Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been quite a week. A week full emotions. The primary emotions I have felt this week have been fear and anger. In fact I think if it wasn’t for the fear and anger, I wouldn’t have been on my creative streak.

This week I ended up being extremely creative by painting, writing poetry and even started writing some music to play on my flute. Being creative has been proven helpful for me when it comes to dealing with the symptoms of the mental health challenges I struggle with.

Being creative is something I also that helps me when I am having some major sleep issues. I was unable to sleep for three days straight despite my sleep hygiene strategies. I do think that being creative is what helped me finally getting limited sleep last night.  I am grateful for the sleep I did get last night.

I don’t have much to say regarding my week for this past week as there is not much going on that I am willing to share. Thank you for reading. Have a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Figuring Sh*t Out While Being Creative

Hello, World!!! Today, hasn’t been the easiest of days for me. Especially, since I’ve come to the realization that my case manager’s supervisor is providing me with therapy. I came to this realization today when I saw him and at the end of our appointment we scheduled another one for this Friday. It appears from my end of things or perspective that he (my case manager’s supervisor) is attempting his best to gain my trust with him and the rest of my treatment team after what happened three weeks ago when my therapy services were pulled. The reason, I’ve come to the realization of him providing me with therapy is because this will be the third week in a row where I’ve had three appointments with him in one week. I am a little suspicious of this for several reasons but it appears that he wants me back in therapy services and working with me to get me back in it.

On that note, my “temporary” therapist and I discussed a little about my safety with self-harm and suicide ideation stuff which led me to showing him one of the mandalas I colored last night. I would have shown him the other one I colored but I gave it to the therapist I had right after Diana left but the one before my last former therapist. Anyway, my “temporary” therapist and I discussed how coloring is quite helpful to me. He thinks that me being creative is a good thing, whether its with writing or some sort of art work.

So when I got home, I rested for a while, ate and then went to a local art supply store. A store with in walking distance of my place of residence. I pick up some paint supplies including canvas. The picture below is what I painted this evening with my newly bought paint supplies.

IMG_0018I realize its not the best photo of my newly painted piece of art but it resembles what my recovery has been like throughout my life.

Another thing I did after my painting was write a couple of poems. Poems that represent the not so good head space I have been in lately. Below are photo’s of the poems I wrote.

The first poem is as follows:

Shit Hit The Fan

by Gertie

Shit hit the fan.

Nobody seams to hear, what the fuck I am saying.

How loud do I have to get to be heard?

How much shit has to hit the fan before its noticed?

Why can’t I get a break?

Even for an hour.

The second poem is as follows:

Searching For Lost Hope

by Gertie

Looking for a sign.

Any sign, for a sign of hope.

Hope that seems to be no where to be found.

Searching for the lost hope is becoming more hopeless as the search drags on.

As I painted and wrote some poetry, I listened to some music. Music that appears to be helping drown out the voices I’m hearing. Voices that nobody hears. I also am just realizing that when I am doing art, writing or even playing a musical instrument, my voices get quieter. They’re still quite intense but not as intense if I weren’t doing the above mentioned activities. I think I need to share this with my case manager and her supervisor.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading and allowing me to share my creative side with you. Peace Out, World.

(Side Note: I realize people might think after reading this post that I am suicidal or thinking about self harm. I am NOT suicidal and am NOT thinking about self harm.)

Everyday Inspiration; Day 20: Wrap It Up

Good Morning, World!!! It’s the final day of Finding Everyday Inspiration. Today’s assignment has given me a handful of prompts to end this final assignment. I’m not sure if I’m exactly going to do the prompts. If I happen to answer a prompt or two with this last assignment that it happens.

Just like that last time I took this course, I fun with it. It’s helped me get back in the grove of blogging once again. In fact I plan on doing the Intro To Poetry course that WordPress does. I think I will wait a few days before I start it as I might need a break for a day or two. This course has helped me get back into the grove of things in regards to blogging.

Thank you for reading. It is my hope that you continue to read what I have to say. Peace Out!!!

 

Everyday Inspiration; Day 6: The Space to Write

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s “assignment” is to write about the space I write in. In all honesty, I think it the space I write in is dependent on a variety of factors. Such factors include what I am writing about, the head space I am in and the location I am at. I do however write (when it comes to my blog) on my laptop. When it comes to blogging I am usually on my laptop with a couple of exceptions yet, I’m not going to get into that right now.

For the most part, I blog from my living room or Junior’s living room while sitting on the couch. On some occasions from my bedroom or Junior’s bedroom while in bed.  If I’m blogging from the bedroom I’m usually not in a good head space.

My ideal place to write anything is by a body of water. Writing by water there usually isn’t Wi-Fi so I usually don’t blog around water. I am lucky enough that I live in a city located by a lot of water and am able to get Wi-Fi a good portion of the time. I write a lot of my poetry when I am near water or in nature. I tend to be more creative when I’m in nature and for few days after being in nature.

Now that I’ve informed you about my writing habits as part of my “assignment” another part of it is to ask you my reader something. That something is for another assignment later on in “Finding Your Everyday Inspiration” course. The question is what would you my reader like for me to write about? Would you like more educational stuff regarding mental health diagnosis and/or treatments? Would you like to hear from people who know me well and how they deal with me when I am doing well and not so well? What subject manner would you like me to discuss? Please let me know via my contact page or in the comment section of my blog.

Again thank you for reading. I greatly appreciate you reading my blog. Have a great Tuesday, everyone!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 1: I Write Because…

I write because it can be of help to others. Or at least that is why I write in regards to my blog. In fact, I started my blog for two reasons.

One those reasons are to help educate those who don’t have mental health diagnosis that people such as myself who do have one can live a full and productive life as well be productive members of society. I do this in hopes to lessen the stigma that goes with having a mental health diagnosis. Many folks out there in our world don’t realize that those of us who struggle with a mental health condition are fully functioning people.

The second reason I write in regards to my blog is to give hope to others who may be struggling with the symptoms of their mental health condition. Hope is key to a persons recovery for any illness especially in regards to dealing with a mental illness. Having a mental health diagnosis and discussing it is difficult to do because of the stigma that goes with it. I’m writing to give hope to others.

A third and very unexpected reason why I write in regards to my blog is that I have found it quite helpful for my own mental health. Surprisingly, it’s helped with my recovery. Granted my recovery is a little shaky as of lately but blogging has been helpful.

When I’m not writing in regards to my blog, I write to be creative. In fact I love to write poetry and short stories. I’ve shared a few of my poems when I’ve taken the Intro to Poetry course that WordPress offers. After, this course (Everyday Inspiration) I plan on retaking the Intro to Poetry course once again. Being creative through writing is quite helpful to many individuals.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out!!!

Having A Rough Night

Good Morning, World!!! It’s almost two o’clock in the morning in my neck of the woods and am having a rough night. Right now, I’m by myself as Junior is working his shift. I’m okay with that. It’s just difficult because I’m having a rough night. There is only so much art work you can do in a given day. In fact I’ve been doing some form of art since my last post, yesterday evening. Yes, I have attempted to sleep however it’s been difficult to do so which is why I’ve been doing art work most of the night.

As much as I love being able to do art, however it was starting to get difficult to be creative with it. That’s when I decided to make a decision to blog which led me to make yet another decision to what free course I’m going to take through WordPress. I decided I’m going take the Everyday Inspiration course. I’ll either begin the course later on today or sometime tomorrow as I don’t want to overload you with too many post. After the Everyday Inspiration course, I plan on taking the Intro to Poetry course. I’m planning to doing this way as the Everyday Inspiration course is twenty days and the Intro to Poetry course is ten days. That equals to thirty days and I heard that it takes thirty days to create a habit.

Blogging isn’t the only habit I attempting to do. The other habit is doing some form of mindfulness and meditation everyday. So far it’s helping with my anxiety and PTSD. I’m hoping to tell you more about this at a later time.

I’m saying a later time because it’s now 2:09 in the morning and even though I’m having a rough night I want attempt to sleep. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace out, world!!!

Figuring Out Ways To Get Back Into The Habit

Good Evening, World!!! I realize with the topic I’m about discuss, I’ve blogged about many times. I know I’m not a mind reader however I’m fully aware that many of you may not want to read this post due to the topic however I hope that you will read it.

If you have followed my blog and have been reading for a while you know that I’ve attempted on many occasions to do is blog on the more regular basis. You may also know that I’ve attempted on several occasions to start and complete free courses that WordPress does regarding blogging. I have completed some of the courses a couple years back however when I’ve restarted them to get back in the habit of blogging, I’ve not completed them. I have a lot of excuses on why I haven’t completed them in my most recent attempts to do so.

With my most recent attempts to complete the Intro To Poetry course, I’m not sure why I didn’t complete it because I’ve completed the course before and loved. Another course I loved and have only done once and completed; I’ve thought about retaking that course again. That course is Finding your everyday inspiration. So, I guess at this point in time I’m trying to figure out ways to start blogging on the more regular basis.

There are various reasons why I want to blog more regularly. One reason is to keep you my reader from loosing interested in my blog. As much as I want to blog more regularly, I also realize that if I blog to much like multiple times a day on the daily basis that I could loose you the readers interest as well.  The second reason why I want to blog more regularly is help others with their recovery as well as to help destigmatize mental illness. The third reason is that it helps me with my own mental health.

I guess, what I am saying is that I’m trying to figure out ways to blog more regularly and am debating with myself if starting a WordPress blogging course will help me with that. I know it did when I took them a few years ago. Realistically, I know I’m going to start one of WordPress’s courses, I just don’t know which one yet. I also fear that I won’t complete whichever course I take however I will deal with it, if that day comes. So, I will be taking one of WordPress’s course, I just not sure which one yet.

Anyway, you all get it. You all are probably rolling your eyes with this attempt to start blogging on the more regular basis. You’ve heard me say it before. I wont make promise’s that I know I won’t be able to keep or can not keep for whatever reason. I will attempt to blog more regularly yet I won’t promise that I will do so as I know its a promise I can not keep.

As I end this post, I want to let you know that I will inform you in a later post on what WordPress course I have decided to take. It will either be Finding Everyday Inspiration or Intro to Poetry. I hope that everyone has good even and a good rest of the week. Peace Out!!!