Resiliency Making an Appearance

Good Evening, World!!! The last two and half months have been challenging for me and many others due to the unexpected news off my employer closing and being laid off. It has been quite traumatizing for all involved and am beyond grateful for the support I have received from many different people including those, I never expected support from.

If you been reading my blog regularly the last two and half months, you know I’m getting laid off due to my employer closing. Due to Covid-19 I know most of my colleagues via zoom and same goes for the clients I serve. Any way, I am realizing the fact how resilient myself, colleagues and clients are while sharing the same trauma even though we are experiencing it in different ways.

As sucky as the pandemic has been, Zoom has become a love hate relationship. Zoom may has it’s problems but it sure has its ups. Lets start by the best part of Zoom meetings and appointments which is surprise visits from all the pets which includes on my end seeing (and hearing) birds, rabbits, cats, dogs, turtles, snakes, rats and a miniature horse. I think with the seeing all the animals people have as pets has built a rapport with others if the pandemic didn’t happen. I know my cat, Billie, has helped my clients in Zoom appointments. Hell, Billie and my colleagues pets have helped ease a lot of meetings when they (pets) make an appearance in meetings.

Not only have pets including my own cat Billie has helped with my resiliency, music has helped a great deal. The last two and have months my recovery play list has helped a great with the resiliency part of my recovery. My recovery play list appears to be the play list I’ve been listening to the most since I found out I was being laid off. So music helping so much just my cat Billie is.

I don’t have much more to say except that my cat, Billie (and other animals/pets I see in Zoom meetings) and music have been helping me a great deal with being resilient. I also want to thanks you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Good Morning, World!!! It is 5:24 in the morning here in my corner of the world known as Seattle. I haven’t been able to sleep for multiple reasons. Some reasons are known like dealing with an never ending migraine which is a chronic pain issues. Other reasons is due to PTSD and insomnia while some reasons are unknown. Sadly, due to the lack of sleep and migraine, I am unable to volunteer at PAWS Cat City today due to the lack of sleep and the migraine. Yes, I did leave them three voicemails and an email letting them I won’t be there.

It makes me sad that I won’t be able to volunteer today due to insomnia and a migraine. I really love to volunteer at PAWS Cat City. They are an amazing organization. Plus, I get to help a community that has helped me with adopting my last cat, Lil Gertie and current cat Billie Dean. If it wasn’t for the awesome experience of the adoption with Lil Brooke I would have never become a volunteer. Yes, I also had an awesome adoption experience with Billie but by the time I adopted him I had already been a volunteer for a couple of months at PAWS Cat City.

Billie, my cat has been extra cuddly tonight as I think he knows I haven’t be feeling well. Part of wonders if the lack of sleep and migraine has any thing to due with the stress I am having around the holidays which includes the Holiday Blues, Depression, and PTSD that comes this time of year due to trauma related things. I am trying to make my own Christmas traditions around Christmas which are helping a great deal but some days or in this case nights are tougher than others days and/or nights.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you do read my blog as if it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It really means a great deal to me that you do. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Random Post About Nothing in Particular

Good Late Evening, World!!! As much as I love my job and the work I do, today was a rough day for me. It was a rough day because two clients I had appointments with today, had experienced someone close to them die by suicide within the last couple of days. It’s never easy dealing with loosing somebody close to you to suicide. I did what I could to help my clients and I personally experienced some secondary trauma from hearing both of my clients experience. Its not easy especially when you have experienced similar traumas as the clients. The best I could do was listen and I personally don’t think that is enough but in these cases is enough.

Something that I did was reach out to my therapist to help me with the dialog I was having in my head about my clients as well as the dialog I am having about quitting wanting quit my meds. I’m not going to stop my meds but wanted my therapist to know. I also have a couple of support friends who are a part of my Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) who know about the meds. I am feeling supported by my friends and therapist and the love they give me.

My cat Billie Dean is of course loving on me as he picks up the stuff I am dealing with. Billie is the sweetest lap cat one can have. I am blessed to have Billie in my life as he loves me and gives me the hope to live just like my friends. Billie is an amazing cat and I love him so much for his unconditional love me.

Another thing that is a part for my WRAP is mindfulness by myself as well as with my clients.. Mindfulness helps me greatly

I don’t have much more say in this particular blog post. I just want to thank you reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again thank you for reading my block. I hope you have a good night of sleep. Peace OUt, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Dear Bullies and the Adults that protected the bullies,

I am writer this letter to those who bullied me in high school and the adults who protected them. Due to being bullied, I now have PTSD. Yes, I have PTSD from other trauma’s I had to endure throughout my childhood and adulthood. I just want you to know that you bullying me gave me PTSD and caused the depression I was dealing ended spiraling down hill to where I tried to take my own life.

Despite trying to take my own life, I have managed to because a successful adult. An adult that was able to become a strong person despite the hate I had to endure because of you and the adults that made excuses for you. I am a strong person despite you and the shit you did to me.

Sincerely,

Gertie

Oh How I Wish Mr. Sandman Would Visit

Good Morning, World!!! I am unable to sleep at the moment. I do not know why I am unable to sleep but I do have an idea. I suspect the reason why I can not sleep is due to the anxiety I am feeling after the trauma I experienced last week at the hands of a neighbor that lives on my floor. The anxiety is not a fun thing nor is it helpful in helping with sleep. Besides an increase of anxiety, I am also having an increase of PTSD symptoms. PTSD sucks shit.

On a plus note, Billie Dean, my cat is being quite helpful in regards to both the anxiety and PTSD. Having Billie as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA) has been quite helpful in my recovery. In fact when I had Lil Gertie as a cat before she crossed over the rainbow bridge, I realize how helpful she was as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA). If it wasn’t for the suggestion of my last therapist of getting a cat as an ESA, I wouldn’t have ever gotten Lil Gertie or Billie. After realizing how helpful Lil Gertie was for my recovery, I knew that having another cat as an ESA would be beneficial to me and my mental health recovery. Billie is doing an amazing job as my ESA, just like Lil Gertie did.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post so I am going to end my post. I want to thank you very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, I want to thank each one of you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Plain Ole Coping

Good Evening, World!!! It is now evening time here in Seattle. Right now I am just plain ole coping. Coping with the recent trauma I experienced at the hands of a neighbor. It wasn’t as severe as other trauma’s I have experienced but still relatively traumatic. Traumatic enough that it triggered severe PTSD symptoms from other trauma’s I had experienced in my life.

Now let me discuss the ways I have been coping with the newest trauma in my life. First things first is that my cat, Billie Dean has been quite helpful in helping me cope. Billie has helped me keep myself grounded. Being grounded is key to keeping myself in an okay head space.

Another form of grounding for me as well as a coping skill is doing mindfulness and meditation exercises. Exercises that help me be in the present moment. For me using meditation and mindfulness as away to cope has been prove effective for me and my recovery.

Now that I have let you know how I have been coping at the moment I want to bring something to your attention and hope you help me with it. If you don’t want to, I hope you don’t feel pressured to do so. As you may have seen, I have advertisements on my blog. I have them on my blog to help me earn some money. The only way I can earn money from the advertisements is if you click on them and let them fully load. You don’t have buy anything after clicking. I only earn a cent or two for you clicking it but I don’t get paid till the amount adds up to at least one hundred dollars. I hope that you can help me by clicking on the advertisements so I can earn some extra money.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do, however, want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Dear Abuser,

This is the part of the letter I would say hello and ask how you are doing but you don’t deserve any of that. You don’t deserve it because of all the shit you put me through as a child. Hell, I am still feeling the affects of what I experienced at your hands. What you put me through as a child has caused me to become angry and led to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) which is absolutely no fun. Having to relive what I experienced at your hands when I was child and now reliving as an adult is scary as fuck. I am beyond angry with you and the many times you have harmed me.

The only good things that came out of you harming me is the ability to play music on the flute and art. If it wasn’t for both art and music my life would be a whole lot different. Art and music has given me an outlet to deal with the traumatic events I experienced at your hands.

I don’t have much more to tell you except that you are an absolute asshole and deserve to be in prison for the rest of your life. Sadly, you never had the opportunity to experience that kind of justice because I was too scared to do so.

Angerly  Yours,

Gertie

A Full Monday, I Had

Hello, World!!! It is twelve midnight which means it is officially Tuesday in my corner of the world. I am wanting to share with you how my Monday went as it ended better than how it started which I am grateful for.

My Monday did not start off exactly how I had wanted. The building fire alarm went off at five o’clock in the morning startling everyone awake. So, I put Lil Gertie in her carrier and went down to the lobby. As I got to the lobby the fire department was arriving so I of course let the fire fighters in. The fire fighters did a sweep of the building to see where there could be a potential fire at and then attempted to reset the fire alarm. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to reset the fire alarm which meant they had to do another sweep of the building. Long story short they couldn’t reset the fire alarm to be able to turn it off. They couldn’t let anyone back to their apartments till someone from the apartment building management and/or maintenance showed up. Sadly, when the fire department called them at six nobody showed up until the building office opened up at eight o’clock in the morning. It really sucked for everybody especially all the cats in carriers because they were in them for three hours.

When we were finally able to get back to our apartments at eight o’clock in the morning, I let Lil Gertie out of her carrier and gave her wet food. She usually gets a can in the evening but she deserved to have an extra can today. After giving Lil Gertie some wet food I got ready for the day and then left to go to my appointment with my therapist.

Since I ended up arriving early to my appointment, I hang out in the day treatment area for about an hour. During my appointment with my therapist we discussed my birthday and turning forty. That led to my therapist asking some questions about my childhood. Questions that I am grateful he asked as he received some insight about how my childhood was. After I was sharing about some parts of my childhood he responded by “you sure did experience a great deal of trauma as a child.” In response to his comment I said, “Oh that was the easy shit I went through unless you count going to Disneyland.” He chuckled at my response as he knew I grew up near Disneyland. In face I found it cool that he chuckled as my response was suppose to be a little funny despite having a serious side to it. I am happy that my therapist got some insight of how my childhood was even though it wasn’t the most traumatic part of my childhood. Yes, it was traumatic but the the most severe trauma I was in.

After my appointment with my therapist, I attended art group. We did a self care tree. We drew and wrote in leaves what we did for self care which was a great reminder for everyone to do good self care and that it looks differently to people. I love art group so much. Art has a way of helping me express things I am unable to express.

After therapy and art group I got home and spent a couple of hours chilling with Lil Gertie, my cat. After a couple of hours I went downstairs to the community room to hang out with neighbors who I have become friends with. We had a potluck dinner. All the food was delicious. After dinner we then play a couple of games. We played Jenga, Phase 10, and Uno. We all had a great time spending about five hours together.

Now, I am back in my apartment writing this post and chilling out watching The Tonight Show. My cat, Lil Gertie is actually sleeping in her cat bed which means she wants me to go to bed. Hell, I am tired so I guess that is what I am going to do next.

I do not have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a goodnight everyone. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace Out, World!!!

Dealing With PTSD

Good Morning, World!!! I am blogging once again. Yes, so soon after my last post. I am struggling with some PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that are related to childhood trauma.

Blogging about what is going on can be helpful to me. This is one of those moments where I think it is helpful for me and I hope it can be helpful to at least one other person in the world. It is my hope that when I post about my struggles that at least one person in the world doesn’t feel so alone.

I think I am going to work on one of my workbooks before heading to my doctors appointment. Working on my workbooks will help with the PTSD as well as the anxiety that goes with me going to the doctors today.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Much Sh*t On My Mind

Hello, World!!! I don’t know what to think right now. I have a lot of shit on my mind. I don’t know why I am having all this stuff going through my head.

I’m having trouble sleeping because of the shit going through my head. One thing I can’t seem to get out of my head is the trauma related stuff. Why can’t the PTSD give me a break? Especially, when I am wanting to go to sleep.

I am also thinking a lot about my grandma. I miss her so very much. I wish she was still here with me and my family. I know she is watching over me and is my guardian angel. She still looking out for me or I hope she still is.

I am also thinking about the money issues I am having because social security won’t make a decision about my case. I am still disabled. My disability didn’t all of a sudden disappear; although it would very nice if it did.

On the humorous side of things, I am also thinking about the Star Wars book I am reading. Of all things that I am thinking about I find this the best thing or the least anxiety provoking or painful.