Mr. Sandman Never Showed Up

Good Morning, World!!! Apparently, the sandman forgot to stop by my place as I have not been able to sleep. I have been up all night and am grateful for my cat, Billie Dean’s company. Billie has been awesome company since I adopted him in February especially on sleepless night like last night.

Since my last post I watched movies. The movies I watched were under the genre of comedy as I know that humor works great to help me relax. Hopefully, relaxed enough for me to sleep even if it is for a few hours. Anyway, Billie laid on my lap as I watched the movies. I watched Little Miss Sunshine and Ted. I love both movies.

I am going to end this particular blog post in hopes that I can get some sleep. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Wednesday ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! I am having a challenging time sleeping. I wish I wasn’t having difficulties sleeping but I am. When I can’t sleep I just say that I am Sleepless in Seattle since I live in Seattle and unable to sleep in honor of the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Anyway, not being able to sleep sucks shit.

Since I am unable to sleep, I have been watching late night television. I have watched both Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers. They are both extremely funny men and make late television worth watching. Being able to laugh helps make life a bit easier to live and to deal with the world around us. Something relatively new or at least I think it is new that at 1:30 in the morning a new show comes on with a woman by the name of Lilly Singh and I personally think she is funny as hell. It is also nice to see a person of color on late night television. Just wish she was on earlier. Anyway, just watching late night television helps me just deal with shit when I am unable to sleep. Being able to laugh is quite helpful for me and my mental health.

Besides watching late night television, I have been doing art work. Specifically, I have been coloring. I recently received a Day of the Dead coloring book from a friend. I am including a picture of what I colored as I started coloring it tonight and this is how far I have gotten. It is obviously not finished if you are not sight impaired. I love coloring and it helps me relax. Coloring is a type of meditation for me. For those who are sight impaired the picture of what I colored so far is below and I have included a caption with it.

A Day of the Dead coloring page I am coloring. It is not completely colored yet but I am enjoying coloring it.

Besides late night television and coloring, my cat, Billie Dean has been quite helpful for me tonight. Billie is an amazing cat. Normally he would be fighting for space on my lap as I type this blog post but he is sound to sleep on his cat tree. I love Billie so much and am beyond grateful for him. I hope he lives at least another ten years as I want him to live a long life with me. He is a great cat.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post so I am going to end the post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Wednesday ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Oh How I Wish Mr. Sandman Would Visit

Good Morning, World!!! I am unable to sleep at the moment. I do not know why I am unable to sleep but I do have an idea. I suspect the reason why I can not sleep is due to the anxiety I am feeling after the trauma I experienced last week at the hands of a neighbor that lives on my floor. The anxiety is not a fun thing nor is it helpful in helping with sleep. Besides an increase of anxiety, I am also having an increase of PTSD symptoms. PTSD sucks shit.

On a plus note, Billie Dean, my cat is being quite helpful in regards to both the anxiety and PTSD. Having Billie as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA) has been quite helpful in my recovery. In fact when I had Lil Gertie as a cat before she crossed over the rainbow bridge, I realize how helpful she was as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA). If it wasn’t for the suggestion of my last therapist of getting a cat as an ESA, I wouldn’t have ever gotten Lil Gertie or Billie. After realizing how helpful Lil Gertie was for my recovery, I knew that having another cat as an ESA would be beneficial to me and my mental health recovery. Billie is doing an amazing job as my ESA, just like Lil Gertie did.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post so I am going to end my post. I want to thank you very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, I want to thank each one of you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

At Odds With Myself on How to Help Someone I Graduated High School With

Good Morning, World!!! I am still unable to sleep for some reason. Since I have know idea of why I can’t sleep, I am not going to fret about it. It is most likely, as my psychiatric nurse practitioner says, “treatment resistant insomnia.” Weather it is insomnia or poor sleep hygiene or being off kilter from my job working nights, I can’t sleep.

Since I have not been able to sleep, one of the things I have been doing is scrolling Facebook. As I was scrolling Facebook, someone I went to high school with messaged me privately. This person isn’t exactly a friend but is on my friends list.

Anyway, this friend was born into wealth and finds themselves at odds with their parents. Since they are at odds with their parents and has no job, they are now trying to figure out how to live the life they are use to. I guess their parents have “cut them off” from their trust fund until they are able to live on their own with the help of their parents for two years. My friend really hasn’t held down a job and their parents paid for everything including all their bills. We have been out of high school for twenty plus years and they have not learned how to fend for themselves. This “friend” reached out to me because they know I “know how to live poor” since have lived in poverty most of my life.

I asked my friend if they have a place to stay. My friend said they can stay at their parents place till the end of the year as long as they pay one hundred dollars month for rent and get a job to save up money to get their own place to live. I gave this friend suggestions on the types of jobs they may be able to get during this time and they turned down every suggestion. I also gave them numbers to certain agencies to be able to get food stamps and such. I even offered to go to the nearest DSHS office with them when they open up. My “friend” said “no, it will be an embarrassment if I go near my parents house especially with you.” I informed them out the system worked and that if they want help they need to learn how to deal with the “embarrassment.” This friend stated “I don’t need any freebies. I just need my parents to give me my trust fund money and then I won’t have to depend on the government like you do.” I got upset by this and informed them that as soon as they are ready for my help then don’t hesitate to reach out. I realized that this person just wanted someone to empathize with them and tell them what they want to hear. I have some empathy for this person but I am not going to tell them what they want to hear.

I am at odds with myself as if I should have even offered up my assistance to help this person when they realize what needs to be done to take care of themselves. I am at odds because I can see this as a possible toxic relationship and me carrying the weight of this person. I want to help but I don’t know if this person will ever realize they are responsible for themselves as they have been spoiled their entire lives and taken care of by their parents. I am feeling like I am being judgement of this person and their family and it has me feeling bad about myself. But then again, this person was extremely judgmental for me in high school due to me living in poverty. Anyway, that shouldn’t be the reason I am so judgmental of the person.

I have plenty more to say about the above topic but I am getting angry over the situation and need to stop for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you are reading my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has great Tuesday ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

A Before I Leave for Work Post

Good Evening, World!!! I am up for the day and mostly ready for work. Overall, I slept pretty well. Even though I woke up earlier than I would have liked at least I know I woke up naturally and not by rude and noisy neighbors. In fact this was the first Saturday that I was not woken up by the same two loud and noisy neighbors on the patio in about a month. Just grateful to not be woken up so rudely.

As I type this blog post, my cat, Billie Dean is laying in my lap. I love the fact that he is in my lap at moment because my anxiety is high at the moment. Also, another reason I love the fact he is in my lap is that I won’t be able have cuddle time with him tonight due to the fact I’ll be at work for more that twelve hours.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I just want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have a great rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s 5:00 In the Morning & Time for Bed

Good Morning, World!!! It is five in the morning in my corner of the world and time for me to go to bed to sleep the day away. I sleep the day away on Saturdays because I work twelve plus hours on Saturday nights. I am looking forward to going to bed and curly up with my cat Billie Dean at my side.

Speaking of my cat Billie Dean, he hasn’t really left my side tonight. He was curled up on my lap all night long. He was curled up on my lap no matter if I was reading or watching movies. Billie has a calming affect on me which helps a great deal with my anxiety.

Another thing that helps with my anxiety is reading. Just like I said in my last post, I read. I read for about an hour. Of course Billie was curled up on my lap sleeping. I read Dragonsong by Anne McCaffey. I am really enjoying the book a great deal. I hope after I am done reading it, that I will do a book review on it. I love to read a great deal.

After reading for about an hour, I watched movies. Movies help me to escape reality for a few hours. Sometimes escaping reality is a good thing as it helps deal with stress. I watched The Princess Bride and Free Willy. I really enjoy both movies as they remind me of positive childhood memories. Good childhood memories are a rare thing for me so I hold on to them like they are gold.

I am needing to end this particular blog post because it is time for me to go to bed and get some sleep. I want to thank all of you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you all read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome Saturday as well as a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Two in the Morning Post

Good Morning, World!!! It is nine minutes after two in the morning in my corner of the world. After working on some are for almost an hour and a half, I decided to make me some food. I made me some spaghetti with homemade spaghetti sauce I made awhile back and froze. I froze the sauce because I live alone and always make too much. Anyway reheated the homemade sauce to put on my noodles. To go with my spaghetti, I made garlic bread. I love garlic.

After I am done writing this blog, I am going read the book I am reading. It is a science fiction book called Dragonsong by Anne McCaffrey. So far I am really enjoying the book. I am going to be starting chapter five and look forward to what is to come in the book. In fact this book is the first in a series. Actually it is the first in a trilogy. I love book series for a number of reasons. One of which is I tend to get immersed in the story and with the characters so much that I hate to say goodbye. I know that sound silly but it is true.

I, of course will be reading and Billie Dean, my cat most likely will be curled up on my lap. I really enjoy the fact that Billie is a lap cat. Billie is such a cuddle bug and I appreciate it. With Billie, my cat, being such a cuddle bug, it has gotten me to slow down and be in the current moment.

I am hoping to stay awake till at least five in morning. I really do wish I could go to sleep now but I cannot. I cannot because I work a twelve and a half hour night shift on Saturday nights. That means I need to sleep during the day on Saturdays. I wish my shifts weren’t at night because it messes with my sleep schedule and I already have difficulties with my sleep as it is. Even though I don’t like night shifts due to the sleep thing, I am grateful that I have a job that I enjoy for the most part.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome Saturday as well as a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Midnight Post

Hello, World!!! It is midnight in my corner of the world. I am staying up all night due to the fact I have to sleep all day. I need to sleep all day on Saturday’s because I work a twelve and a half hour night shift. I really enjoy my current job with the exception of it being a night shift. I am not a big fan of it being twelve and a half hours but I think if it was a day time shift I would be more accepting of a twelve and a half hour shift. My colleagues are great and it feels like a family type environment. The clients I work with are awesome. My supervisor is super supportive. I think the reason I have stayed at my current job for so long is because of my colleagues and supervisor as well as it being a supportive environment. The main reason I am looking for a new job is I don’t do well with a night shift.

Speaking of looking for a new job, I mentioned in an earlier post, I have a job interview at a local mental health agency. I hope I get the job because I love working in supportive housing. I also love being employed as a peer support specialist also known as a peer counselor. I am trying to not get my hopes up high about getting the job because if I don’t get it, I don’t really want to be let down. No matter what if I don’t get it the job, I will be let down but if I keep my expectations low then the let down won’t be so hard. I am looking forward to the interview because I will consider it practice especially if I don’t get the job.

Anyway on to something completely different. One of the ways I will keep myself from falling asleep is doing some art. I will be doing different mediums (genres) of art. I will be doing some coloring, painting and some collage. I most likely be combining the collage with some painting. I love my completed art work when it combines painting and collage. It is very interesting. I also enjoy giving my art away. People wonder why I don’t sell it. I don’t sell it because I don’t think its worth very much. I also love being able to give people hand made gifts.

The best part of Friday nights is that I get to spend the entire night awake with my cat, Billie Dean. I really think he appreciates when I don’t sleep at night because that way I spend the night playing with him and being awake with him. I love my cat so much. I really enjoy the fact that he is a cuddle bug. I think if it were up to him, he would spend all of his time in my lap.

I do not have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. I also hope everyone has an awesome weekend ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

Gloomy Weather + Art + A Cat + Therapy = A Day of Self Care

Good Afternoon, World!!! I finally got some sleep. Not much sleep but some. I am grateful for the little sleep I did get. Sleep is key for me to help maintain the mental health symptoms of the diagnosis’s I have.

In all honesty my mood fits today’s weather here in Seattle. It is gray and gloomy which is how I feel at the moment. My gloomy mood most likely has something to do with the lack of sleep however it is something to be aware of as a just in case. A just in case depression symptoms start increasing. On that note, I am sort of glad the weather fits my gloomy mood because it means I can just lay back and do some art.

The type of art I plan on doing is coloring, collage and painting. In fact I am planning on finishing up one art piece that combines collage and painting. In fact I am extremely proud of this particular piece and hope to share it with you. I also plan on doing some coloring. Coloring soothes me as well as soothes the inner child in me.

Speaking of art, I will be watching the television show, The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. It is another thing that soothes me and my inner child. The Joy of Painting helps me be at peace. There is something about Bob Ross and his painting that puts me in a state of calm.

Another thing I will be doing since I will be spending the day at home on this gloomy day is spending time with my cat, Billie Dean. I love Billie so much. I love the fact that he is a cuddle bug and very much a lap cat. I am happy to have him love on me today.

I am looking at the time and realize my therapy session  will be starting in the next twenty minutes. My therapist will be calling me at 12:30pm to have our session. Our session are currently on the  phone due to Covid-19. I would much rather have an in person therapy session but I totally understand why it is not at the moment.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have an awesome day. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Phuck It!!! I Can’t Sleep

Good Morning, I still haven’t slept and am getting extremely frustrated about. Especially since I have things that need to get done and be attended to. Not being able to sleep is quite annoying as well as frustrating and wish my meds would work. I guess this is the time to use the DBT Skill; Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance isn’t one of the easiest DBT skills for me to use especially in regards to not sleeping but it is one of the most useful skills for me to use.

Besides using radical acceptance, I have been doing some art. I have been coloring, collaging and painting. I have also been doing a combination of mediums (genre’s) which has been quite fun and interesting. In fact I am happy to see some great finished pieces that I hope to give to people at some point. I enjoy making things and giving the finish product to people for the hell of it.

Billie Dean, my cat, has been keeping me company as I do art work. I am grateful to have Billie in my life and happy that he came into my life when he did. I really miss my last cat, Lil Gertie and think she was the one that led Billie and myself to each other. I know it seems weird but I think it’s the case. I sure love Billie and that he is a such a lap cat.

I don’t have much more to say. I do however want to thank every single one of you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope each one of you enjoys the Wednesday ahead of you and that you are able to find joy in this day. Peace Out, World!!!