The Urges To Self Harm & The Skills That Are Helping

Good Evening, World!!! I am having yet another tough moment with dealing with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death yesterday (Thursday which was Valentines Day). My therapist and I had an hour and a half session today. I cried a bunch. We also discussed on ways I could keep myself safe for today and the rest of the weekend. We came up with the usual stuff of doing art, journaling, reading, spending time with my cat, blogging and actually starting on the workbook I have discussed in previous post. The workbook is called “The Artist Way.”  I have started reading the introduction and other such things like how to use the work book. I hope to officially start it tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

Of course my therapist and I discussed what books I plan on reading and he agreed that the books I have chosen to read most likely won’t be triggering for me as they are Science Fiction and Fantasy books. He thinks that reading books will be helpful for me to get out of my head even for a moment or two. He also agrees the both blogging and journaling will be helpful for me to process the grief and depression I am dealing with in regards to my grandmas passing away and help me with other shit I am dealing with. Art of course is that skill set for me to do so I have a better way to process my emotions in ways words can not help me express. Lets not forget the affection and love my cat gives me on the daily basis even if she wakes me up at four in the morning to play or wanting food.

The workbooks and the letter to my grandma is the two things my therapist really wants me to focus on this weekend as our next session is on Tuesday. My therapist is challenging me in a good and difficult way he knows I am capable of doing at the moment. He wants to see me to continue to improve with my recovery. He is very recovery related which is a good thing in a therapist.

I do not have very much more to say in this post. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday evening and a good weekend.  I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

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Just Read if You Want to Know What I Said

Good Evening, World!!! I have a lot to catch you up on as a great deal has happened since I last posted. Let’s start with the employment part of my life or should I say the job seeker part of my life at the moment. Yes, I am still employed as an on call shelter counselor however it is not a job I want to be at for forever and a day. That means I have been sending out my resume’s to various places especially those who have Peer Specialist/Counselor jobs. I got call this past Tuesday from the HR person from the agency I am client of asking if I wanted an interview for one of the peer positions and I stated yes. So, I had an interview yesterday (Wednesday) and I don’t think it went all that well. I am not holding my breath on getting this position as I am a client of the agency that gave me the interview. I think it is best for all involved that I have low expectations in getting this job due to not being disappointed if I don’t get it. My employment specialist informed me that from her understanding with talking with one of the interviewers, I did a really good job at the interview and am on the bottom of the short list only because I am a client and I informed my employment specialist that I am okay with that as I understand the ethical conflict of the situation.

Other than the interview yesterday (Wednesday) and working Sunday night into Monday morning, I have not done much of anything but go see my therapist and employment specialist this past Tuesday. Mainly because it has been snowing outside and today was the first day the roads and sidewalks were decent enough to do anything. Sadly, the weather is not going to get better like it was today. Tomorrow (Friday), it suppose to start snowing again in the Seattle area. A good portion of folks that live in the Seattle area don’t do well in the snow, myself include. I really am not a big fan of the cold and snow. But I am one to say if it is cold enough to snow it might as well as snow.

Due to the snow storm that is suppose to happen this weekend I plan on not doing much of anything but hanging out at home with my cat, Lil Gertie. I figure this will be the perfect time to settle in and start on the workbook “The Artist Way” that I was telling you about a few post ago. In fact I am still assuming that it has you do art type things due to the title but I have read a little bit of the introduction and part of it requires you to do some journaling everyday which could be challenging to do daily but I am to doing it. Most of me is looking forward to it however some of me is sort of fearful of it as I am afraid of the things it will bring up. Whatever it brings up, I have a good support system in place to help me as well as my cat, Lil Gertie. In fact I am looking forward to hibernating here at home in the snowy cold weather with my cat, Lil Gertie. I don’t think there is a better way of spending wintry weather than spending it with my cat, Lil Gertie.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I do hope to post some time later tonight or tomorrow. I will keep you updated on the snowy weather here in Seattle. Thank you very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a goodnight. Peace Out, World!!!

There Is No Place Like Home

Good Evening, World!!! I am home and have been for a few hours. It is so nice to be home and able to sleep in my own bed instead of a couch. My cat, Lil Gertie, appears to be happy to be home as well. I do have to say my apartment is still cold as I had the windows slightly opened when I was gone to have it not be so stuffy in my apartment. It sure seems that it is taking an extremely long time for it to warm back up after closing the windows and turning on the heat full blast.

Since I have been home, I decided to do some art. In fact I have decided to do some painting as I was not able to paint when I was at my grandpa’s. That is okay as it has me more appreciative of different genres of art.

Now I am about to curl up in my own bed to read. I am really enjoying the book I am reading. I hope to do a book review when I am finished with the book. I am reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. Orson Scott Card is a really good author or that is my opinion of him.

I do not have much more to say except that there is no place like home. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Monday evening. I would also like to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!

Lil Gertie’s Health Scare & Other Randomness

Good Evening, World!!! I realize that I have not blogged since New Years Day. I don’t really have any excuses as I know I could have found time to blog. I do have some excuses for the evening of Friday the fourth till yesterday. I mention this as my cat, Lil Gertie, had two minute period to where she was struggling to breathe. I immediately took her to my vet who was out sick however the vet techs looked at her and said it would be a good idea to take her in to another walk in vet clinic which they referred me to. The vet techs sent over Lil Gertie’s records and I went to the referred vet clinic. There, Lil Gertie was checked and she has asthma. The vet put Lil Gertie on steroids, antibiotics and just in case a de-worming med. The vet put her on a de-worming med just in case she has parasites which she says it is extremely unlikely but precautionary especially since I would have seen worms in her stools. The vet said parasites could be the reason for Lil Gertie’s asthma but she highly things it is asthma that was aggravated by a respiratory illness is why she is on an antibiotic. Lil Gertie, is also on steroids to help with the inflammation due to asthma.  Taking Lil Gertie to the vet caused me a great deal of anxiety especially since she had another asthma attack right in front of the vet. Thankfully, I didn’t need to get x-rays done on Lil Gertie since she ended up having another episode of struggling to breathe. The vet said if she has another episode, that I might have to get her an inhaler for the asthma. Seeing Lil Gertie struggling to breathe is anxiety provoking. She does appear to be feeling better. She is upset with me because two of her meds are in liquid form and she doesn’t like to be held still to have some nasty tasting stuff being forced in her mouth. I know I wouldn’t like it.

Now on to my own health issues. First and fore most I made an appointment with an oral surgeon to get my teeth taken out. I will be getting dentures which is something I am not looking forward to but it is something that needs to be done desperately. I have high anxiety regarding dentist. Mainly because I am unable to see what the hell they are doing. But in reality I will feel better about myself once I get a new set of teeth which would be dentures.

Besides my dental issue, I too have been having some asthma attacks which highly sucks. It sucks even more that I think I am coming down with a cold or something like a could. I think I am just worn out and need some rest but I do have sore throat which is not a good thing. I have been drinking plenty of water and orange juice. I am trying to stay healthy especially since I have to make sure Lil Gertie gets healthy. I really do love my cat, Lil Gertie, cause I don’t know what I would do if she were not around.

Anyway, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I am grateful that you read my blog. I don’t have much more to say. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Welcome To 2019

Happy New Years, World!!! It is hard to believe that it is 2019 in most of the world including my neck of the woods. I spent the New Years looking out my window toward the Space Needle as fireworks shot off of it. I don’t live near the Space Needle but I am still able to see it from my apartment. My cat didn’t freak out as much as she did when the Fourth of July fireworks went off over Lake Union and no I don’t live near Lake Union either but can still see it from my apartment. Anyway, I brought in the New Year with Lil Gertie and am grateful that I was able to bring it in with her.

Since I am talking about my cat, Lil Gertie, I can’t help but wonder where she was and what she was doing last year at this time. I try not to think about it very much but I hope she was happy and safe. I just hope that she is happy living with as this year starts. I know I am happy to have her.

It is hard to believe that last year at this time, I had absolutely NO hope at all. Having no hope left me extremely suicidal to where I ended up in the psych ward on the second day of the year. Now, I can say that this year I have no hope and that I won’t end up in the psych ward on the second day of the New Year. So, this year as started so much better than last year. I am so grateful that I am so much more hopeful this year than I was last year.

So, I as I sit here blogging, I am drinking some sparking apple cider thinking about the triumphs and trials of last year and what this year is going to bring. I know that when Valentines Day comes around this year that it will be difficult as it will mark the one year anniversary of my grandma’s passing away. Yes, it will be hard but I know that a few weeks later I will be celebrating my 40th birthday. Something I didn’t think will happen because I thought that I would have died by suicide. But thankfully, I am going to make it to my 40th birthday. So yes, I know I will have tough moments but I will also have some awesome moments as well.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I just want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You are all awesome. I hope all  of you continue to read my blog well into the New Year. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has has an awesome New Year and that 2019 brings you some joy as well as some hope. I also hope this you brings you what you want and what you need. Happy New Years, World!!!

There Is No Place Like Home

Good Morning, World!!! I am home from spending time with my family. I, actually arrived home yesterday (Wednesday, December 26th) evening but was not up to blogging or doing much of anything. The only thing I was up to doing when I got home was getting into my pajama’s and hanging out with my cat. I am so grateful to be home and I think, Lil Gertie, my cat, is glad to be home as she stayed at my grandpa’s when I was at my moms.

With all that happened over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I am surprised that I didn’t need to call the after hours crisis number for the agency I am a client of as it is something that usually happens with less drama. I did briefly talk with my therapist Christmas Eve for a short five minutes about my dad and his seizures. My therapist couldn’t talk longer as the agency was closing early and it was impressed upon them that they leave no later than a half an hour after closing. I informed him that if I needed to I might need to email him over the holiday and thankfully, I didn’t have to. Well, I did have to but was too busy dealing with family drama with my mom on Christmas Day to do so.

Anyway, when it was my plan to see my therapist today but when we went schedule for today during our last session he looked at his calendar and saw he had a training today so, I have an appointment with him tomorrow. I am looking forward to it as there is much I need to tell him about. I most likely will email him at some point today to update him on what happened with my mom on Christmas Day. I just want to make sure he is aware of things that are going on.

I really don’t have much more to say without repeating myself. I hope to blog again later today but I can not promise anything. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing Like A Lil Drama On Christmas Eve

Good Evening, World!!! My grandpa picked me up earlier today and when we arrived my uncle was rushing us in as he was on the phone with 911. My dad was having his sixth seizure in a matter of fifteen minutes. So, my dad was rushed my paramedics to the hospital. It turns out that my dad is fine.

Now we are waiting on my uncle to get food from a restaurant we ordered. I am looking forward to having some food in my stomach as I have not eaten anything yet today. I know that is a not so good thing but considering my dad was in the emergency room most of the afternoon, food was the last thing on my mind.

Lil Gertie, appears to be adjusting well here at my grandpa’s place. My grandpa will be taking care of my cat, Lil Gertie, when I am at my moms place from tonight to December 26th. Lil Gertie has taken up residence in my grandpa’s bed like she owns it.

I am grateful that the only drama had so far was my dad’s seizures and that he is okay. The doctors and nurses were great helping my dad out. They were extremely patient with my entire family especially my grandpa. I am grateful for all the police officers, first responders, doctors and nurses that work the holidays.

I should get going and help set up for dinner so when my uncle comes with the food we are ready to sit down to the table. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a good Christmas if it is a holiday you celebrate. Again, your readership is appreciated especially this time of year. Thank you, once again, for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!