The Sh*t That Is On My Mind

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a few days since I last posted. I have attempted to post but hit road blocks and writers block along the way. So today, I am saying fuck it to both the road blocks and writers block and just write what I am thinking at the moment. Yes, it is a scary thought. Yes, I will be writing what I am exactly at the moment. Yes, it might not make sense.

Right now I am dealing with some fucking anger. Anger over the mass shooting in California. Why in the hell is this shit still fucking happening? Why is the media blaming mental health challenges, yet again on the mass shooting? Why are people on social media sites doing the same thing? Seriously, people who have a mental health challenge are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than a perpetrator of one. Why can’t mainstream media share that?

Okay, if you are a regular reader, you know I live in Seattle, Washington. Anyway a couple of initiatives recently passed here in Washington. One was for better gun control. I personally had mixed feelings on this initiative because of possible HIPPA violations. I would have voted for it if it weren’t for the HIPPA violations. I am all for common sense gun control but when it violates a persons medical privacy then its an issue for me. Another initiative  that passed and I voted for is better and more training for police officers in regards to people who are in a mental health crisis. I don’t understand why people have an issue over more training for police officers. Hell, I personally think any type of training for any career is a good thing.

I am having some high anxiety right now. I haven’t had therapy last week or this week due to my therapist being out sick. I can’t help but think this is going to be another repeat of what happened when Diana left unexpectedly two years ago due to a cancer diagnosis. I feel like I am have very similar conversations with the on call clinicians that I had two years ago as I “have no evidence” that my therapist wont be coming back which is true but when its happened before you tend to worry and be anxious about such things. I just don’t need another change in my mental health care. I hope my therapist gets better and does come back but I’m not holding my breath at the moment. I don’t think the clinicians I’ve talked to over the last two week really understand the fear I am having right now especially with having a new job and the holidays coming up.

Thanks for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. I am grateful for each one of you who read my blog. Again, thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening as well as a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

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Midnight Madness & Randomness

Good Morning, World!!! It is officially twelve midnight in my corner of the world. I am tired as hell and personally, I probably could fall asleep now but I am attempting to stay awake all night as I have to work Thursday night from 8:00 pm to Friday morning at 8:00 am. I am attempting to stay awake all night since I have to be awake all night Thursday night so I can sleep all day on Thursday.

I watched the eleven o’clock news as I posted my last post. There was really nothing really good in the news which is normal. I guess according to the weather person, it is suppose to rain tonight and tomorrow which is typical for Seattle. It just hasn’t really been rainy which is unusual for this time of year in Seattle.

Right now, besides blogging, I am watching television. I am watch late night television. Once the late night television is done, I will then binge watch television or movies on Hulu and/or Netflix. Not sure exactly what I will watch. I just know I need to stay awake as long as possible so I can sleep during the day since I work a twelve hour night shift on Thursday night.

Well, as a reminder that might be quite annoying to you. I would really like you my reader to click on to the advertisements that are on my blog. Every time an advertisement is clicked on and fully loaded, I get money. I earn as little as a few cents and as much as few dollars per click of an ad. So please do me a favor and click on an ad or two at least once if not twice a week if you read my blog that often. I want the extra money to pay for gifts for my friends and family for the holiday season. Yes, I know its only October but I like to make sure the gifts I give are special to my loved ones.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great night. I hope that if you live in the United States or Canada that you having a good nights sleep. Again, thank you for reading. Good night, once again. Peace Out, World!!!

6:30 am Monday Morning Madness

Good Monday, Morning To You, World!!! I should have written this post last night after I got home from the hospital but decided to wait till today to do so. I had a not so delightful time at the hospital as I waited to get evaluated for psych reasons. Thankfully, I was put into a hallway bed without needing to be restrained as the folks at this hospital know me well enough to know what to do when needed. And in my case a hallway bed without restraints is what I needed. Of course the doctors and nurses saw me however has I waited for the social worker to come see me another patient assaulted me. The hospital staff was in the middle of evaluating him when he got angry, left his room and grabbed my wrist and twisted hard enough to bruise my wrist and my hand. Thankfully, nothing is broken. He also gave me a black eye. Needless to say this person was put into restraints. The doctors had to come evaluate me once again before I could see the social worker because I needed to be medically cleared once again. I finally got home about 10:00 pm last night and would have been home sooner if I wasn’t assaulted by another patient.

Now that it is Monday morning let the madness begin. The madness started off with the fire alarm going off at 2:34 am due to a malfunction. Then it went off again at 3:33 am due to another malfunction. it went of a third time at 5:09 am due to an actual fire in someone’s apartment. Someone decided to start cooking and while cooking they decided to do some heroin. Not my idea of starting of any day much less a work week.

On that note, it is another foggy morning in Seattle. I don’t know why but I like foggy mornings. It gives me some sort of peace. It also gives me an excuse to stay in my pajamas longer as I read the news paper at a leisure pace while drinking my hot tea with milk and honey in it.

Since I don’t have work tonight, to my knowledge, I think I am going to take it easy today. My therapist doesn’t get back from vacation till this afternoon or at least that’s what his voicemail says. It says he will be in this afternoon which is good because I left him an email informing him of what happened yesterday at the hospital.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope everyone has a good work week and if you don’t work, I how you still have a good week. Happy Monday to all of you. Peace Out, World!!!!

A Foggy & Not So Sleepy Sunday Morning

Good Morning, World!!! It is a foggy Sunday morning here in Seattle. Looks like it could be another lazy day but I need to do some house work first. But first things first is that I read the Sunday news paper and now I am watching the Sunday morning news. I was able to get some sleep last night which is a major deal since I haven’t really slept for a few days.

Like I mentioned in my last paragraph I have household chores I need to do. Thankfully, there is not much to do. After watching the morning news since I have already read the news paper, I will do my chores to get them out of the way.

After doing my chores, I plan on reading most of the day. I plan on reading the fantasy book I recently picked up again. I started reading it again because I never finished the book the first time. The book is a really good book. I think I will be able to finish it this time around is because my consternation is a lot better due to the fact the symptoms of my mental health challenges are getting better. So, that what lazy thing I plan on doing most of the day besides playing with my cat, Lil Gertie.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Still Sleepless In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! Yes, it is still morning in my neck of the world. It is now 7:15 in the morning in Seattle and I still haven’t been to sleep even though I have tried many times and many ways.

As I mentioned in my last post, I used meditation and mindfulness practices as well as meds. I did take an extra dose of both my anxiety meds and sleeping meds with permission from the doctor on call yet it didn’t help. I also attempted to watch television that is know for it’s comedy and humor which helps a good portion of the time but this time it didn’t help like I was wanting it to.

So, what I decided to do next was to spend time with my cat as she is quite helpful with helping me with my PTSD and anxiety and she helped a great deal. She is now sleeping next to me in my chair as I write this post.

Another thing I have been doing is hopes to help me sleep is reading. I have been reading comic books. Specifically, I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books as Wonder Woman gives me sense of strength to do what I need to do. Yes, I know I am getting strength from a fictional character but if it helps me with whatever I am going through which on this moment is attempting trying to get to sleep then I’ll use it.

So, as I say good morning (and goodnight again) I hope you all have a good day. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have an awesome day. Peace out, world!!!

A Lazy Friday

Good Morning, World!!! It is Friday morning and I plan to take it easy today while staying in my pajama’s all day. Part of the reason I am doing this is because today marks the seventh month anniversary of my grandma’s death. Yes, that means I am still taking her death hard and obviously still dealing with grief. Another reason why I am taking it easy today is because of the weather. It is a rainy and dreary day here in Seattle. So the weather is fitting my depressive mood at the moment.

Since my grief and depression are acting up, I have decided that staying my pajama’s is a part of my self care plan which means I will staying in all day. Yes, I do have plans to do things here at home as part of my self care. As part of my self care I plan on doing today is watch movies. Not sure what movies I am going to watch but I plan on watching comedies as they are the most helpful to me when I am depressed and/or dealing with grief.

Another things I plan on doing today for good self care is reading. I plan on reading the Science Fiction novel I picked up from my home library. I also plan reading comic books. I will most likely be reading Wonder Woman comic books with a mixture of other comic books.

Having a good self care plan when I plan on staying home is key to making sure my depression doesn’t get worse. So, that is why I decided to do things that are quite helpful for me when I am home. The best part of me staying home now and being lazy is spending time with my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a good day and a wonderful weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Wonder Woman & The WNBA

Good Evening, World!!! I have been fighting off depression all day today. I haven’t left my apartment except to check my mail. Despite being depressed and in isolation mode, I have found ways to keep myself busy.

The main thing I did today was read Wonder Woman comic books. I did this as it appears reading Wonder Woman comic books give me the strength I need to get through difficult moments like the ones I have had today.

Another thing I did was watch the Seattle Storm sweep the Washington Mystics in the WNBA championship. Of course that means the Seattle Storm win the 2018 WNBA championship. I am proud of the Seattle Storm.

Now, I need to figure out what the hell to do next to combat this depressive episode I am struggling with. I think I am going to call some friends. Reaching out to others is helpful for me. I most likely will also do some coloring.

Lil Gertie, my cat, has been quite helpful to me today. She is an awesome cat. I think having Lil Gertie has proven to be a great investment for me. She has helped my mental health in many ways.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!