Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Letter Format

Dear Abuser,

Normally this where I tell you hi and ask how you are doing however you don’t deserve that type of greeting. This the point in the greeting I tell you how I am doing. I’m angry.

Angry with the fact of the shit I had to endure at your hands and the hands of others. Others that had paid you for me. I am a person, not a commodity. Humans are not merchandise. We are to be respected and not sold.

I was only nine when you raped me for the first time. You ruined my childhood. Do you realize the shit I deal with on the daily basis because of you. The shit you did to me interferes with my sleep, eating, love life and other daily stuff people take for granted. You took that away from me.

You are an asshole and you don’t even deserve this acknowledgement.


Photo 1; Day 9: Pop of Color

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s Developing Your Eye assignment I knew exactly what I was going to take a picture of.


The above picture above is a glowing Pillow pet. As you can tell its not glowing in the picture because I wanted to show you the face and the multi-color it has.

IMG_0266Now the picture above is in the dark with the stuffed animal glowing and how its a pop of color. Its a toy that wasn’t around when I was a kid but if as an adult I love it, I’m sure I would have loved it as a child. Stuffed animals bring the little kid out in me.

Photo 1; Day 8: Treasure

Good Afternoon, World!!! When I saw today’s topic of treasure I knew exactly what picture to post and why it’s a treasure to me.

IMG_0004The above picture is my beloved teddy bear fondly known as “Ted” or “Teddy” although he now sort of looks like a rat due to the nose. I’ve had Ted since I was born. So he is almost 39 years old. How many people do you know that have had the same stuffed animal for nearly 40 years? Not many. Ted is a treasure to me. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is my best friend.

Friday Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! As I think about my week I can’t help but think about my friend who get fired yesterday at one of the agencies I interviewed for. In fact the job my friend got fired from is one I want as it is a part time position. In all honesty, part time work will be a better fit for me than a full time position. The problem is that if this agency offers me the part time position, I’ll feel bad for taking it. I also know this friend would be okay with it.

Right now, I am dealing with a great deal of PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that aren’t helping me with fighting off some dissociation. One of the signs I’m about to dissociate is the feeling of me being a scared young child. This is when I start playing with the toys I have. I usually play with my Hot Wheels, Play Doh, Legos, coloring, and stuffed animals.

Something that I did this morning to help not dissociate is make myself breakfast. I made myself French Toast, scrambled eggs and some tea. As I ate, I read the news paper. The newspaper had the typical bad news but also had stuff about the Winter Olympics. The Olympics is a refreshing part of the news.

Thank you for reading about my ramblings. I hope everyone has a good day. Happy Friday!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 4: A Story In A Single Image

The above image invokes some very pleasant childhood memories. A good portion of my childhood was spent playing in and around water. In fact, I was either at the beach surfing or in the woods camping near a lake a good portion of summer vacations as a child.

Not only does the above image invoke pleasant childhood memories it invokes positive memories for me as an adult as well. I’ve spent my entire life near water. I have trouble comprehending not living near water due to the fact I’ve lived no more than thirty minutes away from it via public transportation.

In fact water is the one thing that gives me a sense of peace. A sense of peace that I rarely have. Peace that I usually only get when I am near water. Even in the midst of the most severe symptoms of my mental health diagnosis acting up, water can calm those symptoms.

I realize that what a wrote about the above image isn’t exactly a “story” but I just wanted to share with you the power water has on me. The power of giving me peace. Water is my happy place.

Now that I’ve share with you that my happy place is water and the pleasant childhood memories that water brings up, I’m going wish you a good Sunday. I hope that everyone has a good day. Peace Out!!!

Ted, Through Thick & Thin


Good Morning, World!!! I think it’s time that I introduce the world to my best friend; Ted. Ted is pictured above and YES, he is stuffed Teddy Bear. Ted is a 38 year old stuffed animal that I’ve had since the day I was born.

This means he has been with me in both the good and the bad times. He has seen me through the trauma’s I’ve experienced as well as witnessed the triumphs in my life. For me Ted has been there when no human has. So, I guess you can say Ted has been with me through thick and thin.

I bring up Ted because he is the one thing I do to self soothe. As I mentioned in a previous post (https://gertiesjourney.com/2017/09/05/poor-air-quality-therapy-challenging-day/) my therapist and I talked about self soothing and how I feel like I don’t deserve to self soothe. During the discussion about self soothing, I brought up Ted and how he is the one thing I self soothe with. According to my therapist, as I talked about Ted, my body language changed to “being relaxed and comfortable.” She also brought up the fact that it was the first time she had seen me smile when discussing a part of my childhood. I can’t deny the fact that when discussing Ted, I’m relaxed as well it is most likely the first time she had seen me smile while talking about my childhood since she has been my therapist for only five months.

I, of course avoid talking about me like the plague. In fact, I rather have the plague than discuss my childhood. My therapist picked up on this quite quickly am grateful for it. She just like Diana, doesn’t push to talk about things I’m not ready to discuss. She might ask me questions but she respects how much or how little I tell her, just like Diana did.

I miss Diana and hope that she is getting better however I am happy with my new therapist. In fact I think my new therapist is realizing how beneficial stuffed animals are for me regarding therapy just like did. The reason I think this is because she saw how “relaxed and comfortable” I was when I talked about Ted. I’m hoping that when I have my next session with my therapist that she will be okay with me bringing a stuffed animal to therapy as it helps me discuss painful memories of my childhood.

As, I finish up this blog post, I realize that I’m holding Ted as write. If I think back to the start of my blog, I’ve held Ted during most of my blog post. So, yes, Ted has been a part of most aspects of my life including blogging. I hope that everyone has a great day and Peace Out all.

The Simple Things In Life

Over the last few weeks, I’ve come to realize that I am needing to focus on the simple things in life. Simple things that many people tend to forget due to their busy lives or just stopped doing because they “grew out” of them.  Things I think as adults we need to learn from children and that’s to enjoy the little and simple things in life.

I may not have had the easiest of childhoods but I do remember some of the simple things I enjoyed as a kid. One, such thing I never stopped doing and seems to be “all the craze” now for adults is coloring.  Coloring is one of those activities that is a makes you think brainless activity. What I mean is that you have to think about what color you are going to use but not really have to do any other brain activity while coloring. Another such simple thing I enjoy is Play-Doh.

Yes, I did say Play-Doh.  Play-Doh helps a great deal with my anxiety. I rediscovered Play-Doh a few years ago when I was at a continuing education class for Peer Counselors. The trainer put out Play-Doh so the attendees could play with it. Needless to say, I had some fun at that training and quickly realized that I learned a great deal from that training, partly due to the Play-Doh. I tend to focus better and learn more when my hands are busy.  I always carry a little thing of Play-Doh with me.

A simple thing I wish I could carry with me everywhere is something I can not carry with me for various reasons. That simple thing is my morning tea with honey and milk in it while reading the news paper in quiet. Yes, I can do this anytime of the day or night but there is something peaceful about drinking tea and reading the paper in the morning.

Mornings as well as evenings are also perfect times to do something else simple. That is taking walks. I attempt to go for a walk both in the morning and the evening as it helps a great deal with both depression and anxiety.

Music is another simple thing that people tend to forget about. A simple thing that has helped me through some extremely difficult times in my life. Music is the one simple thing that I can rely on no matter what is going on and whether or not I am doing well in regards to my mental health conditions.

If it weren’t for the difficulties I have had the last seven or so months as things slowly start to improve, I wouldn’t have been focusing on getting to the point where I am at right now which focusing on the simple things in life. Yes, some of the simple thing in life I enjoy maybe considered “childish” or “just joining the craze” but if it weren’t for those simple things I don’t think things would be improving as they are now. Granted I’m improving as fast as I would like but I am improving.

As things slowly start to improve for me, focusing on the simple things will help out a great deal. As I end this post please take time out and focus on the simple things in your life and how it could help you out. Thank you for reading. Peace out!!!