Sleepless In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! It appears that I am Sleepless in Seattle. I really hate not being able to sleep. Being able to sleep would be nice and sadly the medicine I am taking is not helping. I don’t think the Ambien is taking effect yet because I don’t think I am acting goofy at the moment. I just want to go to sleep and have a good night of sleep but sometimes all I get is Sleepless in Seattle. Oh well. At least I know I am not the only one Sleepless in Seattle.

I think I am going to get going. I am going to go try to get some sleep. I hope everyone has a good day. Good Night and Peace Out, World!!!

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A Post As I Wait for My Ambien To Kick In

Hello, World!!! It is nearly midnight in my neck of the woods and I am watching The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. I love watching The Tonight Show as in makes me laugh. I love the fact that humor helps me a great deal.

As I write this blog post I am waiting for my ambien to kick in so I can get to sleep. I didn’t sleep last night and it sucks shit. In fact I didn’t sleep Saturday night either. I just hope that I can get some sleep tonight or I am not going to be able function at all tomorrow (Tuesday). Sleep has been issue for me as long as I can remember and wish it wasn’t.

My cat, Lil Gertie is being affectionate right now and I am grateful for it. With Lil Gertie being affectionate I am realizing that I am starting to have some PTSD symptoms. Specifically, flashbacks and body memories. I really dislike PTSD but I realize most of the time that it’s the past and not happening now. As far as my cat, Lil Gertie, I am petting her and trying to type at the same time.

I should get going as I think my ambien is starting to kick in and I am wanting to pay attention to my cat, Lil Gertie. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from end of things. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep. Good Night and Peace Out, World!!!

So Far a Good but Uneventful Day

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been pretty uneventful which I consider a good thing. I consider it good thing because I was able to do some things that I was able to enjoy as well as a couple of things that I needed to do.

The things I needed to do weren’t exactly the most fun things to do but thankfully didn’t take much of my day to do. I needed to do my daily check-in with my therapist. Today’s daily check-in was via phone and lasted for a half an hour. My therapist and I didn’t have our check-in till just after four in the afternoon due to him having to “deal with multiple crisis’s with other clients.” That is okay with me because at least I know I am not in crisis and the check-in’s are to help prevent a crisis especially since my mental health symptoms are increasing. We discussed how my weekend was and what I did over the weekend. We also discussed meds and the potential of needing to pick them up two to three times a week instead of weekly. I am pretty sure picking up my meds more often is going to happen which I am not a fan of but am okay with it as long as it is at the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. My therapist did ask if I had picked up my meds for the week and I informed him that I did pick them up. In fact picking up my meds were the only other thing that I actually needed to do besides that obvious of taking care of my cat, Lil Gertie.

I love my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie has been laying on my chest or lap more as of lately. I am not sure why but I am grateful for it. I do know when she sits on my chest it is because I am having an anxiety attack or about to have one. This helps me to realize this and makes me aware of my breathing. In fact as I am writing this blog on my laptop, Lil Gertie is laying on my chest purring up a storm. I love that fact the she has been laying on my lap or chest more often. It appears to be helping the both of us and the best part is that my anxiety hasn’t been as high as it has been in the past.

I pretty much only did two things today besides my check-in with my therapist, getting my meds and blogging. Those two things were doing some form of art while listening to a podcast. In fact I am listening to a podcast that discusses the topic of philosophy. I find the topic of philosophy very interesting. The specific podcast I am listening to is Philosophize This. I am personally enjoying it especially when I am doing art. In fact while listening to Philosophize This today I have been doing some art. Mainly, I have been coloring but did complete one painting and started another painting. I think maybe taking a picture or two of the art work I have been doing to show you all would be a good idea as whenever I include a picture of anything on my blog post I tend to get more traffic on my blog but I want to post my art work so you can enjoy it and not for the increased traffic to my blog.

I do not have much more to say except I should get going so I can eat some dinner as it is dinner time. I also want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Blessed (Summer) Solstice

Blessed Solstice, World!!! It is the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere while it is the first day of winter in the southern hemisphere. I am so grateful that it is now summer and the longest day of the year. Sadly, tomorrow the days start getting shorter but am going to enjoy the summer either way.

As summer starts, I realize that this last week hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me and that I have my mental health treatment team worried about and rightfully so. Monday started off like any other Monday. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that we okay. It only went okay due to the fact that I withheld information from her and that ultimately didn’t help me on Tuesday but thankfully, I found out on Monday that I didn’t need to work on Tuesday night which I was and am thrilled about.

Now on to Tuesday. Tuesday was not a good day for me. I am not exactly sure why but it wasn’t. Long story short, I attempted to die by suicide by overdosing on one of meds. Thankfully, my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me pick up my meds once a week at my pharmacy so it was only a weeks worth of one medication. I was in the emergency room for about eight hours according to the medical records that were sent to my therapist. Sadly, I only talked with the social worker for about ten minutes and she informed me that it was MY duty to notify the after-hours crisis team of the mental health agency I am a client of to let them know I attempted to die by suicide. She didn’t even call them to let them make the decision to come evaluate me to see if hospitalization was needed. So when I got discharged from the emergency room and got home I called the after-hours crisis line and let the crisis clinician know. The after-hours clinician was upset at the social worker in the emergency room I was at because she was there twice evaluating two different people while I was there and the social worker didn’t even inform her. Thankfully, the after-hours clinician wasn’t upset with me and she told me that it is her (the hospital social worker) duty to notify her and not mine which I already knew. We talked for about forty-five minutes to make sure I was okay enough to be safe at home.

On Wednesday, my therapist called me and we discussed my attempted suicide and what happened with the emergency room social worker. He wanted to make see what my side of the story was as the after-hours crisis clinician ended up going back to the same emergency room I was in to evaluate another client and “had some words” with the emergency room social worker about me. Apparently, the after-hours crisis clinician is “extremely protective” of me in particular because she “sees a lot of” me in her. So, I informed my therapist of my extremely limited interaction with the emergency room social worker. After my phone call with him I guess he got my medical records from the emergency room and talked with a social worker who is familiar with me but was not on when I was in the emergency room and from my understanding that social worker wasn’t exactly happy with her colleague and how she handled my care.

Thursday (yesterday), I had my session with my therapist and we discussed at length about my attempted suicide. We also discussed how my psychiatric nurse practitioner want me to get my med two to three times a week at the pharmacy located on the campus of the mental health agency I go to. I informed my therapist that I am not liking the idea but understand that is it for “safety reasons” and that even though I don’t like the idea I would prefer to go to the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. I informed him that I won’t “put up a fight” about getting my meds two to three times a week if we could compromise on me getting my meds from the pharmacy of my choosing, if not then I will “put up a fight.” He said he would discuss it with my psychiatric nurse practitioner about it and I know it will all work out. Another thing I did yesterday was go to DBT group and am grateful for the group. DBT has been quite helpful for me and have been making an effort to do the skills that don’t come automatically to me. The DBT skills is one of the things the has been one of the most helpful things for me and my mental health recovery.

Something, I have noticed since coming home from the emergency room is that my cat has become more clingy. She has been laying on my lap or chest when I am sitting my recliner more frequently and for a longer period of time. I think she knows that I am struggling and is doing what she thinks is helpful in comforting me and it is quite helpful. I am so grateful for my cat and that she has picked up quickly without any training on what helps me emotionally. Animals are so smart that way. I love my cat so much and am beyond thrilled that she is my emotional support animal. Getting my cat, Lil Gertie, is one of the best decisions I have made.

I do not have much else to say. I am NOT currently suicidal am NOT at risk of any self harm acts. If I do have self harm urges or feel suicidal I will take myself to the emergency room and/or call the after-hours crisis line that my mental health agency provides for their clients. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate your readership. I hope everyone has an awesome summer and great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Lil Gertie’s First Year In Her Forever Home

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today, marks it one years since I adopted my cat, Lil Gertie. It is difficult to wrap my head around on how fast this year went and what my life would be like if I didn’t adopt her. She has been a major support for me and has helped me a great more than I could ever have imagined.

On a side note, I saw my psychiatric nurse practitioner. We discussed the normal shit that we usually do and then we got on the topic of how meds can only help so much. She was surprised by me saying that meds can only help so much because she has clients who think meds are the only things that help. When then discussed what things help me in congestion to my meds. We discussed various things that help me right along with my meds. Some of which to find out she enjoys as well.

I don’t have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank so very much for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

An Ambien Written Post

Good Morning, World!!! It about 2:15 in the morning on a Tuesday in my corner of the world. In fact I am sure some places in the world are ending their Tuesday as other parts of the world like where I live is just starting out their Tuesday.

Right now I am unable to sleep despite attempting to get to sleep. So, now I am up and decided to write a post as I hope that maybe writing will help. I love to write weather it’s blogging, journaling, poetry or short stories. For some reason it is quite helpful for me when I am needing to clear my mind.

Since I am unable to sleep I decided to put on some music. In fact, the playlist I am listening to at the moment, I titled, Childhood Memories, as it is songs I remember from my childhood. Most of the songs I have heard over and over again. Some how music helps me.

Before, I decided to write a blog post, I decided to color. I love to color. It is a form of both mindfulness and meditation for me. It helps me be in a place of relaxation as well helps me turn out the outside noise that the world brings in.

To be honest with you all, I am going to have to look at this post later on today as well as the art work I colored because I took an Ambien when I started coloring about an hour ago. So, yes, I am writing under the influence of Ambien. This post should be an interesting post to reread. In fact I am sure my coloring might be interesting to look at after the ambien wears off and I am able to get some sleep. I think I am going to go to bed now as I am extremely sleepy now from the ambien and I will leave my music on as it helps me sleep.

I do not have much else to say as if I continue to write I most likely will be repeating myself. My cat is meowing at me from my bed in the bedroom so I am thinking she is telling me it is way past my bed time. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!

Writing Under the Influence of Ambien

Hello, World!!! I am on my fourth night of not sleeping. It is getting quite frustrating not being able to sleep. If I am unable to sleep tonight, I am going to request that I get hospitalized when I see my therapist later this afternoon. The lack of sleep is not helping to decrease the symptoms of my mental health challenges. In fact the lack of sleep is increasing the symptoms of my mental health challenges and it is quite scary when the symptoms start to increase.

In fact as I am writing this I am writing under the influence of Ambien. I attempted to go to sleep but it is not making me sleepy. I wish the Ambien would make me sleepy but it is not. Ambien makes me goofy. It helps me be creative in ways I could not imagine especially when I am painting. My paintings come out extremely interesting and not sure what I am exactly attempting to express emotionally. Maybe it is everything that I am feeling emotionally or the shit I deal with in regards to my mental health challenges.

While doing my current piece of art I, of course am painting under the influence of Ambien with some pretty awesome music playing. I have a mixture of Grunge Rock and some Emo Rock. It’s quite the genre’s to be listening to while in the state of mine I am in with Ambien added on top it off with. It least I am not harming myself with the painting and listening to the music. I just wish I could get some sleep.

Speaking of sleep, I should try to get some as I am pretty sure I am done with my painting for the moment. The painting needs to dry so maybe later in the morning I can write a post about the painting and post the picture up onto my blog. Just an idea. I am really tired. The music is helping me be tired. Have a good night of sleep everyone. Peace Out, World!!!