Dealing With PTSD

Good Morning, World!!! I am blogging once again. Yes, so soon after my last post. I am struggling with some PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that are related to childhood trauma.

Blogging about what is going on can be helpful to me. This is one of those moments where I think it is helpful for me and I hope it can be helpful to at least one other person in the world. It is my hope that when I post about my struggles that at least one person in the world doesn’t feel so alone.

I think I am going to work on one of my workbooks before heading to my doctors appointment. Working on my workbooks will help with the PTSD as well as the anxiety that goes with me going to the doctors today.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day. Peace Out, World!!!

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May the Fourth Be With You

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning from a nightmare. A nightmare that is a symptom of PTSD. Dealing with childhood drama as an adult is difficult to do but it is possible to lessen the pain with a lot of therapy.

I may have woken up from a nightmare but I got about six hours of sleep. I owe the amount of sleep due my new weight blanket. I am in love with the weighted blanket.

Today is May 4th and is a day Star Wars fans celebrate here in the United States. May the Fourth be with you represents May the force be with you from Star Wars. I love Star Wars.

Thank you for reading. May the fourth be with you. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 4: A Story In A Single Image

The joys of childhood come to mind with this images. The joys of childhood friends come to mind as well. As traumatic as my childhood was, I will always have some innocent memories like most people on earth do.

Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I should be volunteering however I am still dealing with the grief of loosing my grandma. I miss her very much.

Besides dealing with grief all week, I’ve been busy. Busy doing attempting to be a productive individual in society. Society that expect me to be doing well but I am not or least not where I want to be.

The week started out with me meeting with Gilbert (now old therapist), my now old case manager and my new clinician. It was interesting. Interesting in the fact I am not sure how this is going to play out for me therapeutically.

I have also been reading my book off and on this week and am grateful to have the time to read. I am enjoying the book I am reading.

Most importantly I am starting up cross stitching again. It is helping me with my depression symptoms. Cross stitching and reading is something I have been doing most of the day as it’s even too rainy for us Seattleites.

Now I am going to watch movies from my childhood and binge eat on stack food. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Letter Format

Dear Abuser,

Normally this where I tell you hi and ask how you are doing however you don’t deserve that type of greeting. This the point in the greeting I tell you how I am doing. I’m angry.

Angry with the fact of the shit I had to endure at your hands and the hands of others. Others that had paid you for me. I am a person, not a commodity. Humans are not merchandise. We are to be respected and not sold.

I was only nine when you raped me for the first time. You ruined my childhood. Do you realize the shit I deal with on the daily basis because of you. The shit you did to me interferes with my sleep, eating, love life and other daily stuff people take for granted. You took that away from me.

You are an asshole and you don’t even deserve this acknowledgement.

Gertie

Photo 1; Day 9: Pop of Color

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s Developing Your Eye assignment I knew exactly what I was going to take a picture of.

IMG_0267

The above picture above is a glowing Pillow pet. As you can tell its not glowing in the picture because I wanted to show you the face and the multi-color it has.

IMG_0266Now the picture above is in the dark with the stuffed animal glowing and how its a pop of color. Its a toy that wasn’t around when I was a kid but if as an adult I love it, I’m sure I would have loved it as a child. Stuffed animals bring the little kid out in me.

Photo 1; Day 8: Treasure

Good Afternoon, World!!! When I saw today’s topic of treasure I knew exactly what picture to post and why it’s a treasure to me.

IMG_0004The above picture is my beloved teddy bear fondly known as “Ted” or “Teddy” although he now sort of looks like a rat due to the nose. I’ve had Ted since I was born. So he is almost 39 years old. How many people do you know that have had the same stuffed animal for nearly 40 years? Not many. Ted is a treasure to me. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is my best friend.