A Middle of a Sunday Afternoon Update

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m not feeling so good. It’s not because I am sick; it is because I am dealing with the worst cramps in the world and I usually have some pretty bad cramps. These cramps are some of the worst I’ve had that at one point in time they were so painful, I actually cried and had to take one of my narcotic medications to relieve the pain. I rarely take a narcotic pain reliever especially for cramps as I have high tolerance for pain.

Since my cramps were so bad I called in sick to my volunteer job. I called out because wouldn’t be able to do my volunteer work like should do it because of my stupid period.

Having a period doesn’t mean you are a woman; it means you have uterus and were assigned at birth to be “female.” In fact people naturally assume I am “female” because I was assigned it at birth and appear to look like one when in reality, I consider myself non-binary and gender non conforming. I realize I could loose some followers and regular readers for my gender identity but that is their choice even if I would like them to continue to read my blog.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post except that having a period fucking sucks. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things that you the reader do read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It truly means the world to me that you do read my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Busy Lil Bee Being In Recovery

Good Morning, World!!! I haven’t been back to sleep since my last post. I have been busy since my last post. I read a little bit. I read about Buddhism. If you regularly read my blog you know I have been looking into Buddhism. I am looking into it as I haven’t really been searching spiritual wise the last couple of years. Spirituality is a part of being in recovery. Being in recovery is something I have aspired to be and have been for quite some time. Yes, I have had bumps in the road. Yes, I have fallen however I have picked myself up and wiped myself off.

Being in recovery means doing things that are difficult. For me doing workbooks is quite challenging for me as it pushes me to aspire to be the person I am meant to be. This morning, I have chosen to work on the workbook that focuses me being queer and resilient. Being able to push myself with my gender identity, queerness and resiliency goes right along with my values in my personal recovery path with mental health challenges.

Being in recovery is a major deal for me. I was informed that I would never be in recovery from a mental health condition because my symptoms were so severe. Never tell me I can’t do something because I end up proving you wrong with being able to do it.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Thursday Morning Random Thoughts

Good Morning, World!!! I still haven’t had any sleep. I have been keeping myself busy as being busy helps me deal with what I need to deal with.

One way I have been dealing with things is working on my workbooks. I have been working on both my LGBTQ and my recovery strengths workbooks. Both workbooks are helping me with my recovery with a mental health challenge as well as accepting myself as me.

I have also been reading. I have been reading my Star Wars book. I am almost done with it. I hope that when I am done with it that I will remember to do a book review on it. I love to read.

I have also been working on a jigsaw puzzle of the Titanic while listening to a podcast about philosophy. Doing puzzle and listening to a podcast helps me retain what I heard on the podcast.

Thank you for reading and Peace out world!!!

Just Me Rambling About Random Sh*t

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am sitting here watching the news and blogging at the same time. I am going to be blogging what ever the hell that comes to my mind and right now I don’t know what that will be.

As I mentioned I am watching the local news. As usual there is no freaking good news being reported. I wish they would share some good news at least once a day.

I mentioned in my last post that I was working on my LGBTQ workbook. I went back to it and did one more section in the chapter I am on.  I also started working on my recovery workbook. I did a couple of sections on that as well.

I have also been reading my Star Wars book. It is an easy read and I might be done with it by this time next week if I focus on it. I am really enjoying the book and hope to read it as fast I think I will.

I am trying to figure what I am going to have for lunch. I think I am going to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I will have glass of chocolate milk with it.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Overwhelmed = Star Wars Book

Good Morning, World!!! I have been working on my LGBTQ workbook and found myself getting overwhelmed. I am feeling overwhelmed because what I am working on is hitting close to home. Its hitting close to home because I haven’t admitted to myself a lot of things regarding my gender identity but I am learning how to do so.

Since I am feeling overwhelmed, I have decided to take a break from the workbook for a few hours and read. I am going to to read the Star Wars book I got yesterday (Sunday).  Sometime in recovery you need to realize it is okay to take a break every once in awhile to take a break. Especially when you are reading Star Wars.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World!!!!

Attempting to Lessen the Depression Symptoms

Good Morning, World or at least what is left of morning. I am feeling slightly better than my last post but I realize it is going to be one of them days I have to pay attention to what is going on symptom wise. Knowing that I am depressed means I need to make sure I do basic self care shit; like eat, take shower; you know that kind of stuff.

Besides focusing on basic self care stuff, I decided to work on one of the workbooks I am working on; The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook by Anneliese Singh. The chapter I am working on is having identify other identities we may identify as. An example of that is I am a person with live experience of a mental health diagnosis who is learning about Buddhism.  Working on this work book is challenging in a good way and helping me build up the confidence I want to have in my life.

Another thing I did was talking to my best friend of nearly 30 years. We talked for a couple of hours on the phone. It was a good conversation and am happy that we finally got to talk. She is one really good friend who has stuck by me during the bad times.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing Much Exciting To Read

Good Afternoon, World!!! So far today has been an uneventful day. A day full of boredom that thankfully didn’t lead to isolation. As I mentioned in my last post isolation is not a good thing for me. I am grateful that I went to day treatment as I interacted with folks. I went because I have been isolating and Junior is working today.

With all that being said, I am glad I went. I helped make lunch for the folks at treatment and enjoyed cooking. We had chicken stir fry. People appeared to like the food.

I also ended up working on one of my workbooks. The workbook I am working on is my Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook. It is helping me a great deal with how I view myself as a non-binary, gender fluid, gender queer individual.

I was just finishing up a chapter in my workbook when it was time to do my fifteen minute Friday check-in with my therapist. It ended up being a 45 minute check in as we discussed a little bit about my workbook. We also discussed my med change yesterday and how I felt about it. We also discussed what I was going to do this weekend. We came up with me hanging out with a friend at the stupid mall.

After seeing my therapist, I came home. Now, that I am home I am relaxing before I clean my apartment. I feel like it is getting cluttered again. So I am going to be purging some things. Nobody really like to clean but it is a necessary part of living a life worth living or at least being and an adult.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated al the from drizzly Seattle. Happy Friday and Peace Out, World!!!

Not Liking Being Bullied

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop frustrated with what is going on in a situation I rather not get into yet have to accept the reality that the person is going to get a way with shit. Long story short I am being bullied by another client at the mental health agency I go to and unfortunately, staff “can’t do anything about it” because they “haven’t witnessed it.” Same shit I experienced as a kid in school is now happening as an adult seeking treatment.

On a plus note members of my treatment team have witnessed some of the bullying regarding my gender identity and sexual orientation. They have seen enough that this individual was asked to not interact with me and was “barred” for two days for his bullying.

I am just frustrated with the fact of the shit this individual gets away with due to staff not being a witness. Some of the shit is disrespecting my pronouns. I just have to find a way to not be reactive to this. It’s my responsibility on how I don’t get reactive so he doesn’t get a rise out of me.

My response or reaction to others is something I will be working with the members of my treatment team. Hopefully, I can just learn to let go of things such as how I respond or react to things such as bullies.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! It is 5:30 in the morning in my part of the world. I still haven’t been able to get to sleep which is quite annoying for me.

I have spent most of the night working on my workbooks. Workbooks that deals with my gender identity as well as a workbook dealing with mindfulness. Both workbooks are quite helpful to me. I like the fact that I can do workbooks as part of my recovery process. Some folks look down on doing workbooks as part of ones recovery and in a way I understand however I don’t supplement it for therapy as I go to therapy on the regular basis. I am just grateful that I am able use the workbooks to assist with my recovery. I actually discuss what I do in the workbooks with my therapist. In fact most workbooks actually suggest that you do so.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!


Sleepless in Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! I am having trouble sleeping once again. Insomnia sucks shit. I think part of it has to do with a recent trauma I experienced however insomnia is nothing new for me.

I think I am going to do one of my workbooks. I just don’t know which one I want do after I am done blogging. I don’t know if I should do the one on Mindfulness or the one about Resiliency and Gender Identity/Sexual Orientation. Both would be quite helpful to me at the moment. I think I’m going to flip a coin for this one and choose that way.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!