Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Good Morning, World!!! It is almost one o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world of Seattle. I am unable to sleep due to insomnia and it fucking sucks. As much as having insomnia suck, there is a plus side to it at times and tonight is one of those times.

Tonight is one of those times because I get to catch up on a couple of things as my cat, Billie Dean, lays in my lap. Billie is happy as a clam when he is able to be in my lap. Or at least it appears that way to me. I love my cat, Billie so very much.

As Billie, happily lays in my lap I have been catching up on my reading. Specifically, I have been reading Star Wars, Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn. Tonight I have read the first five chapters and am about to start chapter six. Actually, I am debating if I should start chapter six tonight as I am really getting into the book. When I get into a book, I tend to read as much as I can before getting too exhausted to where I am not able to function and really need to get some sleep. Not only to I not sleep, I forget to eat when I am really into a book.

Since I am really, getting into Star Wars, Heir to the Empire and am needing to stop reading for the night, I am going to listen to a podcast. A podcast about philosophy. Specifically, I will be listening to Philosophize This as I want to be able to get caught up to present day episode. I really like how Stephen West presents the topic of philosophy which is part of the reason why I really like the podcast. I am learning stuff I wish they would have taught in high school especially since I have not had the luxury to attend college.

Now that you know what I have done tonight and what I am going to do next, I am going to end this particular blog post for now. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I really hope everyone is having a good nights sleep and hope you have a great Tuesday ahead when you wake up. Peace Out, World!!!

Just a Post About Dealing with Depression

Hello, World!!! For some reason my depression has decided to rear its ugly head. Yes, I have been feeling a little meh lately but part of that is due to the isolation this stupid pandemic put us in. The depression I am experiencing is not the meh feeling have been dealing with. The depression I am feeling, feels like the typical depression I experience which sucks but at least it is something I am aware of. Being aware of it is helpful as I know what I can do to help fight it off or least not make it worse.

Honestly, the weather sort of fits my mood but at least I know its not the weather causing my depression or at least not adding to it. Right now it is raining in Seattle. Actually it is the normal Seattle mist type of rain. I have been wanting this weather due to the poor air quality due to all the wild fires that are happening. Plus this weather is letting me wear my flannels and I love my flannels.

I am hoping the weather last as I love to be able to have an excuse to stay home with my cat, Billie Dean. I am so grateful for the unconditional love that Billie gives me. He has helped a great deal with my depression.

Billie not only helps with my depression, he also tries to help me with my art work. Tonight the genre of art work I have been doing is coloring. Billie has been laying on the picture I have been coloring or trying to bite the colored pencil I would use. I take it he just wants to help.

As I colored to help with the depression, I also listened to a podcast. A podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast I am listening to is called Philosophize This. In fact, Steven West, the podcaster of Philosophize This is from Seattle which I personally think is cool since I live in Seattle. Anyway, I really enjoy Philosophize This and learning about philosophy.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank each one of you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Much Needed Time Away

Hello, World!!! It is ten fifteen at night in my corner of the world. Currently, I am in Bremerton, Washington. I decided to take a ferry here from Seattle and stay the night. As much as I love living in Seattle, sometimes city life can get a bit overwhelming so I am staying the night in a hotel on Bremerton’s waterfront.

Even though I am only going to be gone tonight, I am having a neighbor who has become a good friend look in on my cat, Billie Dean. Yes, I realize Billie will be okay with me just being gone overnight, I just wanted to make sure nothing happens. Plus my neighbor really likes Billie. I know from becoming friends with my neighbor that he really loves cats and it always brightens his day when I take Billie to say hi to him. So, having my neighbor check on Billie not only eases my mind but helps this good friend.

I know what I have done here in Bremerton is something I could do at home however just getting a break from the everyday things is helpful. One of the things I have done is read. I am reading a Star Wars book. A book that has me very engrossed and engaged. I read the Star Wars book outside for about an hour on Bremerton’s waterfront and enjoyed every minute of it.

After reading, I went out to dinner which was nice. The food at the restaurant, I went to was great which is why I went. Every time I come to Bremerton, I try to eat at the restaurant I at tonight. I highly recommend Bremerton Bar and Grill if you are ever in Bremerton, Washington.

Once I got back to my hotel room after eating dinner, I decided to do some art work. Actually, the type of art I did was color. Coloring is more portable than other forms of art or at least for me it is. I love to color and it helps me get into a positive state of mind.

As I was coloring I decided to listen to one of my favorite podcast on the subject of philosophy. The podcast I listened to as I colored was Philosophize This. The way the podcaster, Stephen West discusses philosophy makes the subject interesting and easy to comprehend. Or at least that is my person opinion of Philosophize This.

I do not have much more to talk about in this blog post except that I really needed this time away and miss my cat, Billie. Before, I end the post, I want to thank you for reading my blog. I am greatly appreciative that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Tuesday night. I also hope you all get a good night of sleep. Good Night and Peace Out, World. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Combating Depression

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am feeling slightly depressed. I am not exactly sure why my depression symptoms are acting up but they are. Depression sucks just like any mental health diagnosis. I just wish it didn’t exist but it does.

Right now, the things that appear to be helping seem to be so basic to those who don’t struggle with a mental health challenge. Sometimes its the simple and most basic things in life that are the most helpful. Or at least helpful for me.

For me one of the first basic things I do is take care of my cat, Billie Dean. First, I feed Billie. After feeding Billie, I then do the first of two daily cleanings of his litter box. After Billie is done eating and the litter box gets cleaned out, I then put on Billie’s new harness and leash on him and we go for a walk in the second floor hallway and the first floor common areas such as the lobby and community room. Billie appears to be scared when outside and most likely due to the freeway noise and hoping that with brief outside moments will help but I will not force it unless there is an emergency like the fire alarm going off. Billie really does like to explore and smell everything. Taking care of Billie and his needs helps me take care of myself.

Another basic thing I do for myself is to do art work. Today, the type of art work I have been doing is coloring. Yes, I know it seems quite basic and some might even call it “childish” but I don’t care as it helps me deal with things such as my depression. There is something calming and meditative about coloring. I enjoy coloring a great deal as it is one of the most simplest art forms there is to express yourself.

As I colored, I listened to a podcast. A podcast about philosophy. Specifically, I listened to Philosophize This by Stephen West. In fact Philosophize This is the first podcast I ever started listening to. I started listening to it on Spotify and still listen to it. I enjoy listening to it and how Stephen West presents Philosophy. He makes philosophy to understand and puts it into simple term. Another thing is that he is from Seattle which I find cool especially since I live in Seattle.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. I am greatly appreciative that you do read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great day. I also hope everyone has a great week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Frustration With Depression

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am frustrated. I am frustrated with depression symptoms creeping in especially since I have had a relatively okay type of day. I am grateful for the things that I have done today.

The things that have been helping a great deal are my cat, Billie Dean. Billie has been quite “helpful” with helping me color meaning that he happily lays down on the picture I am trying to color. I kind of find it funny that he does this as he is just trying to help me deal with the emotions I am dealing with. I love the fact the Billie is doing what he is suppose to do as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA).

As I colored today, with the help of Billie, I also listened to a podcast about philosophy. The specific philosophy I am listening to is Philosophize This. I really enjoy this podcast and am trying to get to the most recent airing of the podcast but I know it will take me a while to do that but I am okay with that. I love to learn new things and feel like I am learning new things as I listen to Philosophize This. I will encourage anyone to listen to this particular podcast.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has great night head of them. I also hope that you have a great night of sleep if you are not working. If you are working I hope you have a great night at work. Peace Out, World!!!

June Gloom = A Blah Type of Day

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is a typical Seattle June Gloom type of day. With the June Gloom day and how I am feeling, it is a blah type of day. It is a type of day where I need to be aware of how I am doing as days like this can easily turn into days where my depression acts up. I do think that days like today are needed from time to time. Sometimes days like today are meant to be lazy type of days.

Earlier today, I had a phone session with my psychiatric nurse practitioner (ANRP) and we discuss things that have been going on in my life and meds. My psychiatric nurse practitioner is a sweet woman and am greatly appreciative of her and how she listens. She increase the dosing of my sleep med in hopes of helping me sleep. I also now see her every six week instead of every four weeks which means she thinks I am doing better and I agree with her assessment.

After my appointment I went to pick up my meds from the pharmacy. I had a great conversation with the pharmacist who is awesome and on top of their game. After getting my meds, I went to the Amazon locker where my package was delivered to, to pick it up. Getting out of the apartment to do these two errands helped my mood a great deal.

Since getting home from my two errands, I have been doing some art work while listening to a podcast about philosophy. Specifically, I am coloring as I listen to the podcast, Philosophize This. Coloring and listening to Philosophize This has been quite relaxing for me. Of course, my cat, Billie Dean has been “helping” me with my coloring and he appears to be enjoying listening to Philosophize This. Spending time with my cat, Billie while doing things I enjoy is a great way to spend my day.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you do read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of their Tuesday. I also hope everyone has a great rest of their week with whatever you are doing. Peace Out, World!!!

A Late Friday Night Post

Happy Friday, World!!! It is 11:40 at night on a Friday and I am taking a brief break from doing some art work. Specifically, I am taking a break from coloring. I enjoy coloring immensely. Coloring is a type of mindfulness and meditation practice for me.

Part of the reason why I am taking a break from coloring at the moment is that I realize that I am hungry and am eating a snack. In fact, I am having an avocado with sour cream and a cheese quesadilla with sour cream. I know it is late to be eating but I am hungry and thought a snack would be a good idea especially since I am not tired and have a feeling I’ll be up late tonight.

My cat, Lil Gertie, is enjoying the fact that I am not in bed yet. She is enjoying it because she is getting plenty of attention and play time during a time she is typically is awake wondering around the apartment. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so much. I am so grateful that I adopted her nearly a year and a half ago. It has been one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

As I was eating and writing this blog as well as coloring I have been listening a podcast about philosophy. Specifically, the philosophy podcast I am listening to is Philosophize This. I highly recommend it. I am learning so much about philosophy and even some about history with this particular podcast. I really enjoy the podcast Philosophize This because I am intrigued with what is being discussed.

I think I am going to continue to listen to it till I am caught up to the most recent episode but it will take a while to get caught up. As I listen to the philosophy podcast I will be coloring. As I have mentioned before coloring is form of mindfulness and meditation for me. It helps me get in a good mindset. I really love coloring and plan on giving what I colored to people who I care about as well as to people who have helped me in the past. I am hoping that the big poster that I am coloring to be able to give it to my therapist but it is a slow process at this point in time. Coloring is something I never out grew and never stopped doing. I use to get laughed at in junior high and high school because I colored and now adult coloring is the in thing to do. I am glad I never stopped coloring even though I was bullied for it.

I don’t have much else to say in this post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I really hope that everyone enjoys their weekend. For those in the United States, I hope you enjoy your three day weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

So Far, It’s Not A Good Friday

Good Evening, World!!! I am not having a very good Friday due to the fact that my depression and anxiety symptoms are acting up and I am getting easily angered. Specifically, I am getting easily angered at myself. I am getting easily angered at myself because I feel like I am not handling the symptoms of my anxiety and depression as well as I think I should be handling them. The reality of the situation is that I am handling the symptoms better than I think I am because I am not making the situation worse and am making a life worth living for myself.

The thing I have come to realize over the years, I tend to get angry with myself due to my mental health symptoms even when I am reacting to them in a positive way like building a life worth living. Even if people may not think I am building a life worth living with the things I am currently doing, I am building a life worth living because I am educating myself as well as being creative through art.

The way I am educating myself is listening to a podcast on Spotify about philosophy and after each episode, I research what the podcaster discusses. In fact the podcast on philosophy I am listening to is “Philosophize This.” Stephen West is the person that does “Philosophize This” and I personally think he does a great job. He captures my attention which is a good thing because of being diagnosed with ADHD and me wanting to educate myself further on what he discusses in each episode. For me willing to educate myself on a particular subject and/or topic due to how someone conveys the particular subject (and topic) says something about the person discussing it. When a friend of mine suggested that I listen to “Philosophize This,” I was hesitant at first but when I listened to the first episode Stephen West had me wanting to learn more due to his approach on the subject of philosophy. It is because of Stephen West passion for the subject of philosophy is why I am self educating myself.

As I listen to “Philosophize This” I am being creative by doing art which is another way I am creating a life worth living. The particular form of art I am doing as I am listening to the podcast is coloring. I am coloring a poster to give to my therapist to hang in his office. I realize that coloring may not be what most people consider a life worth living but for me if I can color something for others to enjoy, its a life worth living because others are able to enjoy what I created.

Even though I am coloring and listening to “Philosophize This,” I am still struggling and not having a good Friday. I wish the symptoms of my depression and anxiety would subside but sadly they are not which is why I am getting angry with myself. Being angry is never a good thing for me but if I continue doing good things for myself like listening to “Philosophize This” and coloring then I am able to control my anger. Being able to control the anger is a good thing.

I don’t have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope you all have an awesome Friday. I also hope you all have an awesome weekend. I hope you all enjoy the next couple of days. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Post With Me Rambling

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is just after one o’clock in the afternoon in my corner of the world and I have been struggling since I woke up at five this morning. I have been struggling with several symptoms of my mental health challenges. I wish I wasn’t struggling with symptoms but sadly I am.

As badly as I am struggling at the moment and against my better judgement, I watched the twelve noon news. I say against my better judgement because there tends to be at least one story that triggers me. In fact there were two stories that triggered me in the noon news and it appears that it is the topic of politics that tends to be triggering for me at the moment. At least I am realizing what is triggering for me.

Lets get on to a different topic other than the news and politics as I am getting triggered even discussing it in this post. Yesterday, I had both therapy and group therapy. Specifically, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). In therapy my therapist and I discussed the DBT skills that I am struggling with doing due to barriers that get in the way. Even though we discussed the DBT skills I struggled with, we mainly talked about the barriers I struggle with. Sadly, some of the barriers are trauma related and we will need to continue to discuss these particular barriers in future sessions. After my session with my therapist I went to group therapy that happened to be DBT group. The topic of DBT group happened to be barriers that get in the way of using skills. When I found out the topic of DBT group I had to chuckle to myself because of what therapist and I discussed in my session with him.

Anyway, back to today and waking up struggling. I was struggling bad enough that the only thing I could do in the moment of waking up was pet my cat. My cat just laid next to me in my chair purring as I petted her. I ended up petting my cat close to a half an hour and during that half an hour petting my cat, I realize what I needed to do and ended up doing the entire morning before turning on the twelve noon news.

The things I ended up doing was art work and listening to a podcast as I did art work. The type of art work I ended up doing was coloring. I am coloring a poster in hopes to give it my therapist. As I colored the poster I listened to a podcast on philosophy. The specific podcast about philosophy I am listening to is called “Philosophize This” and am learning a great deal about philosophy. I highly recommend listening to the podcast “Philosophize This” for several reasons which I will share with you another time.

I say I will share with you another time in why I recommend “Philosophize This” is because I need to end this particular blog post so I can get going and eat something. I realized I haven’t eaten yet today which is not a good thing. Before I end this post I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Friday as well as an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Day

Good Evening, World!!! I am slightly struggling at the moment. I wish I wasn’t struggling but sadly I am. I am specifically struggling with the symptoms of both my anxiety and depression. Having symptoms from both act up at the same time is a hell in of itself yet it appears that I always tend to pick myself up from dealing with both at the same time.

Despite dealing with intense depression and anxiety symptoms I managed to hang out with a couple of friends. My friends and I decided we would go out and have a late lunch early dinner. We went to a local diner we had never been to and love the food as well as the service. As much as I didn’t want hang out with friends or go out to eat, I am grateful I did both. It got me out of my apartment and my head. It is never a good thing for me to isolate so hanging out with friends was a good decision for me.

Now that I have been home for a couple of hours, I realize that I am getting stuck in my head again. I went to turn on the television and well poof a political debate was on just about every channel. I knew it was going to be on tonight and tomorrow but I wasn’t paying attention to the time so I when I realized it was on I turned off the television and now I am writing this blog post. Don’t get me wrong about not wanting to watch the political debate but since I haven’t educated myself on all twenty candidates I don’t want to watch the debate. I know I will watch political debates when the election gets closer.

Since the political debate is on I am going to listen to podcast on philosophy. The philosophy podcast I am going to listen to is called “Philosophize This.” I will be listening to it from my laptop via Spotify. I am learning a great deal about philosophy from this podcast because I listen to it and then look up some of what is discussed in the podcast. I love to learn about new things especially if helps me have educated conversations.

As I listen to “Philosophize This,” I will be doing some art. The type of art I will be doing is coloring. I am coloring a poster that I have been coloring on and off since late 2016. It is my goal to finish it so I can give it to my current therapist as a thank you. The poster I am coloring has an awesome saying that is great when it comes to the therapeutic relationship. I am hoping that when I am finished with it that I take a picture of it to share with you.

I do not have much more to say so I guess I will end this post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!