Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been quite a week. A week full emotions. The primary emotions I have felt this week have been fear and anger. In fact I think if it wasn’t for the fear and anger, I wouldn’t have been on my creative streak.

This week I ended up being extremely creative by painting, writing poetry and even started writing some music to play on my flute. Being creative has been proven helpful for me when it comes to dealing with the symptoms of the mental health challenges I struggle with.

Being creative is something I also that helps me when I am having some major sleep issues. I was unable to sleep for three days straight despite my sleep hygiene strategies. I do think that being creative is what helped me finally getting limited sleep last night.  I am grateful for the sleep I did get last night.

I don’t have much to say regarding my week for this past week as there is not much going on that I am willing to share. Thank you for reading. Have a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Figuring Sh*t Out While Being Creative

Hello, World!!! Today, hasn’t been the easiest of days for me. Especially, since I’ve come to the realization that my case manager’s supervisor is providing me with therapy. I came to this realization today when I saw him and at the end of our appointment we scheduled another one for this Friday. It appears from my end of things or perspective that he (my case manager’s supervisor) is attempting his best to gain my trust with him and the rest of my treatment team after what happened three weeks ago when my therapy services were pulled. The reason, I’ve come to the realization of him providing me with therapy is because this will be the third week in a row where I’ve had three appointments with him in one week. I am a little suspicious of this for several reasons but it appears that he wants me back in therapy services and working with me to get me back in it.

On that note, my “temporary” therapist and I discussed a little about my safety with self-harm and suicide ideation stuff which led me to showing him one of the mandalas I colored last night. I would have shown him the other one I colored but I gave it to the therapist I had right after Diana left but the one before my last former therapist. Anyway, my “temporary” therapist and I discussed how coloring is quite helpful to me. He thinks that me being creative is a good thing, whether its with writing or some sort of art work.

So when I got home, I rested for a while, ate and then went to a local art supply store. A store with in walking distance of my place of residence. I pick up some paint supplies including canvas. The picture below is what I painted this evening with my newly bought paint supplies.

IMG_0018I realize its not the best photo of my newly painted piece of art but it resembles what my recovery has been like throughout my life.

Another thing I did after my painting was write a couple of poems. Poems that represent the not so good head space I have been in lately. Below are photo’s of the poems I wrote.

The first poem is as follows:

Shit Hit The Fan

by Gertie

Shit hit the fan.

Nobody seams to hear, what the fuck I am saying.

How loud do I have to get to be heard?

How much shit has to hit the fan before its noticed?

Why can’t I get a break?

Even for an hour.

The second poem is as follows:

Searching For Lost Hope

by Gertie

Looking for a sign.

Any sign, for a sign of hope.

Hope that seems to be no where to be found.

Searching for the lost hope is becoming more hopeless as the search drags on.

As I painted and wrote some poetry, I listened to some music. Music that appears to be helping drown out the voices I’m hearing. Voices that nobody hears. I also am just realizing that when I am doing art, writing or even playing a musical instrument, my voices get quieter. They’re still quite intense but not as intense if I weren’t doing the above mentioned activities. I think I need to share this with my case manager and her supervisor.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading and allowing me to share my creative side with you. Peace Out, World.

(Side Note: I realize people might think after reading this post that I am suicidal or thinking about self harm. I am NOT suicidal and am NOT thinking about self harm.)

Everyday Inspiration; Day 12: Critique a Piece of Work

Good Morning, World!!! For today’s assignment for Finding Everyday Inspiration course, is to critique a piece of work. The first thing that came to mind was Picasso because a few years back an exhibit of Picasso came to the local art museum in which I attended. So, for this assignment I decided to  google Picasso and a butt load of images appeared. The above piece of art is not a Picasso piece but it caught my eye. In fact it also caught Junior’s eye. The artist name is Marlina Vera. I don’t know much about the artist however I will look more into this individual after I “critique” this piece of art work.

I was and am intrigued by this piece of art work for many reasons. It reminds me of Picasso but mostly reminds me of the love that Junior and I have for each other. Junior and I discussed the above piece of art as we held hands. We realized that not only looking at the art but discussing it, that this piece of art turned us on sexually.

It turned us on sexually because it shows a couple holding each other with much love. A way Junior and I would do and have done. In fact after looking at this piece of art and discussing it we did have an intimate moment. An intimate moment that was very pleasurable yet cut short due to my PTSD symptoms.

My critique of this piece of art work may not be a typical critique but I don’t care. I love this art piece as it shows the love a couple can have for each other no matter what the other looks like. This piece not only had Junior and I discussing sex and intimacy but that of body image.

Body image can be a big deal when looking at art. This is one piece of art that has not just me thinking about body image but Junior as well. Its amazing on how many topics one piece of art can come up in a discussion about it.

I know this isn’t much of a critique but its my critique and like the feelings the piece of art work brings to me (and Junior). Thank you for reading. I greatly appreciate you reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Monday. I also hope you all have great week at work. Peace Out, World!!!