Happy Monday

Good Morning, World!!! It is yet another Monday and I am wishing I had a job that had a “normal” work schedule but thankfully, I don’t have to work tonight. I do however have a two hour work meeting tomorrow (Tuesday) evening. I enjoy what I do for work, I just don’t like the fact it is an on call job working a twelve hour overnight shift. It is not conducive for someone like me who has “treatment resistant insomnia.” Sadly, I will be putting in my two weeks notice in the next week or two.

As far as writing my resignation letter, I am not going to do that today. I will be laying low and doing things to help me not isolate yet have some “me time” or some good self care time. First and fore most I need to take a much needed shower. The last time I took a shower was last Thursday morning so I am not smelling all that good. You know you smell bad when you can smell yourself and it doesn’t smell all that pretty. I am surprised my cat still wants to sit on my lap and be petted.

Another thing I plan on doing is to go walking. I plan on going on multiple walks as it is a beautiful day outside. As I walk I plan on just taking in the sunshine and enjoying the moment. So, I guess I will be doing mindful walking.

I, of course will be listening to podcast. The subjects I have been listening to over the weekend and most interested in at the moment are philosophy and mythology. I don’t know how I got interested in philosophy but I know how I got interested in mythology. I got interested in mythology due to the fact that I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. Wonder Woman’s roots goes back into mythology. If it wasn’t for my love of Wonder Woman I don’t think I would have been interested in mythology. In fact someone told me that philosophy and mythology can go hand in hand and to a degree I agree with that but they are also two very different subjects.

I do not have much more to say except that I hope to educate you on what I have learned from the podcast and from looking up the information online. I also want to thank you for reading my blog as it greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a good work week everyone. I also hope you all have a good Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

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Depressed on a Beautiful Sunny Monday

Good Morning, World!!! It is a beautiful Monday morning in Seattle and all I feel like doing is sleeping the day away due to the fact that my depression appears to be acting up. All I want to do is curl up in bed and just stay there. I am not sure why my depression is acting up but it is something to keep an eye on.

Since I am depressed and feel like sleeping and/or curled up in bed all day, I am in need of doing some good self care today. Self care that includes several basic things that people tend to take for granted. Things like eating. When I am depressed I tend to not eat which is not a good thing which means I personally need to focus on eating. Eating healthy yet comforting foods.

Another form of good self care for me is to do some art work. Specifically coloring. For me coloring is a type of mindfulness as well as meditation. When you color being mindful of what you are coloring is key. It is also a type of meditation as it can have a meditative aspect to it.

I do not have much more to say. I just know I need to eat breakfast as well as take a shower. I have not taken a shower since Wednesday evening and I know I am stinking. I am thinking I am going to have Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal. Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal is semi-healthy and very much a comfort food for me.

I think I am going to end this post as I really need to make sure I need to eat. Plus, I need to take a shower and go get my meds from the pharmacy. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I am extremely appreciative of you reading my blog. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great day as well as a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sunny Monday In Seattle

Happy Monday and Good Morning, World!!! I realize it has been a week since I last blogged. Sadly, I have also realized that at this point in time I am not blog on average of three times a week as I had stated in a New Years goal I want to accomplish for 2019. I, say an average of three times a week as life happens and I might not be able to write multiple times a week. Even though it is two days before May Day (May 1st), I can still accomplish the goal of blogging an average of three times a week this year as the year isn’t even half over yet.

Since we are on the topic of not blogging I do have a legitimate excuse for not blogging for nearly a week. Long story short I live in a “secure building” and as I was unlocking my door to my apartment someone came up from behind me from a stairwell hardly nobody uses and shove me into my apartment. While in my apartment, the person physically assaulted me and I personally thing he would have sexually assaulted me if given the chance as he attempted to pull down the pants I had on at the time. I started screaming and at this time from my understanding two neighbors called 911. One of the neighbors who called 911 then knocked on my door which scared the person physically assaulting me and the dude went running down the hall. This is when I called 911. I did inform the 911 dispatcher that I needed medical attention as I was hit in the head with a hammer. The dispatcher kept me on the phone till the fire department came to my door. The firefighters asked where the police were and I said “I have no clue” and they then radioed their dispatcher asking for Seattle Police to come to the scene. Long story short, it took Seattle Police officer 45 minutes from the first 911 call to finally show up. The police figure printed my door and the fire department took me to the closest hospital for treatment. I have a concussion.

Due to the concussion I have been laying low and doing a lot of self care. Self care that include a lot of things, one of which involve an art class I signed up for that is free for folks who are involved with certain programs. I, signed up for an art class called “Beginning Comics Storytelling” and it started last Friday (April 26th). I really think I am going to enjoy it. I am grateful that it is free and that I qualify for taking it. I am looking forward what I am going to learn in this class.

I have also done many other things to do self care which I may or may not discuss in another post as staring at my laptop screen is causing me to get another headache due to the concussion I have from the assault I experienced last week. Headaches suck shit but headaches due to a concussion suck shit even more.

I am going to go for now. The weather is wonderful today in Seattle and I want to enjoy it for multiple reasons. Plus, it is a great form of self care to enjoy the sun. I love when the Seattle weather is awesome like today.

I hope everyone has a great day. I also want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things and hope you all continue to read my blog. I hope everyone has a good work week. Peace Out, World!!!

A Lazy Type of Day

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a relaxing Monday. I haven’t really been productive today except with getting my meds and some wet cat food for my cat, Lil Gertie. Other than the two errands I did, I pretty much have been lazy today. It’s been a pretty lazy day because I really didn’t have much to do and the weather here in Seattle has pretty much sucked most of the day. It is nothing uncommon for Seattle’s weather to suck in early spring like today.

I have spent most of the day including now as I write this post is having some scented candles burning. This has been quite soothing to me today because the symptoms of my mental health symptoms have been high. For some reason it helps calm down the symptoms.

Another thing that I have spent most of the day doing is listening to music. There is something about music that soothes both the mind and the soul. Music is also something you can have on in the background doing other things.

As I was listening to music like I am now, I was also coloring. Coloring helps me be mindful of the current moment. Being mindful of the current moment is something that is greatly needed when things aren’t exactly going they way you want or need them to be. For me coloring helps with that.

While coloring my cat interrupted me on several occasions. It was obvious that she was doing her typical cat thing of wanting to “help.” So, when she wanted to “help,” I gave her the attention she was wanting and appeared content for another hour or two. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so much.

Since I pretty much colored most of the day, I am going to read this evening once I am done writing this post. I love reading and it seems like an appropriate way to end to the a nice relaxing and lazy day. I really love reading. Reading helps me go to places, I would otherwise not be able to go. It also helps with my imagination which helps me forget my own problems and issues. Of course as I read, I will continue to have the music on and the scented candle burning and maybe my cat, Lil Gertie, will be willing to cuddle up with me as I read.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Monday evening. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Midnight & Unable to Sleep

Happy Twelve Midnight, World!!! Since it is officially twelve midnight in my corner of the world, that means it is officially Monday in Seattle. I really do not think I will be able to sleep tonight in part of insomnia but mainly because I slept most of the day on Sunday.

As I am writing this post my cat, Lil Gertie, is wanting to much needed attention. I have been giving her a great deal of attention since I woke up late afternoon, early evening yesterday (Sunday) due to sleeping most of the day. I am not really sure why I slept most of Sunday but I did. I sure know that Lil Gertie, my cat, will be happy that I will be on her “wake schedule” so I can play with her and give her some attention. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, as she has been quite helpful to me in regards to my emotional and mental health. When I went to go to adopt a cat, I went to the same place everyday for a week and she as always the one to come and greet me and play with me. The day adopted her, there were only two other cats that were still there when I first went to look at cats. Neither one of them were interested in me but Lil Gertie was so I think she chose me and not me choosing her even though I would have chosen her anyway. She somehow knows when I am struggling and know what to do in a particular situation. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so very much.

Since I am not really sure I am going to be able to sleep tonight, I will not only be paying attention to Lil Gertie, my cat but will be reading a book by Cat Winters named Yesternight. It is a pretty awesome book and I am highly recommend it. I am not quite to the half way mark of the book but so far so good. If you like historical fiction with a little bit of horror in I would highly suggest reading. It also has some fantasy and science fiction aspects to the book as well. So it is a book that can be of interest to folks across the genre spectrum. I like the type of books that can use multiple genres in one book as it makes more entertaining and interesting read.

I just hope that this isn’t exactly a sleepless night for me as I would like to get some sleep so I don’t sleep again all through the day light hours on Monday. I don’t need my sleep schedule to get more off that it already is. I need to practice some good sleep hygiene.

I do not have much more to say as I want to get to paying attention to my cat, Lil Gertie, and to reading my book Yesternight by Cat Winters. I hope everyone has a great night of sleep. So, Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. Have a good night sleep everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Pondering on What the Hell to Do

I WILL BE DISCUSSING MY CURRENT STATE OF MIND IN THIS POST. CAN REASSURE YOU THAT I WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE NOR HARM MYSELF IN ANYWAY. I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH AND DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO WORRY!!!

Right now it is six o’clock Monday morning in my corner of the world and I have not slept for three nights now. I am extremely tired and just wish I could get some sleep. I honestly think that the lack of sleep is what’s causing the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis to have increased in a negative way.

I am a good ninety nine percent sure that due to the lack of sleep is what is causing me to be in a slight case of crisis. A crisis I do not want to be in. Right now I have extremely high urges to self harm and am slightly suicidal. I WILL NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE NOR WILL I HARM MYSELF. Since I am feeling the way I am feeling I called the after hours crisis line that the agency I go to as a client, has. I did a safety plan with the crisis clinician and one of the things on that safety plan was to blog and well that is what I am doing now. The crisis clinician and myself came up with a long enough list for me to do till the agency opens up at eight o’clock in the morning. We did this in hopes that I can get myself to the agency to see my therapist or the clinician who is the on-call crisis clinician for the day. The reason for this is so if I need to be hospitalized the people on the team I am client of will be better familiar with the situation. I honestly don’t like the fact I could be hospitalized but if it keeps me safe from doing any harm to myself then I am willing to go.

Since my last post not only did I call the after hours crisis number, I also read. I read Yesternight by Cat Winters. I am really enjoying the book. I am almost half done with the book. It is an awesome book so far. I highly recommend it. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea but it is a good read so far. In fact reading is what has been helping me keeping myself safe from doing any harm to myself.

The crisis clinician suggested that I continue to keep reading but also suggested that I do some art. Specifically, she recommended that I color. She knows I love to color as I have talking to this particular crisis clinician before. So, when I get done writing this post, I will do some coloring. Coloring helps me a great deal and is a type of mindfulness and meditation practice for me. It helps me calm the fuck down.

The one thing that has helped me a great deal from harming myself in any way is my cat, Lil Gertie. She is a constant reminder to not self harm and to not take my own life. I don’t want Lil Gertie, to be orphaned once again. She has been through a great deal and I don’t want her to go through anything else if I can help it. My cat, Lil Gertie, has been snuggling up to me a lot last night as I am pretty sure that she is acutely aware of how I am doing at the moment.

As I mentioned above, Lil Gertie, my cat, has been helpful in keeping myself safe. She is also the reason why I have not gone to the hospital to get an evaluation. Getting an evaluation at the hospital takes way too fucking long. That is why the crisis clinician I talked to suggested that I go into the agency to see if I really need to be in the hospital or to see if touching base with my therapist more often would be best.

So, at this moment in time I am wondering what the hell I should do. The reason being is that two hours is a long time to wait to talk to someone. On the other hand, it will take a good three hours before I could talk with a social worker at the hospital because I would need to be medically cleared first. So, at this point in time I am thinking waiting two hours is the better option however if the urges to self harm increase or my suicidal thoughts get worse or I end up with a plan to die by suicide I will take myself to the emergency room. AS A REMINDER I WILL NOT SELF HARM OR ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE. IF THE URGES INCREASE I WILL TAKE MYSELF TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Seeing somebody who knows my history and has access to both my crisis plan and treatment plan is the best option for me at the moment. I will be less triggered this way. 

I do not have much else to say as I have been long winded in writing this post. I just hope I did not worry anyone as the state I am in is not the best place to be in at the moment. It scares the shit out of me when I am suicidal and have intense urges to self harm. I will continue to keep you in the loop about how things are going. If you don’t see me post it is most likely that I will be in the hospital for psych reasons. I really don’t want to be in the hospital but if that is what is needed then that is what I will do. I just hope I can get some sleep as that will most likely decrease the symptoms that I am currently having.

I am thinking that I am done writing this post as I have been long winded. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Monday or at least a better Monday than I am currently having. Again, thank you for reading. I hope you all have a great day. Happy Monday!!! Peace Out World!!!

SIDE NOTE: I WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE NOR WILL I HARM MYSELF.IF THE URGES GET TOO INTENSE I WILL GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.PLEASE REST ASSURE I HAVE NOT HARMED MYSELF IN ANYWAY AND THAT I WILL NOT HARM MYSELF. 

In Desperate Need of a Shower

Good Morning, World!!! I am in desperate need of a shower as I haven’t showered since last Wednesday. I have a couple of ideas of why I haven’t showered and one of them is that my depression is starting to creep back in. The other idea is more or less me being in “fuck it mode” due to something I rather not discuss at the moment. I know taking shower will be extremely helpful in regards to feeling somewhat better.

Not only have I not been showering, I have been in isolation mode. I have been managing to not isolate by hanging out with neighbors as well as going for walks. I do need to start reaching out to friends who don’t live in my apartment building because if I don’t my depression will get worse and I will end up isolating from everyone including my neighbors.

The one thing I was going to do ended up being cancelled because the person is on vacation and failed to inform us last week. I was suppose to attended art group today and it sadly was cancelled the last minute due to a communication failure of the group leader. I was really looking forward to attending art group as I know it would have helped me not isolate as well as to motivate me to take a shower.

On a good note, I have taken my morning walks which I think is my saving grace at the moment. I think my morning walks are great form of self care for me and a good way to start my day. I even do an evening walk to clear my head from whatever type of day I may have had. Taking the two walks a day have been quite beneficial for me and my mental health.

Doing good self care, no matter how small, is something that I benefit from. Sometimes it is difficult for me to do self care due to depression. In fact doing good self care is something I make an effort to do as I want to be an example of what recovery looks like.

I don’t have much more to write about in this post except that I will end up taking a shower at some point today. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a good Monday everyone. Peace Out, World!!!