Photography: Developing Your Eye I; Day Ten: Architecture

Good Morning, World!!! Today is the last day of the free photography course I am taking through WordPress which makes me sad. With that being said, today’s topic for the photography course is architecture. When I was on one of my walks through Cowen Park, I noticed a playground toy I hadn’t seen in years. A toy that has been deemed dangerous by some but was and is quite fun. It is that of a you push and jump on merry-go-round or at least that is what I call it. I loved these things as a kid. Seeing this made my heart happy as you don’t see many of them on playgrounds any more and they use to be one of the most common playground equipment around or at least it appeared that way to me. This piece of architecture makes me both happy and sad. It make me happy because it brings back good childhood memories. It makes me sad because they are not around too much now a days and I feel like kids today are missing out.

Green & Yellow playground merry-go-round that you push and jump on.

Photography: Developing Your Eye I; Day Eight: Treasure

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s assignment for the photograph course I am taking through WordPress is “treasure.” Treasure means something different to everyone. For me most of, if not all of my treasure is of sentimental value to me. The picture I chose was one I had already shared with you all few years ago. It is of my teddy bear. A teddy bear that I have had since the day of my birth. My teddy bear is 41 years old just like I am. My teddy bear’s name is Ted or Teddy and has been my constant friend and support throughout my life. In fact he has been the one I have turned to when things have gotten tough. When my last cat, Lil Gertie crossed over the rainbow bridge, I turned to my constant friend, my teddy bear, Ted, and cried. Yes, I know he looks like a rat but he has seen better days. I love my teddy bear and plan on having him till the day I die and hopefully that isn’t for a very long time.

My teddy bear I have had since birth. He is 41 years old. I know he looks like a rat but he has seen better days.

Writing: Intro to Poetry; Day Seven: Flavor

Untitled Poem

by Gertie

The smell of salt water

and the feel of the waves splashing in my face

reminds me of a more peaceful time in my childhood

A childhood that was full of trauma but at least there

were good moments.

Good moments like the taste of a double scoop ice cream cone

with mint & chip flavor and cookies & cream flavor

while at the beach on an extra hot day in California.

It’s 5:00 In the Morning & Time for Bed

Good Morning, World!!! It is five in the morning in my corner of the world and time for me to go to bed to sleep the day away. I sleep the day away on Saturdays because I work twelve plus hours on Saturday nights. I am looking forward to going to bed and curly up with my cat Billie Dean at my side.

Speaking of my cat Billie Dean, he hasn’t really left my side tonight. He was curled up on my lap all night long. He was curled up on my lap no matter if I was reading or watching movies. Billie has a calming affect on me which helps a great deal with my anxiety.

Another thing that helps with my anxiety is reading. Just like I said in my last post, I read. I read for about an hour. Of course Billie was curled up on my lap sleeping. I read Dragonsong by Anne McCaffey. I am really enjoying the book a great deal. I hope after I am done reading it, that I will do a book review on it. I love to read a great deal.

After reading for about an hour, I watched movies. Movies help me to escape reality for a few hours. Sometimes escaping reality is a good thing as it helps deal with stress. I watched The Princess Bride and Free Willy. I really enjoy both movies as they remind me of positive childhood memories. Good childhood memories are a rare thing for me so I hold on to them like they are gold.

I am needing to end this particular blog post because it is time for me to go to bed and get some sleep. I want to thank all of you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you all read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome Saturday as well as a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Dear Abuser,

This is the part of the letter I would say hello and ask how you are doing but you don’t deserve any of that. You don’t deserve it because of all the shit you put me through as a child. Hell, I am still feeling the affects of what I experienced at your hands. What you put me through as a child has caused me to become angry and led to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) which is absolutely no fun. Having to relive what I experienced at your hands when I was child and now reliving as an adult is scary as fuck. I am beyond angry with you and the many times you have harmed me.

The only good things that came out of you harming me is the ability to play music on the flute and art. If it wasn’t for both art and music my life would be a whole lot different. Art and music has given me an outlet to deal with the traumatic events I experienced at your hands.

I don’t have much more to tell you except that you are an absolute asshole and deserve to be in prison for the rest of your life. Sadly, you never had the opportunity to experience that kind of justice because I was too scared to do so.

Angerly  Yours,

Gertie

A Full Monday, I Had

Hello, World!!! It is twelve midnight which means it is officially Tuesday in my corner of the world. I am wanting to share with you how my Monday went as it ended better than how it started which I am grateful for.

My Monday did not start off exactly how I had wanted. The building fire alarm went off at five o’clock in the morning startling everyone awake. So, I put Lil Gertie in her carrier and went down to the lobby. As I got to the lobby the fire department was arriving so I of course let the fire fighters in. The fire fighters did a sweep of the building to see where there could be a potential fire at and then attempted to reset the fire alarm. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to reset the fire alarm which meant they had to do another sweep of the building. Long story short they couldn’t reset the fire alarm to be able to turn it off. They couldn’t let anyone back to their apartments till someone from the apartment building management and/or maintenance showed up. Sadly, when the fire department called them at six nobody showed up until the building office opened up at eight o’clock in the morning. It really sucked for everybody especially all the cats in carriers because they were in them for three hours.

When we were finally able to get back to our apartments at eight o’clock in the morning, I let Lil Gertie out of her carrier and gave her wet food. She usually gets a can in the evening but she deserved to have an extra can today. After giving Lil Gertie some wet food I got ready for the day and then left to go to my appointment with my therapist.

Since I ended up arriving early to my appointment, I hang out in the day treatment area for about an hour. During my appointment with my therapist we discussed my birthday and turning forty. That led to my therapist asking some questions about my childhood. Questions that I am grateful he asked as he received some insight about how my childhood was. After I was sharing about some parts of my childhood he responded by “you sure did experience a great deal of trauma as a child.” In response to his comment I said, “Oh that was the easy shit I went through unless you count going to Disneyland.” He chuckled at my response as he knew I grew up near Disneyland. In face I found it cool that he chuckled as my response was suppose to be a little funny despite having a serious side to it. I am happy that my therapist got some insight of how my childhood was even though it wasn’t the most traumatic part of my childhood. Yes, it was traumatic but the the most severe trauma I was in.

After my appointment with my therapist, I attended art group. We did a self care tree. We drew and wrote in leaves what we did for self care which was a great reminder for everyone to do good self care and that it looks differently to people. I love art group so much. Art has a way of helping me express things I am unable to express.

After therapy and art group I got home and spent a couple of hours chilling with Lil Gertie, my cat. After a couple of hours I went downstairs to the community room to hang out with neighbors who I have become friends with. We had a potluck dinner. All the food was delicious. After dinner we then play a couple of games. We played Jenga, Phase 10, and Uno. We all had a great time spending about five hours together.

Now, I am back in my apartment writing this post and chilling out watching The Tonight Show. My cat, Lil Gertie is actually sleeping in her cat bed which means she wants me to go to bed. Hell, I am tired so I guess that is what I am going to do next.

I do not have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a goodnight everyone. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace Out, World!!!

Two In The Morning Fun

Good Morning, World!!! It is two o’clock in the morning and I am unable to sleep. I am unable to sleep because I worked last night and ended up sleeping all day. I wish I could get some form of sleep so I can get back on a regular sleep schedule.

One of things I planned to do tonight went out the window. I was planning on watching movies however I couldn’t. First my internet and WiFi went down and then twenty minutes later my electricity went out so I couldn’t watch movies via DVD or streaming. In fact I now have electricity even though it wasn’t scheduled to be back on till twelve noon.

Not having any electricity made me think on what kind of fun I could have without electricity. So I made me blanket fort and set up my art supplies as well as put in some Wonder Woman comic books and the fantasy book I am reading. I then grabbed my battery operated lanterns and some flashlights. After the fort was built and everything else entered the fort, the fun began.

So, I have been spending most of the night in my fort reliving the good parts of my childhood. I have been painting in my fort and decided to add some collaging to the painting. I think the two genres together is creative, fun and can come out quite interesting.

After doing some art, I decided to read. I read a few chapters in the fantasy novel I am reading and am really getting into it. I also have been reading some Wonder Woman comic books. As I was reading, that is when the electricity came back on. So, now I am blogging about the fun childhood experience I relived.

Think I am going to continue doing what I was doing before the electricity came back on. Not sure why it went off in the first place but I am glad it went out because I had fun and am having fun doing things that remind me of the good parts of my childhood.

Thank you for reading my blog It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope that you all can find something to do that is a fun activity that brings you joy that is from your childhood. Everyone has something that brings them joy from their childhood despite traumatizing childhoods. I hope everyone has a fun weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Adulting Type of Day Turned Into A Childhood Type of Day

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today started out with me having to do some adulting. I had to go to DSHS and take care of a mistake that they made and was easily fixed. I then took care of some medical bills and getting charity care for most of the bills and on a payment plan for the rest of the bill. I also set up a payment plan with a collection agency due to an overdue medical bill. On top of that I got my meds and did some household chores.

After realizing that I got all my adulting done for the day by ten thirty in the morning, I realized my emotions were starting to get the better of me. The first thing I did was cuddle with my cat. I ended up playing with my cat with her wand thingy and laser which she loves playing with both.

As I played with my cat I realized my emotions were still at an uncomfortable level so I decided to do some art work. I did some painting as well as collaging. I even combined the two genres which looks really cool.

As I finished painting I decided to play with some of the toys I have which helped a great deal. It helped me deal with the childhood emotions I was dealing with when I was done doing the adulting things. There is something therapeutic about playing with toys even as an adult.

My grandpa then called me if I wanted to go over to his place to go swimming and to have dinner. I, of course said yes to this. I love swimming and it is hard to say no to free food.  I swam for a couple of hours and ate till I was stuffed.

So when I came home from my grandpa’s house, I decided to sit down at my laptop and blog about it. Dealing with both my adulthood and childhood emotions today was a good thing emotionally.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I am grateful that I have people like you who are willing to read what goes on in my life. I hope you all had a great Monday as mine turned into an awesome one. Have a great evening. I hope all of you will continue to read my blog, no matter how much I ramble on. Peace Out, World!!!

Dealing With PTSD

Good Morning, World!!! I am blogging once again. Yes, so soon after my last post. I am struggling with some PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that are related to childhood trauma.

Blogging about what is going on can be helpful to me. This is one of those moments where I think it is helpful for me and I hope it can be helpful to at least one other person in the world. It is my hope that when I post about my struggles that at least one person in the world doesn’t feel so alone.

I think I am going to work on one of my workbooks before heading to my doctors appointment. Working on my workbooks will help with the PTSD as well as the anxiety that goes with me going to the doctors today.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day. Peace Out, World!!!

May the Fourth Be With You

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning from a nightmare. A nightmare that is a symptom of PTSD. Dealing with childhood drama as an adult is difficult to do but it is possible to lessen the pain with a lot of therapy.

I may have woken up from a nightmare but I got about six hours of sleep. I owe the amount of sleep due my new weight blanket. I am in love with the weighted blanket.

Today is May 4th and is a day Star Wars fans celebrate here in the United States. May the Fourth be with you represents May the force be with you from Star Wars. I love Star Wars.

Thank you for reading. May the fourth be with you. Peace Out, World!!!