick up Billie with his supplies to take to grandpa. My uncle and grandpa dropped me back at the same hospital I was earlier.

On that note they had already did shift change and the social worker on duty was surprised to see me as I’m not going to the Emergency Room for mental health in over four years. Partly glad it was her and partly wish she wasn’t her. She pointed out some stuff I needed to hear which let me come back home. I’m glad she helped me make that decision as I fear if I ended back in a psych ward I most likely would have retreated to old behavior.

As of right now I can’t sleep for unknown reasons so I took an Ativan to help with my anxiety since Billie my cat is with my grandpa and uncle. I know Billie is in good hands but I sure do miss the little dude. Well not so little as he is fifteen and a half pounds. He could loos a few pounds just like I do.

I do not have much to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Attended a Midnight 12-Step Meeting

Happy very early Saturday day morning. I just got off of a twelve step meeting that I find quite helpful and use recovery words and statements that other 12 step meeting do not. I find it quite helpful and am happy I am starting to do these meetings again. I want to say more more I am tired as hell and it is almost 2:00am Seattle time. I hope to share more later today. Have a good night and Peace Out, World

Can I Have Just One Night Without Nightmares

I woke up about an hour ago with a nightmare. A nightmare that could have possibly turned into a screaming nightmare if Junior didn’t gently wake me up. The above picture is not me but that’s how I tend to end up after a horrific nightmare like the one I had tonight.

Like the loving partner, Junior is, he comforted me. As I was curled up in the fetal position, Junior asked if it was okay to rub my back and I shook my yes. As Junior rubbed my back I slowly felt safe enough to get out of the fetal position to allow myself to be held by Junior. As Junior held me I cried. I cried out the emotions that have haunted me for years.

After a nice long, good cry with Junior, we are now up. Junior put in a movie and decided to bake some chocolate cupcakes as I blog and watch the movie. I know it is going to take some time to recover from the nightmare I had tonight and I am radically accepting that moment.

For those who are not familiar with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), radical acceptance is a skill. A skill that is defined as: complete and total acceptance of something; accepting reality. Radical acceptance is one of the key components of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

Radical acceptance is not the easiest of skills to master. I am speaking from experience. It is something that I will need to continue to practice so I can master it or at least come close to. It is a skill that I find difficult for many reason that I hope to explain at a later date.

I know I am needing to go so I can continue to radically accept the nightmare. I also want to focus on the movie and spend time with Junior. I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday. Have a great weekend and peace out!!