Monday Moodiness

Good Evening, World!!! Right now, I am realizing that I have been moody most of the day. I have been moody for many reasons. My depression is acting up. My grief dealing with my grandma hit me like a tsunami today. Oh yeah and that weather sucks shit.

It doesn’t help things that I have been isolating myself today. Not sure why I am isolating today but I have. I did email my therapist and primary care doctor about the depression, grief and isolation. Both my doctor and therapist reminded me of my appointments with them tomorrow which I know will be quite helpful for me. My therapist also informed that I do have refills for my psych meds as he talked with the “shrink on duty.” So, at least I know I have meds for the next two weeks.

My cat, Lil Gertie, has been of great help to me today. She has been laying by my side on my share or laying on my lap. She even let me hold her for about ten minutes as I paced around my apartment. She usually only lets me hold her for about two to three minutes max. She is an awesome emotional support animal. Right now she is taking some “me time” by sleeping on my bed. Everyone needs some space at times and she has done a very good job with supporting me today so she deserves the “me time.”

I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Knowing that I have perfect strangers that care about me and that I am able to help by sharing my story helps me get through tough days like today. I hope everyone has a good rest of your Monday. Enjoy your week with whatever you are doing. Peace Out, World!!!

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Thinking Of Ways To Stay Awake

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I am extremely tired and am more than reading to go to bed and most likely will be able to fall right to sleep however I am trying to stay awake as I work a twelve hour night shift for Thursday night into Friday morning. Right now it is 1:30 in the morning and it is officially Thursday morning. Late night television is done for the night and now I have to figure out ways to stay awake so I can sleep during the day.

I think after I am done posting this blog, I will take a shower as it will help me wake up. Taking a nice long shower helps me relax as well as wake me up. So I think that is what I am going to do after I am done posting.

After taking a shower, I am most likely going to be doing some binge watching some television. Not sure what television shows I will be watching but I know I will be binge watching some form of television show.

As I binge watch some form of television show I will do some art work. Actually, I most likely will be coloring as it is something that can be done with watching television. Coloring and binge watching television is quite helpful with keeping me awake.

Needing to stay awake all night to sleep during the day so I can stay awake for a twelve hour night shift is difficult at first. But I am sure once I get a regular schedule it won’t be as difficult. As difficult as it is to stay awake so I can sleep during the day so I can stay awake at work, my boss is appears to be quite supportive. He stated that if I needed help staying awake during my shift Thursday night into Friday morning, I could call him and he will help me stay awake. But I feel like doing what I am doing is the best way to stay awake for my shift for Thursday night into Friday morning. It is my first shift by myself.

My therapist informed me that when I get off on Friday morning, that I could call him to check in with him. He also stated that if I am not too busy sleeping during the day on Thursday that I could call him to check in about my anxiety regarding my first shift by myself.

I want to thank you for reading my blog and putting up with all the post tonight. I hope that the shower I take helps keep me awake so I can do some binge watching television as well as some coloring. Again, thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I am grateful for each one of you. If it was not for you my reader, my blog would not exist. I hope that if it is night time where you live that you are having a good night sleep. If it is not night time where you are, I hope that you have a good day. Again thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Tuesday Evening Randomness

Good Evening, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post I slept most of the day due to being in the hospital most of the night due to being evaluated for self harm urges. I, obviously was not hospitalized. I’ve been doing some things to keep me busy since I have been up since I slept all day due to being in the hospital all night.

My therapist and I talked again this afternoon and came up with a plan on what to do when I start feeling unsafe with myself again. He was also mentioning to not forget about the things I have to live for which was quite helpful because we came up with a list of things to live for.

Since I have been awake this evening, I have been spending a lot of time with Lil Gertie, my cat. She appears to be enjoying all the attention I have been giving her. She has been purring up a storm and following me around like a lost puppy.

I also have been making dinner and of course I ate my dinner. I had a hamburger patty and mac and cheese with a piece of apple pie for my dinner. While I made and ate my dinner, I also watched the evening news. As always the news was mostly nothing but negative which sucks shit.

Now that the news is over with for now, I think I am going to read. I will be of course reading Wonder Woman comic books as it is an easy read and eye candy. I will also continue to read the fantasy book I have been reading and picked back up since I never finished reading it. I am so glad the my concentration is getting better and I owe that to the fact the depression is getting slightly better.

Another thing I am going to be doing is some art work. I will be coloring like I always do. I will also be doing some combination of art genre’s. That is painting as well as adding some collaging to the painting. This combination of genre comes out pretty cool looking. Or at least I think it comes out looking out pretty cool.

As a reminder to you my reader and I am sure it annoys the hell out of you because I know advertisements annoy the hell out of me. I have advertisements on my blog because every time someone clicks on one of the ads and lets the ad load completely I get paid for it. I can earn anything from a few cents to a few dollars per ad click. I would greatly appreciate if you would click on one or two ads a week to help me earn some extra money so I can buy some holiday gifts for my friends and family when their specific holiday comes along. I would like to give them a gift out of appreciation for being there for me.

I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope to post again sometime this evening and if I don’t then I plan on posting tomorrow. Having regular readers is greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful evening and enjoy the rest of your Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Tired As Hell

Good Evening, World!!! I am still tired as hell from last night with no sleep.I did get a two hour nap in when I came home from day treatment. I was a little disappointed that Art Group was cancelled today as I was looking forward to it.

When I was at the mental health agency I am a client of for day treatment, I ended up talking to the therapist who was the crisis clinician on call for the day during business hours. I talked to her for about twenty minutes and came up with a safety plan. After about twenty minutes my own therapist was available to talk with me for about another fifteen minutes. We continued to safety plan. We discussed a little about what happened at the hospital yesterday.

Anyway, after coming home from day treatment, I played with my cat for about an hour before she got annoyed and wanted to be alone. I ended up taking a nap and guess who joined me for my nap. That’s right, my cat Lil Gertie.

I still feel like self harming and after I am finished with this post, I plan on going to the hospital again. I am going because I am not feeling safe with myself and the injuries that accrued from another patient last night are getting worse and want to get them checked out again.

Yes, I have used my DBT skills. One of the skills I used was my art work. I did a great deal of coloring with my new colored pencils and coloring books. I also did some collaging. I actually added some of the collaging to some of the paintings I did over the weekend.

Before I end this post, I am going to ask you again to do me a huge favor. I have advertisements on my blog. If you click on the advertisements and let them fully load, I can earn anywhere from a few cents to a few dollars. I figure each add clicked will be helpful for me to buy gifts for people I love for the holidays which ever holiday they celebrate.

As I end this post, I want to reassure you that I will be safe as I am taking myself to the hospital. Mainly to get my injuries looked at that happened yesterday at the hospital but also to help keep myself safe from myself with having urges to self harm. Again, I will be safe as I take myself to the hospital. Who knows maybe I will be able to take a little nap in while getting checked out at the hospital as I am still tired as hell.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. I hope that I am not worrying any of you with how things are going with me as of lately. I do feel like things are starting to slightly improve which is a big deal for me. Again, thank you for reading and I hope to update you when I get up from the hospital and if I don’t I hope to update you tomorrow. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

UGH!!! Not Another F*cking Fire Alarm

Good Morning, once again, World!!! Right after I posted my last post, the fire alarm went off once again. This time another neighbor decided to cook while doing drugs. So this is the second time the fire alarm went of due to someone cooking while doing drugs today and the fourth time the fire alarm went off because the first two times the fire alarm malfunctioned.

Due to the lack of sleep due to the assault that happened to me at the hospital yesterday as well as the fire alarm going off multiple time for different reasons, I might not go to art group early this afternoon. I have been triggered way too many times within the last eighteen hours to even think about going to art group even though I really want to attend art group.

I emailed my therapist last night to get a hold of me at some point today as he gets into the office at some point after twelve noon. Hopefully, he will listen to my voicemail as well as well as read my email and will get back to me today even though I see him tomorrow (Tuesday).

I also emailed my doctor this morning in hopes she gets it at some point today to see if I need to see her this week in regards to my hand and black eye that I received from another patient at the hospital last night (Sunday) instead of my regular appointment with her next week. My doctor is pretty cool.

I do have to say that my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, doctor and the social worker at my doctors office are all pretty cool and in the loop about both my physical and mental health. It is great to have a great health care team even if they are not at the same facility or agency.  I am happy that they keep in communication with each other.

I hope I am able to get some sleep so I can be able to attend art group at one this afternoon. I don’t want to be a cranky bucket if I got to art group. Art really helps me express my emotions especially after multiple triggering moments in a short period of time.

Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I think I am going to go and attempt to take a nap as I really want to attend art group this afternoon. I hope everyone has a great work week and those who don’t work I to wish you a great week. Happy Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

Finding Ways To Get Out of This Slump

Good Morning, World!!! For some unknown reason I am struggling this morning. I had a good night of sleep and have had breakfast. Usually a good nights sleep with a good meal helps with the better moods yet that doesn’t seem to be the case at the moment.

I am not sure what I am going to do to combat the struggles I am dealing with at the moment. I think I am going to spend time with Lil Gertie, my cat, because she is able to keep me grounded a good portion of the time.

I think after I am done blogging, I will email my therapist and let him know that I am struggling for some unknown reason. I think he would be appreciative that I am letting him know that I am having a rough moment.

I think after emailing my therapist about this slump that I am in, i am going to do some baking. I think I’ll back some brownies and a cake. Baking will give me something to do and most importantly, I’ll be able to share it with other people. To me being able to give things away especially stuff I have made gives me a sense of joy.

I need to get going. I think emailing my therapist would be the most helpful to me in the moment. Then on to the baking. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

Labor Day Randomness

Good Morning, World!!! Today is a national holiday here in the United States called Labor Day so to everyone in the U.S, Happy Labor Day. It is a long weekend for many Americans due to it being Labor Day and we have Unions to thank for Labor Day here in the U.S.

As I speak of Labor Day, I can’t help but think about me being unemployed at the moment and looking for a new job. I have a job interview tomorrow. The interview is for a shelter counselor position with homeless young adults. The job is only twelve hours a week but I am okay with that. I also have a potential interview for an peer position later this week.

I don’t have much planned today. I will be spending some of the day with my dad and uncles. We are going out to lunch later. It is nice to spend time with family. We are most likely going to a local mom and pop restaurant but I am not a hundred percent sure yet.

I am still dealing with a huge wave of grief over my grandma passing this past Valentines Day. It’s hard to believe that it has been almost seven months since her death. I have been talking with my therapist a great deal about my grief regarding my grandma.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!