The Sh*t That Is On My Mind

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a few days since I last posted. I have attempted to post but hit road blocks and writers block along the way. So today, I am saying fuck it to both the road blocks and writers block and just write what I am thinking at the moment. Yes, it is a scary thought. Yes, I will be writing what I am exactly at the moment. Yes, it might not make sense.

Right now I am dealing with some fucking anger. Anger over the mass shooting in California. Why in the hell is this shit still fucking happening? Why is the media blaming mental health challenges, yet again on the mass shooting? Why are people on social media sites doing the same thing? Seriously, people who have a mental health challenge are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than a perpetrator of one. Why can’t mainstream media share that?

Okay, if you are a regular reader, you know I live in Seattle, Washington. Anyway a couple of initiatives recently passed here in Washington. One was for better gun control. I personally had mixed feelings on this initiative because of possible HIPPA violations. I would have voted for it if it weren’t for the HIPPA violations. I am all for common sense gun control but when it violates a persons medical privacy then its an issue for me. Another initiative  that passed and I voted for is better and more training for police officers in regards to people who are in a mental health crisis. I don’t understand why people have an issue over more training for police officers. Hell, I personally think any type of training for any career is a good thing.

I am having some high anxiety right now. I haven’t had therapy last week or this week due to my therapist being out sick. I can’t help but think this is going to be another repeat of what happened when Diana left unexpectedly two years ago due to a cancer diagnosis. I feel like I am have very similar conversations with the on call clinicians that I had two years ago as I “have no evidence” that my therapist wont be coming back which is true but when its happened before you tend to worry and be anxious about such things. I just don’t need another change in my mental health care. I hope my therapist gets better and does come back but I’m not holding my breath at the moment. I don’t think the clinicians I’ve talked to over the last two week really understand the fear I am having right now especially with having a new job and the holidays coming up.

Thanks for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. I am grateful for each one of you who read my blog. Again, thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening as well as a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

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Getting Ready For First Solo Shift

Good Evening, World!!! I attempted to say awake as long as I could last night so I could sleep a good portion of today.  I went to bed at about three o’clock in the morning and got up when my alarm clock went off at five o’clock this evening.

To tell you the truth I am having some anxiety over my first solo shift. I know that there will be other staff around at the shelter downstairs however I am still having some anxiety over it. This time around I won’t have the luxury of being able to take a nap like I was able to do during my shadowing shifts. Yup, that means I have be awake for the entire twelve hours and hope I am able to make it.

I must admit I am still a little sleepy even thought I slept pretty well. At least I got a good days sleep. I just hope my shift goes by fast and not so slowly. I am bringing things to do when things get slow tonight. I am planning on bringing some art work. Actually, the art I am taking happens to be coloring supplies. I am also taking the fantasy I picked back up and didn’t finish so it is my goal to read a few or so chapters tonight. I also hope I can have time to blog during my shift if I am able to do so.

I think I should finish up this post as I need to finish getting reading for work.  If I don’t blog sometime tonight during my shift I will blog tomorrow about how my shift went. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You my reader are all awesome. Peace Out, World!!!

Thinking Of Ways To Stay Awake

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I am extremely tired and am more than reading to go to bed and most likely will be able to fall right to sleep however I am trying to stay awake as I work a twelve hour night shift for Thursday night into Friday morning. Right now it is 1:30 in the morning and it is officially Thursday morning. Late night television is done for the night and now I have to figure out ways to stay awake so I can sleep during the day.

I think after I am done posting this blog, I will take a shower as it will help me wake up. Taking a nice long shower helps me relax as well as wake me up. So I think that is what I am going to do after I am done posting.

After taking a shower, I am most likely going to be doing some binge watching some television. Not sure what television shows I will be watching but I know I will be binge watching some form of television show.

As I binge watch some form of television show I will do some art work. Actually, I most likely will be coloring as it is something that can be done with watching television. Coloring and binge watching television is quite helpful with keeping me awake.

Needing to stay awake all night to sleep during the day so I can stay awake for a twelve hour night shift is difficult at first. But I am sure once I get a regular schedule it won’t be as difficult. As difficult as it is to stay awake so I can sleep during the day so I can stay awake at work, my boss is appears to be quite supportive. He stated that if I needed help staying awake during my shift Thursday night into Friday morning, I could call him and he will help me stay awake. But I feel like doing what I am doing is the best way to stay awake for my shift for Thursday night into Friday morning. It is my first shift by myself.

My therapist informed me that when I get off on Friday morning, that I could call him to check in with him. He also stated that if I am not too busy sleeping during the day on Thursday that I could call him to check in about my anxiety regarding my first shift by myself.

I want to thank you for reading my blog and putting up with all the post tonight. I hope that the shower I take helps keep me awake so I can do some binge watching television as well as some coloring. Again, thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I am grateful for each one of you. If it was not for you my reader, my blog would not exist. I hope that if it is night time where you live that you are having a good night sleep. If it is not night time where you are, I hope that you have a good day. Again thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

It Has Been Five Months

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night which is quite annoying. As annoying as it is to be sleepless in Seattle, today is good and happy day. It is good and happy day because today marks the five month anniversary of me adopting my cat, Lil Gertie. She is an emotional support animal and is extremely intuitive to my emotional needs.

It has been a blessing to have Lil Gertie in my life and am more than pleased that i was able to give Lil Gertie a forever home. Lil Gertie has been in-tuned with my emotional needs since day one but as time goes on, she is becoming more intuitive to my needs especially when it comes to my Anxiety and PTSD symptoms.

Lil Gertie sure loves her wet food. She always begs for it at the same time everyday even though she has dry food available to her 24 hours day. She is not afraid to wake me up when she thinks it is time to be fed her wet cat food. She is one spoiled little cat. Lil Gertie, knows she is queen bee of the house hold. I am really happy that I was able to give Lil Gertie a forever home. She is an amazing little cat and very calm except for when it comes to fireworks and the fire alarm.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things for you reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. Peace Out World!!!

Frustrating Night

Good Morning, World. It is just after two in the morning in my corner of the world. My anxiety and PTSD are acting up big time because the building fire alarm went off once again. And once again I had to get Lil Gertie, my cat, into her carrier to evacuate the building. Only this time it was not a false alarm nor a malfunction. Someone’s apartment caught on fire due to the person falling asleep with a cigarette. Thankfully everyone got out safely and uninjured.

Now that I am back in my apartment, the first thing I did was calm down Lil Gertie as the alarm freaks her out. Now that she is calmed down I am reading a fantasy book. I am enjoying the book so far. I am only on the second chapter. I will tell you more about it in a later post.

Now, I think I am going go back to bed and attempt to sleep. I hope everyone has good night sleep. Good night and peace out world!!!

Still Sleepless In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! Yes, it is still morning in my neck of the world. It is now 7:15 in the morning in Seattle and I still haven’t been to sleep even though I have tried many times and many ways.

As I mentioned in my last post, I used meditation and mindfulness practices as well as meds. I did take an extra dose of both my anxiety meds and sleeping meds with permission from the doctor on call yet it didn’t help. I also attempted to watch television that is know for it’s comedy and humor which helps a good portion of the time but this time it didn’t help like I was wanting it to.

So, what I decided to do next was to spend time with my cat as she is quite helpful with helping me with my PTSD and anxiety and she helped a great deal. She is now sleeping next to me in my chair as I write this post.

Another thing I have been doing is hopes to help me sleep is reading. I have been reading comic books. Specifically, I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books as Wonder Woman gives me sense of strength to do what I need to do. Yes, I know I am getting strength from a fictional character but if it helps me with whatever I am going through which on this moment is attempting trying to get to sleep then I’ll use it.

So, as I say good morning (and goodnight again) I hope you all have a good day. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have an awesome day. Peace out, world!!!

Needing Some Zzz’s In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! It is 2:30 in the morning in my corner of the world and I am unable to sleep despite everything I have tried to get to sleep. Let’s begin what I know is keeping me up and the corrupts are anxiety and PTSD. Both really suck any time of day especially when you are trying to get to sleep.

Now lets get to how I have attempted to get to sleep so far. I started off with taking some Melatonin and then doing both a mindfulness and meditation practice after watching late night television. Late night television is quite helpful for me with my sleep as humor and comedy help a great deal as does doing mindfulness and meditation practices after late night television. I decided to take melatonin for the first time and took it an hour before I knew I was going to go to bed. Unfortunately, melatonin, late night television with humor and comedy as well as mindfulness and meditation practices didn’t help me get to sleep. So, that is when I took my anxiety medicine in hopes that it would help me get sleepy enough to get to sleep. Sadly this did not work either. So, I tried my new sleeping med and it appears that it is not working either. It is quite frustrating for me to not be able to sleep. My next step is take a benadryl and watch M*A*S*H in hopes that it can be helpful for some sleep.

Well, I hope everyone has a good night or morning or evening depending where they are in the world. I am saying goodnight in hopes to getting some sleep. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end that you read my blog. I am grateful for each one of you. Peace Out, World!!!