A Major F*ck Up (Contains Graphic Images)

GRAPHIC IMAGES

(IN THIS POST)

It’s two o’clock in the morning on Monday, October 16th of 2017. This particular blog post is not going to be a pretty one. It’s not going to be a pretty one because, I’m not only going to be discussing what happened on Saturday night but showing you images. IMAGES THAT ARE QUITE GRAPHIC!!!

(SIDE NOTE: Before I continue on with this post I want to reassure you that I am NOT suicidal and I DON’T feel like harming myself at the moment. If I were to become suicidal and/or feel like self harming, I will take myself to the hospital like I did Saturday.)

Saturday night was not the most pleasant of days for me. Both my PTSD and Depression symptoms got the better of me. So much so that I ended up cutting myself. I scared myself so much by cutting myself that I called two close friends who took me to the hospital to get evaluated. I would have called Junior however he was working at the moment and didn’t need him to worry as he is a firefighter.

As I was stating my friends took me to the Emergency Room where my wounds got treated and I got evaluated for my state of mind. Everyone was in agreement that I could (and still can) remain safe and was able to return home.

I stayed with my friends till Junior got off work. He picked me up from my friends house. He looked at my wounds and redressed them. We discussed on what I could do the next time things go this bad. Next time I won’t be so hesitant to reach out for support of friends are so fearful of calling 911.

Part of the reason why I ended up cutting on Saturday night was because I was fearful of my symptoms and angry that I was having them. I did end up getting some stitches. You may or may not be able to see the stitches but wanted to fore warn you.

(FYI: I AM NOT CURRENTLY SUICIDAL!!! I CURRENTLY DO NOT FEEL LIKE HARMING MYSELF.)

THE BELOW IMAGES ARE GRAPHIC:

 

I just want to show you the realities of what happens when I am in an extremely bad head space. This is why I am grateful that I have a great support system. I am beyond grateful that I have a loving partner and awesome friends who are in my corner.

Thank you for reading my blog. I truly apologize if I triggered anyone with this particular blog post. Again, I want to reiterate: I AM NOT CURRENTLY SUICIDAL AND I DON’T WANT TO HARM MYSELF IN ANY WAY. I’M NOT A RISK OF HARMING MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. Again, I want to thank for reading my blog. I hope I didn’t trigger anyone. If I did, I truly do apologize. I hope everyone has a good Monday. Have a good work week everyone and Peace Out, World!!!

 

 

My Plans Regarding Blogging

Hello, World!!! As I mentioned in my post at two something this morning, I’ve decided to take the Everyday Inspiration course that WordPress puts on. It is my hope that with me doing this course is that I can become more in the habit of blogging on the regular basis.

On that note, I hope to get both my partner, Junior, and my friend who is motherly figure to me, Mama Bear, to blog at least once month. It was my hope last year that they would do this but life can get busy. I’ve discussed this with them, once again and both are willing to do it. So, it is my hope that once I get into more of habit of blogging that they will blog at on the monthly basis and if they desire more.

In fact as I sit here on the couch blogging, Junior is sitting next to me watching me blog. He is reading of my shoulder to see what I am blogging about. Oh how I love, Junior. Junior the love of my life and soulmate. I am grateful to have such a supportive person in my life that loves me no matter how difficult things get for me regarding my mental health.

Since, I am on the topic of Junior, I think I will end this post for now. I want to spend some much need quality time with him. I’m needing to discuss a thing or two with him. No, he is not in trouble. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace out, world!!!

Tragedy In Vegas Hits Close To Home

Hello, World!!! If you live in the United States, you most likely heard about the shooting in Las Vegas. Sadly, this shooting hits closer to home to me than I would like to admit.

A friend of mine was at the concert when the shooting happened. Unfortunately, she is one of the victims. She is critically injured and the information I have is limited due to the on going investigation.

As my heart goes out to my friend and everyone else who was in attendance of the concert I can’t help but think about the need for better gun control here in the United States. Yes, I realize that we have the second amendment right to bare arms however all this gun violence has to stop. I also realize that no matter what the laws state that people will find a way to get guns.

In the case of the Vegas shooting it’s too soon to know if the shooter legally attained the guns he had on his person or place of residence. Whether or not the shooter attained the guns legally we need to focus on better laws. Laws that will be tough to make due to the politics involved with guns and our second amendment rights.

As we may have the right to bare arms, I cant help but to think about my friend and her rights. What about her right to live? What about her right to not be shot at when attending a concert to celebrate her recovery? What about her rights to be safe? Why can’t people think about the rights of the victims and survivors?

As I end this post, all I ask is that if you leave a comment that you be respectful of what you say. I have my blog set up to where I approve or not approve people’s comments and will not hesitate to not approve someone’s comments. Please keep my friend, her family and everyone else who attended the concert as well their families in your thoughts. I hope everyone has a good day. Don’t forget to tell the people you care about that you love them and how much they mean to you because you never know if its going to be the last time you will be able to tell them so. Have a good day and week. Peace Out!!!

An Update From My Last Post

Hello, World!!! It has been about a week since I last posted. Sadly, my last post was about me getting traumatized again. I apologize for not updating you sooner. I’m just attempting to get my baring’s back after what happened and its not an easy process to do so.

Updating you is one way I am attempting to get my baring’s back. As you may realize it hasn’t been the easiest of weeks after dealing with an assault. Not just any type of an assault but a sexual assault. An assault that I don’t remember much of due to the fact that I was knocked out by a rock or brick or something similar.

At this point in time I don’t know if its a good thing or a bad thing but I do know that detective is looking into it as that a stranger reported seeing the first part of the assault. The part of me getting knocked out was reported to the police. The fortunate part was someone not only called the police but took pictures as well. Unfortunately, by the time the police showed up, I had left the park unwillingly with the person who assaulted me. I don’t remember this  and wish the detective didn’t tell me. I am however grateful that someone did call the police and took pictures. Anyway, the detective and I set up a time for me to “be interviewed” to share what I remember (or the lack there of) and put me in touch with the victim’s advocate.

The victim advocate contacted me shortly after the phone conversation with the detective ended. She told me what to expect next in the process of reporting. She will be in attendance when I talk with the detective in person. The victim advocate will me walking along side of me the entire way. The victim advocate also encouraged me to do “good self-care.”

Doing good self-care for me includes me going to my follow up appointment with my doctor. My doctor looked me over and she took my stitches out. The stitches that were located below the belt. She also helped me fill out some paper work that could help me pay for any future appointments regarding the assault. Knowing that I can have more help paying for any therapy or doctors appointments has given me some hope. My doctor has encouraged me to continue getting the support of my mental health treatment team as well as my friends and partner, Junior.

My friends as well as Junior  have always been in my corner and they are continuing to do so. In fact my friends have been checking up on me on the regular basis. Junior continues to be the rock I need as well give me the love and support that is much needed at the moment. Junior and my friends are such a blessing to me in my life and am beyond grateful to have them in my life especially right now.

As I finish up this post I want to thank you for reading and being a support in your own way. I hope to post again soon however I do ask for your patience if I don’t blog for a while due to recent events. I plan on blogging in the next few days but the way things are at moment I don’t want to give in false hopes. Again, thank you for reading. I hope you have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!!

A Reminder of Where I Want To Be, Again

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a long yet rewarding day. As I have been writing about with you, my reader, I attended a continuing education training. Most of it was common sense stuff while some was review from other trainings. Even though most of it was a refresher for me however I did learn a couple of new things.

Most of what I learned that was new to me was what other agencies do in regards to ethics and boundaries when it comes to a Peer Specialist. Another thing that wasn’t much of surprise to me but just confirmed what already knew what that there isn’t a “set in stone” code of ethics for Peer Specialist nationally. Mainly because there is a massive gray area being a Peer Specialist.

Attending today was bittersweet because it reminded me of what I am currently at which is not a good space to be working with people who to, are struggling with their own mental health struggles. However, it also got me to thinking about my future. A future that will help further my career in the mental health field. I’m hoping to go back to school. I want to get my Associates Degree in Social and Human Services and hope to get a Bachelors Degree in Applied Behavioral Science. In order to do this I  need to do a few things first and hopefully when those are done I can be back in school in Spring of 2018.

As hopeful as I am toward my future at the moment, I need to focus on the here and now. The here and now means I need to eat and spend time with Junior. Yes, that means I’m ending this blog post for now. I hope that everyone had a good Monday. Peace Out!!!

Weekly Check-In

Good Afternoon, World!!! If you been reading my blog on the regular basis you know that I have been struggling with the symptoms of my mental health condition. You may have noticed that I have making an effort to blog on the more regular basis. I’m doing this for a multitude of reasons. One is to keep you, the reader, interested in continuing to read my blog. Two, is more of the selfish part of me blogging and an unexpected bonus I didn’t realize was going to happen when I started is that its helping me with my recovery. I have many other reasons I am making an effort to blog more regularly however I am sure those reasons will bore you.

As you are aware that this past week has been a challenging one for me. Challenging in many ways yet I managed to get through some of them with creativity. Creativity in the ways of art and poetry. The main way I did both my art and poetry this past week was collaging and I really enjoyed it. I think its something I’ll continue to do on the regular basis.

Something that appears to be happening on the regular basis for me especially over the last two weeks and I haven’t even been trying is advocating. I’ve had several people inform me in the past two weeks is that I am really good at advocacy including self-advocacy. I don’t know about being good at advocacy especially when it comes to self-advocacy, I just do and say what I think needs to be done. If that’s advocacy then so be it.

I bring up the self-advocacy up because I was signed up to take a continuing education training for peers. A continuing education course I signed up for several months ago. I was informed yesterday (Friday) that I was waitlisted due to the fact that I’m not employed as a peer currently and priority goes to employed peers. I understand this full well and would have let it go and not advocated for myself if I was informed sooner. See, the continuing education training is this Monday and I made arrangements and rearranged appointments to be able to attend it. So, since I was informed on such short notice I thought it would be best to email the folks putting on the training. Since I advocated for myself and the training ending up in a “slightly bigger room” the folks doing the training said I could attend. I realize they couldn’t do this for everyone on the waitlist and won’t be able to this for me in the future however I am grateful that they made an exception for me. In fact the folks putting on the training informed me on who was doing the training happens to be someone I did a continuing education training with a few years ago. A person I have become friends with. I am looking forward to seeing them on Monday.

Now that we are on the topic of friends, two of my friends decided that I needed a girls night out. Or in this case a girls night in. They decided this because I’ve been isolating myself due to an increase of symptoms in my depression. I’m thrilled that they were persistent in their efforts to get me out of my apartment. We ended up at one of my friends places to watch the Seattle Mariners play against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I did have a good time with my friends even though they were rooting for the wrong baseball team. Actually, I’m just living in the wrong city but I love this city I’m living in. I just have to deal with getting a hard time on occasion when I root for particular sports teams.

Looks like I’ve pretty much told you how my week has gone. That means I’m at the end of my blog post. I hope to blog again tomorrow however if I don’t, I’ll make sure I do on Monday evening. I want to share with you how the continuing education training goes. I hope that everyone has a good rest of their weekend. Peace Out!!!

 

Girls Night In

Good Evening, World!!! As, I sit here blogging, I’m with two of my closest friends watching a baseball game on television even though its being played in the city we live in. My friends decided to have a girls night to help me get from isolating myself and I am grateful for them for it.

As I mentioned my friends and I are watching a baseball game on television. We are watching the Seattle Mariners play at home against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I am rooting for the Angels because they are my home team while my two friends are rooting for their home team, the Mariners (fondly known as the M’s). Its the top of the 9th inning and the Angels are a head 6 to 5 at the moment.  Well, now its the bottom of the 9th inning. Same score as stated earlier.

As part of girls night we had the typical ballpark favorites. We had hot dogs, cracker jacks, peanuts, popcorn, Pepsi and lets not forget Seattle’s favorite at any sporting event of garlic French fries. We are now eating ice cream sundaes. Oh how I love ball park food.

Mariners are now up at the bottom of the 9th. Two outs and the score is Angels 6 and Mariners 5. I really want the Angels to win. Baseball is my one of my favorite sports to watch. It actually helps me get outside of my head.

And the Angels WIN. Woo Hoo!!! I am so happy they won.

Like I was saying watching baseball helps me. It helps me get out of my head. It helps me be able to not isolate. For instance, my friends I may not have attended the game tonight but it helped me not isolate because my friends and I watched on television.

I need to get going so I can spend time with my friends to continue girls night in. Have waonderful night everyone. Peace Out, World.