Christmas Eve Grief & Depression

Good Morning, once again, World!!! It is still Christmas Eve and I still have not been able to sleep. The lack of sleep that is not helping with the emotions I am dealing with at the moment. Emotions I would rather not be dealing with at the moment.

Today, I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family and it happens to be the first Christmas without my grandma. I am dealing with the grief and sadness that goes along with it. Despite dealing with the difficult emotions of dealing with the first holiday without my grandma, I am looking forward to spending time with my dads side of my family.

I am however am dreading later this evening and tomorrow as I will be spending it with my mom’s side of the family. Sadly, my brother won’t be there as he will be spending the holiday with his dad. I am not looking forward to spending Christmas with my mom due to her being in active addiction.

Despite all of this my depression is acting up which sucks shit but it feels and looks like a typical Seattle Christmas minus the rain which is a good thing. I am not a big fan of rain but it wouldn’t be Christmas in the Northwest without rain so maybe we will get rain. Just as long as we don’t get snow, I will be okay with it as we had a white Christmas last year. The grey dreary Seattle weather fits my mood of being depressed. I hope that I somehow my spirits will be lifted some how and not by alcohol.

I am just really tired and hope I am able to take a nap at some point today. The lack of sleep sure is not helping my mood or my negative emotions. Sleep is crucial to having improved mental health symptoms or at least it does for me.

I better be going. I need to take a shower and eat small breakfast. I also need to pack some last minute things for my trip to my moms after I spend Christmas Eve with my dads side of the family. I hope that those of you who celebrate Christmas have a great holiday. Peace Out, World!!!

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No Sleep For Me

Good Morning, World!!! I am unable to sleep right now. No matter how much I try, I am unable to sleep. I have taken my sleep meds as well as some Melatonin and neither are working. I am starting to get quite frustrated with not being able to sleep.

Thankfully, I have electricity because it keeps going out due to the windy weather and power lines keep going down. I am grateful for electricity at the moment because I have been watching movies which has been quite helpful to me.

Unfortunately, yet fortunately the electricity would go out due to the windy weather and I then get a battery operated lantern and read. I am reading a book that I keep putting down and picking back but have to reread from the beginning due to forgetting where I left off. I am reading a science fiction / fantasy novel. I love reading

So between reading and movies I have been keeping myself busy. Lil Gertie, appears to be happy that I am awake right now as she is getting a lot attention as she is a night owl. I love my cat so much. She makes my life so much better.

I want to write more but my lights are starting to flicker again so I want to make sure this post gets posted just in case the electricity goes out again. The weather in Seattle the last few days has been yucky to even those who have spent their entire lives in the Seattle area. I just wish it wasn’t so windy.

Again, I really should get going. I hope everyone has a good Friday as it is officially Friday everywhere in America. Before I go, I would like to wish everyone a Blessed Solstice. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

 

 

Nothing But Random Sh*t, Once Again

Good Evening, World!!! Overall, today has been a good day despite some challenging moments. Today, I went to the mental health agency I am a client of as their day treatment was having a holiday lunch. I helped serve lunch which always makes me feel great help other out. Anyway some of the clinicians from the agency even ate with including my own therapist. He said he wouldn’t have come if I didn’t invite him even though the day treatment staff invited all the staff to join. Him saying this made me feel good about myself and that he cares about his clients as will do what he is able to do to help with his clients recovery.

It was nice to see some old faces in day treatment today. Seeing old friends is always a good thing. It was great to catch up with others especially people I haven’t seen a year or two if not longer. The one thing I did not like about today was the bullying that was going on. I am unable to comprehend why people bully others. I did stick up for those who were being bullied and the bully told on me and thankfully other stuck up for me and the bully was asked to leave for the day.

The weather in Seattle today was shitty. There was high winds today on top of the yucky rain. In fact I didn’t have power when I got home from the day treatment holiday lunch. I finally got it back on about an hour ago and my apartment is freezing as I have electric heating so the heaters are on full blast at the moment. I just hope the wind dies down soon. I don’t like yucky weather like today.

I don’t have much else to say. I will post tomorrow or at least that is my plan. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful rest of your Thursday evening. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Starting To Feel A Lot Like Christmas In The Northwest

Good Evening, World!!!! I am officially finished with all my Christmas shopping which makes me thrilled. I am also half way done wrapping the gifts that I am giving to friends and family for Christmas which is a huge accomplishment for me as last year and the year before, I didn’t even start shopping for my gifts for people till December 23rd. So I am very proud of myself that all my gifts are bought and half of them are already wrapped.

It is starting to feel a lot like Christmas in the Northwest. Anyone who has ever spent the holidays in the Pacific Northwest knows all too well on how special it is here. That is why I love Christmas in Seattle. Granted I do miss Christmas in Southern California from time to time but there is nothing like Christmas in the Northwest.

Despite my grandma no longer here with us this holiday season, I am feeling blessed at the moment. I was able to keep a promise that I made her. The promise was to be the one to create the stockings for everyone and I accomplished that today. I also accomplished making a stocking for one of my friends who has no family as well as a friend of my grandma’s. My grandma and her friend had been friends since they were ten years old. So I mailed the stocking to her today as well as the painting I made her.

I don’t have much else to say except that today was overall a great day. In fact it was better than a great day. It was almost an awesome day. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great rest of their evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Two O’clock in the Morning Randomness

Good Morning, World!!! It is two o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. I am not able to sleep at the moment. I am unsure why I am unable to sleep however I personally think it is part to insomnia as well PTSD symptoms. Having little to no sleep also does not help with my depression symptoms. All I know is I would like to get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket.

I might as well as remind you my reader of why there are advertisements on my blog. I have advertisements on my blog to earn some extra money. However I don’t earn the extra money unless you click on to the ad and let it load. So with each little click to the advertisements on my blog earns me a few cents. I know it is not much money but it something. So, I don’t think I will discuss that advertisement thing again for another few weeks as I am sure you don’t want to keep reading about it as I am sure you are not big fans of the advertisements but they do earn me a few extra cents with each click.

Anyways it sounds like the wind is blowing hard and the rain is pounding against my bedroom window. It sounds like there is some nasty weather outside at the moment and it most definitely not the typical Seattle weather for this time of year although it is not unusual for there to be some wind from time to time.  I just hope this nasty goes away by the time the sun rises but I am not holding out hope for it the nastiness to stop.

Enough about the weather here in Seattle lets talk about it being two in the morning in my corner of the world and how Lil Gertie is happy that I am awake. She is happy I am awake because I have been playing with her to help me through the difficult moments I have been have due to not being able to sleep. This is the time of day she is most playful and usually doesn’t expect to play with me as I am in bed but I think she is happy she is able to play since I am up. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so much. It is hard to believe that in three days from now it will be seven months since I adopted Lil Gertie. I love her so much and can’t imagine life without her right now. Oh yeah before I forget, I order Lil Gertie a new cat carrier as I have been using the box cat carrier I got when I adopted her. I bought it from Amazon last Wednesday and finally it was delivered last Friday. She still doesn’t like being in the carrier but she hasn’t fought going into it when I have but her in it and she has meowed when she has been in it. I have been putting Lil Gertie into the new carrier so she can get use to it and not so afraid of it. I keep her in it for no more than ten minutes to see how she reacts and no I don’t keep her in the carrier when I am not home. I keep the side entrance of the carrier open and down so she could go in and out of it if she wants. She has gone in it to sniff and quickly came out but hopefully she will know it is a safe place for her so when I do have to take her somewhere, it won’t put her in more stress. The last thing I want is to put Lil Gertie in stress out mode.

I think I am going to get going as I am wanting to attempt to get some sleep tonight. Hopefully insomnia gives me a break and that my anxiety, depression and PTSD symptoms continue to lessen so I can get some sleep. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You guys are all awesome!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Yucky Weather + Depression = Desire to Isolate

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t get much sleep last night but I did get more than the night before. Getting sleep is key to helping the symptoms of the mental health challenges I face. Yes, I may have gotten slightly more sleep last night and it is helping my mood just in the slightest, I just don’t think it is exactly enough to help beat off the depression symptoms.

I don’t think it is enough to be off the depression symptoms because it is the time of year they get worse and well the typical yucky Seattle weather ain’t helping much. In fact the weather today, I think is making the symptoms a little bit worse. Worse in a sense that I am wanting to isolate. Part of is cause of the weather while the other part is due to the depression symptoms which both really suck today.

As much as I want to isolate today, I am unable to do so because I have two appointments today. One with my therapist which is much need and the other is with my employment specialist. I really need my therapy today even though I really do not want to go, mainly because of my depressive symptoms and a little to do with the yucky Seattle weather. No matter how I feel, I need to attend both appointments today due it will ultimately help my recovery. All I can say is the depression suck shit.

I don’t have much else to say in this post so I think I am going to end it for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciate it from my end of things as well as from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone enjoys their day. Peace Out, World!!!

It Feels Like A Monday Because It is A Monday

Good Evening, World!!! It sure feels like a Monday. Yes, I realize it is Monday but it most definitely feels like Monday. It feels like a Manic Monday because of all the shit I have had to do today.

First I had to attend an appointment for my housing. It is for my annual review to continue on getting subsides housing. My rent is going up starting in February because of my job but I am okay with that.

Something else I had to do in regards to my job is fill out paper work for Social Security. I also had to send them my pay stubs. I really dislike paper work but I rather fill out the paper work and send in pay stubs than owe Social Security money.

As much as I hate paperwork I am glad I got it done for both my housing and my social security. As far as my job is concerned I am looking for a new one as being on call for a night shift is not exactly best for me and my mental health. I plan on actively looking now and start applying in hopes I can start in the New Year.

I also went out in the crappy Seattle weather to go get my meds. I wish I didn’t have to get my meds on the weekly basis but I do. The weather in Seattle sucks today. It has been raining and extremely windy. I just wish it was normal Seattle yucky weather which is overcast, cold and drizzly.

I don’t have much else to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope to post again sometime tomorrow to tell you how my doctors and therapy appointments went. Peace Out, World!!!