Daily Archives: October 22, 2018

Tired As Hell

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am still tired as hell from last night with no sleep.I did get a two hour nap in when I came home from day treatment. I was a little disappointed that Art Group was cancelled today as I was looking forward to it.

When I was at the mental health agency I am a client of for day treatment, I ended up talking to the therapist who was the crisis clinician on call for the day during business hours. I talked to her for about twenty minutes and came up with a safety plan. After about twenty minutes my own therapist was available to talk with me for about another fifteen minutes. We continued to safety plan. We discussed a little about what happened at the hospital yesterday.

Anyway, after coming home from day treatment, I played with my cat for about an hour before she got annoyed and wanted to be alone. I ended up taking a nap and guess who joined me for my nap. That’s right, my cat Lil Gertie.

I still feel like self harming and after I am finished with this post, I plan on going to the hospital again. I am going because I am not feeling safe with myself and the injuries that accrued from another patient last night are getting worse and want to get them checked out again.

Yes, I have used my DBT skills. One of the skills I used was my art work. I did a great deal of coloring with my new colored pencils and coloring books. I also did some collaging. I actually added some of the collaging to some of the paintings I did over the weekend.

Before I end this post, I am going to ask you again to do me a huge favor. I have advertisements on my blog. If you click on the advertisements and let them fully load, I can earn anywhere from a few cents to a few dollars. I figure each add clicked will be helpful for me to buy gifts for people I love for the holidays which ever holiday they celebrate.

As I end this post, I want to reassure you that I will be safe as I am taking myself to the hospital. Mainly to get my injuries looked at that happened yesterday at the hospital but also to help keep myself safe from myself with having urges to self harm. Again, I will be safe as I take myself to the hospital. Who knows maybe I will be able to take a little nap in while getting checked out at the hospital as I am still tired as hell.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. I hope that I am not worrying any of you with how things are going with me as of lately. I do feel like things are starting to slightly improve which is a big deal for me. Again, thank you for reading and I hope to update you when I get up from the hospital and if I don’t I hope to update you tomorrow. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

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Phuck This Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I was almost asleep when the stupid fire alarm decided to go off once again. This time it was a malfunctioning fire alarm. So apparently, sleep is not in the cards for me.  Having the fire alarm go off five times sucks shit. Three off those times was due to the fire alarm malfunctioning while the other two time people decided to cook food while doing drugs and caught their stove on fire.

So, since it is apparent that I won’t be getting any sleep, I plan on going to day treatment instead of staying home. That means I will be going to art group. Hopefully, I will be able to meet with my therapist for about fifteen minutes to check in with him after what happened to me last night at the hospital.

I guess all that has happened since going to the hospital yesterday afternoon and the frequent fire alarms at home are getting to me. Getting to me enough that I need to not be in isolation mode. That is why I am going to day treatment and then art group.

Everything that has gone on has triggered my PTSD greatly. Having triggered PTSD sucks shit. I wish I didn’t have PTSD. In fact anyone who has PTSD wishes they didn’t have it.

Thank you for reading my blog. Even though its the third post in just barely over three hours. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

UGH!!! Not Another F*cking Fire Alarm

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! Right after I posted my last post, the fire alarm went off once again. This time another neighbor decided to cook while doing drugs. So this is the second time the fire alarm went of due to someone cooking while doing drugs today and the fourth time the fire alarm went off because the first two times the fire alarm malfunctioned.

Due to the lack of sleep due to the assault that happened to me at the hospital yesterday as well as the fire alarm going off multiple time for different reasons, I might not go to art group early this afternoon. I have been triggered way too many times within the last eighteen hours to even think about going to art group even though I really want to attend art group.

I emailed my therapist last night to get a hold of me at some point today as he gets into the office at some point after twelve noon. Hopefully, he will listen to my voicemail as well as well as read my email and will get back to me today even though I see him tomorrow (Tuesday).

I also emailed my doctor this morning in hopes she gets it at some point today to see if I need to see her this week in regards to my hand and black eye that I received from another patient at the hospital last night (Sunday) instead of my regular appointment with her next week. My doctor is pretty cool.

I do have to say that my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, doctor and the social worker at my doctors office are all pretty cool and in the loop about both my physical and mental health. It is great to have a great health care team even if they are not at the same facility or agency.  I am happy that they keep in communication with each other.

I hope I am able to get some sleep so I can be able to attend art group at one this afternoon. I don’t want to be a cranky bucket if I got to art group. Art really helps me express my emotions especially after multiple triggering moments in a short period of time.

Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I think I am going to go and attempt to take a nap as I really want to attend art group this afternoon. I hope everyone has a great work week and those who don’t work I to wish you a great week. Happy Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

6:30 am Monday Morning Madness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Monday, Morning To You, World!!! I should have written this post last night after I got home from the hospital but decided to wait till today to do so. I had a not so delightful time at the hospital as I waited to get evaluated for psych reasons. Thankfully, I was put into a hallway bed without needing to be restrained as the folks at this hospital know me well enough to know what to do when needed. And in my case a hallway bed without restraints is what I needed. Of course the doctors and nurses saw me however has I waited for the social worker to come see me another patient assaulted me. The hospital staff was in the middle of evaluating him when he got angry, left his room and grabbed my wrist and twisted hard enough to bruise my wrist and my hand. Thankfully, nothing is broken. He also gave me a black eye. Needless to say this person was put into restraints. The doctors had to come evaluate me once again before I could see the social worker because I needed to be medically cleared once again. I finally got home about 10:00 pm last night and would have been home sooner if I wasn’t assaulted by another patient.

Now that it is Monday morning let the madness begin. The madness started off with the fire alarm going off at 2:34 am due to a malfunction. Then it went off again at 3:33 am due to another malfunction. it went of a third time at 5:09 am due to an actual fire in someone’s apartment. Someone decided to start cooking and while cooking they decided to do some heroin. Not my idea of starting of any day much less a work week.

On that note, it is another foggy morning in Seattle. I don’t know why but I like foggy mornings. It gives me some sort of peace. It also gives me an excuse to stay in my pajamas longer as I read the news paper at a leisure pace while drinking my hot tea with milk and honey in it.

Since I don’t have work tonight, to my knowledge, I think I am going to take it easy today. My therapist doesn’t get back from vacation till this afternoon or at least that’s what his voicemail says. It says he will be in this afternoon which is good because I left him an email informing him of what happened yesterday at the hospital.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope everyone has a good work week and if you don’t work, I how you still have a good week. Happy Monday to all of you. Peace Out, World!!!!