Frustration With Depression

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am frustrated. I am frustrated with depression symptoms creeping in especially since I have had a relatively okay type of day. I am grateful for the things that I have done today.

The things that have been helping a great deal are my cat, Billie Dean. Billie has been quite “helpful” with helping me color meaning that he happily lays down on the picture I am trying to color. I kind of find it funny that he does this as he is just trying to help me deal with the emotions I am dealing with. I love the fact the Billie is doing what he is suppose to do as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA).

As I colored today, with the help of Billie, I also listened to a podcast about philosophy. The specific philosophy I am listening to is Philosophize This. I really enjoy this podcast and am trying to get to the most recent airing of the podcast but I know it will take me a while to do that but I am okay with that. I love to learn new things and feel like I am learning new things as I listen to Philosophize This. I will encourage anyone to listen to this particular podcast.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has great night head of them. I also hope that you have a great night of sleep if you are not working. If you are working I hope you have a great night at work. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Sunday

  • Get off work
  • Spend time with my cat Billie Dean
  • Take a nap
  • Work on a workbook or two
  • Do mindfulness or meditation practice
  • Do art work. (Most likely coloring)

Monday

  • Do mindfulness or meditation practice
  • Walk through local parks
  • Volunteer at PAWS Cat City
  • Work on a workbook or two
  • Do laundry
  • Do some form of art work (Most likely coloring)

Tuesday

  • Do a mindfulness or meditation practice
  • Phone session with my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner for a med review
  • Get my meds
  • Clean my apartment
  • Do a workbook or two
  • Do some coloring as I am coloring something for my therapist

Wednesday

  • Do a mindfulness or meditation practice
  • Have an in person appointment with my therapist
  • Do some coloring as I am coloring something for my therapist.
  • Work on a workbook or two

Thursday

  • Do a mindfulness or meditation practice
  • Clean my apartment
  • Do some coloring as I am coloring stuff for people
  • Work on a workbook or two

Friday

  • Do a mindfulness or meditation practice
  • Do some coloring
  • Work on a workbook or two.

Saturday

  • Sleep all day
  • Work all night

Sleepless in Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! I am having a challenging time sleeping. I wish I wasn’t having difficulties sleeping but I am. When I can’t sleep I just say that I am Sleepless in Seattle since I live in Seattle and unable to sleep in honor of the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Anyway, not being able to sleep sucks shit.

Since I am unable to sleep, I have been watching late night television. I have watched both Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers. They are both extremely funny men and make late television worth watching. Being able to laugh helps make life a bit easier to live and to deal with the world around us. Something relatively new or at least I think it is new that at 1:30 in the morning a new show comes on with a woman by the name of Lilly Singh and I personally think she is funny as hell. It is also nice to see a person of color on late night television. Just wish she was on earlier. Anyway, just watching late night television helps me just deal with shit when I am unable to sleep. Being able to laugh is quite helpful for me and my mental health.

Besides watching late night television, I have been doing art work. Specifically, I have been coloring. I recently received a Day of the Dead coloring book from a friend. I am including a picture of what I colored as I started coloring it tonight and this is how far I have gotten. It is obviously not finished if you are not sight impaired. I love coloring and it helps me relax. Coloring is a type of meditation for me. For those who are sight impaired the picture of what I colored so far is below and I have included a caption with it.

A Day of the Dead coloring page I am coloring. It is not completely colored yet but I am enjoying coloring it.

Besides late night television and coloring, my cat, Billie Dean has been quite helpful for me tonight. Billie is an amazing cat. Normally he would be fighting for space on my lap as I type this blog post but he is sound to sleep on his cat tree. I love Billie so much and am beyond grateful for him. I hope he lives at least another ten years as I want him to live a long life with me. He is a great cat.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post so I am going to end the post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Wednesday ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

A Pre-Work Post

Good Evening, World!!! I am now awake and about to get ready for work. Part of me doesn’t want to go to work. The part of me that doesn’t want to go to work is the part where my depression symptoms are acting up. I know ultimately me going to work will help with my depression symptoms. As much as I do not like night shifts, I am grateful to have a job for several reasons. One such reason is that working does help with my mental health symptoms.

The part I don’t like about working is the fact, I am away from my cat, Billie Dean. Billie is my emotional support animal (ESA) and helps me a great deal. On a plus note, coming home from work or any other place, having Billie greet me at the door is always an awesome feeling.

As I type this blog I realize that I need to put my art supplies in my backpack so I can take them to work. Specifically, my coloring supplies. I take my coloring supplies so I can color at work to help keep myself busy. I have a lot of down time at work. I love to color. It is a type of meditation for me.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of thing that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Midnight Post

Hello, World!!! It is midnight in my corner of the world. I am staying up all night due to the fact I have to sleep all day. I need to sleep all day on Saturday’s because I work a twelve and a half hour night shift. I really enjoy my current job with the exception of it being a night shift. I am not a big fan of it being twelve and a half hours but I think if it was a day time shift I would be more accepting of a twelve and a half hour shift. My colleagues are great and it feels like a family type environment. The clients I work with are awesome. My supervisor is super supportive. I think the reason I have stayed at my current job for so long is because of my colleagues and supervisor as well as it being a supportive environment. The main reason I am looking for a new job is I don’t do well with a night shift.

Speaking of looking for a new job, I mentioned in an earlier post, I have a job interview at a local mental health agency. I hope I get the job because I love working in supportive housing. I also love being employed as a peer support specialist also known as a peer counselor. I am trying to not get my hopes up high about getting the job because if I don’t get it, I don’t really want to be let down. No matter what if I don’t get it the job, I will be let down but if I keep my expectations low then the let down won’t be so hard. I am looking forward to the interview because I will consider it practice especially if I don’t get the job.

Anyway on to something completely different. One of the ways I will keep myself from falling asleep is doing some art. I will be doing different mediums (genres) of art. I will be doing some coloring, painting and some collage. I most likely be combining the collage with some painting. I love my completed art work when it combines painting and collage. It is very interesting. I also enjoy giving my art away. People wonder why I don’t sell it. I don’t sell it because I don’t think its worth very much. I also love being able to give people hand made gifts.

The best part of Friday nights is that I get to spend the entire night awake with my cat, Billie Dean. I really think he appreciates when I don’t sleep at night because that way I spend the night playing with him and being awake with him. I love my cat so much. I really enjoy the fact that he is a cuddle bug. I think if it were up to him, he would spend all of his time in my lap.

I do not have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. I also hope everyone has an awesome weekend ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

Gloomy Weather + Art + A Cat + Therapy = A Day of Self Care

Good Afternoon, World!!! I finally got some sleep. Not much sleep but some. I am grateful for the little sleep I did get. Sleep is key for me to help maintain the mental health symptoms of the diagnosis’s I have.

In all honesty my mood fits today’s weather here in Seattle. It is gray and gloomy which is how I feel at the moment. My gloomy mood most likely has something to do with the lack of sleep however it is something to be aware of as a just in case. A just in case depression symptoms start increasing. On that note, I am sort of glad the weather fits my gloomy mood because it means I can just lay back and do some art.

The type of art I plan on doing is coloring, collage and painting. In fact I am planning on finishing up one art piece that combines collage and painting. In fact I am extremely proud of this particular piece and hope to share it with you. I also plan on doing some coloring. Coloring soothes me as well as soothes the inner child in me.

Speaking of art, I will be watching the television show, The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. It is another thing that soothes me and my inner child. The Joy of Painting helps me be at peace. There is something about Bob Ross and his painting that puts me in a state of calm.

Another thing I will be doing since I will be spending the day at home on this gloomy day is spending time with my cat, Billie Dean. I love Billie so much. I love the fact that he is a cuddle bug and very much a lap cat. I am happy to have him love on me today.

I am looking at the time and realize my therapy session  will be starting in the next twenty minutes. My therapist will be calling me at 12:30pm to have our session. Our session are currently on the  phone due to Covid-19. I would much rather have an in person therapy session but I totally understand why it is not at the moment.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have an awesome day. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Phuck It!!! I Can’t Sleep

Good Morning, I still haven’t slept and am getting extremely frustrated about. Especially since I have things that need to get done and be attended to. Not being able to sleep is quite annoying as well as frustrating and wish my meds would work. I guess this is the time to use the DBT Skill; Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance isn’t one of the easiest DBT skills for me to use especially in regards to not sleeping but it is one of the most useful skills for me to use.

Besides using radical acceptance, I have been doing some art. I have been coloring, collaging and painting. I have also been doing a combination of mediums (genre’s) which has been quite fun and interesting. In fact I am happy to see some great finished pieces that I hope to give to people at some point. I enjoy making things and giving the finish product to people for the hell of it.

Billie Dean, my cat, has been keeping me company as I do art work. I am grateful to have Billie in my life and happy that he came into my life when he did. I really miss my last cat, Lil Gertie and think she was the one that led Billie and myself to each other. I know it seems weird but I think it’s the case. I sure love Billie and that he is a such a lap cat.

I don’t have much more to say. I do however want to thank every single one of you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope each one of you enjoys the Wednesday ahead of you and that you are able to find joy in this day. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! It is 3:33 in morning in my corner of the world. That means I am Sleepless in Seattle once again. I am not a big fan of insomnia and it is just anxiety provoking which makes that much more challenging to get to sleep. Anxiety is my friend at the moment because I am anxious about starting my new volunteer job at an animal shelter that I adopted my Lil Gertie from but at least I will feel the love I received from her as I think this is what she would want me to do. I love my Lil Gertie so much and wish she didn’t have to cross the rainbow bridge but am grateful that she was in my life.

Since I haven’t been able to sleep I have been reading up on cats and their behavior since I will be volunteering with cats. I also have been reading up on cats in general. I have been learning a great deal about cats by reading and hope this will help me with my volunteer job and when I eventually do get another cat.

When I haven’t been reading about cat’s I have been listening to music as I did some art work. Actually, the type of art I have been doing is coloring. I am coloring a picture with both cats and dogs in it. The music and art work by coloring is quite helpful for me especially when I am unable to sleep.

I do know have much more to say as I will just repeating the same thing over and over which is something I don’t want to do. So, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Tuesday and the week ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

A Workplace Blog

Good Morning, World!!! As I type this, I am at work. I have three and hours left of my shift. I enjoy my job for the most part. I am not a big fan of a twelve and a hour night shift but at least it is in the social service field which is something I enjoy. At this point in time I am looking for another job because working the night shift isn’t exactly the best for me or my mental health because of my sleep cycle being out of wack.

My sleep already is out of wack due to having insomnia. Actually, my psychiatric nurse practitioner things it would a good idea to have a job that is not a night shift. The reason she says this is because of my “treatment resistant insomnia.” I am great she has my back this but she also agrees that work is good for my mental health and recovery.

Something I do at work to pass the time away when there is nothing to for a few hours is art work. Specifically, I color. In fact when the young adults I work with are unable to sleep they like to color with me. They appear to enjoy it.

Well, I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Traditions & The Holidays

Hello, World!!! I am not sure how to feel at the moment as I have many emotions that are swarming around. Some emotions I am dealing with are not all the pleasant and really wanting to avoid them while other emotions more pleasant and obviously more willing to not avoid them. This is the time of year where things don’t go so well for me in regards to my mental health challenges. Specifically, my depression and PTSD. Thankfully, I have plenty of ways to take care of myself this time of year.

One of the things that was suggested to me early on in my recovery during the holidays was to start my own traditions that I can do with or without people. The only thing I could think of at the time was the two comic books that I had; Christmas with the Superhero’s, Volumes One and Two. So, every year, starting the day after Thanksgiving, I read those two comic books several times during the holiday season. On Christmas Day I read both twice.

Another tradition I started about eight or so years ago was to do a holiday themed jigsaw puzzle. I usually start the puzzle on November 25th or Thanksgiving Day, whichever arrives first. I have several holiday themed jigsaw puzzles I do and sometimes I am able to do two or three depending on the size while other years I only complete one. The one I am doing this year is a thousand pieces and I know from experience that it most likely will be the only holiday puzzle I do this year due to the size. The best part of this tradition is I get to see the “fruits” of my labor by the time Christmas arrives and enjoy it till January 2nd. Of course when I do several smaller holiday puzzles in a holiday season I see more than just one accomplished puzzle. Being able to see an accomplished puzzle helps with my personal morale for the season.

Even though the two traditions I mentioned already have been great traditions to keep and will continue to keep, I decided to add a new tradition this year. That tradition is to do some art. Specifically, coloring a holiday poster or two depending on size and detail. I have decided this tradition will be like the puzzles and start on November 25th or Thanksgiving, whichever arrives first. I have started coloring a holiday poster as of yesterday (November 25th). I am positive I will have at least one accomplished by Christmas Day.

For me starting my own holiday traditions has been a lifesaver for me and my recovery. The reason being is because most of the other holidays traditions I follow through with has some form of trauma or sadness tied to them and needed some that didn’t have either. Most of the other traditions I do includes family as my family is big on traditions. The holidays are not the best time of year for me due to the trauma I have experienced around the holidays so having traditions of my own helps me redefine what the holidays are for me.

I could go on and on about traditions however I won’t as I am getting a little sleepy and plan on going to bed. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep ahead of them if it is nighttime for you. If not I hope you have a good day ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!