Nightmares = No Sleep In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is a few minutes after three o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. I am sadly unable to sleep partly due to insomnia and partly due PTSD. It took me forever and a day to fall asleep and sadly got woken up by a nightmare once I was asleep. Having insomnia and PTSD sucks shit.

I had a challenging time falling asleep due to insomnia as well as some pretty intense trauma responses from PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure that the trauma response from PTSD symptoms was due to the fact of the family drama last night that I wrote about in my last post.

Since the lack of sleep and waking up from a nightmare due to PTSD symptoms, I realized that I was angry about it all so I ended up journaling. It appears that the journaling is about my anger is helpful for me. I am glad I am taking my therapist’s suggestion regarding writing down my anger as well as calling friends afterwards. In fact, I called one of my closest friends and talked to her at length. I then called my partner, Junior who came over to my place and we talked at great length about everything. I am beyond grateful for my close friend as well as my partner.

In fact Junior is going to stay the rest of the night here at my place to give me moral support. He is helping me color my gigantic giant coloring poster. As we colored my cat, Billie was in my lap. In fact Billie is still in my lap as I write this particular blog post. After I am done writing this particular blog post, I will continue coloring with Junior as my cat, Billie sleeps in my lap.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + PTSD = A Sh!tty Trauma Response

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently dealing with some shitty and intense trauma response due to family drama and PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure the family drama with my aunt is what caused the PTSD symptoms and ultimately the trauma response that I had.

This will be a long post due to it being a long story. As I have posted before, my mom died two days before Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. It’s been extremely challenging for me for many reasons. Sadly, I posted an angry and pain filled post on my Facebook wall under my given name which started some family drama. I apologized many times to many people in my life especially my family. I know I hurt many people and most understand and have forgiven me or at least started to forgive me in their own time and own way except one aunt. That one aunt is the person I offered to pay for their train ticket from Seattle to where my mom’s funeral is going to be which is Olympia at the end of this month. I offered to pay for her train ticket due to her having car issues as well as having some financial issues and wanted to be helpful. My aunt lives in the Bremerton area and could easily take the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle and take the train. So, I have to text back and forth with her a handful of times regarding tickets which leads to the drama this evening.

I texted my aunt about the train tickets close to 8:30 this evening Seattle time. She informed me that she doesn’t need me to pay for her tickets and is unsure if she is going to take the train if she does she will pay for her own. She also stated that she doesn’t respond to phone calls or text after 7:30 unless it is urgent. I texted an apology and let her know that I usually text people after 8:00 due to peoples bedtime routines and that I won’t do it again. She then texted me to next her again tonight which I wasn’t going to do nor will I do now that I know her boundaries. Anyway, this aunt then calls me up and screams at me and has mentioned every thing I have done wrong in her eyes that she heard through the “grapevine” or witnessed yet she hasn’t been in my life very much for various reasons. She brought up so painful shit that I experienced which caused some anger in me as well as an anxiety attack or two. I ended up hanging up on her and blocking her phone number temporarily for my own sanity.

Since my aunt caused so much anger I did what my therapist had suggested and wrote out my anger. I wrote my anger and anxiety in my journal I bought myself for Christmas. So, I wrote six pages in my journal regarding my anger and trauma response regarding my aunt calling and screaming at me. After journaling I reached out to some of my natural support system of friends like my therapist suggested in therapy. I reached out to two friends who were happy to talk with me and I am so grateful for their listening ear.

After journaling and talking with two friends I of course cuddled with my cat, Billie and as I am writing this particular blog post Billie my cat is still cuddling with me. I think after I am done with this particular blog post I will color as I love to color.

I know my mom wouldn’t want all this drama after her death or regarding her funeral. I just wish she was still alive. I miss my mom so very much. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though we didn’t get along at times.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post except to say I am sorry for posting about my family drama and my anger. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; How Do You Use Social Media?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
How do you use social media?
View all responses

I primarily use social media via Facebook under my given name. I also use Linkedin under my given name for employment purposes. As far as my pseudo name (and childhood nickname), Gertie, I use Facebook and WordPress as well as LinkedIn. Yes, I consider WordPress as a form of social media.Of course I use WordPress to blog. I use Facebook and LinkedIn for my blog to help spread the awareness I hope regarding mental health. Also, it helps with having more readers and followers. I hope that doesn’t sound selfish.

As far as Facebook and LinkedIn under my given name I seem to use it more often especially Facebook. I use Facebook under my given name to help stay connected with people I might not otherwise be connected with. Also, it is a way for me to maintain friendships with people especially those who do not live in the same area as I do. Like I stated in my last paragraph I use LinkedIn under my given name for employment purposes.

As far as other social media sites, I don’t use it as I don’t have the desire to nor the time to do so. Plus, I don’t need to be that connected to other people. Also, I don’t want to have to remember more passwords which majorly sucks.

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Volunteer at PAWS Cat City
  • Attend a hybrid 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Monday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer with Alley Cat Project by returning calls and emails.
  • Attend a second online 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer at PAWS Cat City
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Attend an online orientation to volunteer at the Seattle Aquarium
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Appointment with my therapist
  • Lunch with my partner and some close friends at Red Robin
  • Attend a second online 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Thursday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer with Alley Cat Project by returning calls and emails
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Friday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer with Alley Cat Project by returning calls and emails
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Dinner with my partner at Red Robin
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Saturday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • U-District Farmer Market with one of my closest friends
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Lunch with a high school friend at Red Robin
  • Attend a second online 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time in the week that I do my weekly check-in. I know it has been a few weeks since I have done a weekly check-in and I hope you can forgive me for not doing one. I do not have an excuse for not doing one and I am not using the holidays as an excuse.

As all of you know this past week we had New Years Day. I watched the drone and firework show that was held at the Space Needle. I stayed home and watched on television so I didn’t have to be out in the cold with a bunch of strangers. I was at home in my pajamas with my cat, Billie bringing in the New Year watching an awesome firework and drone show that was at the Space Needle. I enjoyed it and I am grateful that I was at home with my cat, Billie.

New Years is also a time when people reflect on their lives and how they can change in a positive way. I do this throughout the year and New Years is just a good reminder to do that reflections are a good thing to improve myself.

One of the ways I am wanting to improve myself is to continue to go to therapy. In fact I went on Thursday for an appointment with my therapist. We discussed how I can deal with some uncomfortable emotions like anxiety and anger. We discussed how writing down my feelings can be helpful which reminded me to show her the journal I bought myself for Christmas. She liked the fact that I already had the idea of writing down my emotions as well as thinking that my journal is pretty. She also thinks that writing down my feelings especially my anger is a form of harm reduction. She thinks this due to the fact that I tend to stuff my anger and then emotionally explode by screaming and yelling when I’ve had the last straw when something makes me angry. So my therapist thinks writing when I am angry is a good thing and she suggested that afterwards to reach out to a trusted natural support person. I really like the idea of reaching out to a friend after writing about my anger.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader continuing to read my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Brief Blog About Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! If you read my blog regularly you have probably noticed that I have been doing daily prompts. I made a goal for this year to blog more and I feel like if I do daily prompts five days a week on weekdays then this will help with the goal. I will still be doing my Weekly Plans post on Sunday mornings and my Weekly Check-In post on Saturday evening. I know I have said and written something similar many times and I hope that I can actually accomplish this. I know blogging daily is not going to be maintainable in the long run but I hope if I do it for a good month then maybe I will have a good grasp on blogging at a more sustainable pace that better suits me. I just want to get into the habit of blogging regularly.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; What Gives You Direction in Life?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
What gives you direction in life?
View all responses

Many people and things give me direction in life. In fact my family gives me inspiration even though they are quite dysfunctional some of the time. Well the majority of the time my family is dysfunctional. My friends also give me direction in my life. Friends and family have helped a great deal with giving me direction in my life.

Another thing that helps give me direction in my life is my meditation practice as well my new faith in Buddhism or at least what I am learning about Buddhism. I am grateful for learning about Buddhism.

Of course my recovery and my cat help me give direction in my life.

Daily Prompt; How Do You Plan Your Goals?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
How do you plan your goals?
View all responses

For me planning my goals is something I continuously evaluate and reevaluate as sometimes your goals need to change. Also, goals can be accomplished and for me when this happens, I tend to add another goal or two. I also use SMART goals. SMART goals are Specific Measurable Attainable Relevant Time-based. So for me goals are forever changing as well as being accomplished if done correctly.

Daily Prompt; What’s Your Favorite Month Of The Year? Why?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite month of the year? Why?
View all responses

If I have to pick a favorite month of the year, I would say it would be January. The reason, I say January is because it is a reminder for me and many others that you can start over. I know you don’t have to start over in January but it is a good reminder on what you want to focus on for your life. I reevaluate multiple times a year on how I want my life to be. Sometimes I completely change my goals while other times I barely tweak my goals.

Goodbye 2024 & Hello 2025

Posted on by Gertie

Happy New Year, World!!! I am so happy to say goodbye to 2024 and hello to 2025. We are just over an hour and a half into the New Year here in Seattle and so far 2025 has been a good year. Granted it only has been an hour and half and I can only hope this year continues to be a good year.

I watched the firework and drone show that was put on at the Seattle Space Needle here at home in my pajamas with my cat, Billie in my lap snoring as he slept. I loved the drone and firework show that was done at the Space Needle and I am extremely impressed by it.

I am extremely hopeful for this year and what it has to bring. I am hoping that I will be able to get a job this year as I had quit my last job in early January of last year (2024). I had to quit for various reasons and the main reason was due to the fact that my mental health was starting to decline and I needed to focus on my mental health. For me I need to practice what I preach when I work as a peer specialist which means if I need to not work to focus on my mental health then that is what I need to do as my recovery is one of the most important things in my life.

One of the things I am looking forward to is that I will be starting the process with being a volunteer at the Seattle Aquarium. I will be doing an online orientation then an interview. I signed up to be a volunteer summer of last year (2024) but sadly the three volunteer positions I applied for were full. Now I will be doing orientation for two of the positions as well as an interview for two of them. Sadly, the third volunteer position is full and I am on the wait-list but I am okay with that.

Also this year marks five years since I started volunteering at PAWS Cat City. In fact my five year anniversary of my first shift at Cat City is Tuesday, January 7th. I really enjoy volunteering at Cat City and I am happy that I started the process when my last cat, Lil Gertie got a cancer diagnosis and continued the process when she crossed the rainbow bridge due to a mini stroke on Thanksgiving Day of 2019 along with the cancer. It was and still is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Happy New Year and Peace Out, World!!!