A Creative Type of Day Due to Mindfulness

Good Afternoon, World!!! Well, it must be one of those days where I am able to be creative and I am enjoying this immensely. I am extremely grateful that I have been able to be creative today.

One of the ways I have been creative today is by painting. I, finished two painting that I am really proud of. In fact of the paintings my cat accidentally helped me with. She stepped in some paint and then walked on the canvas which I think is very cool and unique. Sadly, I had to give her a quick bath in the sink before paint fully dried on her paws and fur. She is not a big fan of taking a bath but at least she “helped” me create an awesome painting even though that was not her intention. Maybe, one day I will share this painting with you someday.

Another way I have been creative today is that I have written several poems. Something I love to do yet struggle to do because I never feel like they are good enough. Sadly, I tend to throw away a good portion of my poetry due to the fact that I don’t think they are worthy of being read. I have been having others such as a good friend of mine hold on to my poetry as I hope that someday I can create a book full of my poetry.

Another way I have been creative today is play my flute. I love playing my flute and just like coloring, it is form of mindfulness for me. Playing the flute has been a life saver for me since I started playing at age twelve. It has helped and still helps me with my mental health challenges. It also helped me make friends in school as I was in the junior high and high school bands. And being in band is what helped me graduate high school. So you can say that playing the flute helped me graduate high school even though I am really not that good at playing it.

I think the reason why I have been so creative today is because I have done several mindfulness exercises today. I have done some much mindfulness today because of my anxiety and am learning that mindfulness not only helps with my anxiety but helps me be creative. I am grateful that I am slowly getting back into mindfulness on the daily basis.

I do not have much else to say. I hope to blog again this evening and if not then tomorrow. Have a great rest of you day. Peace Out, World!!!

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Not So Good Mental Health Day

Hello, World!!! Today has been one of those not so good days in regards to my mental health symptoms. A day where I have experienced extreme loneliness as well as isolation. Of course some of the isolation is a protective fact so I don’t have an emotional outburst on anyone.

I just wish my depression and dissociation wasn’t acting up so bad. To make matters worse my voices are screaming at the moment. At least I am not suicidal nor do I have urges to self harm and that is always a plus.

My cat, Lil Gertie has been helping me a great deal. She has been been at my side or on my lap the entire day or at least in my waking moments. I have been sleeping a great deal today. Maybe because of the lack of sleep last night or because of the depression or maybe a combination of both. My music has been playing nonstop as it helps a great deal with the voices. I have also been doing a lot of art today. Mainly I have been coloring but I have done other forms of art. I just wish I wasn’t so lonely or even isolating. At least I have my cat, Lil Gertie.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Dissociative State = Creative Brain & A Loving Cat Wanting to Help

Hello, World!!!! Why in the fuck do I have be dissociating at the moment especially since I am wanting to be in a creative groove. I think, I will be in the creative groove. My art may not come out like I would want but it might turn out better. As for writing I can incorporate it to some of the art I am doing. Kind of like poetry. I could even work on my storytelling comics and use some collaging. I have so many idea when it come to my creative side.

I think when I am out of this dissociated state, I will have some awesome art work and writings that might have some poetry. May my next post will be the art work I have done or the poetry that was written.

I hope that I can be creative after this post. That is my goal. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Lil Gertie’s First Year In Her Forever Home

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today, marks it one years since I adopted my cat, Lil Gertie. It is difficult to wrap my head around on how fast this year went and what my life would be like if I didn’t adopt her. She has been a major support for me and has helped me a great more than I could ever have imagined.

On a side note, I saw my psychiatric nurse practitioner. We discussed the normal shit that we usually do and then we got on the topic of how meds can only help so much. She was surprised by me saying that meds can only help so much because she has clients who think meds are the only things that help. When then discussed what things help me in congestion to my meds. We discussed various things that help me right along with my meds. Some of which to find out she enjoys as well.

I don’t have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank so very much for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

Friday Morning Random Update

Happy Friday, World!!! A great deal has happened since I last posted. In fact, I vaguely remember writing my last post as I was dissociating on and off through it. In fact my mental health treatment team is quite concerned about how much I have been dissociating and how long the episodes last. In fact I am just as concerned as they are. As concerned as I am in regards to my dissociative episodes, I am more fearful of them than anything else.

Last Friday at this time I was traveling to a small rural town in eastern Oregon to visit my great aunt and uncle with my grandpa, dad and two uncles. I normally don’t mind travelling but when you are in a normal sized car with four other people and you are stuck in the middle seat in the back for six plus hours, it’s the most comfortable of experiences. I, however do enjoy visiting my great aunt and uncle in eastern Oregon. I enjoy visiting both because they are both awesome at storytelling especially when it comes to family history.

After my grandpa, dad and two uncles visited my great aunt and uncle in eastern Oregon, we drove to Spokane, Washington to not only visit another great aunt but my grandma’s grave. It was nice seeing this great aunt but I was more grateful to visit my grandma’s grave. Not only did I see my great aunt and visit my grandma’s grave, I saw two friends who live in Spokane.

After traveling several hundred miles in two states I was extremely happy to get home on Monday (May 13th). I was happy to get home to my cat, Lil Gertie and sleep in my own bed. In fact, my cat, Lil Gertie, lectured me for a good five minutes. While I was out of town a neighbor who is a good friend watched Lil Gertie for me. I attempted to give him fifty dollars for his time watching, Lil Gertie, but he would only accept twenty five dollars. It’s great to have friends who will help you out when needed.

Going back to the topic of my therapist, I had a session with him. Unfortunately, I don’t remember it because I was in a dissociative state. He has been calling me daily to check in on me. Checking in on me on the daily basis is his way of being proactive and preventive of keeping me out of the hospital for psych reasons even though I am not suicidal or have urges to self harm. The reason why I would be in the hospital for psych ward would  be for the dissociative episodes which would leave me in a vulnerable state. I am all for keeping me out of the hospital as the hospital is not very fun.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

This is how I am when I’m starting to dissociate & I hope it’s educational for you as I fight against it.

Happy Monday and Good Evening, World!!! It is an absolutely, amazingly, beautiful day here in Seattle and I have been enjoying it to the best of my ability. Sadly, I am partly in reality and partly fighting against the dissociative state I am slowly getting in. Being is a dissociated state even a partial one is never good thing for me.

So, I went for a walk and a listened to some great music. As I was walking listening to music, I realized I was starting to dissociate and stopped in my tracks to go back home. As I walked back up I did a walking mindfulness and meditation exercise as I walked back home. As I walked through the door to my apartment my cat instantly knew something was wrong so she did was she needed to do and it helped great deal for me to get more it reality than I wasn’t in. Hell, I am still trying to get back into a hundred percent reality. Not sure why I am fighting so hard with the dissociation right now. I just want to enjoy the nice Seattle weather by taking a walk. I have done some mindfulness and meditation practices since I am hope and it is not help all that much at the moment. My cat is helping a great deal. Just focusing on her, my cat is quite helpful.

Now, I am just going to play some music and do some art. I will also play my flute. When I play my flute and/or do art, it helps me get out what I need to so I am able to be fully in reality and not in a dissociative state. Art and music always help. I might do some art outside since it is a beautiful weather day here in Seattle. I just cant go for a walk or I could forget how to get home and I don’t want that so that’s why I’m going to do art on this beautiful sunny day in Seattle in the community porch for the people who live in my apartment building.

Of course I will be spending more time with my cat, Lil Gertie, as she appears to know how to help me when I am in a dissociative state. She is an amazing cat that has helped me a great deal with when I am in a true dissocive  state like I am now. I really don’t let myself go when I am writing. I guess now people can see how hard it is for me.

I am thinking I am needing to end this post so I can do my art and spend time with my cat. Have a great Monday everyone.I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World

An Ambien Written Post

Good Morning, World!!! It about 2:15 in the morning on a Tuesday in my corner of the world. In fact I am sure some places in the world are ending their Tuesday as other parts of the world like where I live is just starting out their Tuesday.

Right now I am unable to sleep despite attempting to get to sleep. So, now I am up and decided to write a post as I hope that maybe writing will help. I love to write weather it’s blogging, journaling, poetry or short stories. For some reason it is quite helpful for me when I am needing to clear my mind.

Since I am unable to sleep I decided to put on some music. In fact, the playlist I am listening to at the moment, I titled, Childhood Memories, as it is songs I remember from my childhood. Most of the songs I have heard over and over again. Some how music helps me.

Before, I decided to write a blog post, I decided to color. I love to color. It is a form of both mindfulness and meditation for me. It helps me be in a place of relaxation as well helps me turn out the outside noise that the world brings in.

To be honest with you all, I am going to have to look at this post later on today as well as the art work I colored because I took an Ambien when I started coloring about an hour ago. So, yes, I am writing under the influence of Ambien. This post should be an interesting post to reread. In fact I am sure my coloring might be interesting to look at after the ambien wears off and I am able to get some sleep. I think I am going to go to bed now as I am extremely sleepy now from the ambien and I will leave my music on as it helps me sleep.

I do not have much else to say as if I continue to write I most likely will be repeating myself. My cat is meowing at me from my bed in the bedroom so I am thinking she is telling me it is way past my bed time. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!